Southern Charm Premiere Recap: Periwinkle Problems

Southern Charm Cast

 

I feel like I am always saying this but I have four recaps tonight so I’m not going to be very conversational or detailed here tonight. I’m sure y’all will bring up whatever I don’t in comments.  It’s been a really busy (successful) day at Tamara Tattles today, so YAY!  Let’s get back into Southern Charm where damn yankees make a mockery of The Holy City.

We begin at Thomas Ravenel’s new house. Did I know about this one? It’s right downtown.  I want to say he sold a house on Queen. I am ten seconds in and already dying for real estate information.

Thomas gives a drunken speech basically insulting everyone. It seems like at this point Thomas and Kathryn are together.  For reasons we have not been shown, Thomas is a raving drunk lunatic (well I guess that is the reason) and he really starts laying into everyone but Kathryn. He screams a sweet Cameran and Landon calling one or both of them thin-skinned bitches who don’t have jobs.  Apparently we are starting at the end. Or the middle. I don’t know.

Then ironically we get the Southern Charm emblem. We still haven’t heard the honeybee song. It’s now just a montage of everyone waking up for the day. We get a shot of Thomas combing his hair in the mirror and he has the worst black eye I have ever seen.

If I had a dog sitter for Banjo, I would be leaving to Charleston first thing in the morning. I even miss the damn airport. Sigh.

I know why Shep has sunglasses on in every scene...

I know why Shep has sunglasses on in every scene…

Shep and Cameran

Cameran is taking Shep on a fishing trip as a thanks for letting her list his house.  They talk about Craig’s drinking problem but they don’t seem judgey.  Cameran has to pee off the side of the boat. Basically, these two are narrating the introduction of everyone for the new season. Cameran has always narrated the show. It looks like this year, Shep will join her.

Craig

Craig is in Delaware. He says he as done a lot of growing up there and knows what he wants from life now. So he is flying back to Charleston to film the new season. A new girlfriend has been cast for Craig. Her name is Naomie.  Craig says they have been dating for eight months. She looks straight out of central casting to me. Just like Landon was. But Landon turned out alright so whatever. Craig says she is his first love.  She’s French. Craig’s a yankee. It makes perfect sense they should be on a show about Charleston. To be fair, everyone falls in love with Charleston. I can claim it because I lived there for some part of a year when I was 4 or 5 or 6.  I dunno. I just remember catching frogs in a paper bag and bringing them inside to my mother. Who opened the bag and then had to chase frogs around the house. I could not understand why she was not pleased with my gift. Did she have any idea how hard I worked to catch those frogs for her? #TrueStory

The show has provided a house on the marsh in West Ashley. The cover story is that it is Naomie’s parents property that is for sale. #NewCraig immediately wants to throw a huge party. Sounds like #OldCraig to me.  Craig and Shep have issues to resolve.

Kathryn

The producers go to a great deal of trouble to be sure we know Kathryn is living outside the city in Moncks Corner. She’s gone home to her parents 800 acre plantation to take care of her baby and her pregnancy.  The lovebirds are currently off. And when they are off they hate each other. Thomas is not supporting her or the babies.

Cooper and Kathryn are all buddy buddy right now.

The Perennial Litigious  Yankee Gadfly And Her Co-Dependent Son

Have you ever noticed how much gay men love their mothers and sometimes it can go all Norman Bates?  Oh look, It’s Whitney.  The help is on vacation. Oh my. Did they lose their furniture? Why are there tables with dust rose table cloths in the sitting room? I think they are talking about a restaurant that Whitney seems to think he is tied to that is the actually show producer Bryan Kestner’s  idiotic idea for a French Mexican (??????) restaurant on King street. The idiot gutted a historic property for this bone head idea.

 

Does this shirt make me look sleazy? (2013)

Does this shirt make me look sleazy? (2013)

Thomas

This new house of Thomas’ is like real estate porn. Is it on the Battery?  Apparently, Landon and Thomas are “hanging out.” Landon asks about his huge black eye. It is from THIS BAR FIGHT.  He went on a tirade threatening a ten million dollar lawsuit. This puts the time line in place for me. Thomas was on a huge bender at this time.  Thomas is all pissy because under South Carolina law, the mother of a child born out of wedlock is the sole decision maker. He cannot abide that. And so he goes all over the Internet accusing her of all the things he has done, drinking, drugging, being a terrible mother, going out at night whatever pops into his mind.  He is standing her telling us he is coparenting with her and in the same breath says he refused to speak to her and the nanny takes the baby back and forth. He’s such a cad. No wonder the gadfly is so enamored with him. Landon seems all to willing to be his next victim.

Party at Craig and Naomie’s House!

Kathryn is fully aware that Landon has eyes for Thomas. Landon says that her relationship with Thomas is strictly platonic. I didn’t even know about this rumor and saw it immediately in the last scene.

