Top Chef Recap: Who Is Jacques La Merde?

Top Chef

It looks like I will be dropping Top Chef from my recap list.  I just noticed that these recaps are pulling in less than 25 comments each! When did you guys stop watching this show. Also I just noticed there is a guy on this episode called Jacques La Merde.  WTF? That literally translates to Jacques the Shit.  Okay, I just googled and apparently  it is a very popular anonymous Instagram chef whose reveal on tonight’s episode was a big deal.

Back on the show, Kwame tells us that ten years ago he was a drug dealer and that was a time he really didn’t want to remember  and that is why he underperformed. This has got to be Phillip’s week to go, right?

Karen and Marjorie are the last two women to survive the annual Tom Colicchio vagicide.
Top Chef Isaac


The quickfire is an Instagram challenge. This is where Chef Jacques La Merde comes in. It is ridiculously funny to hear Padma keeping saying that name that would be bleeped on French TV.  Chef Merde uses the word soigné a lot on the Instagram account. It means elegant but apparently it is used a lot by chefs who have given it another undetermined meaning. Chef Merde appears in silhouette and speaks with a voice moderator.  The chefs have to make a “soigné” plate with snack food. They are simply plating, not cooking.

As it turns out Chef Shit is Christine Flynn. The judges for this challenge are the Instagram viewers. I wish I had some Oreos. Phillip annoys everyone taking forever to take his photo.

The judge for the elimination challenge is someone Phillip knows.  There are three teams. They have to make a meat dish, a seafood dish and two sides. There are no plates or utensils. Everyone eats with their hands. Kwame, Karen and Carl are a very strong team they are also the only team actually making beef. The event is called Beefsteak!. Amar and Jeremy are stuck with Phillip. Isaac, Marjorie and Chad are the third team.

Isaac is making a sausage that is forty percent bacon and sounds amazing.  Phillip, Amar and Jeremy are up first. They liked Phillip’s  lamb, they said the other dishes were too dainty for the event. Looks like Phillip is safe. Next, the judges love Isaac’s sausage, until they tasted it. Someone actually said there was not enough fat in the sausage. How much bacon do these fools need? Again the fish dish is too dainty. He should have left it whole. The microgreens actually pissed them off. Tom loved the bread and the pickles. They love Kwame’s shrimp but the beef again is too dainty for the event. But that was their visual reaction. When they tasted it, they loved the beef and Kwame’s shrimp were overcooked and salty. OMG! We can’t lose  Kwame!

Judges Table

Karen won the quickfire and immunity. Even she was surprised. Phillips team won. And so did Phillip. Isaac, Marjorie and Chad are in the bottom. Marjorie is safe. I think Chad might go home for his microgreens. And he did. Those microgreens really pissed the judges off.

Next Week: Brings a two part restaurant wars challenge, with only eight chefs.


Filed under Entertainment News, Top Chef

55 responses to “Top Chef Recap: Who Is Jacques La Merde?

  1. top chef is my favorite show on bravo! so sorry you are thinking of dropping it from your blog! i have so much trouble with your site tamara! it slows down my computer to crawl….

  2. Margarett

    Sorry to see that you are going to eliminate “Top Chef” from your recap list. I love the show and will miss the recap.

    I hope you and Banjo have a great weekend. How is that baby?

  3. Jaded

    I love this show even the silly stuff like the Instagram plating. I was surprised the chefs didn’t really get the beefsteak concept. Phillip is that little kid on playground that keeps saying Mom, Mom are you looking? Mom, did you see that? He’s annoying. I really like Kwame, Isaac and Marjorie.

    • Pip

      Haha! You are right, Jaded. Poor Phillip… He did not get enough attention as a kid. He really is an annoying guy.
      The judges all seemed wasted. Padma especially.
      I love this show too, Tamara. I always read the re-caps, but I don’t always comment. I hope you continue to cover this one. I will try and comment more. ?

  4. Zazu

    Yeah, I love it too. It’s just not that commentable, so to speak. Much more to dish about with the other shows.

  5. Love Top Chef – esp when the judges look like they’re partying, lol. Yes, not a lot to comment on tho’, so I see your point. I wish you would recap Survivor – still loving that show all these years later….would love to see if we agree on Jeff Probst-isms.

  6. Dee-AZ @jordan1022

    Love the show & recaps. I even enjoyed last nights episode of recipe of deception.

