It’s time for the final episode of the reunion, and all I really care about is the footage of Porsha beating down a girl in a dark alley and Andy Cohen’s response to it. I’m late to the party because I had a late breaking story about Vicki and Tamra rolling a dune buggy and going to the hospital. I’m glad they are both okay and even happier they are back to being besties.
So I am going to not give you a she said, she said of this whole mess in as much as I can stop myself. I am really just ready for this season to be over. Even though it was a bit shorter than usual it did NOT feel that way to me.
I hope someone has a gif of Nene dancing backstage up on the net already.
Porsha already looks nervous about her thug segment.
I LOVE Nene’s jumpsuit. It is very Cher and she rocks it well. But the left side of her hair looks like it has been eaten by a lawn mower. It is very distracting to me. If I could just trim the left side of her head she would look fantastic.
Kandi excuses herself to pump. Why could she not do that off camera?
Andy calls Phaedra and Porsha “Frick and Frack” and even better “the Greek Chorus.” I think Phaedra might have caught a bit of the shade regarding the Greek Chorus part. Porsha of course did not. She still thinks being called Princess of THOTlandia is a compliment.
Blah Blah Blah who is BFFs with whom? Who cares.
Andy brings up that Porsha and Phaedra were not happy to see her in Jamaica. Frankly nobody was. Nene and Kenya admit that they have made up. And plotted together about Porsha and Kim with everyone else on Kenya’s couch but they didn’t admit that part. The plan is to run Kim Fields off, which was successful. And to get Andy to get rid of Porsha before one of them has enough and just beats the brakes off of her. It remains to be seen if that will happen.
Nene agrees with everyone else INCLUDING KIM’S BFF PHAEDRA that she needs to go. How is that friendship with Phaedra working for you now, Tootie? Kenya would have fought for you if you had been a true friend to her. She really needs a solid dependable ally on this show. You kinda fucked that up for yourself, Kim.
Chateau Sheree v Moore Manor
Kenya is set to move into Moore Manor in a couple weeks. She has business in LA all last week, but it is almost all ready for move in day! Chateau Sheree remains incomplete.
Andy Cohen has no room to talk. It took him forever to expand is NYC apartment by purchasing the apartment next door. Hell, I still don’t know if that is finished yet. Sheree thinks she is weeks away as well. She is probably a good year away. She has been working on landscaping the outside. No word on if she solved her mold problem. I’m gonna guess if you had water cascading down the inside of your empty Chateau to the point where the much beleaguered neighbors had to call someone about it. You’re going to have to gut the inside and start over.
Matt and Kenya are living together. It’s quite obvious from her Instagram and other social media that they are inseparable and he will be moving in to the Manor when the time comes. Kenya is grinning from ear to ear.
We’re treated to a THOT montage. Kim Fields suddenly says that she enjoyed the THOTs acting like whores. Kandi and Nene both call Kim out for her flip flopping on the whore issue. Kenya jumps in too. I am loving this Kenya, Nene, Kandi, Cynthia, Sheree alliance.
Andy brings up that Porsha has gone from housewife to whore. Most people go the other way. I’m just saying. Nene starts the upcoming gang up on Porsha. Porsha says, “Just because I like to have a good time and shake my ass doesn’t mean I don’t have class.” Um, that is exactly what it means, dear.
The Current/Future/Soon to be Ex Husbands Arrive
When Andy says the words, “husbands and potential husbands” Matt grins from ear to ear. Matt brought a long stemmed rose for ALL the ladies and those who should aspire to be ladies. Andy keeps one, and Phaedra does not pass a rose down to Kim. Interesting. How you like Phaedra now, Kim?
Matt confesses that he is in fact “in love” with Kenya. My screen is stopped on Phaedra and Porsha’s reaction. Phaedra’s face is by far the stankest. Kenya admits that she is in love with Matt. Nene is very happy for Kenya.
Sheree continues to imply something could be going on with her and Bob. But the streets say he is not her type. Being a man and all. Allegedly.
The Gay Shaming
This is the part I have been dreading. Unfortunately they show the montage. Where every single person except Cynthia is involved. Chris is comforting Kim from behind the couch. She seems to be crying a little bit.
Kenya has always said there is way more to this story. When Andy asks about it she defers to Nene who says that Chris was being a dick on the bus screaming “turn the goddamn air down.” Then he jumped up from his seat and started yelling at all the ladies. Nene says when he was done she asked, “Was that a read” and he screamed “Yes! That’s a read!” Phaedra says that Chris turned around and was snapping his fingers saying, “You have been read!” And Phaedra said, ” Okay, that’s sassy!” Kim jumps in to defend and says he was mocking them by doing it back to them. Nene says, “No he was not! NO HE WAS NOT!” Kenya says, “Tell the truth!”
