Time for me to take a deep breath recap Kim Richard’s current reality show. Last night, on WWHL one of the many troubling things she said was she thought this show would be a fun two weeks with her daughter putting furniture together. Well that explains things. Because as much as Kim likes to mention that her therapist, her life coach and her psychologist all thought her going to rehab, AA meetings or individual therapy was a big waste of time. It’s good to hear that she thinks therapy is simply about putting furniture together with your kid.
As the show begins, I remember that this therapist probably doesn’t know any more about therapy than Kim Richards. I’ve seen a lot of reality show therapists, and this one is the worst.
We start with Josie being embarrassed by her mother who is hootin’ and hollerin’ with Natalie Nunn and Heidi Montag. Is she as drunk as they are? She is certainly twerking on the kitchen countertops with them. When Josie approaches her. Her own mother turned all mean girl with the other drunks and sent her away. I really hope that shitty parenting move was scripted.
Kimberly starts playing in Kim’s hair. Which is odd. And then in her talking head says she can relate to Josie, who has retreated to her room, because her mom used to be the cool hip mom too and sometimes she felt like, “Hey, you’re mom!” Thus confirming in my mind that Kim was that mom some people always had in high school who would let us drink and in exchange we were forced to hang out with them until the drink was empty.
Jessica goes to find her kid and she is sobbing in their room. Jessica ask her what is wrong, because she is either drunk or stupid or both and without even pausing to listen suggest that Josie take a Xanax. Shit like that is why people who actually need Xanax and use it sparingly have so many hoops to jump through to get it. Between this shit and the meth heads who apparently unbeknownst to me caused all the OTC cold meds that actually worked to be moved behind the pharmacy counter so that I have to wait in line with the great unwashed while they breathe all over me for their Zika virus meds to get a fucking nasal decongestant, actual sick people have to go through a ton of horseshit to get medication. I blame BUSH dammit. (Actually, this one is actually his fault.) I recently discovered the cold meds thing TEN YEARS LATER after nothing fucking worked on a sinus infection. When I am sick, I crawl to the …oh I don’t know…cold and flu meds I assume the products are all the same as they’ve always been. Silly me. Meanwhile, Josie’s mom leaves her kid crying and goes back to the drunk crowd to mock her.
I think what this house needs is a giant Xanax lick that all the bitches can just lick until they either calm down or OD.
Josie goes out side and calls her boyfriend.On her cell phone! Which makes me think she threatened to leave the show. They are not allowed cell phones. Kim Richards tells Jessica to grow up, because she’s the mother. There are no words. That night, Jessica again tells her daughter to take a Xanax so she will stop crying and she can get some sleep.
The topic is resentment. Each person has a bag that they placed an item in that represents what they resent about the other.
Krist Keller and Courtney Stodden
Courtney has two champagne flutes representing her mother not being there for her 21st birthday. Which begs the question, has it really been over five years since we have been hearing by this irrelevant kid with the fake tits and the geriatric husband? And on her birthday her mother gave interviews about Courtney to the press. Courtney’s mom pulls an ad for her new business out of her bag, rambles on about it and then ends with a nonchalant comment about wishing Courtney would have been there for her.
We see what is out first Mother/Daughter Talking Head (MDTH) where Kimberly is laying her head on Kim’s shoulder talking about how exhausting Courtney’s issues are. I guess she gets a pass for being worn out. Kim chimes in to say that Courtney’s mother needs to “accept the fact that she gave an interview and it’s wrong. She shouldn’t give any interviews about her daughter.” I’m speechless.
Shar Jackson and Cassie Federline
Shar has one of those turkeys you make out of pine cones in elementary school because her resentment is about Cassie skipping Thanksgiving to go to her boyfriend’s celebration instead. This explains her issues with Cassie’s boyfriend. I think we may have missed Cassie’s bag. Perhaps because her mother would not fit in it.
Kim Richards and Kimberly Jackson
Kim and Kimberly both have empty bags. Because they don’t resent anything about each other. Their relationship is perfect. They are there to make furniture together and have fun! Kimberly says, and let me quote this exactly, “I really could not think of a time when that she’s never really like dropped everything and been there.” Kimberly’s eyes are all over the place as she delivers this lie of the century on national TV. Kim beams and responds, “You’re going to make me cry!” I immediately Google to see who her father is. Apparently, his name is John Jackson. Wonder where he is through all of this? Also, Kimberly is the same age as Courtney Stodden and Cassie Federline. She seems WAY older than Cassie and that is because she has had to grow up so fast. Kim has no resentments either She says she can’t think of one time that she had ever been hurt by Kimberly or a time that she missed something important to her. I’m super grateful.
