At the beginning of GMA this morning at 7 a.m. (the things I do for y’all) Teresa was there live. I checked and she is wearing a different outfit than the one she wore for the taped interview we discussed here yesterday. TMZ ran one of their weird stories about how Amy Robach somehow beat out George Stephanopoulos and Robin Roberts in some sort of journalist brawl to get Teresa. In reality George wouldn’t interview Teresa if it was the only way for him to keep his anchor chair. And Robin would get out of it any way she could. ABC has no qualms about paying felons to talk about their crimes, but their morning anchors will not be doing the dirty work.
We begin with some specifics about Teresa’s crimes. They mention 39 counts on her indictment, but in actuality, it was bumped up to 41. They point out that she committed fraud over dozens of bank and the IRA to obtain over five million dollars. She points out that she pled guilty to multiple crimes.
Cut to Robach asking Teresa, IN HER HOME FILLED WITH EXPENSIVE FURNITURE, if she knew she was committing a crime. First of all what kind of dumb question is that? Teresa’s dumb answer was “No, I didn’t know I was committing a crime, the government saw it differently, I got sentenced, I got served time…”
And the cut to more package but before I go there, I’d like to make it clear to the idiots that Teresa Giudice is full of shit and lying out her lying hole. She went into several banks and sat in a chair next to Joe and said, “I work for a real estate company. Here is the W-2 from my employer.” Then she went to another one and said “I am an interior designer, here is my W-2 from the design company.” She did this at multiple banks live and in person lying out her lying liar hole. She lied to the bankruptcy court about her assets repeatedly under oath. She lied to her own bankruptcy attorney. And she kept on lying right up to the sentencing portion of the trial on the court documents about her assets. The judge who sentenced her was going to give her parole up to the point where TERESA KEPT ON LYING TO THE JUDGES FACE and that is why she did actual time. How hard is this to understand? She was not some fool that just signed whatever Joe told her to. She absolutely knew she was committing a crime. She is just a fool who didn’t think she would face any consequences. She’s a liar. She lies when her lips are moving. How can any of you believe she just signed some things that Joe told her two and had no idea how she had tens of thousands of dollars in her purse and moved from a house that cost $173,000 to one that cost MILLIONS of dollars or that they were doing anything wrong? How?
Segment One: The Taped Interview from Teresa’s fully furnished house.
Robach:: You went from Teresa Giudice the reality star, the wife, the mother to an inmate number. How did that feel?
Teresa: It broke my heart because, I was always, growing up (airquotes) the good girl (/airquotes) not wait more (airquotes plus super wide eyes) Always did everything right…”
Robach: Do you remember your inmate number? (Seriously? This chick may be worse at this than Andy Cohen)
Teresa: “Yes. 65703 -050” Fascinating
Robach: Your life was stripped down to the bare minimum, no makeup, purses, fancy clothes what was left when you were there in prison, with all of that removed? (I thought Teresa was going to irritate the piss out of me, but Robach is actually more irritating with these stupid questions.)
Teresa: It was Teresa Giudice (BTW she’s back to JewDice, she could never remember how to say JewDeChay anyway. She also seems very confused by this question) You know, the person that I am. Everything that you just said, I don’t need any of it. I was fine just being just who I am.
Robach: Some people would say oh you know you had it easy. You went to Danbury, it’s like being at the country club of jail. How would you describe it?
Teresa: It was no country club, I mean trust me, at all. I mean there was mold in the bathrooms, there was not running water constantly, the showers were freezing cold, It was hell, you know? It was definitely living in hell. (good)
Robach: What was the worst part of the experience was it the…
Teresa: Just being away from my daughters and jail.
Robach says in a narrative : She says sticking to a routine helped.
Teresa: I worked in the kitchen (I heard this job was in name only and given to her so she could eat with the kitchen help who ate before the rest of the inmates) I wiped tables three days a week, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, that was my job. I got paid 12 cents an hour, I spent it at the commissary. My first paycheck was $1.60. I mean the only thing they give you is toilet paper and maxipads. So I just bought my essentials. But I have to say the girls were amazing there, (cut to photos of Teresa with her fellow felons) anytime anybody new comes we all help each other. You think people are terrible that are in prison which is, I totally don’t think that way now.