Then Chris wants to come for Kenya by asking her who do they know who calls him “Chrissy.” He goes on an on so Matt steps in and says “She answered your question.” Then Andy tried to shut Matt up by explaining to him that Chris was talking to Kenya and she has to answer for herself. WHICH SHE DID. Andy has this interaction with Matt more than twice. WTF Andy? Why did you bring the men out if you don’t want them to talk. Matt is NOT going to sit there and let you be a shithead to her like you always do. You better just stay in your chair before you have two wonky eyes.
No one else was called out for the gay stuff. Just Kenya. Oh wait, Andy actually read a card from a viewer who points out that it was not just Kenya and that Porsha should have been the last person to join in considering all the gay rumors about her husband. Porsha’s response was “IT WAS ALL KENYA!” Because she is a moron. Kenya says that to Porsha something about “dying to throw her under the bus, Just Go Kill Yourself!” Peter keeps trying to get his peach by joining in with the anti-Porsha housewife alliance. Andy doesn’t shut him down.
Phaedra says, “But true tea, every man on this show has been called gay besides Gregg!” (that is true.) Todd then says, ” Shit I ain’t never been called gay!” (that is not true) Much hilarity ensues.
FINALLY! ANDY COHEN HAS ENOUGH! Phaedra says, “They make everybody on this show gay!” (This is true, and it is usually an Atlanta thing because almost all the men in this town are either straight up gay or on the downlow.) But Andy strikes back. Saying ” No you ladies do. And it seem like you’re all kind of gay bashing. (because they are) And it came off as doing this thing where you accuse him of being this way, making a big joke about it, and I mean it was taunting and it was derogatory. EVERYBODY. So it just was not a pretty look.”
THANK YOU ANDY COHEN FOR FINALLY ADDRESSING THIS.
Phaedra looks shocked that she was the person that he responded to about this. Phaedra says she has apologized to both Kim and Chris. She says she was just talking, “talking about the read, hunni.” Phaedra is remarkably good at denying and apologizing at the same time. Chris basically says everyone has apologized except for Kenya. Andy asks he why she has not apologized. We are back to stank face Kenya.
Kenya says, “If somehow that was offensive to you…” I’m cringing and Andy says, “If somehow that is offensive to you??? That is a crappy apology. Then we get silly, smiley Kenya. This is sad. Kenya is laughing. Andy says, “So you’re not going to apologize?” She says she is but he (Andy) keeps interrupting her. Kenya says, “I’m sorry Christopher.” Andy asks what she is sorry for. She says, “If he was offended… THAT he was offended.” This pisses Kim right the fuck off. And I don’t blame her. Kenya had an opportunity to show some remorse for her behavior. I am quite sure that Brandon had a little chat with her about this. She knows she was wrong. She is supposedly friends with Miss Lawrence who quit over shit like this, I am feeling that rage that I had during that Jamaican episode start to creep in again.
Chris says the I have a lot of gay friends speech (which is never well received) and in this instance it seems true and genuine. He says he was sorry for how that episode effected them. And it did. It affected a lot of people. Kenya still has a look on her face that needs to be slapped off, and Cynthia is looking at Kenya with disappointment. After Chris said his piece, Andy said, “Well said.” And it was. And Kenya either doesn’t know how horrible she looks and the extent of how what she said effected people, or she should be ashamed of herself. She had an opportunity. WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU! And you really let us down on this segment, Kenya. Even Nene gave a heartfelt apology. SOFA KING disappointed in Kenya.
Phaedra v Kandi
Cynthia lets Andy know that the Secret Service watches Watch What Happens Live and that is where they heard about the car, which they referred to as “stolen property.” Interesting. Is it stolen because it was purchased with stolen money? Or is it stolen because he is back to his old game. Oh who am I kidding, he most likely was “a thief of that essence” once again.
Phaedra starts fast talking about how she would never call the FEDs on anyone, even Kenya. Chile Please. Everybody knows Phaedra called the FEDs on Cynthia and Phaedra. Kandi says they never mention to her anything about seeing it on TV. Kandi says Phaedra was mad because she and Todd were in a Twitter war and then like the next day the FEDs were on her doorstep. Kandi totally thinks it was Phaedra. Kandi says that Kandi has done some weird shit to her in the past, she can be very secretive (mmmmhmmmm) and she works on her “get back.”
