Kristen Doute Explains Why She Is Now Banned From PUMP!

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On WWHL (was that really just last night?) Andy asked Kristen why she was thrown out of PUMP over the weekend.  and then let her wiggle out of the answer because he already knew!  I NEEDED TO KNOW, ANDREW! I WILL NOT BE IGNORED!

Well now we know.  NOW. WE. KNOW. Lisa Vanderpump hates AMERICA ! That is what happened. I am  channeling my inner Camille Grammer now, dammit. NOW . WE . SAID. IT!  Lisa Vanderpump has defiled  America’s  Fucking  Treasure  (SWIDT?), Kristen Doute.  Okay, maybe it was the  sweaty,  twatty-faced pipsqueak  busboy defiled her, let’s not dwell on that. Because, AS GOD IS MY WITNESS I shall NOT allow this travesty to stand! Oh NOE. Not TO DAY. No Siree Bob Johnson!

That little (what is the derogatory term for British people?) TWATWAFFLE (that’ll do though it might be more offensive to Belgians. Because, Waffles)  has chosen to side with the misogynistic, drunk. little ranting lovesick big girl’s blouse over America’s Treasure, Kristen. Please see below.

Kristen PUMP scandal

Well there you have it. Kristen AND THE LOVE OF HER LIFE, Carter (Is he the one with the beard?) were accosted by that pipsqueak dogsbody (Google it, I did) and that British boiler took the little pipsqueak sniveler’s side and BANISHED KRISTEN FROM PUMP FOREVER!

And, to make matters worse she was meeting the production assistant from WWHL  who was  there to have a business meeting related to WWHL!

I am so BLOCKING THE BRITISH BOILER!  Oh wait, can I do that? She blocked me during her legal problems. Whatever. We will start a change,org or buy our own gay bar and compete with her, or  well…  we will be doing something. But right now I’m hungry.

I tried to get Kristen’s attention on Twitter and I don’t think she is feeling my love for her these days. Nonetheless I shall defend her honor! I bet that little pipsqueak twathole was the person carted off in the Ambulance Sunday night from PUMP!

Lisa Vanderpump can go eat a bag of dicks.

mama elsa this disturbs me mentally


But while we are all devasted and outraged by this tragedy against AMERICA. Kristen has a date with the man of her dreams and she’s all like…





Filed under Dumbasses, Entertainment News, Lisa Vanderpump, Vanderpump Rules

48 responses to “Kristen Doute Explains Why She Is Now Banned From PUMP!

  1. AustralianFanofTT

    I think the best term for james is “Little Wanker” .. that is derogatory in both the UK and Australia.

    • O.O

      Yes , I like that term and can’t wait for TT to use it in a sentence but then again I’ve been waiting for her to say her famous “and maybe a monkey will fly out my butt” line for over a year so maybe she won’t use “little wanker”
      I know this is terrible but I hope James got beat up because he puffs up like a big tough guy as if he’s not a little weasel .

    • Actually as a Brit and Mother to two 20 somethings i believe the common parlance is FUCK OFF YOU DICK SPLASH, just a heads up. I quite like it.!

    • U.K., Australia and Lala. She said it wouldn’t fill her large condoms she’s got in her bedside table…….this of course assuming Lala counts at a cuntry (ala Erika Jayne).

  2. Realityjunkie

    Why does she continue to go back to Lisa’s restaurants after being told several times she’s not welcome?

    • tamaratattles

      ARE YOU NEW? She is at PUMP all the time! She had a Bravo meeting there! Then THAT LITTLE DRUNKEN WANKERDOODLEDANDYBOY affronted the lovebirds as they merely glided across the floor to a BIDNESS MEETING!

      This is a matter of God and Country. And if you are not with God and Country madam, well …sit down.

      • Realityjunkie

        No TT far from new. And I don’t give a horse’s ass that you like her. It’s interesting the levels of crazy you seem to adore. It explains sooo much. Enough frigging restaurants in LA, she can eat at one where the boss doesn’t want to wipe her ass with her face.

        Ps James has always been a major pussy but Kristen is all levels of “dotish”. Shit. Why am I so invested in these bitches. I’m out!

  3. JoJoFLL

    Who is Carter?

    • tamaratattles

      The love of her LIFE! GAWD. We don’t need all these question while the British invasion is being carried out in Hollyweird!

      (I think it might be the beard guy, or he one before and/or after the beard guy. DOES IT MATTER RIGHT NOW? no. NO. it most certainly does not!

      • jennbug

        Kristen is really into the bearded look now, huh? Kevin(?-Jax’s friend), Aleks, now Carter. Must be refreshing to be w/ a guy that can actually grow a beard after James & Sandoval.

