It’s time for another episode of Catfish and once again the episode should be called, if you parents are not bright enough to spell a decent name for you, then your life is fucked. But I guess that title is just too long.
Leuh, age 19, whose parents clearly didn’t know how to spell, wants to know what is going on with Justin, a catfish who was at least able to spell their fake name properly. I thought “Shuntay” was bad, but Le uh? My Gawd. Honey, how do you spell Leah? Um DUH, it’s L.. E…UH! I can’t. Leuh is from Rochester, NY and met Justin, who is from Huntington Beach California on Instagram when she was 17. So far, I like this one, I have no problem suspending disbelief that she is too dumb to check our her “perfect man” on Google herself. She’s apparently trying to pick a “four year college” based on Justin. I’m now starting to be unable to suspend disbelief. Clearly she is in a community college in Bumblefuck Upstate NY and thinks she can afford tuition at Pepperdine. She hasn’t said that yet, but I’m waiting for it. Blah Blah Blah, he won’t video chat, already stood her up once, same formulaic story. I’m bored unless he turns out to be a midget. We haven’t had that yet have we? Or perhaps someone with a congenital defect resulting in an extra extremity. I mean really. This has to be the last season, because it’s all been done.
In the video chat, LeUH, mentions that he also stood her up once when she went to Vegas with her family. Methinks, LeUH is trying to audition for Real World. I’ll reserve judgment on that until the end. So far though, she has blown her chance at the lesbian shot. She better hope she’s a whore or has fake tits. Which, I mean isn’t that the same thing. Moving on. Oh wait, she does have fake tits. I can’t look at the screen and type at the same time.
Max and Nev dash off to Rochester. Question: Who’d you rather? I’m down with either actually. But I’d let Max go first.
The boys arrive at Chateau de LeUH and share with us that she has shitloads of tattoos because “Justin” has a ton of tattoos and she wants to be his type. Let me talk a bit about Justin. Despite his hair that at times is a lot like The Weeknd, he’s hot and his tattoos are very well done. There is no sizzling A made out of bacon on his ass. He looks like an employed adult who can afford expensive tattoos and does have to worry about the timing belt going out on a road trip. But it is way too early to exercise basic logic here. Lord knows, LeUH hasn’t ever exercised basic logic. The hot guy, Justin reached out to the 17 year old LeUH on Instagram. Um no. No man who looks like that randomly is so lonely he has to reach out on social media to a girl whose name is LeUH. #SorryNotSorry
Basically, LeUH knows just his Instagram account and they talk on the phone an he has a best friend named Todd. Okay, now we are getting somewhere. LeUH has probably been talking to Todd. Todd is probably a guy who lives in his mother’s basement and plays shit tons of World of Warcraft. NTTAWWT, but Todd ain’t Justin and LeUH is tots in love with Justin’s photo. Clearly this is one of those episodes where Todd is the one that contacted Catfsh and LeUH is being set up to look stupid. Because she is stupid.
OH NOES! When the boys go from LeUh’s page to Todd, errr I mean Justin’s pages, she is blocked! How cruel! LeUH is devasted because, like, Justin just sent her a HEART! She was just on the page YESTERDAY! Yes, dear but today, Catfish has told him that he needs to take that shit down before Justin has Instagram do it for impersonating him and he loses the right to Instagram FOREVER! Could you imagine!? Nev and Max concoct a bullshit story that maybe since she emailed him that she wrote Catfish hoping for a free ticket to see him, he started following them and saw they were in Rochester! Oh Nev and Max. Et tu? I wanted to believe you were at least kinda kept in the dark. Nev and Max leave and in the rented SUV say, “This is going to be bad.” Oh God I hope so. It’s the only reason we watch.
The boys do their very serious investigation on Google that we could never do. Really. It’s quite complex. First they run the phone number and it is registered to a woman in her fifties named Rita who has the same last name as Justin. So they assume that is probably his mother and they are on a phone plan. Never once had LeUH or the boys said how old Justin is supposed to be. Did I miss that part? And she is in Huntington Beach. Justin seems to be checking out. But in this case, the guys think he is just an “Internet Man Slut” so they contact a chick who could be another catfishee to ask what she knows. And they also contact Todd.