The therapist calls bullshit on this and Kim responds, “There’s been a lot going on with some things and I’ve been worrying about her. So now I’m emotional. If I’m walking out of a hospital, and she’s finally called me back (oh look, a resentment!) she’s going to hear that in my voice.” I should point out that Kim is doing all of her dramatics and hand gestures as she says this. Kimberly says, ” Not only am I super overwhelmed over her (with her own life) but then you call me and you’re (voice is) quivering and I can tell you’re upset, and you’re this and I almost don’t want to hear it because there is nothing I can do about it. I feel like I’m carrying two weights. ” Kim says and then you don’t tell me things. Kim says to the therapist, “That’s where I go wrong…I tried not to cry….” [insert dramatic crying meltdown here. She’s really lost her acting ability along with all the other stuff she has lost.] The therapist has a shining moment when she tells Kimberly that her mom has a lot of dramatic stuff going on and that doesn’t mean you have to rescue her. A dry eyed unemotional Kimberly nod with a smiles and says, “right.” Kim says she definitely doesn’t want to loose her best friend in the world. Kimberly looks at her as we all think, “Is this about Monty?” And Kim says, “And that’s you.” I and think to myself, “That’s sad. And a lot to put on someone born in 1995 who may or may not be old enough to drink yet.
Jessica Canseco and Josie Canseco
Josie’s item is pom poms. She resents the fact that for the first time in her life she felt like she was part of a family when she was on cheer squad. Wow, that’s sad. And that her mom was never there and didn’t participate at all when all the other girls moms were very involved. Jessica admits she has never made Josie a priority.
Karen Nunn and Natalie Nunn
Natalie’s item was a VIP pass. She resents that her mother never came to any of her embarrassing reality show shit, because she was too busy taking care of her dying mother.
Darlene Egelhoff and Heidi Montag
Heidi’s item is a wedding veil and rings. She resent her mother for not coming to the fake wedding on The Hills. Heidi is a terrible fake crier.
Exercise of the Week: Headlines Don’t Lie
Some of the patients will be shown tabloid stories that must have been hard for them to deal with by a fake reporter and asked how they dealt with it.
Krista (Courtney’s Mom) is up first. Her story is that Courtney’s parents failed her. She says that “angers her.” He follows up saying there is speculation that you sell stories about your daughter to the media. She lies and denies the whole thing.
Karen (Natalie’s Mom) is up next. The headline was read “The most ratchetest woman in America, Natalie Nunn is pregnant.” Karen says, “That’s news to me.” I assume she means the pregnancy part and not the ratchet part. He guy asks what sort of things people say to her when they find out she is Natalie’s mother. She responds with a rather length list of the examples of negative things people say about Natalie.
Cassie (Shar’s Daughter) Her headline is Shar Jacks packed on the pounds with K-Fed left her for Britney. Cassie who was ten at the time, said it made her angry. Britney was her idol and she basically destroyed her life. She was teased and bullied.
Darlene’s ( Heidi’s Mother) headline was Heidi Montag obsessed with being perfect. Really? Why does she have such and easy headline. That was the least of them. Darlene says she thinks it’s true and she thinks she is influenced.
Jessica’s (Josie’s Mother) headline is about Josie getting a DUI at 18. Her response was no comment. The more interesting response was Karen’s who laughed. A lot and said that she had no idea and that Josie could definitely give Natalie a run for her money in the bad girl department. So much for Karen’s stash of goodwill from last week’s show. I now feel like the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
OH WAIT! Jessica explains that the case was dropped because she was breathalized three times but she was not drunk. She was on Xanax which she had a prescription for. Fun fact: If you drive under the influence of any drug you have a prescription for you still get a DUI. So this is some bullshit.
Kimberly’s (Kim’s daughter) headline is that her mom checked herself into rehab. She says, We all knew and we all supported her and that was her decision and she’s in recovery, and that’s her process and that’s fine. But I’m not ashamed of it. I’m not. She’s strong.
Kim says that she did check herself into rehab over the summer. She says, “I was on a reality show and I relapsed. That wasn’t the only headline, there were a few more behind. Don’t people realize how much they hurt us? Like it’s very hurtful!” There was much fake crying. The therapist says Kim is courageous.
We end with Courtney puking after her mother denied that she sold stories to the tabloids. Her mother pestered her the whole time she was puking because cameras were there. She offered great motherly advise as Courtney wretches in the background, like, “don’t puke with your shirt on!” and “you could be pregnant do you want an EPT?” She hasn’t spoken to her kid in months. Why on earth would she presume she could be pregnant. She could have murdered Doug and buried him in the backyard for all we know. And if he doesn’t barge his way onto this set soon, I’m gonna strongly consider that possibility. Meanwhile, the therapist says that it’s just the stress of seeing her mom, and all the drama. She’ll be fine. Courtney goes to sit on her bed with the therapist who calms her down.
Meanwhile the mom runs screaming through the house asking where the house phone is and calls 911 to say her daughter needs to be rushed to the hospital because she is throwing up. Then the mom says she is having “sympathy sickness.”
Courtney is rushed to the hospital via ambulance for vomiting.
Next Week: Kim wants to pack up and leave. Kimberly says she won’t leave. They also do the dreaded “Funeral” for one of the other of them thing. Kim is the one with the tombstone and it is hella creepy.