      • We Brits simply cant help it, its wired in our DNA. We come, we like, we conquor. The old Colonial spirit just keeps on keeping on….Be grateful, show us the respect we deserve, how dare you make such a fuss about our most wonderful and revered LVP? Im totally affronted by the lack of respect on this blog……..I must retire to the parlour and take tea and scones and try to overcome the shock of all this nonsense.

      • tamaratattles

        Well, if nothing else, you have given us “dick splash” and for that term, but not the actual dick splashes, we thank you. And just between you and me, we seem to be headed for a period where we may be ripe for colonization once again.

    • Jo

      His name is Brian Carter, goes by his last name and yes he’s her boyfriend/guy with the beard. If you go by her IG, looks like they have been together for about 6 months.

      • tamaratattles


        I have to go listen to Teresa Giudice tell us she didn’t do anything wrong for the third time in 15 hours now.

        I’m going to need y’all to develop and action plan. I say, since this is an international incident it should involve Washington. I’m thinking a Million Fan March on Washington For Justice For Kristen! I’ll be back in an hour or so to see how plans are coming.

        Oh and we will need like a million and a half wine glasses. We should order those ASAP!

  4. What blackmail fodder does that little peepee boy’s mother have on our Pinky?? If I were retired, I would start picketing Pump!!

    • Something just struck me when you said that. Didn’t LVP at one point say that she did not know James’ parents when James had said that his parents were quite famous so of course Lisa and Ken knew them. Then, on the last VPR, Lisa is talking to Max and James and says that James’ mother called Lisa and asked her to give James a job as a bus boy. Do perfect strangers call up restaurant owers and request jobs for their children?

  5. V

    no worries i’m sure this is all for a good storyline for the next season of vprules. Everyone knows Kristen’s worth.

  6. ZenJen55

    Maybe we should call Nancy Grace!

  7. Sheba

    I assume this was not written by TT? My Gawd….

  8. jennbug

    Don’t get me wrong, I love me some Kristen crazy….sooo much better than earlier seasons during the Reign of Stassi. Anyhow, Lisa has asked/told Kristen several times now to stay out of her restaurants especially when James is around. I think it has more to do with James and his irrational, misogynistic behavior. It causes drama and if the cameras aren’t rolling, she doesn’t want any part of it. (that second part just IMO)
    Also, I may have missed something but LVP didnt seem to be overly hateful toward Kristen in the dentists office. I thought she was more annoyed w/James & his inappropriate texts to the girls….that he was reading to his BOSS & his attitude toward her. I don’t remember anything unnecessarily rude about Kristen….later on she wasn’t happy to be greeted by her ass as she walked into a LAUNCH party, but I don’t think that’s the first thing I’d like to see walking up a flight of stairs.
    And seriously, we all know Lisa never really fires these fools but WTF does ex-Mrs. Kennedy have on her that she’s keeping baby boy around? Didn’t Lisa already admit the women weren’t that close???

    • jennbug

      Oh also, couldn’t Kristen have had the meeting elsewhere? If it’s not being filmed, why even chance the aggravation, Kristen? Whole thing is a little off to me basically.

    • Lisa is fine with us hate watching James as long as we watch.

      • My personal conspiracy theory is Lisa V and James’ mom were great friends when Max and James were hellion toddlers. James’ mom begged Lisa and probably blackmailed her into giving James a bus boy job and on air time on Vanderpump Rules.

  9. Wonder what Lisa’s side of the story is? Regarding James – no fight if you don’t participate. Kristen is not known for her composure.

    • jennbug

      I agree, but she has seemed more composed this season w/ regards to James trying to egg her on and her fighting with the others. That’s my point though, she and James (or Tom or Ariana) would constantly argue and get all messy and I took it as Lisa was sick of that. James is still an employee….unfortunately. And majorly unhinged.

  10. Erica

    I thought she was still dating Aleks??? (Per her last WWHL appearance…. not last night but the night before that. I don’t know… I might have been drunksy)

  11. tamaratattles

    So I’ve typed yet another 3,000 word essay on Teresa Giudice in the past two and a half hours and y’all have done fuck all for the cause?

    Did anyone order the wine glasses? The buses? The fucking T-Shirts? Kristen loves her a T-shirt !
    I presume we don’t need to call Al Sharpton or Jesse Jackson they will just show up. And if they show up Phaedra will show up and if Phaedra shows up, the Kim Fields will show up.

    Let’s make that two million on the wine glasses. And make them plastic

    Y’all suck at this.

    • But what if someone gets really riled and throws their plastic wine glass in someone’s face, and it cuts their lip, and causes lots of trouble we don’t need. And it could possibly be me slinging one right square into at least one of Phaedra’s faces. I suggest red solo cups, even though I know how you hate them, but they are very safe and Kim Z uses them, and she is very cultured…well, at least she thinks so. Plus, the color red already makes a statement and we could decorate them with markers with Kristin’s name and hearts and flowers…and even glitter for some added sparkle. Some could even say “eat a dick”. Shit, we could even sell them on ebay after all was said and done…give Kristin a little revenue. I’m sure she could use it, I don’t know how well her t-shirt line is doing, which could be a bad sign in itself.