Cameron, who is a realtor, points out the obvious. Craig is squatting in a million dollar plus home. If it really is Naomie’s parents’ property, I think he will greatly appreciate all the benefits of the young lady cast as his girlfriend.  She did displease him by buying store bought artichoke dip (because who does that?)  for the party. But I have a feeling he will overlook her lack of southern hospitality once the free crib is figured into the equation.  There is a valet at the beer bash.

The major tension is between Shep and Craig who are trying to reconcile. Though Shep immediately calls him Eurotrash. To be fair, sweet Cameran did mention to us, but not to Craig that he looks like an Italian something or other. I’ve already forgotten. There have been huge explosions for the past hour that I have decided must be related to a major bit of construction a couple miles away and it has Banjo losing his mind and me losing my patience.  Maybe it was Italian mobster? Whatever.

The other tension is between Kathryn and Landon (and Thomas obviously).  Cooper introduces his friend Devin, a blond haired, blue eyed beauty who is a junior at College of Charleston, and the might as well have put one of those comic book thought bubbles over his head that said “SPROING!”. Because, lech.

Kathryn says that no one really reached out to her when she got pregnant. Now they are sort of ignoring her at the party. But not as much as she thinks. Most of the guys come and hug her and Cameron just doesn’t know the protocol for greeting someone who is seven months pregnant to a man she is not married to that she completely loathes.

Meanwhile, it’s beer wine and low country boil all around and I wish I could teleport through my TV.  Oh, also full open bar. Shep and Craig chat over a scotch like grown men. Basically, Craig seems willing to acknowledge Shep as the alpha male. And that is really all Shep wants.

 

No! I really do like periwinkle!

                    No! I really do like periwinkle!

Thomas goes and sits down next to Kathryn. He is making drunken casual conversation. They can barely look at each other. But so far no knives. Thomas starts talking about how hard the renovation on his new house is. Kathryn says in a confessional, “Please, these are the problems you have when you have no problems.” Which is profound and true and reminds me of when I talk to my brother about the garage he is building a Sheree Whitfield pace to house his Porshe collection.  I mean it’s really hard to respond to that with “the gun shots have really been increasing in the ghetto lately.” I mean how should he respond to that?

Here’s the thing. This show is heavily scripted. There is always a set up before the fight. Thomas told Landon that he was painting the girl child’s room periwinkle. Which is not even a color a straight man should ever utter. Apparently, the last Kathryn heard the room would be pink. Kathryn, because she is hormonal and female, immediately decides that Landon who fancies herself an interior designer made the change. Because I am and have been the same crazy as Kathryn, I understand this very clearly. I would walk you to all the steps but you probably would not get it  So the bottom line is that whore bag Landon is decorating her first child’s nursery. And clearly she must die. I typed all that before I watched whatever is about to happen because I see it all clear as day.

OMG they had Landon wear a periwinkle dress to the party. I hate the production on this show.

We will have to see Kathryn kill Landon on the next episode.  We still don’t know when that dinner scene was from. Perhaps it’s from the final episode?  Also we never heard the theme song. I love the theme song.

No matter how many yankees they put on the show, or how overly scripted it is, I just love this show. It could be so much better. But I love it anyway.

60 Comments

Filed under Entertainment News, Southern Charm

60 responses to “Southern Charm Premiere Recap: Periwinkle Problems

  1. susan

    Good recap I dozed and missed the good parts. Loved the nursery decor quagmire story. It helps me understand the perspective

  2. The dinner scene was likely from the finale, because they then flashed up “Three Months Earlier…” then started the show. I’ve noticed a bunch of reality shows doing this flash forward/back thing recently.

    Have I ever noticed how much gay men love their mothers? Oh, Jesus H. Christ.

  3. Miguel

    I know it’s not the greatest reality show (kind of like an adult “The Hills”); but, I can’t help myself … it’s my guilty pleasure.

  4. JoJoFLL

    Whitney and Patricia are showing their true colors.

    Patricia is vile and completely lacks manners and not one Charlestonian woman I know her age would say such horrible things about another human being.

    She’s a fraud.

    • B BELL

      Agree. I know it’s scripted, but Patricia truely seems to loathe Kathryn and it’s pathetic. Why does a 70+ yo woman need to talk trash about a 23 yo girl?

  5. JoJoFLL

    TT, I know what you mean about Charleston. I really miss it myself.

    BTW, what the hell was Patricia talking about Kathryn’s lack of education. Didn’t Kathryn graduate from USC?

  6. BKSweetheart

    I love this show!! Oh how I missed all the gorgeous shots of the city. Craig’s party looked AWESOME.

    Kathryn seems much wiser this year. We shall see.