  7. Yeah, this sucks TT. I love Top Chef and love reading your recaps and comments. My life took a serious nose dive last September and it’s still messing with my the shows I really want to watch. I saw last nights, but missed the last two weeks, and have been out of the loop, but trying to catch up. Anyway, If you close the recaps, let me at least say: I want either Jeremy, Isaac, Majorie, or Kwame to win. Okay, that’s a lot so let me narrow it down to three: Marjorie, Kwame, and Jeremy. Now two: Marjorie and (this is a tough one) Kwame. Winner: Marjorie! I think Marjorie wil win and I wonder how wrong I could be :) Actually, I just had to keep Jeremey in there as long as I did is because he is HAUTE and that may have swayed my votes his way a leetle tiny bit!

    Also I’d like to say it will be sad that you won’t recap the episode when Phillip finally gets kicked off. That would have been a great blog to read no doubt. Every week I want him gone, and every week he hangs on, and this week he wins. Where’s the justice in this world? Snot on a rock? Potato salad whipped cream foam? Passing the buck…basically lying? Oh well, he’s not going to win for sure, and I guess that’s really what matters:)

    Thanks for all you do TT, and for the fabulous entertainment you always provide, regardless of the blog or recap.

  8. Denine

    I look forward to your reviews as I don’t see every episode in real time.

  9. Aerin

    I love too chef, just don’t typically have much to add. Also this season isn’t drawing me in as much as other seasons. I think it’s because of the weird scheduling.

  10. Ingrid

    those were some drunk looking judges, please dont stop recapping, I read every one! It is just that they are not full of as many crazies as the other shows! Still great to read.

  11. Wallace

    Ah, yes – we must at least have you come back to recap the episode when Phillip packs his knives and framed photos of himself.

  12. amisteree

    I love Top Chef, but I really love your Top Chef recaps more…actually, I just really love your recaps. : ))

  13. stopandstartover

    Noooo. I’m commenting to say “save the recaps!”

    That is all.

  14. Rose

    Noooooo! Don’t drop the Top Chef recaps. I didn’t get ask the guys over Chad’s microgreens. Isaacs sausage sounded amazing and Kwame’s shrimp looked really good. I actually thought the mystery chef was going to be a kid, male kid.

  15. BeetsWhy

    I have watched every episode of this show from day one, I love it! I loved this episode, plating junk food and a beefsteak dinner! I wish they would have embraced the concept more and I was surprised that Phillip was the only one who did and that was a measly lamb chop! Why chicken ever came into play in a sausage at a beefsteak boggles my mind as well as dainty greens and tiny fish fillets. They need a do over.

    • Wanda

      I love watching Top Chef! The chefs really missed the mark this time. It’s like they got instructions for an entirely different event.

      Chicken sausage = bland = no flavor = no thanks

      Kwame has had more than one messup by now, so he has to get his act together and bust out a great dish.

  16. Let me chime in to voice my own disappointment about your stopping re-capping Top Chef. Noooo!

    The way my schedule is, on Thursday nights I don’t really get to watch TV (or at least the shows I like if I do) and don’t have time until Saturday or Sunday to catch up on the shows on DVR.

    I do read the re-caps though, but I guess I don’t really comment much on them because I guess I think, “Why bother commenting on a post that’s not ‘fresh’? Will anyone even see the comment?” Probably wrong-headed though.

    Well, like others I’m looking forward to Philip being told to pack his knives and go…and occasionally remembering Garrett.

  17. We all can’t wait for Phillip to go. Hopefully, he’ll learn something (I think not). I’ll miss your recaps of Top Chef. Now I feel bad about not commenting more as I am a very avid reader of all your blogs. :-(

  18. lauraannb

    Love the show and your recaps TT…

  19. Deb in SF

    I admit that this season has not captured me, and since Project Runway Jr is on an opposite station at roughly the same time, I’ve just stopped watching Top Chef. Maybe next season will get me back.

  20. Queen of the Nile

    I’m trying to diet so watching Top Chef this season would be torture. Hope to catch it next time. Like Deb, I’ve stuck with Project Runway Jr. — helps me visualize the clothes I hope to fit into again – LOL!

  21. KK

    I have not yet read your recap except that you’ll be dropping Top Chef from your line up. I’m an avid follower of your blog but have only commented once before – quite the introvert. I watched this episode of Top Chef yesterday afternoon. For me it was as much entertainment, if not more, imagining your commentary as the show itself. I hope you are able to keep posting recaps of Top Chef , if for nothing else than the total joy when Phillip finally packs his knives and his delusions.

