Vanderpump Rules Reunion: Down & Dirty

pump reunion everyone


I totally forgot about the Vanderpump Rules reunion. I am watching it now in real time as it didn’t tape.  Kristen is half naked. There is a lot discussion about James and his drinking problem. Kristen discusses how she “found” the Uber receipt for James cheating with Jenna but going through the emails in his trash folder.  Kristen seems really irritated by James in real time.  James accuses  Kristen of cheating multiple times while the were together. She would sneak off to Hollywood Hills and come back with her face smelling awful. I don’t even want to know what that means. There is a discussion where everyone thinks that James just got with Kristen to be on the show. Which is true. Ariana is so jealous of Kristen it’s hilarious.

Lala gets called out for being a whore. She swears that she doesn’t sleep with any of the rich old men who take her on trips.  Speaking of whores, Jax is discussed in relation to Lala. Katie tries to use the word ‘penetrate’ in a sentence. This is funny since I’m not sure she has ever been penetrated.

PUMP Rules reunion schwartz
Scheana is miserable because no one has talked to her yet and it’s a third of the way over.

Oh speak of the devil, they have brought out Mike Shay.  So we can once again hear about Scheana’s Rehab Plan. LVP really sticks up for Scheana. I guess she is extremely grateful that Scheana testified during her trial, even though it didn’t last.  Scheana lies about what is going on with Shay. Jax apologizes for saying Scheana’s marriage would not last. Even though he is right. Shay tries to defend Scheana’s idiotic behavior.  Andy tells Scheana everything she did was the wrong way to deal with it. Everyone agrees. LVP again tries to defend Scheana. LVP doubts that Mike could just stop popping pills cold turkey. She doesn’t seem to care for Mike very much.  Scheana is Mike’s new addiction.

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We talk about Ariana’s 30th birthday with the kids theme. I must have missed that episode. Oh yeah, I  watched that. I watched when the boys played on the bulldozers. I probably skipped over the part with Ariana.  Andy says that Jax and the Toms strip around each other more than he does with his gay friends.  This turns into a conversation about who has had a same sex relationship. Jax is the worst liar in the world. Andy says he doesn’t believe Jax and he thinks to Jax, a hole is a hole.  Sometimes Andy is right. Then he asks Sandoval to show his tattoo on his ass again. And Ariana fingers his ass crack on national TV. Her mother should be so proud.

Everyone bashes Kristen for daring to apologize to Ariana.  Because that is the worst thing ever. Ariana still doesn’t admit that she was cheating with Sandoval while he was with Kristen. Ariana and Tom said she just apologized to try and get on the Hawaii trip.  Then Sandoval says she just apologized because her therapist told her she should. Tom and Ariana are still very pissy with Kristen. Like little purse dogs yapping.  Those two are so annoying.

Remember when reunions were great because we would find out new stuff and not rehash the season for hours on end? Did I imagine that?

Lala said that she thought she and Kristen were going to be friends.  As those two try to talk it out, Ariana jumps in randomly goes after Kristen again when once again Kristen says she is not fake. Ariana is more obsessed with Kristen than any of us could ever be.

Next Week: James and Jax fight. LVP and Stassi go at it. And James calls everyone an asshole.


Filed under Dumbasses, Entertainment News, Vanderpump Rules

46 responses to “Vanderpump Rules Reunion: Down & Dirty

  1. JoJoFLL

    I’m starting to think that Scheana isn’t as self obsessed as she is dumb. I really think she is not the brightest bulb.

    I like LaLa. I’d sleep with an older guy for a trip to Italy!

  2. AKA Riley

    Did anyone else notice how thin Scheana looked? Her mouth looked so big because even her face looks smaller.

    • GIA

      Yes, I noticed Scheana’s thin face too. Also, Lisa had no right making comments about Shay. It always seems like Lisa hopes that there will be drama in these people’s lives so she can exploit it more for the show. Scheana plays dumb when it’s convenient for her; she appears to be an alcoholic herself and didn’t want Shay to go to the dry side so she could keep partying herself. That’s the height of selfishness. She kept saying she was trying to learn and of course Shay ended up plea mea culpa as he should but it appears that Scheana gets off too easy in this situation.

      • She is immature and she does not understand what addiction really is. This issue really is a make it or break it deal not only for their marriage, but their individual characters. A lot of people detest Scheana, but I think she is kind of a sad person. All the look at me hides a deep … something. She seems so sad underneath it all. If you compare her to Stasi, you can see the difference.

      • Queen of the Nile

        I thought Shay talking about his addiction and his love for Scheana was one of the most real things I’ve heard on a reunion show. There was so much raw honesty and he is clearly out of place in this narcissistic cast. I was emotionally touched hearing him talk.

        Lisa V was far too harsh with him. She came down many rungs on the ladder for me.

    • Shae

      I feel bad, honestly, because I’ve had extensive dental work done too and it’s painful/expensive…but her teeth do not fit her mouth/face. They are way too big, that’s why her mouth moves strangely when she talks. They’re too bulky.