      SEE, I can get caught up in the fantasy of clearing Kristin’s name and reputation. Notice, I did say “fantasty” :)

      • Mousie

        Hey friends – not clear on what all went down with Kristen and Lisa V – whether it was something that just happened TONITE AS IN REAL TIME – or if she’s referring to something that happened on VRules that we will see down the road. Who knows. According to Kristen, the whole incident of her supposedly being “banned” occurred AFTER James got “in the face of her — Kristen — and/or Carter” – OK HERE’S THE THING… I could see that happening from a few points of view. For example, it could set a trigger off in James off to see Kristen with Carter, especially w/James’ problems with alcohol they have both said on the show and/or insecurity/jealousy and/or a combination of all of the above — that prompted it, or maybe Lisa V. may have just realized maybe after months of incidents between the two of them, that it would be best to just “ban” Kristen from the bar during hours when SUR is open, so that if/when James is working, everyone can rest assured that Kristen will not be disturbing him during work hours. Who knows? In most of the scenes depicting arguments between the two of them, he seems to be the one trying to provoke her anger. I haven’t seen the latest episode from Monday night yet, just stating what I’ve seen so far, a bunch of crapola from James that stems from his insecurities,, etc., whatever. I don’t know. What happened with her and Aleks? Kristen had alluded to something in I think a talking head tonight that sounded like the date she had with Aleks was interrupted – does anyone else know if/how it was? I thought it was kind of gross that she was telling him that basically she was about to pass out, we had company right then and I didn’t hear anything else about VRules that night. Thanks for any help and ttys.

      • tamaratattles

        Gingersnap, with all of the Felons by Bravo churning in and out of prisons nationwide, and Mob wives keeping their beatdown game tight, I’m a bit overwhelmed. I am profoundly impressed with your devotion to this cause. The red glittery Eat A Dick solo cups are beyond my wildest expectations. I am now officially putting you in charge of the Million Fan March for Justice for Kristen. Good Luck!

    • Jo

      I did happen to get a little tipsy out of my giant plastic wine glass but no, I didn’t purchase any for a Kristen Cause this evening/morning. TT, I must say though, if Kristen doesn’t appreciate your love for her this season, I do. I don’t find anything Kristen has done the past two seasons to be particularly out of the ordinary of a jilted/ broken hearted ex. Do her sincerest haters have no concept of how reality tv works? She knew what producers wanted, therefore she fully embraced her crazy. I don’t remember if you said Lisa can eat or suck a bag dicks for kicking Kristen out, but I agree wholeheartedly. Maybe if I tweet her that, she can block me too :)

  12. Mousie

    I don’t see an article yet abut the RHOBH episode tonight — HELLO, IF YOU NEED A HWS WRITER, PLEASE CONTACT ME OK THANK YOU!!! — the bottom line seems to be that this year, producers working on RHOBH are totally stretching out storylines for at least two episodes, sometimes three, so far……… I mean, hello, the Hamptons did NOT imo deserve more than one episode — it’s not even in Beverly Hills — and neither is Barfenny…argh…at a time when Erika wants to, I believe Erika will tell the other hws that in fact, during their walk on the Malibu beach, Yolanda had asked Erika what happened after Yolanda left Kyle’s “non-bbq,” (Erika did tell Yolanda so far — we see in editing, anyway — that after Yolanda left that night, Kyle and Lisa V had a conversation about Mohammed’s views on whether or not Bella and/or Anwar have Lyme Disease.) At that non-bbq (what did they eat, anyway?) event in Kyle’s back yard, Lisa V. made it clear during table conversation with Kyle Mohammed had said simply “No” in regards to whether or not he KNEW if Bella and/or Anwar had Lyme Disease. We all know that women (even if they are in hospitals getting treatments themselves) know more about husbands when it comes to the health of their children, etc., duh…lol. So both Lisa V and Lisa R have been implicated in this “chatter” and it’s really Erika who has been blabbing gossipy-ish crapola to Yolanda…. Who knows who will fess up first, and from what I can gather from other viewers/posters — I think this season is so heavily edited that it’s hard to tell what’s up, other than the aforementioned dragging out drama for two or three episodes…ya know? Take care and ttys.

    • tamaratattles

      Hi Mousie!

