We are back with the RHOA after a long break due to the Superbowl. When we last saw the ladies, Kenya had refused to go to Kingstown to meet Peter’s family with the rest of the girls after Cynthia marginalized their friendship in front of the whole group when Nene returned. She opted to hang out with Matt getting spa treatments instead. Not a bad gig if you can get it, but I think Peter’s little side trip might turn out to be a cultural experience that most tourists in Jamaica don’t get, so it might have been worth it to go. We’ll see.
It is about this point in filming that Sheree realizes she that she is probably not going to get a peach. So she begins to show her true colors. So everyone except Kenya and Matt head for Kingston. Since Mallory showed up, she is on the bus too. Cynthia tells everyone that she and Kenya had a blow up because some “super awesome person” told Kenya that she completely denied her friendship last night. Sheree pipes up to identify herself as the super awesome person and says she did not say that. She tells her version the story in her high pitched voice she uses when she is put on the spot. Everyone agrees with Sheree that they all thought they were best friends. I can’t wait for the Phaedra gif sucking on her straw happy as hell that Cynthia and Kenya had a falling out. Cynthia said the only thing she ever said was they are not best friends. Because they are not best friends. I can’t take these scenes filmed in the bus, they are giving me motion sickness.
Meanwhile, Kenya is wasting her bubble bath with Matt by unloading on him about her conversation with Cynthia. I guess when production puts you in a bubble bath, you have to talk about what they tell you to; but, I can think of better uses for that bubble bath. Sidenote: Kenya has ginormous eyes. Every time I see someone with ginormous eyes I remember that babies are born with the same sized eyes they will have all their life. Supposedly. And I imagine tiny baby Kenya with huge eyes. It’s a scary thought.
We go back and forth between the two girls talking about how hurt they are. Sheree asks if she explained what she said to Kenya like she was explaining it to them, with the tears and the whole nine yards of dramatics. Cynthia says no because she just walked out. Kim Fields decides to pop up with “That’s what she does” because she loves to mutter about Kenya. Surely, Kim is a one and done on this show. I’ve defended her all season, but I am ready for her to be gone. We also get shots of Nene’s head bobbing up and down from behind her headrest where she looks teary-eyed for her BFF Cynthia and her big fat feelings. Because this is so terribly important! For fucksake, can we get to Kingston and have some virtual jerk chicken at least? No. No we cannot. Cynthia continues crying and talking about how excited she is to have Nene back in her life. And how she just wants to be friends with everyone but no one will ever take the place of Nene. Or some such shit. Do adult women really rank their friendships and have one BAE? Realizing that she has singled out Nene as her one true friend, she quickly starts adding the others. And Kim, who may have taken something to amp her up, or else she just feels her peach is in danger, starts screaming, “You left me off that list! You left me off that list! STOP THE BUS! STOP I”M GETTING OFF!” I’m surprised the bus driver didn’t pull over and give her a push out the door. Nene says she will go knock on Kenya’s door and invite her out for cocktails so they can work it out. Cynthia smiles through her tears at her BAE. /gag
They show the real Jamaica out the car window. Much like Bali, the non tourist areas are filled with poverty. Phaedra is in her full on RHOA act standing up looking at the goats and talking about how delicious BBQ goat sounds while gyrating in her chair. Chris calls her out on the way she sexualizes everything. In Phaedra’s talking head the “Outing of Chris” begins with her saying that Chris is “quite sassy himself.”
They must have left late in the day because they arrive at Kingston (less than 2hrs away From Ochos Rios on a chartered bus) at 6 p.m. just in time for a fish fry on the beach for dinner. His aunt mistakes Mallory for Peter’s wife. Something that Mallory is quick to correct. Nene is wearing a men’s wife beater again. I get it. She likes a man’s white tee-shirt. They are great for the beach. But you are on camera with a bunch of women dressed appropriately. Act like you can afford a shirt. Peter holds his aunt’s hand as they walk to the fish fry. Cynthia says this is a side of Peter she has never seen.
They finally make it to the fish shack where they all get to pick out their fish. Nene is freaked out by the fish. We get a talking head where she says she heard if you eat the eyes it makes you horny. The ladies all enjoy the fried fish, grilled lobster, and cassava while chatting with Peter’s aunt. Kim asks for parenting advice from the aunt and asks if Peter was a good kid. Peter says that he was only hit with the belt one time while on a mission to throw away the mango skins. Apparently, he wasn’t supposed to bite into the skins, and just throw them away. Kim announces the call time for the commercial. Gregg has been amazingly quiet.
When the girls get back, at 11 p.m. there is a huge buffet waiting on them. Porsha says, ” With all this food I’m gonna have to check this ass as luggage on the flight back!” Was that the first time Porsha had been funny on purpose on this show? Then she thinks the plantains are fish. That’s the Porsha we know.
Meanwhile, the guys (including Matt and Bob) are having drinks and Kenya and Nene are doing their scene where Nene brings Kenya back into the fold. In her talking head Nene says she wants Kenya, Nene and Cynthia to all be friends.
