Teresa Giudice’s Prison Tell All To Be Released February 9th

RHONJ Teresa Felon Book

Teresa Giudice’s house arrest ends on February 5th and there do not seem to have been any violations after narrowly escaping being late getting home from filming a night scene for RHONJ. Just four days later, Teresa will be on a book tour for her new book about prison life.

We have just found out that Teresa’s prison name was “Hollywood.”  We also discover that there is lots of lesbian sex in prison. Who knew?

We find out fascinating details like Teresa worked out a lot in prison and that she learned to read. Well, The New York Daily  News article says she read a lot of books. I assume that is not a skill he possessed before prison. Teresa discovered that work of literary genius, The Secret which inspired who to make a vision board. My favorite part of the article is this, “Among her vapid wishes for the future: Earning $40 million to “take care of my girls and help needy children,” making her own yoga DVD and a Florida beachhouse.” And the part where they say that the People writer who did the ghostwriting, ” perfectly captures Teresa’s oft-whiny voice.”

Teresa and Joe Giudice

Teresa also discusses her strip search upon entering Danbury and a second one after Gia was tweeting on her account and she was accused of having an illegal cell phone.

She also discusses having someone tailor her uniforms to look cute for her fellow inmates, and her prison glam squad that would do her hair and nails in exchange for commissary items.

It appears that a lot of the book will be about her witnessing sex acts and fantasizing about Joe. She also includes how happy she is not to have to wear prison underwear anymore and being back in her leopard print thongs.

I wonder how many idiots will actually buy this book and put money in her pocket? Please identify yourself in comments so that we might mock you.

61 Comments

Filed under Entertainment News, Real Housewives of New Jersey, RHONJ, Teresa Giudice

61 responses to “Teresa Giudice’s Prison Tell All To Be Released February 9th

  1. Cat

    Um…no, thanks. I think I’ll pass.

  2. susan

    Nothing about missing her children?

    • Ruthie

      Good point, Susan. And no introspective revelation that she did wrong and is sorry for her acts.

      • JoJoFLL

        I’m not sure if the Son of Sam law applies to this because it was a non violent felony but you cannot profit off your crimes. New Jersey has strict SOS laws.

      • JoJoFLL

        Forgot to add that legally she may not be able to address her crimes in the book.

  3. SB

    What’s the point in buying this book? All the good bits will be blogged about anyway. But if these are the highlights, zzzzzzzzzzzz.

  4. S.Hughes

    Nor supporting criminals!

  5. susan

    I can see a made for TV movie. Opening scene Teresa gets her hair did – trade for Raman noodles.

  6. marc

    An audio book maybe; would love to hear her pronunciation of words she never wrote…

  7. Minky

    She (the ghost writer) makes it sound like she was running the prison. Yeah, she’s totally reformed. Tsk, tsk, tsk.

  8. Angel(?)

    I can’t wait to curl up with a bottle of fabellini, a holy cannoli cupcake, and this book!

  9. Re: her “voracious reading” –

    There are books and there are books.

    See Spot run!
    Run Spot, run!

    I’m sure Mrs. Giudice was indeed an avid consumer of material of that ilk. One has to start somewhere!

    • fivecatsownme

      Be charitable ericzku, Archie and Jughead and Betty and Veronica go to the old malt shoppe. Shades of The Renaissance Man.

      • 5Cats! There you are! I hadn’t seen you around in a while and I was afraid you’d disappeared. Did you go on vacation? I’m glad you’re back!

        (And yes, I should be more charitable. I’m sure Teresa is beyond the “Sally, Dick, and Jane” reading level. I imagine the prison library was liberally stocked with Harlequin Romance-type tomes that she could boar her way through – assuming she’d stop and sound out the big words like “bodice” or “manhood”.)

      • fivecatsownme

        At least she was reading. I can just see her moving her lips and sounding out the words. Wish I had been on vacation. I’ve been a little under the weather.

  10. Victoria Jefferson

    The point of the book is to put cash in their pockets…won’t be making a purchase.

  11. Do you they have it on Kindle?? Nah, I’ll wait till it becomes a Lifetime movie. hahaha

  12. microop

    The cover is too glamorous. She should have posed in her jumpsuit.

    • Minky

      Or, she could have posed just like this, but with a fellow inmate in an orange jumpsuit doing her hair and makeup. That would have been an artistic interpretation of what she claims went on while she was in prison. Mmm hmm. Yah. Stupid, stupid, stupid Teresa.

  13. timtoodles

    Nope. No way would I buy that book! I refuse to contribute to that fambly.

    I hope it bombs but expect it won’t.

  14. naa

    It’s no Prisoner of Cell Block H

  15. I simply have no sh*ts to give. Not now or ever. However your mileage may vary.

  16. Dee-AZ @jordan1022

    Not in this lifetime. We ought to take bets on how the book will do. I would like to see her stumble through the interview.

  17. Sweet T

    Someone needs to read it and review it. I read a lot and one day decided I am going to read all the housewives books. Didn’t make it very far. I read kyles book which was fine. Brandis books were horrible. The first one wasn’t so bad but the second one consisted of chapter after chapter of “I slept with this guy who was famous but I won’t mention his name”. I didn’t finish it. Alex McCormack book was weird and I couldn’t finish it. Then I just stopped and gave up on housewives books.