      It is so great to see our young people today with big aspirations for their future! We here at are very supportive of educational goals, and writing at TT is quite a lofty one for you. In order to reach this goal, I suggest you pay very close attention in your fourth grade English class next year. It will be super important to your future as a writer. Another area of focus for you should be reading comprehension. Grasping those basic literacy skills of identifying main ideas, supporting points and theme will be the building blocks for critical thinking skills like separating fact from fiction. A good grasp of comprehension is also a great foundation for learning how to present your written thought into digestible pieces. Seeing how literate people structure sentences and group thoughts into paragraphs is a great example for you to follow in your own writing. It’s a crucial step in acquiring literacy that moves emergent readers and writers out of the “word salad” and “word wall” stage of learning. Soon you will learn about punctuation and capitalization. This really is an exciting time in your life.

      In the meantime, I’m going to put you into moderation. Just until you get a bit older. Have a great day in school!

      P.S. Elementary school can sometimes be hard. Here is a little saying for the boys in you class to let them know that you are there to be a serious student. Hope you enjoy using it! “Boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider; girls go to college to get more knowledge!”

  13. Northeastgrl

    If you can’t get her attn on Twitter try Periscope. She’s on there 15 times a day.

  14. Josie

    I love the shitshow that is Kristen Doute but out of all the restaurants in California she decided to go to Pump? With her boyfriend while James is working? When they arent filming? When she knows that she is not on good terms with Lisa? Kristen was looking to start nonsense.

    The restaurant is LVP’s livelihood. I wouldnt want drama in my restaurant when the cameras are off either. James is a wanker but he does work there. She doesnt. If someone needs to go…

    Despite this, love your crazy ass Kristen!!!

  15. Us Brits would call him thus:

    lanky streak of piss
    Dick head
    Nob head
    Tit Head
    Shit for brains
    bollock wagon
    Nob jockey

    Feel much better now i got that off my chest :)

    and LVP – (pretentious) bitch…….simples

    • tamaratattles

      Blooshter,on behalf of this great nation, we thank you. Perhaps we could return him to you where he might comprehend the language better?

  16. DJYelpyYelp

    From Yelp:

    I went to Pump saturday night with some friends to celebrate my husbands birthday. Dinner was good and the ambiance was great. After dinner we went to the bar for some drinks and to meet with some friends joining in to celebrate with us. One of my girlfriends and I had both been to Sur Restaurant, some time ago and had seen many of the people from Vanderpump Rules including Tom, Lisa & Ken and many more. They were all so gracious and we even took some pics. When we saw James Kennedy DJ’ing we went to say hi and asked for a picture. My friend asked if he was still dating Lala. James says no, then goes onto saying inappropriate things, including “I just like to eat women’s p___y.” WHAT???

    My friend in an effort to let James know this was inappropriate extended a finger toward his mouth as to say shhh, don’t talk like that. Well, this sent him into a rant. He started saying the rudest things including calling her f’ing old and said if she didn’t go to the bar and buy him a shot he was going to have her kicked out. He was such a jerk, so rude and made my friend feel so bad. I quickly said, let’s go and he again said if you don’t go to the bar right now and buy me this shot, I am going to have security kick you out. Unfortunately, my friend wanted to leave… and so did I.

    First of all, if being 43 is old, then we will take our old selves and money elsewhere. No one should be made to feel bad. James is toxic. I choose to believe that James is not a good representation of Lisa Vanderpump or her brand. I hope I am correct.

    For now, I will not be returning to Pump.

    • janet

      Wow! How awful for your friend. James didnt seem so bad last season when he was with Kristen. If he wants to be a success, he needs to control his mouth and not say everything that pops into his head. I think James maybe cant handle his liqueur. Coke makes a person thirsty and want to balance the high with a depressant. I remember Kristen saying James tends to become verbally abusive when drunk. I think thats what your friend got, and because she wasn’t thirty anymore, he got nasty and didnt want to be bothered.

  17. T D

    Codpiece. James should wear his ala Dr. Lecter. ” Lil’ Codpiece, Grandmaster Fishstick, Moss Bunker of DJ’s.”

  18. Buddhistgirl

    Okay, am I to believe that Kristin has somebody on her side? Interesting…is it the train wreck/ good t.v aspect to her personality? I understand characters making good t.v, however, she is delusional as to her part in every fiasco she creates,or inserts herself into.
    One real thing that needs to be absorbed universally,what you think, believe,and live is what you manifest…Kristen created a relationship in her mind for Tom S.& Ariana..aka:The Smartest Person she knows! ( is that any wonder?)
    I grew up in Hollywood,I was “on the scene”,and it was damn difficult to get barred from any club or bar.I eventually barred myself and moved countries to save my poor fractured liver.Kristin might need to hop countries too.

    • tamaratattles

      While my liver acknowledges the liver in you, Namaste. My brain wonders why your brain doesn’t recognize hyperbole. I can only assume that it’s because you’re new. My crazy has been namasting Kristen’s crazy for a couple seasons now. :)

      • Keep it moving

        “My liver acknowledges the liver in you.” Priceless! My top 20 favorite Tamara-isms is expanding to top 50. You funny.

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