Cynthia and Kenya make up. I love Kenya’s hair curly at the beach. Kenya agrees to come to the commercial shooting the next day to support Cynthia.
Peter grills Matt on his background. Matt says he has been a personal trainer for six years and was in the Navy before that. Peter asks how old he is and when Matt says 28 Chris’s mouth drops open and Peter is fake shocked. Clearly, Peter was tagged by production to have this whole conversation. Peter says he has a son his age. Peter says in his talking head that he has children his age. Here we go to set up the storyline about “Kenya being pregnant.” It’s like they are already plotting out next season. Gregg jumps in acting astonished that a 28 year old single black man doesn’t have any kids and asks if there is something wrong with him. No, Gregg, there are actually men that do not have 3 kids by 3 women by the time they are 25. Matt shoots back, “Is something wrong with you?” And just like that, Matt is my favorite “househusband.” Peter on the other hand is drunk and not amused that Matt is not taking shit from the guys. He tells Matt that they have to vet him and he needs to “slow down with all that hard shit.” Oh Peter, don’t provoke this man. You don’t know him and he could break you like a damn twig. Oh here we go, Matt tells Peter he doesn’t play like this and tells Peter to stop. Then he moves on to “what you wanna do” which has the implied ending of “get your ass beat?” Peter doesn’t know how to shut up. So Matt stands up (/swoon) and invites Peter to take a walk. But Peter is all talk and Matt just eases on out of the room with the old guys and their jawboning, probably to go look for Kenya. Peter flips off Matt in his talking head.
The ladies start talking about Chris since Kim is once again in her room. Someone says Chris is sassy and definitely has personality and Kenya says, “He would have to, he is married to Kim.” and Nene just laughs and laughs at her new BFF Kenya’s jokes. Because she really wants her peach back and Kenya isn’t going anywhere. Kenya says she knows that they have all heard “the rumors” and claims that when she worked on Living Single everyone called him Chrissy, and not for Three’s Company. Oh Kenya, this is a bad look. In her talking head she says there is a lot of talk about Kim’s husband. Whether is Kim and Chrissy or Tootie and Fruitie, the rumors exist. Nene and Kenya keep playing off each other. We even suffer through Nene saying that Chis is a Bra-way actor. It gets rather ugly between the two. Cynthia keeps her mouth shut because she knows this is not a good look. Clearly none of these women have the requisite GBF or they would have walked away from this conversation at the least or pushed back on Kenya and Nene at best. Sheree is quiet as well.
The next morning, Kim tells us that Chris had to leave Jamaica early for business. She shares that Chris is an actor and singer who is transitioning into …….producing. I wonder if the producers coached her to use the word ‘ transitioning.’ Kim explains she had
Bravo Cynthia fly in a real director her assistant director whose name is Ham. Kim is acting like she is filming From Here to Eternity.
While Kim shoots Cynthia alone the rest of the group is getting drunk. The Ps show up with their asses hanging out. On the ride to the shoot, Phaedra harasses Matt about hs day in the “wet suite” with Kenya. Somebody is jealous, and this is Kenya’s payback for flirting with Apollo on her first season. Matt is very uncomfortable. Kenya says Phaedra is coming for Matt now that her man is on cell block B.
At the commercial shoot, since Kenya was left off the call sheet, she and Matt paddleboat out into the ocean. This seems to piss everyone off and Cynthia acts like Kenya needs to be right under her feet watching every little thing. Meanwhile, bad weather threatens. Kim can’t stop screaming. I can’t. Bob Whitfield has gotten his hair twisted for the commercial. As usual he tries to steal the show. Back on the beach, Matt tells Kenya about the situation with the guys and apologizes to Kenya for being too aggressive with the old men. I didn’t think he was out of line at all.
Later Porsha’s man from Miami shows up. Porsha decides this means they are getting married.
At the wrap party for the commercial, Nene arrives in a dress made out of white T-shirt material. It looks like she forgot her pants. Peter starts to work of the guys against Matt again. Matt takes Peter a Red Stripe and cuts in on some random guy to play pool against Peter. It’s a peace offering.
Everything seems to be ending on a happy note. And then…suddenly the conversation goes to why Chris isn’t there. The girls immediately start taking subtle jabs. Nene starts with, “He’s a dancer isn’t he?” and from there… things get worse. On the surface all of these things seem nice, but Sheree wants to make it clear that these women are being two-faced and subtly jabbing her husband. So Sheree says there were things said about her husband that weren’t very nice. Sheree says, ” Some of the things being said about your husband were about him being fruity or gay.” And everyone’s mouth drops. Because who does that?
Next Week: Kim is obviously very hurt by all the women. Will she go home early again? Kandi and Todd make an appearance (I just realized Kandi didn’t get paid for this episode) to do a food tasting for their restaurant with the Old Lady Gang. And the Jamaican vacation continues with some tropical hiking. And the truce between Cynthia, Kenya and Nene unravels.