Phaedra tries to have a feeling. And that feeling is most likely that feeling Jodi Arias had above when she was found guilty of murder. That look on Phaedra face reminded me of this photo immediately. She’s trying to well up a tear. But then Todd says he thinks Phaedra called them too and now Phaedra is getting all stabby looking. Phaedra says she was a friend to Todd. Todd says it’s not about that. It’s about “your ways” he gives examples of how when Phaedra is caught in a lie she always says she just must have made a mistake. Phaedra stupidly brings up Todd hanging out with Apollo, something Todd is glad to do.
It is VERY interesting that Phaedra was keeping Apollo off the emails about the production budget with Todd and made a point to tell Todd it was just between them, she was doing it herself and it was nothing to do with Apollo. That’s interesting. I mean if you want to launder some money, this seems like a good enough way, and if the video is a success the FEDs can’t seize all the profits because it is Phaedra’s sole business endeavor. ALLEGEDLY.
Then Todd says it. ” You know so much about what I was doing, but Apollo lived in your house and you didn’t know what he was doing? C’mon now, you’re smarter than that!” See now, I hope those Secret Service agents with a Housewife habit are tuned in tonight! This is getting GOOOOOD.
Phaedra’s response is odd. “But when your mom died and you asked me for a favor, I did a favor for you!” Now this is where a smart person hosting the show would bust in and ask what favor she did for Todd. And why she would bring up favors in response for being basically accused of being complicit with Apollo’s crimes. That is what a smart host would do. But we have Andy so don’t hold your breath.
OH MY! Phaedra starts talking about emails and pulls some up on her phone making her look like Todd was sweating her for the money in three emails over a six month period. Kandi finally starts a screaming match because she is talking about emails from back when it all started.
TODD THEN WHIPS PRINTOUTS OF THE EMAILS OUT FROM HIS INNER SUIT JACKET POCKET LIKE MATLOCK!
This is crazy! Kandi is going off about Phaedra always trying to tie up loose ends and trying not to lose face. That is why Phaedra paid Todd a week before the reunion. Kandi says this is typical Phaedra.
While all of this is winding down. Peter says, “They better hurry up!” Then he asks Andy, “You got any questions for Peter? Because Peter’s gotta go to the bathroom.” Andy asks Peter how drunk he is and Peter says not drunk at all. Andy says “This is you sober?” So Andy dismisses all the husbands so Peter can pee.
Porsha’s Violent Attack (Part 3)
Andy talks about how the story made the blogs. That explains why they are showing it because they tried REALLY hard to cover it up.
We see Porsha running down a dark alley after Jami who has left the party. She is screaming madly. Other are trying to tell Porsha to stop. Someone says, “You have too much to lose!” I think that was Shamea. It looks like Bob was out there breaking up the fight. Then Dwight is seen telling Kandi, Cynthia and Sheree what happened Porsha pulled Jami’s hair out weave and all. (not a wig, Dwight) Dwight says Porsha was “beating her like a pulp” and they were “like Holyfield fighting!” Then they show Porsha lying to Phaedra “We get in the alleyway here” Um no, She was leaving after just being there for a very short time because you were being a cunt to her. Then when she leaves through the back door, you chased her ass all the dam way down the alley “hands all up in my face.” Bitch please. WE ALL SAW YOU CHASE HER ASS DOWN THE ALLEY. She had left. YOU RAN AFTER HER.
Andy points out this was her third time getting violent with someone while filming. He asks if she handled conflict like this prior to the show. She says, ” Well normally I would not be in a situation where I would have a bullhorn or scepter put in my face.” Ah so once again, it’s all Kenya’s fault. “Secondly, I would not be on a boat with someone who is not my friend and doesn’t understand me. They were both isolated situations.” Kenya says, “That is what you said the first time.” Porsha tells Andy that she doesn’t want to talk about it anymore if Kenya is going to chime in with little comments. Really bitch? Are you going to attack her AGAIN?
But this is Nene’s turn to handle Porsday (per the prereunion meeting). Nene says she has been here the longest and no one has been criticized more than she has. She has been ripped apart by everybody. And I’ve not touched anybody. (well that’s not true, there was that time on the bus with Kim Zolciak, but anyway, tell it Nene!) Porsha says, “When was that? Did you see any footage of it?” Kenya says, “Did you run up in a dark alley and choke somebody?” Everyone laughs as Nene reads Porsha about her violent behavior.
Phaedra says that Porsha called her after the party and told her she realizes she has anger issues and she started going to anger management classes. THAT IS BULLSHIT. Porsha has never admitted anything of the kind. BRAVO SENT PORSHA TO ANGER MANAGEMENT. SO THEY COULD FILM IT. PLEASE CLICK HERE FOR HOW THE THOTS RUINED CHRISTMAS! Yet this lie rolls off Phaedra’s tongue like butter.