    I do enjoy your posts immensely. Thank you.

    • tamaratattles

      Y’all are right. I have to blog about Phillip’s demise. And we never know when that will be! I was really hoping for this week! :) It seems to me like they were starting a redemption arc this week. le sigh.

    • Michelle

      I will giggle at this all day! THANKS!

    • “Jack Shit” even. LOL!

    • Oops, hit “post comment” too soon.

      I was going to also say: in this case, it’s accurate to say that I don’t know Jack Shit!

    • Dee

      Cat! God love you, you are hilarious!! You and Maisey are two of the funniest people. That is not to say others aren’t funny but the two of you plus of course our Queen Tamara are worth reading here every day. I laugh, I howl, my husband comes to see what I am laughing at, MEN pffft.
      I read every single post always keeping in mind the commenting rules. Don’t think you have to comment all the time. love to you Tamara!!

  22. Michelle

    I was waiting to watch before commenting. And how Phillip pulled this out of his butt I don’t know but I hope he is gone sooner rather than later.

  23. Please do not stop the recaps for this show. Top Chef is on my top ten!

  24. Jane

    Watched it since the start. some of the challenges are stupid, but like project runway, it’s a chance to see talented people perform and get recognized. I stabbed a knife in my heart when Phillip won, but gotta admit meat on the bone was the way to go. It’s hard to believe they didn’t like Isaac’s sausage… I do… I digress…since he makes them for a living.

  25. I still like Philip. My husband can’t stand him. We thought the instagram chef person was just dumb. Not much to comment on other than it was unbelievable that nobody understood the concept of beefsteak.

    Oh and I wish the quick fire winner was never revealed until after the elimination challenge was complete and they were at judges table. It keeps everyone on their toes.

  26. judilu

    I did not think the micro green were such a big deal until the judges went all anti-micro..

  27. Donna

    I like Philip, I thought I saw him compete on Guy’s Grocery Games, switched channel Richard Blah was a judge.

  28. Jim

    Please continue recapping Top Chef! The best part of the episode was (hot single dad) Jeremy doing push-ups in the morning with his feet up on the nightstand. Unfortunately he wasn’t shirtless (or pantsless!). Grrrr.

  29. My mum hates Phillip so much she has stopped watching until he is eliminated. It looks like she won’t be watching for a while.

  30. SwimMom

    So glad you’ll still recap Top Chef. I’d comment, but I’d sound like a broken record. I always find something about Padma that irritates me. Don’t figure everyone wants to read that each week.

    Thanks for recapping!

  31. Stephanie

    I love Top Chef?? Been watching it every year since it came out! Love you too TT. I was sad to see Chad go but happy it wasn’t Kwame. Kwame has been messing up the last 2 episodes and I’m worried as he was a front runner.

  32. Meg

    Longtime reader who never comments chiming in to say I love the top chef recaps! Would hate to see them go!

  33. Just wanted to say I love Top Chef and I love your recaps Tamara. I just saw in the comments you are going to continue recapping – YAY.

    I’m cheering for Marjorie this season. I’m totally blown away by her breadth of talent: Tom called her the best baker they’ve had on the show, she won a challenge with a desert (which is very rare. Alot of these great chefs suck at deserts), and she’s won challenges with regular meals too. Fingers crossed she pulls out the win! Second on my list is Kwame

    Philip is a bit annoying but in general the cheftestants aren’t that bad. Or rather they all look good relative to the average housewives cast. But that might be one reason this show doesn’t garner as many comments too lol

  34. Katiealex

    Sorry tamara . Really love your recaps and read them vs watching any of the shows! Thank you for doing a wonderful job!

  35. Bridgett

    Top Chef is my favorite Bravo show, but probably my least favorite of your recaps, as we are too far apart on many of our views. I do read most of your TC recaps, though.

    • tamaratattles

      The only way we can be far apart is if you are a Phillip fan! (Or worse a Wesley fan, or even worse…a Unibrow fan…) But even so, it’s about the food, so I don’t see how we could argue THAT much. :)

      • Bridgett

        I don’t see the Tom Colicchio down on female chef side, but again a different side of him is shown in LCK.
        Definitely not a Philip fan!!
        Regardless, I still read your recaps?

  36. tamaratattles

    um the Tom Colicchio vagicide EVERY FUCKING SEASON is well addressed universally on the web and not an OPIONION but a FACT.

    Remind me again how many females are left?

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