Todd tells them that Justin has never mentioned her to him and suggests the “grab him and make him meet her.” When they talk to the other chick, she seems very believable when she finds out that there is another girl in the same situation. Unlike the episode with Dejay, Malik and Josiah, where they had two people confront one Catfish
Nev and Max go to tell LeUH the bad news. LeUH’s mom dresses her dog in people clothes. So, no shock about the spelling thing. When the boys tell LeUH about what they have found Her reaction seems genuine. Or else it’s an audition for Real World.
Nev goes to make is phone call. For a change they do it in the car with Max there. That is new. What else is new is that Justin says he is not going to “do the show” because “it is not in his best interest.” So hell, maybe this is his audition for the show. Has HE been Catfishing to be on Real World or some other MTV show? Sounds likely. Perhaps both girls were told to say it had been going on longer than it had for the sake of storyline? The plot thickens. As for the tattoos, the other chick had a visible tattoo as well. Justin is at work. I’m now thinking he is a tattoo artist…
So Nev, Max and LeUH got to ambush Justin who lives in a huge house in Huntington Beach. This is exactly what his BFF Todd wanted. Nev goes in first. Justin is not home but Justin’s Dad is. He want’s to meet LeUh. Isn’t that interesting. Let me guess, it’s his dad that has been fucking around with chicks on Instagram the whole time using his kid’s account. Leah texts Justin. The next day, still no response from Justin. They call Todd. Todd conveniently tells the where Todd is. He’s on the beach. They take off to find him and see like one dude on the beach in the distance and think, “Oh that must be him! ” and pull over. And there is Justin, with his surfboard strategically placed in the dirt. Waiting in front of the cameras for LeUH to arrive. He totally pretends like he has not preened for this moment for years. He’s bad at it.
Justin proves that Instagram photos are deceptive in so many ways. He’s not attractive at all in 3-D. Perhaps because he is lying. He says he blew her off in the past because they were on opposite ends of the country and he was in a relationship and he didn’t want to go behind either one of their backs. Because that makes sense. He surely was being honest with both of them LOLOLOL. I still think he is trying to look good for the cameras and the empty Huntington Beach, might have been possible before he was spawned, but not in the present day. Someone paid a lot to film there and clear out all the commoners except him. The guy with the ginormous house also says his car would not make it to Vegas. Puhlease. Someone pulled so many strings and paid a lot of money to make this guy look like the douche he is on TV. Bravo Daddy. You got your airtime.
Oh lookee there. A commercial for the Real World. Next wee there will be TWO episodes of Catfish (God help me) followed by the new season of the Real World. I really need to trust my instincts. Somebody’s daddy bought him on to Real World and Catfish.
When Justin ( who I am starting to think is Iranian) and LeUH who I am starting to think her parents made her spell her name that way for Reality TV as some sort of compromise, walk on the beach he basically says they are getting married.
She looks like she has had some facial surgery over the course of this episode.
The show ends with these two rich folks walking off into the sunset on a completely beach empty beach..PUHLEASE.
In the two month check up…LeUH is back to the same hazy video screen looking exactly the same as the first video. It is almost like they were both filmed at the same time! But that would NEVER happen if someone’s Daddy bought him or her a Catfish episode as and audition for Real World. I have to say the Kentucky chick was the winner for Best Actress this episode. She is the only one who sold her role. Oh and SHOCKER! LeUH is moving to Beverly…
Justin says he will invite Max and Nev to the wedding.
That was the bullshittiest episode EVER. But It did take scripted reality to the next level. It’s like if Jessica Parido’s parents had done this to kick off her career by mailing her to Mike Shouhed. And in this case, I’m not sure which parent bankrolled this. Is LeUH’s last name Iranian? You betcha. I wonder what “Justin’s” real name is. The Farsi word for deception is almost exactly the same, isn’t it? Hmmmm