A Whole Nuther Hour of Vanderpump Rules Nonsense

pump reunion everyone
Andy is just obsessed with this show for some reason. The ratings have been okay this season as they try to pump up their numbers to RHOOC levels, but this is some serious overkill. Last night, after the actual episode, Bravo tagged on another hour the first half f which is #WWHL and the second half was the after show. Way too much and all recorded on my DVR as simply “Vanderpump Rules.” #ShadyAndy

I’m not exactly going to recap,  as much as share some snarky thoughts.  Andy jisms all over the place talking about a piece in the NYT Magazine last weekend. Basically, the author damns the show with faint praise saying than in a world where everyone is goal driven and trying to move ahead, you need a show where shit never changes and everyone is satisfied with their monotonous drudgery of this one eternal stupid moment their lives. She exalts the contented feeling of losing oneself in a never ending stasis of nothing. No ebbing, no flowing. It was all a fanciful way of saying “nothing ever changes with these losers and they make me feel better about whatever progress I am making.”

I agree. Today I took my car to the shop and yesterday I went to the bank so I could pay bills. While sitting in the gross environment of the car dealership service department waiting area, I made sure to Tweet in order to extol my two days of adulting with the world. Because frankly, adulting hasn’t been happening much around here lately. Perhaps it is because I use Sandoval and Ariana as my measuring stick for all things adulting. WWHL Pump

Is Katie wearing a wig or did she do that to her hair on purpose?

Kristen says that Carter didn’t care about her hookup with James because she and Carter had just started dating a couple weeks before. I’m not sure if that is true, which makes me think maybe she and James are playing along with a storyline.

All for SURvers are convinced that Jax with marry Kentucky. They are all mentally challenged when it comes to Jax and still believe whatever he says.  They all like Kentucky better than Jax. For now.

Stassi is back together with Patrick. Oh, Patrick. Fool me once…

Katie says the three in the other chairs will be doing a fake wedding dress shopping shoot for Glamour she made it clear she had not asked any of them to be bridesmaids. I suppose the bridesmaids list with depend on whether she gets her wedding picked up by Bravo.

Okay, so the Poll Question was, Who is the number one fucking GIRL in the group? And can I just say I really think they do this to fuck with us?  Because they said Ariana at 39%, Stassi was at 20%,  LALA!!!! at 16%, Katie at 15%, Kristen at 6%, and Scheana with 4%.  I think that was just who they like the best. But Scheana is going to need to be monitored 24/7  after this.  They did ask the girls who they thought they would win, and Kristen said NOT Ariana and Lala, so I guess that is what caused the crazy outcome.

Then we have the Vanderpump Rules Aftershow with Julie and Brandy. Kristen is the first guest and Julie asks her how it feels for LVP to be such a cunt to her all the time. I paraphrase. All Kristen cares about is that Katie wants her there.

Does Kristen have a fat lip? I don’t mean injections I mean that the top right side of her lip looks busted up.

Julie asks Kristen if she actually slept with James. I don’t believe her when she says yes. That was a Kristen lie. Why would she lie? I dunno. Why does Jax lie?  So the story goes that James offered her a ride home and they drove around town listening to music and catching up. She says they did not have sex on the car, because there are security cameras. So there is it first major inconsistency in the store.  I can’t stop looking at the asymmetry of her upper lip. Am I the only one noticing this?

I watched a short clip of the Female Felon from the great state of New Jersey today and her whole top lip looked all smushed and possibly injected, but it was just her braces. Does anyone think it is weird to come straight out of prison and get braces? Do you think someone knocked her teeth around in there?

Anyway, Kristen says fucking James in his car, no her car, no she can’t remember where, is her rock bottom. She thinks that was the end of her poor decision-making. For the sake of all of us, this cannot be true.

VANDERPUMP RULES -- "Dethroned" Episode 318 -- Pictured: (l-r) Tom Sandoval, Ariana Madix-- (Photo by: Vivian Zink/Bravo)

(Photo by: Vivian Zink/Bravo)

James and his mother Jacqueline came out. Maybe it is something with the name, that tends to bring out poor mothering skills. The accents go in and out with these two. Brandy wants to ask, “What the hell do you have on LVP to get her to pamper your twatty little dishwasher son so much?”  But she tries a nicer approach and reading between the lines, she wanted her kid on the show and it happened so she really has something major on LVP.  His mom loses her fake accent and her New Yorker comes out and says she was glad her spawn spit on the door, and she would have spit in her face. Wow, she’s trash. Is this the one sold the George Michael stories to the tabloids? Or this there a whole tribe of these people?  Then she shares a story of James biting his nanny in the but once and she quit. I’m guessing he didn’t have a nanny.

James just dropped more information saying that it was CARTER that was upstairs and not Stassi and no one seemed to catch that. That makes a hell of a lot more sense because if it was just Stassi she could have done it on the couch. James’ version of the story is much more believable. James said it was standing doggy with her palms on the hood.

Finally we had Sandoval and Ariana on the couch talking about Tom’s band or something. I’m going to get up and feed my dog and skip this part. Let me know if this braintrust of two says something deep or profound.

I’ll wait.

20 Comments

Filed under Andy Cohen, Entertainment News, Vanderpump Rules, Watch What Happens Live, WWHL

20 responses to “A Whole Nuther Hour of Vanderpump Rules Nonsense

  1. I was obsessed with Kristen’s lip too! Also, why is it that James and his mother look nothing alike except their ears. They do have the exact same ears. Tom and Ariana are really boring.

  2. JoJoFLL

    There is a story with James’ mother. Something isn’t right there.

  3. James’ mother must have something huge on LVP.

  4. Margarett

    Oh, Tamara Honey, I can hardly believe you watched this. I do thank you for “taking one for the team”!

    These guys are so messed up and phony that even I can tell that there is no reality in this reality show. I know that other commenters have said that various shows have run their string out; however, this really should be the first to go!

    • tamaratattles

      I think there is more reality to it than most shows. Certainly more than the HWs. These people don’t have careers and businesses to worry about harming.

      • Margarett

        No doubt you’re right. For some reason though it’s easier for me to see the unreality here. Of course, Xanadude or some one has to point it out to me! Still learning, but getting better…

  5. T D

    Ariana? Hope the flaming bacon A on Sandoval’s butt cheek was for Annmarie. Ariana has the personality of an uncooked piece of fatback. No sizzle no flavor.

  6. therealdeb

    Has anyone noticed that Scheanna seems to be trying to channel Kim Kardashian? Look at the picture from wwhl…. These twits!!!

  7. Watching James all season I keep wondering what his mom thought of his incredible twattyness. Well, now I know. No wonder he’s such an a-hole. The turd does’t fall far from the turd tree.

  8. BB3

    Kristen had the busted up face still from falling into the bumper of the über months ago. They must have taped the aftershow quite some time ago, because she looked fine on WWHL

  9. Xanadude

    James’ mother is an aging divorced model past her sell by date, desperately pushing her son into fame in an attempt to reclaim her youth and past glory.
    She is basically what Yolanda would have been had she never Mohamed and Mohammed’s money.

    • janet

      I thought it was interesting when James was talking to his mom and crying about his parents divorce. He asked his mom why they had to divorce? She said Im forty five and I want to live my life now, like duh dude mama wants to have fun. Was the most shallow vacant answer to a legitimate question from an adult child Id ever heard, and she didnt shed a tear.

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