Vanderpump Rules Reunion Part 3 Recap: Damn They All Go HAM on Me, Man!

Vanderpump rules pump rules


I was shocked to see this show in my DVR tonight. I honestly thought we already did this. I even checked my last post about this reunion and it was indeed part two. So, Here we go again.  I’m really more excited about the premiere of Southern Charm, so I apologize in advance for rushing and not going into a transcription of the fights. I am obsessed with James’ shady mother though. If you missed the details on that go here.

Stassi versus Lisa Vanderpump

These two argue over the sex tape.  Lisa says that she was doing Stassi a huge favor by paying of the guy with the tape and she expected some asskissing and gratitude for the $900 she gave the guy. Well, we all know money is tight for LVP so, I can see that.  She still suing her lawyers after that loss of millions of dollars.

On the other hand Stassi says she said not to pay the guy anything if they didn’t get the tape. Um, DUH!  So LVP just gave the guy $900 to keep him quiet and let him run off with the tape? She’s really not very good at this.  Stassi tries to speak and LVP turns to her and sharply says, “Shut up.”  If you missed this post about how LVP treats “the help” it’s a must read for smart people.   There is nothing in writing with the guy, and LVP did the whole transaction without discussing it with Stassi.

There was a ridiculous discussion going on about how James treats women and how it affected Lala’s life and other relationships going on that no one cares about. While that raucous discussion was going on. Pinky grabs the back of Andy’s chair and leans in and says, “I don’t lick Ken’s ass. Am I missing something?”   Andy looks EXTREMELY uncomfortable and says no.  Is Pinky plastered?  Last episode Andy was practically begging for some alcohol. I mean they are in a bar. I’m sure he could use a shot.

Pump Rules Swartz and Katie


Stassi versus Scheana

Scheana explains that Stassi blew her off for two months after filming. Scheana felt used. Then they all went to Sundance and everyone made up and now they are all BFFs again.

Tequila Katie

We talked about James crashing Katie’s blog launch party.  Katie talks about how she has worked on the blog for almost a year! I’m LOL because if she wasn’t on TV she wouldn’t have any readers.  You can’t have two other jobs and run a blog. And it takes a lot longer than a year for it to be successful.

The Katie tequila texts are discussed at length. AGAIN. Seriously. Didn’t we already do this?

Random Stupidity

Arianna makes this huge deal out of Kristen doing Sketch Comedy. Adriana doesn’t just talk shit about Kristen, she disparages her friend who is a comedian too. Apparently, Ariana thinks she is funny.  Did anyone ever see an MTV show called Daria?  I’m only assuming that is the sort of Debbie Downer type comedy Ariana is going for.  That said, I love Daria. Arianna is no Daria.

We were treated to unseen footage of Schwartz and Jax running around with LVP’s nudish picture pretending to jack off. LVP brought that scene up. She seemed thrilled by it.

I swear I have seen this show already. I’m not saying it is redundant. I’m saying I am having deja vu every other scene.

Katie and Stassi both tear up when talking about the mending of their friendship. Katie said, “I am an amazing friend and I need to see some humility.”

I got bored with the whole James and Kristen thing and I started checking my bank account balance and completely tuned out.

Jax versus James

I can’t deal with listening to this argument anymore. Jax wants to pummel James. James says he can kick Jax’s ass.

I’m out.


Filed under Andy Cohen, Dumbasses, Entertainment News, Vanderpump Rules

21 responses to “Vanderpump Rules Reunion Part 3 Recap: Damn They All Go HAM on Me, Man!

  1. Dee

    Tamara, you’re amazing! I just finished watching, you already have the recap up. Thank you!! James is an ass. I wish Jax could punch him. Maybe when he’s off probation.

  2. Laura Specht

    I thought Andy was going to throat punch James when he got pouty at the very end because Andy didn’t bring up the album.

  3. Bridgett

    I think you are having deja vu because they all were recently on WWHL and covered all of these topics.

  4. Josie

    Jax had some growth this year. Give the man his due. He is supposedly in a relationship with Kentucky and sharing an apartment. Also, he is only banging 10 waitresses on the side instead of his usual 30.

    True, almost getting thrown in jail slowed him down a bit. However, he only stole 12 sunglasses this year. Alledgedly. Congrats on a successful year Jax!

  5. Kim

    I remember when Bravo reunions were one part, then year later became two, finally evolved into three. Some shows I can barely tolerate the first reunion episode! Bravo milks this and Housewives with 3 shows. Yawn! I did just want to mention one thing that struck me as funny…Jax had the nerve to ask Lisa how many times does James have to screw up to get fired. Seriously?! Coming from Jax?! He should cut back on the drugs, he needs all the brain cells he has left.

  6. Kim

    Oh and James went around the room calling everybody else as*holes. Isn’t this the kid who weaseled his way into parties, vacations, & just general gatherings with this crowd?! That move didn’t work out for Stassi, he’s going to find out how cold the cold shoulder is when he doesn’t get to join in any reindeer games with the others. What a d-bag tool!!