Kenya points out others on the cast feel that Porsha having to be restrained on multiple occasions proves that she is out of control. Kandi does her part and says the problem is that it happened more than one time. Kandi says now EVERYBODY is like if Porsha even looks like she is going to start… they’re automatically on the defense. (Sound familiar?)
Andy asks if anyone feels uncomfortable confronting Porsha. Kenya says she does. Cynthia says she does. Nene says, “As for me… I’m READY.” Kandi says exactly. Nene says if Porsha were even to buck, she would end up poppin’. Andy is stupid. So Kandi tries to explain and Sheree jumps on the Ready Train with Nene. Kandi is trying to let Andy know that Kenya and Cynthia are more passive and will be avoiding Porsha as much as possible, But Kandi, Nene and Sheree will be like “Do it if you want to…” (and see what happens next).
Porsha says that she had immediate remorse after every situation. Kenya and Cynthia say almost in unison “That’s not true.” AND WE JUST SAW A TAPE OF PORSHA BLAMING THE THIRD VICTIM TO PHAEDRA! Porsha is full of dogshit.
Porsha says, “What I will say, and what I will not take part in (Sounds like a promise not to be violent is coming, right? Oh no, That is the opposite of what is coming) is sitting here and being vulnerable and then be dissected by a person or people who don’t care about my progress and where I’m trying to personally go. So what I will do, is… if you would like to ask me questions I will respond to you.” Because Carlos King can’t come on stage and do it, Phaedra has the task of physically coddling Porsha like a wounded bird during all of this.
Andy asks, “So what have you learned from (YOUR ONE DAY WE MADE YOU GO) anger management?” Porsha says, “Um, Nothing should trigger me in that way, um and you know this is a completely different environment for me coming from just being a normal person who’s not on a reality show. You get judged, this and that, it’s a lot of pressure…” Andy says, “But that’s true for everyone here.” Andy says, “Yeah, it is but I’m talking about for me! What I learned from anger management is how to deal with people who may not respect you. Who may even go so far as to the point to even spread lies about you. (This is comical) Andy has his perplexed face on)”
Andy says “It sounds like you are talking about other people but it doesn’t sound like you are talking about yourself…”
Kenya says, “You blame everybody else for you losing control. For everything is they did this, Cynthia did that, Kenya had something pointed at me, Jamie was disrespectful. Even sitting here now, Even sitting her now, for you not to take responsibility for your behavior shows that you are not ‘cured’ from being this angry, violent person. I didn’t call you out of your name you called me out of my name first. TWICE you called me a bitch.”
On the boat, she called Cynthia a bitch. I’m sure she called Jami a bitch too.
Porsha says, “On this stage, it’s the reunion. Some of the most heated things are being talked about. And yes, you were called a bitch to me on that day you happened to have deserved it. But you also said to me that I had a penis in my mouth and I kept it…” Kenya says Porsha started the name calling. Kenya says that she starts it but she freaks out if anyone responds in kind. Porsha throws out some therapyspeak so maybe she did pay attention that day. She says, “Your power doesn’t work here anymore and I’m here to let you know that.”
Andy asks Nene what he should do. YES! If Andy listens to Nene Porsha will be GONE. But he tells her to talk to Porsha. UGH. Then Kim jumps in, WHY? Lame duck housewives need to shut up at reunions. She is not going to be there for Porsha to attack next season. She says while she agrees with all the sane people who Porsha is to be congratulated for all the work she has done so far. Kenya says, “for show.” And Andy finally let’s the conversation end. In the final scene Porsha tells Andy she looks forward to going to church with Phaedra. Oh how those two love to lie about church. Porsha should know where her church is, I’m sure it hasn’t moved. I’m guess she would be way to embarrassed to show up back where she used to preach.
Andy sends Nene packing but keeps Sheree for the final scene. I think we will be seeing Sheree again next season. I’d much rather see her back than Porsha or Phaedra. Mocking her is way more fun. Lord knows she needs the check to try to finish that house and pay off all those liens. Allegedly.
Well THAT was the most exciting episode of the three by far. And so ends another season…
Thank you Jesus.
UPDATE!!!! UPDATE!!!! UPDATE!!!! UPDATE!!!! UPDATE!!!! UPDATE!!!!
Nene posted this tonight after the reunion.
Some people thinks it means she is not coming back. Those people are wrong. Nene is coming back. Nene , Kenya, Cynthia, Kandi, and Sheree want that entire left couch gone. Kim (done), Porsha (looking likely) and Phaedra (that might be tough, but here’s hoping!
Nene also posted that after filming Fashion Police she will be supporting Kim at #DWTS. Now that she’s gone.