    Oh BTW TT – one of my favorite restaurants in Brooklyn is a French Mexican restaurant called Jolie Cantina. It’s not so much that its “fusion” they just serve both French and Mexican food. However there are a few “crossover” dishes.. For example, in addition to Croque Monsieur/Madame, they have a Croque Señor and Señorita that have chorizo instead of ham. My husband and I order from here at least once a week :)

  7. JentheAUBURNfan

    I love when Patricia brings up Thomas and Kathryn and can’t shut up and her interviews she can’t shut up about how she is not concerned with the “morons”. Whitney is going to be furious when watching this. The woman can’t sing her praises of whitneys wonderfulness because she can’t stop talking about the woman who stole his boyfriend.

  8. Theresa

    So happy it’s back! I visited the p.l. gadfly’s house a few months ago. They make her yard look so much bigger than it is. I don’t think whit’S restaurant ever opened. Was supposed to spring/summer 2015 and nothing. Shep”s palace hotel is gone too.

  9. SaraSally

    — — ” I just remember catching frogs in a paper bag and bringing them inside to my mother. Who opened the bag and then had to chase frogs around the house. I could not understand why she was not pleased with my gift. Did she have any idea how hard I worked to catch those frogs for her? #TrueStory” — —

    BEST In Stories told all day! Perfectly written. Thx!

    • tamaratattles

      I remember telling her to just leave them when she was bitching about having to gather them up. This enraged her. I couldn’t imagine not loving the idea of frogs in the house. I loved frogs! Some people are never happy.

      I think this is my earliest memory. I think based on where I went to kindergarten I had to be four or so.

      • SaraSally

        I love succinct & clever story telling. We all have stories, but only some folks know how to deliver!

  10. Hiya

    I love the baby crib at Kathryns! Anyone know where it’s from?

  11. Puddy

    Just love Southern Charm and Katherine and Craig. Cannot understand why Patricia and Norman Bates think they are so superior? I guess if you have money and can play Scrabble people will say you are a genius, but money is not necessarily class. And what is Patricia’s claim to fame besides marrying wealthy and hiring Mario Buatta to make up for her own lack of taste? And who is her fake Southern accent coach?

    • jen

      She has a Phd in gold digging. She shouldn’t speak poorly of Kathryn as I believe she really loves Thomas not his money.

  12. Tara

    Poor Whit is so torn – the female that he could possibly fall for (Kathryn) stole the man (Thomas) he loved.

    Whit’s fashion sense is consistent – that black leather jacket. I had one like that my freshman year in college. My Mama bought it at The Limited, she was so proud of that damn jacket.

    Patti is so envious of Kathryn. The look on her face as she talks about Kathryns pregnancy is gross, nearly as bad as her spawn. I can not believe he said something referring to ethnic origin. Jealous much?

    Kathryn is young, and I pray she has finally seen the light. She has 2 beautiful healthy babies, she is a smart beautiful lady – leave that old man alone.
    I could not wait for this recap – thanks TT. I reread a lot of the Southern Charm post yesterday, the best – The Tea on Whit! The comments were hilarious! Also, when you pissed Patti off lololol Don’t fuck with TT!!

    • Pip

      Sometime I need to go back and read all those. Those posts and comments were great fun! I was convinced we were all going to Internet jail.

  13. Miranda Aldridge

    When season one hit the air, I never would have thought that someone would make me like Kathryn. Patty has made me change my mind.

  14. Cheychey

    Well I see being a parent hasn’t changed Thomas at all. Still the same scumbag he was last year. I had hoped maybe Katherine had found a new man to ‘charm’ her but I see she is still under Thomas’s spell.

  15. k-slay

    why does he always wear sunglasses?! lol. Yesterday was the first time I watched the show so I have a lot of catching up to do..

  16. Miss sunshine

    Shep reminds me of a cuter version of Jim Carrey

  17. Miss sunshine

    Honestly thank God I don’t know any Southerners like this. My goodness I watch it and am like who do this people socialize with the statements they make.

  18. SO glad Southern Charm is back! I was disappointed that my favorite character, Michael, the butler, was vacationing though. Poor Miss Patricia won’t get a decent martini until he returns. I did feel kind of sorry for her having to carry her heels down the stairs all by her lonesome, without a silver tray or anything…bless her heart.

    At first I thought T-Rav’s black eye was fake, because it was SO black, but I guess not. Ouch, that had to hurt, but he’s such a sloppy drunk, he’s probably lucky he didn’t get two. It’s bad when even Whitney distances himself from T-Rav because he is so fucked up. Whitney reminds me of a cartoon character from a hundred years ago called “Dick Dastardly.” (Penelope Pittstop, anyone?) I do find Whitney amusing, he always seems so nervous and twitchy somehow…like he feels one of Miss Patricia’s shoes are gonna drop at any moment, right on his noggin’. She wasn’t buying what he was trying to sell her regarding his restaurant.

