Tonight is going to be a night of weirdness.
Did you know that Yolanda has a daughter named Gigi who is a model? Well, she called right at her call time so that Yolanda could remind us all on the air. Yolanda then calls David to ask for help writing her speech for her Lyme Award. He basically tells her to use the one she used two years ago. She insists that he help her because she used to have much better cognitive abilities but now she has to “think of things 100 times.” Again, Yolanda, welcome to menopause where you get up and walk into a room and have no recollection of why you got up or what you wanted. It’s happening to everyone during this brief stupid time in our lives. It’s not neurological Lyme. It’s THE CHANGE. And it’s not for pussies. I also noted that she had to tell David she loved him twice to get a half hearted response.
I fast forwarded through Kathryn’s ear doctor scene. Because I don’t care.
Camille’s Cancer Event
Camille is having a big ticket fundraiser for cancer at her house. She has yet another estate sale last weekend. She seems to really be selling down to the bare walls and unloading all of her properties. She also got a $121,000 settlement in court this week where Dimitri had to pay her legal expenses because he took her to court claiming she slandered him to the media and lost. She is getting all of her eggs in a big basket for something. Maybe a move to Hawaii?
Yolanda arrives with some man, I assume he is there to give her an IV of Lyme Snake Oil in the bathroom. She tells Camille she is inspired by her because “A lot of people don’t have the balls to share their journey.” I don’t remember seeing one sick selfie of Camille. Yolanda has also whacked off all her hair. Every woman in the world knows what that means. Next she will go full Britney and whack the fuck out of paparazzi with umbrellas.
Yolanda has become psychic while ill. It’s a new concurrent syndrome for her color coded chart. She randomly decides to hug Lisa Rinna. If I were Rinna I’d check her for knives before her hands got to my back.
Why is Rinna sad that Yolanda skipped out on Erica’s dinner after having lunch with Kim and Brandi that day. Well, first of all Rinna it was a filming for the show. Two filmings in one day with this crew would be too much for anyone. And more importantly, it’s none of your business? Who cares? Why is Rinna making me take Yolanda’s side in an argument. Why is Rinna sad over who Yolanda hangs out with. Then Yolanda announces to the table that Kim and Brandi have been more supportive of her than all the rest of the women at the table combined. This includes her dear friend Erika by, the way. This is a stupid argument. Yolanda announces that it is her bedtime and she leaves.
The Lycgee and dog meat festival is celebrated annually in Yulin, Guangxi, China, during the summer solstice in June, by eating dog meat and lychees. This activity is believed to counteract the heat of summer. About 10,000 to 15,000 dogs are consumed during the ten days of the festival. Why is Lisa Vanderpump so obsessed with 15,000 dogs being eaten for food half way around the world when 1.5 million dogs are killed every year in shelters here? To me this is so disrespectful to other cultures and mostly just a way to draw attention to herself. There is no torture, the dogs are killed and eaten just as other less cute animals like chickens and cows and pigs and goats are. The Chinese Consulate cares less about this than the church building where you originally did all of your histrionics. I also heard production was still hiring extras to be “protesters” up to the very last minute.
Random Unexplained Dinner of Manipulation
Oh my God. Lisa is so confused about Dubai. It’s a very progressive Seriously? Has this woman ever been anywhere besides London and Beverly Hills? You don’t have to cover your head in Dubai unless you are entering a mosque. And the dress is how normal people dressed in the world before at some point in this country people thought that it was important for women to walk around with their tits hanging out. Newsflash: In most civilized countries this is frown upon. So is being falling down drunk and throwing wine glasses..
Somehow we get on to a conversation about how manipulative Lisa Vandrpump is. Best I can tell with all the cross talk is that the new allegation is that LVP tried to get Rinna worked up over Yolanda calling Rinna bipolar so that Rinna would engage Yolanda.
Rinna and Eileen Gear Up for Dubai
Eileen and Rinna meet at a luggage store to prepare for Dubai. And I don’t mean for Eileen to buy luggage. It seems like Eileen is trying to work Rinna up to tell everyone that LVP was the person that told her to bring up Munchausen. Rinna has learned the word “scapegoat” and decided that is what she has been all season. She also let’s the F-word fly. Eileen rightly points out that you can’t do that in Dubai. And actually there are other words that are considered obscene that you may or may not have ever heard of.
Yolanda’s Lyme Gala
Only Erika, Kyle and Kathryn were available to go to NYC for Yolanda to get her gold star for Munchausen. Why have I never heard of Lotte New York Palace and the Jewel Suite? Yolanda and David play a piano duet of Frere Jacques for the others to enjoy. Because sick people love being the center of attention.
Oh lord. I can hear you guys freaking out already because Erika said she isn’t allowed to buy jewelry for herself. That is Tom’s decision. She also explained if there was something she just had to have, she would take a photo and send it to his secretary and tell her to show it to Tom when he is in a good mood. Let the moral outrage begin. I can hear you now, “I am woman hear me roar! I can buy my own damn jewelry!” While I mutter, “way to miss the point.”
David says he is so happy to see his wife out after “11 months in that robe.” He wants to burn that robe. So do we, David. So do we.. There was an awkward exchange of toasts between David and Yolanda. It was very strange. Later we get the audio of conversation between David and Tom where David is clearly miserable. Tom asks if he is ready for the relationship to go back to how it was at first. He has “How is that gonna work.” David was already more than done with this marriage by this time.
Next Week: The ladies are off to Dubai. It looks like the stay at the Atlantis hotel. I would not be able to say in a room without windows. #Claustrophobic Also, Brandi puts on her best THOT ensemble to visit Yolanda who has returned to her death bed.