  7. BeetsWhy

    I loved the third part, they all seem to have grown up a little bit. I’m also finally appreciating James’ contribution as the younger sibling that wants to play with the older kids. He figures if he is horribly annoying they can’t ignore him?

    btw, YES NOVA! Amazing game.

  8. Xanadude

    Through it all, I still dig Lala. She’s in charge of her own sexuality, doesn’t take shit from the older SURvers, and seems to be trying to do better. Sure, she’s had some slip ups (first WWHL and James – although I see that contractually they appear together at events in Vegas…) but I have the feeling in she’ll do ok.
    And even after the beach scene in which she insulted Rachel, I like Arianna. Generally, I go for the level headed types who may not make good TV but seem to have their shit together. She doesn’t want to be part of the groupthink hivemind of SUR yet still wants to have actual adult friendships with people. Good on her.
    And I will lay big money out on this one – every single one of the people on that stage, Pinky included, have eaten ass. Every fucking one of them.

    • Kim

      Yes!! Agree, agree, agree!!

    • tversky

      I like Lala too! I think she’s smarter and more insightful than she gets credit for. Plus she has a surprising amount of empathy for these asshats given how snotty many of them have been toward her. I’d like her to find a good friend in the main cast because James disgusts me and I hate how disrespectful he is to her. Maybe Scheana, the compulsive friend collector, will add her back into her collection.

      But I still loathe Ariana. I don’t think she’s taking a stand against the hive mentality at SUR at all. And I doubt very much that she has any interest in having real adult friendships with anyone in the cast. I still side-eye her “close personal friendship” with shallow, needy Scheana let alone her romantic relationship with dorky Tom Sandoval. I have a hard time believing the Ariana she presents herself to be would give either of these people the time of day if they weren’t on TV.

      I think Ariana’s just trying to have her cake and eat it too. She’s smart enough and aware enough to realize that being on this show automatically makes her a bit of a joke. But she also wants the fame and exposure it brings her. So she tries hard to present herself as different/superior to the rest of the cast. I think she’s trying to make herself the voice of the hate watching viewership. She looks down on the show and everyone on it but wants to keep suckling off the Bravo teat.
      I don’t see what makes her that different from Stassi except for conventionally prettier looks and a tendency to throw around words she probably picked up on tumblr like hetero-normatiive.

  9. The only interesting part was Andy getting seriously furious with James when James was texting during filming. Thanks for the recap, TT!

  10. Meri

    Such a mess…I loved it LaLa is absolutely stunning and I like her honesty. Katie, Sheanna, Kristen and Stassi deserve each other. Eventually they will dump Sheanna again. because there is only room for so much ego in that group and Sheanna has enough for fifty people. James…nothing left to say about this spoiled, weird ten year old boy. LVP is a bitch and it took me a long time to figure that out. Great recap.I love this show. Ariana is a snob with no talent and she can turn a room into a funeral parlor in ten seconds. This is a woman who thinks that she’s funny? My all time favorite is Schwartz….always was and always will be. He deserves better than Katie.

    • Queen of the Nile

      Meri, I agree with everything you’ve said! Especially about Schwartz — he’s just so likeable. I also question Katie as his choice … she’s very vanilla. Maybe her jealousy about Lala has a basis. Tom and Lala would make some beautiful babies.

  11. Agame

    The BEST part was when Kristen said can someone defend me please and there was dead silence..CLASSIC!!!! .they were discussing her showing up at Pump and fight with James!

  12. Nila

    I feel like Stassi owed that guy 900 and he threatened to show the tape of she didn’t pay him back. I’m very confused as to why Stassi wanted LVP to get the tape back, it’s not like it was a VHS tape, there’s no way to physically hand it over, emailing it would still leave him with a copy. I think Stassi asked Lisa for the money and Lisa went and dealt with it.

    • Nila

      I want to clarify, I mean owed him 900 for something else, not for the sex tape!

      • Nila

        It also looks like Stassi borrowed Heather’s robe from Real Housewives of NY for the reunion, only had it shortened lol. Sorry for triple commenting, watching the show now.

      • tamaratattles

        OMG! How did we not know this. This makes total sense now. The $900 pricetag for the sex tape was because Stassi owed the guy money! It’s so obvious once someone points it out. Thanks Nila!

  13. Anastasia_Beave

    They need a new cast. I am so over these people.
    Why Andy keeps trying to force this “sweet little love story” of Katie and Schwartz I will never understand. Katie is the absolute worst.

    • Nila

      It seem like the way Stassi mentioned Lisa and Ken referring to the money every time they saw her parents, was like they were looking for repayment or rather a thank you. I just felt like Stassi probably owed him money because it was such an odd amount and remember last reunion Jax saying Stassi came crying to him for money that she owed a landlord due to damages or something like that? I have no idea why I just assumed Stassi came from money, maybe her spoiled attitude? But I was surprised she asked Jax for money. So my theory is she asked to borrow it from Lisa and explained what was going on and Lisa just met with the guy and dealt with the debt, that Stassi never paid back. If the guy was evil why only 900 and the tape was never ever leaked. I didn’t even know about the tape until she brought it up herself. Stassi also jumped in and shut the convo up quickly when Andy asked why only 900?

  14. “Arianna is no Daria.” lol!

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