The most interesting thing about this show before I even hit the play button is the word “Lyme” is not mentioned in any of the advertisements or in the show description. It just Yolanda fighting “invisible disease” which is actually quite a funny visual. More apt might be “Yolanda fighting imaginary disease” or “Let’s talk about Munchausen Syndrome.” But “invisible disease” is close enough. Also, I don’t understand why they keep saying this was her first interview. She was just there last April. It hasn’t even been a year since her last visit!
LOL Dr. Oz says it’s a side of Yolanda we’ve never seen before. Um, Mehmet, trust and believe we have seen every single solitary side of Yolanda. This is nothing new.
Dr. Oz plays an informational piece about Lyme Disease. Something that Yolanda does not have. Yolanda shakes her head through the entire piece and says the CDC estimate of the number of Lyme Disease cases in this country is 300,000. She says that is not correct and the number hasn’t been updated properly. Here we good….can the phrase “worldwide pandemic” be far away? Dr Oz ignores her comment and goes on with his interview.
When was the first time you realized something was wrong? In 2011 she always felt like she had the flu. Perimenopause symptom number 1. Join pains “cycles” under her eyes. I think she means circles They would come back every three or four weeks. in 2011 it started attacking her brain, y’all. A month before her wedding she was in the gym and “I was trying to do my pushups and my burpees and I looked at my husband to be and I was like ‘I can’t do it anymore…’ I felt like a light switch went off. ” Sucks getting old doesn’t it?
The night before her wedding (she only had a hundred guests) she couldn’t “put tables together.” She only had to do ten tables of ten, couldn’t remember who was friends with who, who was sitting with who! Perimenopause symptom number 2. Usually, the more thing you would throw at me the more I would thrive. Um, I’ve never been married, so I may be crazy, but I would think that the seating chart would be done prior to the night before the wedding.
Dr. Oz has a huge stack of records that he reviewed. Yolanda says that is only about 10% of her documentation. Dr. Oz says that when Yolanda was 12 she was hospitalized for some weirdness that sounds like chronic fatigue. She was also hospitalized (?) at 18, 30 and 41. She wants to start from birth. She was born to a mother who suffered from invisible chronic disease! She would get migraines and be in bed with the curtains closed for days. The first time she got sick it was Epstein-Barr, When she was in Asia getting acupuncture as a model, she got Hepatitis B from dirty acupuncture needles. She says that she has been suffering her whole life. Dr. Oz talks about a hospitalization in 2012. Was that on the show? He says those doctors diagnosed her with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. A syndrome really isn’t a diagnosis of a disease, it’s simply a way of grouping people with similar symptoms of unknown origin into a group. Any woman with difficult perimenopausal issue could just as easily be labeled with Chronic Fatigue.
Yolanda knows this and she was not accepting of that diagnosis. She had circles! It was clearly a brain infection! She knew this because she had been living with it for a year. Again, it is called perimenopause. I went to a therapist, several actually, with the same complaint. There is something wrong with my brain! I didn’t call it an infection, I called it the crazy. I had anxiety that was crazy. I would shake like a leaf in the grocery store. I could not remember anything. I could no longer recognize faces. It was scary. It was perimenopause. I’m actually coming out the other side now, many, many years later. Yolanda was in the hospital for two weeks, and yet the doctors saw no brain infection. They show a sick selfie of Yolanda smiling her sick smile in the hospital bed. Yolanda says that the doctors would write, “Beautiful 48 year old young woman…” in their medical records. Beautiful? Young woman? She is insane in the membrane. She is tired for being judged as healthy because she is so damn beautiful. It’s just so hard being Yolanda! “I would look at David and tell him that if one more person tells me I look beautiful I might just jump out of my skin!” Which is probably when she began buying lots of light brown eyeshadow.
Then she went to Belgium and a doctor there told her she had ” Severe Chronic Neurological Lyme Disease.” SEVERE! y’all. Not the plain old regular kind. It was severe! So she did IV antibiotics for three months. That will really fuck up an immune system. A that was the beginning of the journey.
Dr. Oz asks if she was relieved by the diagnosis. She says yes, because people (I’m guessing David) started thinking she was mentally ill. They were right.
Dr Oz asks if she knows when she was bitten. She gives the raising her children on a horse farm where she was bitten by a horsefly story. There are a lot of issues with that story, mainly that horseflies to no transmit Lyme disease.
The three months of antibiotics was like hell. Then we go to a piece taped in Yolanda’s new apartment where she has her poster boards of symptoms and co-infections proudly displayed for all who enter. She calls her work, “Uncovering the Mystery of Chronic Lyme.” I just have to say if that is her book title, I’m disappointed. I was hoping for something like, Who Put Dis Lyme in my Coconut? Then there is a costume change out of sweats and into her white bathrobe. HOLY SHIT! She has a medical treatment room in her apartment! With an examination bed, and a huge pantry of medications and IV stands and rolling blood pressure cuffs. This is insane! How does she not see how insane this is? She has a nurse who works four days a week to give her IV treatments AND TREATMENTS FOR THE TWO NOT GIGIS! BY FUCKING PROXY! The dude is giving her what looks to be a blood transfusion while they film it all. He has a GIANT syringe full of what looks like blood he is injecting. What is that?