Robach: Was there ever a moment you feared for your life?
Teresa: I wasn’t scared. It’s not like I was terrified. But you know, I knew I could hold my own. But believe me there was fights that went on. Believe me, they were trying to start drama with me, but, I walked away.
Robach: You’re used to drama.
Teresa: Um yeah, It was nothing like being on the Real Housewives of New Jersey, let me tell ya. And I thought Real Housewives of New Jersey was drama. Let me tell you, when you go to prison, it’s a whole different…there is a lot of drama.
(Taped narrative about her book)
Robach: You write about some of your bad experiences with the paparazzi, with the media, being unfairly targeted. But then why continue with the Real Housewives? Why write a book? Why stay in the spotlight? (Really, Robach. What the hell else is she going to do? Work at McDonalds? She loves the spotlight! )
Teresa: MMMMM, good question. Um, it’s my life now. It’s what I know, and I live in New Jersey, I live in Hollywood, so the paparazzi is not always staked out at my house. During this legal situation, that’s when the paparazzi came around a lot more.
Robach: Joe is facing 41 months. There is also the possibility he could be deported. Would you move to Italy with the girls if that ended up becoming reality?
Teresa: We’re just taking one day at a time. I’m just, you know, happy to be home. We’re just enjoying every moment, like living in the moment. We really are.
You can see more of Teresa’s canned interview tomorrow on Nightline. And Teresa is still standing in the wings waving and waiting to do a live interview in the next hour. It already is well into the next hour now because transcribing is a bitch. I am zipping through and they had Teresa stand in the hallway and wave like a pageant contest for an hour and 15 minutes at every commercial break before interviewing her.
Robach: Now that you are off house arrest, how does it feel to really be free?
Teresa: (who actually looks like she is over it before she even starts and is not nearly as fake happy as usual. Maybe all the standing and waving wore her out?) It feels great. It feels great to be home with my daughters, with my husband ( she had lots of lying tics when it got to the husband part. She didn’t mention him in the taped interview in any of the parts we saw so far) I mean even though I was on house arrest I was able to do things … I just hadda ..you know…I hadda let my probation officer…you know…let him know what I was doing.
The Live Interview
Robach: Now you can do anything you want.
Teresa: Now there’s no schedule. I can take my kids, you know, to all their activities. Cause that was my biggest thing. Like, I just wanted to drive them to all their activities.
Robach: You just wanted to be a full-time mom.
Teresa: (perks up) Last night I didn’t get home until like past eight! Driving them all over. Call me Ms. Taxi!
Robach: Part of your sentence was to pay back over $400,000 in restitution. In addition, your house at one point you was in foreclosure, tell me what your financial is right now.
Teresa: Restitution is paid off. My house is not in foreclosure anymore, Thank God! And you know, everythings good.
Robach has view questions: What lesson will you teach your daughters about your experience?
Teresa: Before you sign something, make sure you completely understand it and read everything. OMFG. Seriously? How don’t steal! Don’t lie? Take responsibility for your mistakes. Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time? SOMETHING.
Robach: Before you left for Danbury, you told your younger girls that you were going away to write a book. You didn’t tell them that you were going too prison? What will you tell them about Joe leaving? Joe is uh, spend the next three and a half years in prison. He leaves next month. Will you tell them that their father is going to jail?
Teresa: (Teresa looks irritated and has since she sat down. She is more irritated now) No. No, we said, “Mommy’s gonna go to work first, and I told them mommy was going to write a book and I had to live at camp, which I call prison, which is prison obviously. And I had to go through the experience and that’s what Mommy was writing about. Then we said, when mommy comes home, then Daddy is going to go to work. (What is Daddy going to do at work for three years? Does she really think the girls don’t all know she was in prison? Does she really believe they don’t get made fun of at school about this? What you are teaching them is that mommy and daddy lie. And they both went to prison.)