    • Calipatti

      Yes yes could it be the huge painted lips? Chinless due to her make up?

  3. Katherine 2.0

    That was kind of a snoozer. How many parts does this reunion have again? And who did Lala’s makeup? Looks like me after I let my 8 year old niece “make me pretty.”

    • GIA

      I thought the same! She always looks pretty (though she needs to matte things down) but this time, it looked like someone did a bad contour job – and those PINK-EYE lids – yuck!

    • JoJoFLL

      I think LaLa has some pretty bad acne which is why her makeup is so heavy.

      • Katherine 2.0

        JoJo, that may be, but it doesn’t explain the eyes, lips and contouring. Do you think they bring in their own makeup artists, or leave it to Bravo to provide that service? The other girls looked beautiful. Poor Lala.

    • More Tea Please!

      The pink eye shadow and don’t know what foundation were awful. It looked like it came from a Barbie Makeup Kit. Too bad cause Lala is such a natural beauty. I guess it could be worse, they could have given her white eyeliner…

  4. GIA

    Noticeably, LaLa has it in for Katy – did anyone else notice she’s always throwing shade at her? LaLa thinks she’s such a tough street girl – she’d get her head handed to her in most situations so she ought to keep her hands to herself.

  5. GIA

    i have a question: Do any of these people aspire to do anything else besides working at Sur and exposing their lives on reality TV for a pittance? Remember when Schwartz and Tom were going to do some ‘wine’ thing for Lisa V and Sur…were they going to be paid for that because they didn’t really follow through and bombed during their presentation. I mean what is Arriana and Tom really doing and what are Schwartze and Katy doing…you would think they would use this exposure for bigger things.

    • Gia, in order to use it for better things, you have to have ambition, brains, a work ethic and talent. Tom and the incessant whiner definitely don’t have any of that. This is it for them. For the rest of their lives, this will be their biggest “accomplishment”, whining and lying about Kristen on a silly reality show. I don’t know about Katie and Tom – it seems to me that they would get with reality and use the money to get an education and move on. After, even Friends and Jerry Seinfeld aged out and attacking people and showing up at parties you are not invited won’t work when you are 40. The only ones who really have a clue are Kristen, and I hate to say it, Jax. Jax has given interviews where he stated he knows this is a short term deal and he will return to his home state to be a firefighter or something job or career that real people do when this is over. Sandoval and the bobblehead, especially, seem to be blinded by their narcissism and the “lights”.

    • Because of the show, they’re all getting paid to make personal appearances at nightclubs & parties in Vegas, etc. They don’t want to give that up for a job.

    • Amanda ell

      I think you are totally underestimating the amount of money they really make at that BUSY ass restaurant. Let alone, the network they are on is HUGE . Appearances, radio shows, internet shows, youtube, twitter, Instagram, and so many more companies pay these people a shit ton of cash to advertise for them in return for exposure and for adding a “cool factor” to their product/business.

  6. BKSweetheart

    How does Kristin make money? She was supposedly paying all the bills and taking care of him. She wasn’t working at Sur anymore at the time. They never seem to address it.

    • Shae

      Bravo salary, most likely.

    • JoJoFLL

      I’d bet my next paycheck these kids are earning at least $250K a season. LaLa and James are probably a lot less.

      • tamaratattles

        I’ll take that bet. I hope your next check is huge. Please ask Sheree Whitfield for my address. Or any number of other people who randomly mail me weird shit thanks to her. A check though will not get the submerge in a bucket of water and throw in the outside trashcan treatment.

  7. Shae

    Whoever spackled Lala’s face and styled her hair should be fired immediately. I literally jumped when I saw her, what on earth was all over her face??? It looked like someone contoured her badly with bluish/purple powder, smothered her eyes in pink and then covered her lips in a matte gray shade. Her hair looked fried. She is a beautiful girl, how did ANYONE let her go on camera that way? Did she not see herself? I really couldn’t believe it.

    I love how Jax, after lying and denying all season, yells “am i denying anything???” as if copping to shit after you’ve been caught 100 times on camera means anything lol

    What a shitshow.

    • Something Clever

      Lala is perhaps the prettiest girl on the show, but jimminy cricket she looked ghastly on the reunion. The shiny make up only accentuated her acne. The bronzer was horrific. It was like someone tried to make her look terrible and succeeded.

      As for the actual discussion, whatever. This show is so terrible. It was the final straw in what pushed me to detest LVP. She exploits these people. Yeah, it is their choice to let her, but I would love to see their earnings versus hers for this show.

      I only watched a few episodes while doing household chores and did not follow it the way I purposely watch the RH shows. After seeing some of this reunion, I can tell I didn’t miss much.