This is so deranged I don’t know how to explain it all. As the guy is shooting her full of whatever, she is rambling on about parasites and viral overloads and “all the chapters” that she’s been through. Then we meet Daisy the full time live in “health advocate.” Next we have ionic foot baths. Then she goes to she the Clipper’s physical therapist because she has spent so much of her life in bed that she has muscle atrophy. Her hips and knees bother her. Getting old is a bitch, ain’t it?
Then she goes to see a doctor in Koreatown for some more supplements. She goes there once a week. She complains of night sweats. Because, perimenopause. He has her hold her fingers in a certain position, then diagnoses liver toxicity. You know what causes liver toxicity? Taking fistfuls of whackadoodle supplements multiple times a day. The liver can’t deal with all of that. Meanwhile, Yolanda and Daisy have been out and about visiting whackdoodle doctors all day. It’s dark as night outside at this point. She reassures us that this whackadoodle is aware of all of her medications. Then, she hugs him when she leaves saying, “See you next week!” Notices she is often hugging her doctors. He seems a bit uncomfortable with it.
We come back from all of those medical scenes to Yolanda smiling with pride. She loves this. Dr. Oz asks if she ever regrets any of her whackadoodle treatments. She says now that some of her brain is coming back, (because she is 52 now and things start to get better with menopause) she looks back at some things and wonders if she was crazy. Like the time she put on a baseball cap and dark glasses and waited at the border with the great unwashed to get fetal stem cell shots in Tijuana. THE FUCK?
Yolanda refused to answer the question about how much money she has spent.
Next they show Eileen and Rinna being shown the drug pantry by Daisy. This is a completely separate pantry from the one in her medical treatment room. Then Yolanda tells the implant story. But this time it is different. Remember the backlash she received because she said she had all of this silicone leakage but we saw the breast implants with very little silicone leaked out? Well now the story is that the silicone didn’t leak out for the breast she had removed, it leaked from breast ten years ago when she ruptured one in a waterskiing accident and the doctor who did that replacement didn’t remove all of the silicone. Then Doctor OZ puts up her breast scans and the explant surgery on the big screen. Yolanda basically takes over for Dr. Oz saying how fascinating it is and point to “a drop of silicone.” Now her story gets confusing because she is showing the (minimal) silicone leakage and says it is from a breast implant ten years prior. So the silicone from the busted implant attached to the new implant? She is making ZERO sense talking about the implants and saying, ” I mean how fascinating is this (pointing to a bloody implant) the pocket that the body creates for the implant…” If this paragraph makes less sense than usual it is because she is basically speaking gibberish. Then she oddly turns to face Dr. Oz and grabs his arms and randomly says, ” I mean who ever said big fake boobs are sexy anyway?” Well that would be a lot of people. Especially ones like Jax Taylor.
Yolanda said the explant surgery made a huge difference and saved her life. But she is still dealing with all of the viral overloads. (BTW, viral overloads is her new phrase. It is most commonly heard when HIV patients are discussing their HIV. Because that V is for VIRUS. Yolanda has never mention a virus. Is she still saying she has Hepatitis B from when she was 18? because that is the only virus on her co-infection poster board.) What viral overloads do you have, Yolanda? Actually? Just shut the fuck up, Yolanda. She struts back over to the chair, sits down, and pops her collar.
We come back from a break, to Yolanda crying for the cameras in her medical treatment room about how she has to find a cure for her children. They put up the sick selfie with Bella. Bella’s Lyme began in her spine. She was a big horseback rider training for the Olympics and all of the sudden she started making mistakes and bad accidents started happening (on the horses? or is this a DUI excuse?) “She you know has Lyme disease as well, it’s not as severe as mine.” About Bella’s symptoms “It’s brain fog and you know, like I said it showed up in her riding.”
Yolanda cries about her mother’s struggle with Chronic Lyme. Then she gives the whole story about not wanting to live anymore but she had to for her children. The nights with “such inflammation in her brain” that she would be bawling on the floor begging to go to the hospital. When did this happen? Gigi has been out of the house for a couple years now.
Dr. Oz brings up the Munchausen allegations. They play a RHOBH clip. She says that family, friends and coworkers have all accused her faking it. She says don’t you think if she could she would be front row in Paris watching her girls in a fashion show? The audience applauds. I should also point out that some idiot in the audience was crying earlier. “If you didn’t lose your hair, if you can’t say I have cancer, then they judge you!” More applause.” It’s unconscionable! Because no one fakes disease.”
Next the divorce is discussed. Or that is where Dr. Oz wants to go. Yolanda says she can’t talk about it. And rambles on about an “affordable cure for all.” Dr. Oz has a note from David. ” I have always had and continue to have the utmost love and respect for Yolanda. I’m incredibly proud of Yolanda’s determination and mission to find a cure, and how brave and open she has been by sharing her story in the hopes of changing the future of others.” Yolanda mentions again she can barely listen to the radio.
Yolanda just signed up for a half marathon. Because, I give up.
She is going to take questions from the audience. She says she doesn’t regret being on RHOBH because she wants to write a book. These idiots in the audience are delusional. Yolanda says she “shares a little bit on social media.” She says that this is her job now, she doesn’t need to sell handbags on QVC!
Dr. Oz gives her a very long poster that is a spreadsheet of her tests from this year. She can hang that on the wall with her poster boards.
That was two hours and twenty minutes of my life I will never get back.