Robach: I know that, um, Joe is your childhood sweetheart. I’m curious how this experience impacted your marriage. You said “Don’t sign anything that you don’t read first.” Do you in anyway blame Joe for what happened to you?
Teresa: No I don’t (she says half-heartedly). There was, there was legal people around us also when I signed those papers and it’s something that happened. I’m not going to look back, I’m just going to move forward. And look at the future. (Yes, the legal people were your bankruptcy lawyers and the papers you signed swore that the assets and liabilities you listed on your affidavit were true and accurate to the best of your knowledge. Your attorney verbally instructed you concerning what you were signing, and again, you felt you would not get caught, so you lied. A lot. To the INTERNAL REVENUE SERVICE. Big mistake. HUGE.)
Robach: What impact has this had on your marriage?
Teresa: If anything, I mean really it’s made it stronger. (ya know I almost typed that before she said it. I just didn’t know where to put the “you know” an/or the “like”) It really has. I mean, you know, and we’ve been married 16 years. And it’s going strong.
Robach: So you’ve been home for a little over a month now. After you got home and hugged your family, and did what was important, I want to know what was the first luxury you treated yourself to that you have been denied when you were in prison?
Teresa: Just spending time with my daughters. That’s it. That’s all I wanted to do. (pause) and ….spend time with Joe (It was super early when she got up so maybe she is just sleepy but it seems like she is medicated to me. She was shaking her head no throughout this entire answer. A definite body language sign that she was lying. You know, other than the whole lips moving clue. )
Robach: That makes a lot of sense. I want to know what were the things OTHER THAN YOUR DAUGHTERS that you dreaded most when you were in prison that you would have to live without? (She’s asking the convoluted questions trying to get Teresa to say something like “my new Lexxus!)
Teresa: Being there? (the question was too long for Teresa to follow. I’m being serious) Just my daughters. (long pause) and Joe. I didn’t care about the food, I didn’t care about anything, I didn’t care, I didn’t care about the clothes, and you know, I didn’t care. I was fine. Not wearing makeup everyday, I just missed my daughters.They’re my life. I mean I live for them. It’s amazing, you know, like after you give birth…like…it’s like…you know… you can’t live without them! ( Shaking her head no through this entire answer. So what she is saying is I wanted better food, I had some chick tailor my prison uniforms to make them fit me, another chick did my hair and makeup. It was living hell.)
Robach: And yet you had to for 11 1/2 months… How did you pass the time. We heard about in our piece before you sat down that you had a job in the kitchen. But you also had a lot of other freetime on your hands. What did you do? (Look, Robach, it’s been snowing here for 15 minutes that is about as long as we usually get. I want to take my dog for a walk in it, either wrap this shit show up are start asking some decent questions! I’d like to get this up so other blogs can steal my hours of transcribing like the little cunt satchels they are and enjoy the fucking snow! )
Teresa: I worked out three times a day. I did yoga. Yoga changed my life. I’m going to get certified in Yoga. I just went to my first class. I did a lot of Pilates. I did a lot of running. We had a great track. Thank God for that. You know, we were able to go outside.
Robach: A lot of this will be detailed in the 7th season of Real Housewives. How much will you show about your experiences?
Teresa: Yes. Um, um, I’m an open book. So I’m so I’m gonna share my whole life. And when you read my book you’ll see. I mean everyone is going to get to know me from my upbringing to you know my twenties, to when I got married to when I gave birth… and you know, how it was when I was away. And being on Real Housewives of New Jersey.
Robach: She asks how she is supposed to pronounce her last name. ( I can’t believe this woman went to school and gets paid for this)
Teresa: JEWDICE (Robach rattles off a couple other options) Teresa says that is the Italian way but know body knows how to say it so Joe and I are fine with JEWDICE. (Translation: I wanted to sound more Italian when I was doing my cookbooks but I could never remember to pronounce it the new way so we just said, “Fuck it” and went back to the real way.)
And it mercifully ends. And I am going to post this right after Banjo and I walk in the snow! Which we did.
So this was not as bad as I thought because she didn’t get asked anything we did not already know. What did you guys think?