    • Elizabeth

      Spackled! Lol

    • JentheAUBURNfan

      Shae, do you remember the season Katie had black roots and orange hair??? Those people were passed to lala for the reunion

      • Shae

        lmao, yes! maybe she was deliberately sabotaged! lol
        I still can’t wrap my head around how she looked in the mirror and said “ok, good to go!” lol

  8. I am so sick of Sandoval and his hateful, pissy blonde bobblehead. Either the dude is still stuck on Kristen or he needs to get a new story line. He is the most self involved person on there and his bobblehead is nasty and hateful. I don’t care why Kristen apologized – maybe she did it to go on a trip. But those two liars and haters have no right to question it. If either one of them were no such trash, they would accept it and move on. They have no class whatsoever. BTW, Ariana – it does not matter how aesthetically attractive you are, you are still the ugliest person on the show. At least Kristen owns her shittiness. You just lie lie lie lie and deny. I hope they get fired. I am sick of them.

  9. Mrs. Strib

    These are awful people with average looks & think they’re stars. GTFOH
    I’m watching the repeat now & im struck by how sad/trapped Shay looks. Schena STILL talks over him and robs him f his voice. Whenever Andy asked him a Ustinov, Schena jumped her nasal/vocal fry ass in. LET. HIM. TALK. Lisa VPump really needs to stop telling people how to feel. She has way too much to say about how her employees live but then makes a mint off their mess-ups.

  10. Kim

    Remember when this show was about the cast “struggling” to earn a living? I miss that show. Can we scrap this cast & start over? Do any of them still work at Sur anymore (besides James perpetual suspensions & lounge albums)? I’m sure their Bravo salaries & them hawking random gadgets & services of the week more than support them now. Katie is all over that wedding by Bravo…yawn.

  11. BKSweetheart

    Katie had my eyes rolling out of head when she made that comment “this is a really difficult group to break into” (although I believe she used the word ‘penetrate’ – gross). Like who TF do you think you are? Like they’re part of some uber exclusive social club that all the rest of us underlings should aspire to. Puh-lease. Coming from the girl with a so called fashion blog who is the most basic and unfashionable of them all.

    They all live in shitty apartments and drive shitty cars and seem to have no real aspirations outside of partying and getting wasted. The delusion and self grandeur is mind blowing.

  12. T D

    If Bravo wanted upright and clean we’d all be watching the dudes in the kitchen.

  13. Thanks for the recap, TT. Ariana needs to move on from the Kristen hate. She got Tom, why keep on with the digging? Nobody’s make up looked good, but Tom Sandoval’s was especially bad. It looked a shade darker than his actual skin and was on so thick, I am surprised we didn’t see creases. I loved all the glares and eye rolling.

    • Shae

      Because everyone keeps bringing it up and feeding into it, it’s tv drama gold. Nothing ever gets “dropped” on reality tv, just temporarily put aside until an opportune time to stir the shit again lol

      I think he was truthful when he told Andy he doesn’t personally give a shit about Kristin anymore, but when people constantly ask about it, bring it up, and put the issue to his face, yea…you’re going to get a reaction.

      I think Ariana and Katie’s makeup looked natural/nice, LVP looked uncharacteristically cartoonish. They need an overhaul of the makeup staff there…either that, or everyone was wasted and this is the end result lol

  14. Taylor

    Missing the Dance Moms recaps :(

    • tamaratattles

      Sorry, I’ll be catching up over the weekend I hope. I promise. I haven’t seen the last episodes. I’ve had some RL shit going on.

  15. jennbug

    It baffles me what words in an insult Lala finds offensive. Not bitch, but basic when James called her a basic bitch. Not whore but ratchet when called a ratchet whore…then bag in whore bag….I just don’t get it.

  16. I think Lala was punked by Kentucky’s make up artist. No way was she supposed to look like that.

  17. Tasha

    Lala’s makeup? Wow. That’s embarrassing for whoever applied it.

  18. Tp

    The make up artist clearly shares my opinion of Lala bc everyone looked great except Lala. I really hope they’ll kick James off the show. He’s just such an ass that I cringe every time he opens his mouth! And he looks exactly like my frog imogi ?
    I’m sick of Sandavall and Ariana. They were so happy with Kristen and Stassi out of the picture and they just can’t handle them coming back. I’m tired of hearing Ariana and Tom explain that Kristeb can not change. It’s ridiculous and Ariana is so threatened by her. Speaking of threatened, Lala gets so visibly jealous at the sight of Kristen, and I kinda love it. Tom and A are completely self absorbed and Ariana is no damn comedian .. Ok. What narcissists they both are. Uhg! I pretty much hate half the cast this season and would love to see them go ! Lala , James, Tom and Ariana please go! And why does a woman Lisa’s age try to tell any of these people who to be friends with ? Come on! It’s so contrived!

  19. Tp

    I realize I’ll probably be called an idiot but it just occurred to me why Tom and Ariana really hate Stassi and Kristen being back on the scene. Camera time! That’s it! They were feeling like this big stars that they imagine themselves to be and then the two biggest stars of the show came back! Duh!

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