    And here we have Kathryn pregnant again, and saying he wasn’t “planned”…as if the first one was planned? I hope she’s not going to be surly all season long, but she probably will be. I guess having two youngun’s at age 24? and no marital contract would make one surly. It appears things haven’t gone exactly as she’d hoped (or would that be planned?) either.

    I’m glad Craig is letting Shep be the alpha dog, so Shep can return to his good natured bullshittery.

    Cameron looked like she has a rocking body from the little I could see while she was taking her pee
    in the lake. She said Craig looked like an Italian drug dealer.

    I don’t know what to make of Landon, except that I like her name. I want her to be smarter than to get caught up with T-Rav though, because he IS such a LECH. Ew.

  19. Jane

    Hey, I live in West Ashley and it’s not all that. Yes, there’s a few marshfront homes, but mostly suburban tracts. Let’s just say I can’t see water from my door.

    What’s up with that awful shirt Craig wore with the wonky collar? I think I made it in home ec or is Sam from PR doing his clothes? Landon may have the worst voice on TV ever and I wish she’d stop with the nervous giggle tic. Its right up there with Fran Drescher. I don’t get the TRav attraction. Kathryn, maybe a third kid would seal the deal. Just saying…

    • SaraSally

      When I think of living by a marsh in the south, what comes to mind is man eating West Nile or Zika infected mosquitoes. Ugh. The Navy had us living by the stagnant waterways of Virginia & I was miserable beyond belief. Could be a lovely place to live sans the hot weather, mean bugs, religious oppression, racism, low wages, & rude treatment of Navy. ?

      • JoJoFLL

        That marsh is not a stagnate waterway but a tidal creek. No mosquitos on the marsh there. It’s high end real estate.

      • tamaratattles

        BWAHAHAHAHAHAH

        Like the mosquitos know that it’s “high end real estate.” The area is sprayed for mosquitos. Something we need to be doing EVERYWHERE. I’ve lived places where the city? county? Has a mosquito spraying truck come through from time to time. I guess they don’t do that anymore. But we should.

  20. Tulsateacher

    I love southern literature and Southern Charm has some of the elements that make a great novel: the overbearing mother, the closeted male charmer, the drunken privilged cad…

  21. Cheychey

    It’s funny speaking of who Whittney looks like cause he always reminds me of the creepy guy from the Charlie’s Angels movie that yanks out people’s hair and sniffs it.

  22. Ruthie

    I love this show too! I love your insight as you’ve lived in Charleston…: )

  23. Ruthie

    They’re like William Faulkner or Tennessee Williams’ characters…: )

    • Katherine 2.0

      They’re not remotely interesting enough to be Williams or Faulkner characters, but I think you are on to something here. They are cheap parodies, caricatures. Oh, and I love them all.

  24. Krock

    Whitney’s restaurant failed and sold to a new group at a major loss. Talking over a million. He doesn’t live in Charleston, so how can you even think about working on a restaurant?

    Kathryn sits around and claims that no one takes care of her, but yet she is unable to take care of herself. She was fishing for her MRS degree with Ravenel and didn’t get what she wants with child one or two. Super sad on both of their accounts. He’s been about as creepy as the day is long forever.

    Patricia is bored. The attention amuses her and the show was her son’s idea – and that amuses her ten fold.

    Cameran is from Anderson – lake country. That’s not the first time she has peed off the back of the boat and the tattoo she has proves it.

    It’s a scripted show and it’s fabulous to watch!

  25. This is my favorite show on Bravo…it’s like Housewives, but with less weaves and better real estate. But Thomas is clearly back on the blow at this dinner party, he’s rail thin and raging like an addict. What any woman with a functioning brainstem finds attractive about this middle aged Peter Pan is beyond me.

  26. B BELL

    TR’s new house isn’t on the Battery…Beaufain St

  27. Even though I love this show, it is sad that two beautiful children have to be part of this reality. Cameran was right, Katherine is irresponsible choosing an overgrown frat boy to be the father of her children.

  28. 25

    I’m ashamed (maybe not) to say that I can understand Kathryn’s logical steps to whore bag Landon painting her baby girl’s nursery too.

    I think Kathryn will be my favorite this season. She’s smart, even if not emotionally. She’s just young and was raised in a culture that’s different from us Yanks. I love a scorned woman, and T-Rav is is a pathetic clown.

  29. tutu

    Agree to most everything…except Cameran is NOT sweet. Nasty, judgmental talking head. She is the biggest TURD of all…at least the rest went to college. Cammi has done nothing with her life except cheesy reality shows and marry a low tier 40 year old “doctor”…does he even like women? That could be why she latches onto single men so she can get some attention…which she desperately, and loudly, craves!

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