We start with Amar coming off his first win and the group, particularly Majorie, mourning the loss of the only other female left in the competition. Majorie, like all of the other women in seasons past, vows not to let things turn into a sausage party. Unfortunately, that appears to be Tom Colicchio’s favorite type of party. But there is always one female that he keeps until at least final four. Congrats, Marjorie. You’re that girl this season.
My excitement with seeing a Chinatown on TV makes me realize I’m more of a city girl than I ever thought. I really would like to live somewhere that I could walk to stuff, and also a place that’s a bit more international. I may have move out of Mexico for that to happen though. I’ve enjoyed living in Mexico, but I’d like to live somewhere that isn’t rednecks and Mexicans and Nene Leakes for a bit. I might be ready to live with some Yankees, Cubans and Jewish folks for a change of pace. You know, in Florida. I need some variety.
But I digress. We are in Chinatown with Martin Yan. I am already tired of hearing, “If Yan can, you can.” Thank God this is only a quickfire. Where we make “Chinese food” aka Chop Suey. This is just like when the yankee with the unibrow came to Atlanta to make southern food. Only with added racial insult. There is no more immunity. But the winner will get “an advantage” in the elimination challenge.
Jeremy is wanting to use a lot of “umami” flavors. Because that is the new black in tastebuds. Apparently, it is the new undiscovered flavor sensation for our palates, glutamate. Something we shun when it’s monosodium glutamate (MSG). But apparently love in its natural form. I assume what he means is that he will be using a lot of dashi. It’s a Japanese thing, not a Chinese thing. Isn’t that what just sent Karen home? I mean at least it was Tom’s excuse. Let’s see if this matter if you have testicles.
Some of the chefs are intimidated by Martin Yan. Kwame has no idea who he is and is just going to make some chop suey. As it turns out, Jeremy didn’t use dashi, and I’m not sure he really knows what umami flavors are as his dish was spicy hot with chilies. Majorie does a lobster chop suey. She gets high marks from Yan for mastering the Chinese use of “control.” Carl tries a suck up move mentioning Yan’s “forty slices out of a clove of garlic” but it didn’t help his overcooked lobster. Amar serves GIGANTIC portions but receives great feedback. Isaac does a modified General Tso’s chicken. Yan says the chicken is a little starchy. What does that mean? Overly breaded? How can chicken be starchy? Yan compliments Kwame’s “oil blanching technique” as “very Chinese” but then says he fucked up the technique entirely. Marjorie won her first quickfire.
The Challenge: Come up with a fast casual restaurant idea that can work in any city. Make a menu for it. Choose one dish to serve to 150 people to who will pick the best dish.
Six previous contestants come back to work with each remaining player. I would say to help each player but Phillip and Wesley are back. So Majorie’s advantage is to assign who works with who (and clearly saddle two of her biggest competitors with those two). Majorie picks Angelina over Karen. Which makes sense really because Angelina is the best sous chef. She gives Jason to Jeremy. Wait, isn’t Jason the guy who basically quit the show because he wanted to go home? Why is he back? She gives Carl the gift of Chad. Lucky Carl! Nobody wants Phillip. She’s also nice to Amar who gets Karen. Isaac gets stuck with Wesley, but I am amazed she didn’t give him Phillip as much as she hates Isaac. That leaves Phillip for Kwame. Kwame seems to have given up three weeks ago so this was a waste of a good ball and chain. I would have given Phillip to Amar who is on the way up. She puts them together because she knows they hate each other.
Jeremy is doing tacos with weird fillings or something. Amar is doing a rotisserie chicken. Carl is doing something southern medtierrean. Majorie is doing something Italian. And Kwame is doing frozen whole wheat waffes. I’m not kidding. He is going to the store to buy some frozen waffles. Hell, why not just by frozen chicken fingers while you are there? This is suicide. Clearly, he misses his
boyfriend business partner back home. A lot. There is no other explanation for this. It also explains why he didn’t care that he got Phillip. He’s done. Does Whole Foods even sell frozen waffles? I keep forgetting Marjorie worked at Per Se. This impresses me immensely and make me try to like her more. If she would just lay off my boy, Isaac it would be easier. But she learned how to make pasta at Per Se, y’all. Per. Fucking. Se. Clearly, I’ve spent way too much time reading about rich people places in NYC. I was thinking I missed what Isaac was doing until I see him freaking out in Whole Foods wondering what to do. This is not the time for that Isaac! Finally, he decides on gumbo. I wish I could buy his gumbo right this second and have it droned to my door. Will I live long enough for the whole drone thing because I will be as big as my shack lets me expand.
Back at the hotel, we get more of Majorie putting down Isaacs food. This time it’s that gumbo is another one of Isaac’s “stewed style” things. Really? When I think of Isaac I think of meat. Um, never mind. I am hoping all of this is editing and Majorie really puts down everyone and we are just seeing the Isaac stuff because these two are the final two. That’s not a spoiler, I have no spoilers, I’m just hoping that is the reason. I’d also like to point out that Majorie always makes “bread style things.” Because have a seat Marjorie. Speaking of Marjorie, she is going to cook her spaghetti in a fryer filled with water. That is either genius or going to burn down the entire building with an electrical fire.
Carl’s restaurant is called Savory Med and his dish is lamb stew over couscous. I love lamb stew over couscous. A lot. But it’s not exactly fast casual and they are serving in paper baskets. Mishquase. Majorie’s restaurant is called Pasta Mama and she has olive oil poached tuna over spaghetti. I’m thinking tuna is fatty enough without poaching it in olive oil. But what do I know, her water in the fryer thing seems to be working splendidly. Jeremy’s restaurant is called Taco Dudes. His tacos are made with pork belly and served on either a lettuce wrap or a wonton shell. If you are going to eat fried pork belly, are you really the lettuce wrap type? Just do a taco shell, dude. Kwame’s restaurant is called Waffle Me and he is shilling frozen tacos and fried chicken pieces.
The people come in and it is all Amazon women. Do they grow them that big in San Francisco? I’m just over 5’9″ in my flat feet myself, but I don’t know it if is the camera angle or what but the height on these women was set off by three or four short ones in the mix. Are there no men in San Francisco? This crowd just looks odd.
The Judges start with Savory Med. They like it. Next up, Gumbo for Y’all. I wish he would have down sausage and shrimp rather than sausage and chicken. Because shrimp is better than chicken and they are in a seafood town. The like this too. Only Tom is like… gumbo dismissive…because snobby At Waffle Me, the suicide mission looks like a success. Pasta Mama is next. Marjorie calls the pasta maker an extruder, because I’m sure they called it that at Per Se. Where she learned to make pasta. Did I mention that? The judges like it. Taco Dudes is next. They are not fans of the dude. Anwar’s Pio Pio place is next where he serves up Rotisserie chicken with rice and a marinated bean salad. It looks good! He has three sauces and I want them all. I’m a saucy girl. Padma wants to know why she is not getting a whole piece of chicken. Amar says because he likes to eat the whole chicken, this way you get white and dark meat both. Padma and Blais bitch about the lack of skin you get with rotisserie chicken. Tom defends Amar which bodes well for Amar’s future down the line.
Their two favorites were Majorie and Carl. Carl? Carl was the winner.
Kwame and Jeremy were on the bottom. Kwame went home. Suicide mission complete. I really like his knife carrying thingy though.
Next week: Hubert Keller, another San Francisco chef will be the judge. Apparently, they will be doing the final service at his Fleur de Lys restaurant.