  18. beth

    Is Teresa allowed to go on selling Fabellini? Watching the latest Mob Wives episode earlier today, with Big Ang lamenting that she was forced to close her bar because as a felon she is not allowed to operate a bar, I wondered about Teresa selling Fabellini – is it allowed because Fabellini is a wine and not hard liquor?

    • Besides being the bar operator Big Ang probably had the liquor license in her own name too. I don’t think you can have one if your a convicted felon… Teresa on the other hand doesn’t have a liquor license to sell her bottled delusions.

      • beth

        Wow, that’s insane. Big Ang can manufacture liquor for sale to bars, but can’t be a bar owner … smh

  19. iloveearlgrey

    “Please identify yourself in comments so that we might mock you.” ROTFLMAO. I <3 you.

  20. ingrid

    I figure if I read it in the bookstore it will lose me within about ten minutes, but by then I may already be finished,

  21. @immelza

    So do we all need to take up a collection to get TT this book (and a couple boxes of wine) to get this so she can read it and review it for us? I need a TT review of this garbage!!

  22. TheArtistFormerlyKnownAsYoya

    I will read it when someone uploads the ebook to a torrenting site, like I did Melissa Gorga’s. I am not giving her a cent!

  23. Denine

    I thought the photo had her wearing her ankle monitor. I guess those other photos are photoshopped.

  24. Sliceo'pie

    I will not purchase this book however in the interest of full disclosure, I admit I purchased, “House of Hilton” on Amazon for $1.00. Ok, I over-paid. I like to read junk while I’m on my elliptical! Makes the time go by faster! (And boy, this was junk)
    I initially speed read through the parts about Conrad Hilton and then just skipped straight through to the chapters on , “Big Kathy” “Little Kathy”, Kim and Kyle……(hangs head in shame…)

    • I have House of Hilton on my kindle app too but haven’t read it. I also admit to having Brandi’s books, or the first two (not sure if there was a third). I just never read the second. I also have Andy’s books.

      • erikainhb

        Karma I confess to having those exact same titles on my Kindle too. I admit to enjoying mindless drivel but even I have my standards. Big NO to Teresa….but I too would love a purple pen version. Lol.

    • erikainhb

      Standing next to you…head in shame as well.

  25. Katherine 2.0

    Kindle gives a free sample, but I am not sure I even want the title on my beloved Kindle. And don’t feel bad, Sliceo’pie, I have one of Teresa’s cookbooks.

  26. gapeachinsc

    OK y’all! Mock Away!!! Just kidding!

  27. natalie

    Yeah, would like to read the book. Trash TV and a trash book, they hand and hand. I will try my best to obtain it illegally.

  28. Lawstangel

    I read this review last night and thought about it before I commented. What irritates me is on Tre’s vision board she aspires to “help needy children,” does that include the children whose parents lost their retirement or college fund(s) in their 401ks because Tre needed to look like hot shit on television? Or people who now cannot retire due to the loss of value in their retirement funds? She wants to take care of her girls? How about just love them and be there for them? Instead of giving them an unrealistic expectation of how to live and that “stuff” is more important than anything else. Then she allows them to believe they are more important than others (Milania?) in this world by the way they behave and treat people. Gia aspires to be in the public eye rather than to use her education to do something in this world that would contribute to society. It’s aggravating!

  29. Pip

    I would actually buy this book, regardless of where the proceeds go. However, I doubt it’s an honest account of her experience. I really don’t think Teresa is capable of being honest. And I don’t have a desire to read a sensationalized story that probably has a million holes in it. I am sure Teresa wrote what she thinks people want to read. However, what I really want to read is her confession and honest account of how fricking scary and awful jail was.
    I’ll pass.

  30. Spilledperfume

    JoJo, I quickly looked up the Son of Sam law for NJ and since Tre doesn’t talk about the crime(s) she committed in the book she would receive the profits. The law is meant to stop criminals from profiting from their crime. It’s worth looking up since it explains the law in detail and how other states have adopted it.

    • tamaratattles

      Something we have explained here many times. :) She also won’t be able to talk about how she didn’t do anything wrong because XYZ. The majority of her book will be sad tales from her childhood plus a little of the Danbury experience. If you want to know what Danbury is like, Read Orange is the New Black or Out of Orange. The second book doesn’t have a lot Danbury in it either, but enough to still be worth the read. OITNB is really good as a longish book on tape. It’s great for a car ride.

      Waiting to Exhale is still the best roadtrip book ever IMNSHO. It got to the point that each time the chapter title was read “Savannah” or “Robin” or whatever was read, I’d start cracking up right there. Also, you are dying to get back to the story of the other three women while listening to the fourth. Your long car trip will fly by.

      • Dee

        Waiting to exhale was good!!

      • beth

        The SOS law is loosely defined apparently – she is selling a book sub-titled “From Housewife to Inmate and Back Again”, which applies only because she committed crimes.

      • SusieQ

        She doesn’t discuss her crime in the book so it doesn’t apply. If she was writing about what she did and how she did it then the law would apply. Sam Berkowitz wanted to publish a book about all of the people he shot and that’s how the law came to be passed. If he wrote about being a mailman he would be able to receive the profits.

      • SusieQ

        Thank you for the book suggestions TT.

        I love the IMNSHO. That’s a classic. 😉

  31. I wonder if her book comes with crayons.

  32. I think this is my first comment on TT ever, but I thought someone else would notice and remark on her left leg.

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