On the heels of the previous WWHL with Phaedra Parks, I can’t help but wonder how Andy would have reacted to the girls on Vanderpump Rules talking about the Toms (or Jax for that matter) the way the RHOA talked about Kim’s wife. Would that have been something other than “somewhat nasty?”
Joining the Toms tonight is SNL’s Aidy Bryant, who Andy introduces as a Vanderpump Rules superfan. Aidy is in love with the boys in their smoking jackets. Okay, Kristen and Stassi hosted the red carpet for the Grammys on E! and no one told me about this? Aren’t I supposed to get about 30 emails when something like that happens? What gives, TT researchers? Sometimes I think that y’all think everyone has already sent me a notification and so you don’t send me one. This is just like when idiots go through on American Idol and a good person gets voted off because everyone assumes the best singer has plenty of votes. Don’t Sanjaya me people!
I finally get why this episode of Vanderpump Rules was called Bitch Ghost. I’ve been swamped this week and I tried twice to watch the episode but things kept interrupting. First I fell asleep (not because the show was boring but because so busy yesterday) and then this morning, I had some sourced tea coming in and I kept getting distracted. I’m going to need to reread Xanadude’s fabulous recap again.
Andy plays his first montage of the night of Schwartz saying all the wrong things in the last episode. And I am reminded once again that Pinky’s phrase, ” bloody wussy pussy” causes horrific and unintended visuals in the American viewers who only use the word ‘bloody’ in its literal sense. Thanks for that, LVP. Schwartz now says he doesn’t regret inviting Stassi to his engagement party because he wanted her there. So clearly, they all live happily ever after. Quelle Surprise!
Next, Andy turns the conversation to poor, dumb, Kentucky’s boob job. Because no one loves boobs more than Jax unless it is Andy. I also notice that Xanadude always capitalizes the word ‘Boobies!’ Make of that what you will. Aidy mocks Jax and his ridiculous boob demands. Kentucky sure went through a lot to earn those free boobs. Will she have to stay with Jax in the off season as well? Or has she flown back to Kentucky with her parting gifts yet?
Why is Ariana such a sourpuss? Sandoval says he feels like that is just “people drinking the Kool-Aid” and it’s just part of the season of propaganda. Um, we have eyes, Tom. She got serious resting bitch face whether her face is resting or not this season. I think she’s just pissed that Kristen is the star of the show.
Andy implies that Jax is the Magic Mountain of Disneyland. Which makes sense because Magic Mountain is not in Disneyland it’s at Six Flags. Think about that.
Aidy is getting lots of SNL questions. Every time she gets one, the Toms, particularly Schwartz, seem let down that the question was not for them. A caller asks her what the craziest thing she saw Kanye West do backstage. She says that at dress rehearsal, he brought Kim up on stage for goodnights in her full length fur coat. She says Kim was like all nervous like, “Why am I here?” she said in her mocking voice. Then she went down and stood weirdly in front of the audience. Aidy says this was super exciting for her.
A caller asks if the Toms have ever gotten drunk and hooked up. They say that we’ve seen the extent of their hookups on TV. Do we believe that?
Schwartz let’s us know he only took Ken’s shirt as a gag. It was really donated.
Next we play a gay game. I mean in the literal sense of the word gay. The objective is for the two Toms to lean across Aidy and kiss if they miss answers. Question one: What is Schwartz favorite color? Sandoval says coral. Only a gay man would give that answer. Incorrect, Schwartz said his favorite color is aqua. Only a gay man would give that answer. What is Sandoval’s favorites sex position. Schwartz says reverse cowgirl. This is a position where the man does not see the face of the female and thereby can imagine the partner to be anyone, of any sex. Sandoval’s answer was standing doggy style, which I am not sure is even possible between a heterosexual couple but occurs in many gay porns. Or so I hear. Someone needs to gif Andy giggling behind his cue cards throughout this whole game. What is Schwartz’s dream job? Sandoval says being on Vanderpump Rules. Incorrect. It is Professional Poker player. What is Sandoval’s favorite body part of Ariana’s? Schwartz hopes it is her butt, but sadly it is her boobs. Eventually Andy makes them kiss. Andy says the game made him horny. He says they can make out all night since
they didn’t allow their girlfriends to crash the trip their girlfriends are not there. Aidy says they will be right over.
Oddly, this was billed as a live episode but the Toms did a Presidents Day skit and they were in NYC together on Valentines Day taking selfies in their hotel bathrobes together. Either they got bumped from Monday and stuck around for an early filming on Tuesday, or this was taped. Or maybe they just wanted a long Valentine’s get away alone. Okay it was live. The Mazel of the Day was Stevie Wonder at the Grammys. Long lovers weekend it is.
The Poll Question was: Who is the number one fucking guy in the group? 40% said Sandoval! 28% Jax. 27% Schwartz. 5% mashed the wrong button and it the one for the twatty-faced busboy. Which is ridiculous. People can hate Jax all they want but he is the Alpha dog among these little bitches.