I’M BACK!!! The past week has got me feeling like Teresa Guidice pre-release. No wifi + a broken phone = basically prison. Sans the orange jumpsuit and mugshot on TMZ. BUT STILL, it was rough you guys. Thanks to queen T.T. for understanding and stepping back in. We’re on the second episode of The Real Housewives of Potomac, and we’re back to the classic topic every housewife of every franchise just LOVES to discuss, etiquette!! Etiquette is a really weird word if you stare at it long enough. It’s a similar parallel to RHOP, the longer you watch..the stranger it becomes. By now you’ve probably all seen the episode and suffered along, so let’s get this over with, shall we?
Back at Charrisse’s wannabe fancy crab boil, Karen and Charrisse are still at oods with Gizelle. The best Karen can come up with on the spot is to call out Gizelle’s ‘fake hair’ and completley dismissing her. Upstairs, Charrisse is giving Drunk Aunt the rundown. Charrisse says Gizelle and Kal showed up at her house and went 0 to 100. She says Gizelle brought her ‘sidekick’ upstairs who Charrisse had never met before. Charrisse says Gizelle disrespected her by doing this. Later, Gizelle pulls Charrisse aside to clear the air. Charrisse thinks this is her moment, and really goes for Gizelle. She basically tells Gizelle she was too loud and obnoxious upon arrival, and that she’d never seen her act like that before. Charrisse felt insulted by Kal, as he immediately commented on the state of her hair (which was a mess) and offered to fix it.
Katie and Robyn (and kids) arrive at the party. They both sit outside and eat and stay away from the drama. Katie has the cutest son in the world. Back inside, Gizelle decides to “get her grip” and leave the party. But not before she can call Karen a combination of nicknames like Josephine Baker, Lady Eloise, and Diane Von Furstenberg (the designer of the dress Karen supposedly is wearing..chosen by her “stylist”)
Before Gizelle can make it out, Karen and Charrisse throw a few more jabs in. Karen calls Kal the help (again) and calls for security.
The next day, Katie has a Rabbi over to her house to discuss the Hebrew naming of both her two year old daughters. She’s planning an informal naming ceremony at her house. She opens the door and the Rabbi literally does a double take. Cut to a talking head of Katie – the only other black jews she knows are Sammy Davis Jr & Lenny Kravitz. They have tea on her back porch, which looks over a golf course where many “celebrities” play. By celebrities, she means President Barack Obama, and his VP Joe Biden. Katie really wants to impress the Rabbi. She says she doesn’t want to seem like a “bagel and cream cheese jew.” Bless her heart. At the naming ceremony, Katie invites a group of friends. Gizelle and Robyn are both there. Gizelle arrives late, and says in her talking head she didn’t realize Jewish events actually start on time, and thought they were “like black people and could arrive 45 minutes late.” (her words, don’t shoot the messenger!) Katie’s boyfriend Andrew has a small part in the ceremony as says a blessing. After the naming ceremony, the ladies sit around a table and have a discussion about being african american & biracial. Gizelle and Robyn both comment people confuse them as caucasian women frequently. Katie is proud of being biracial. This seems to be the second favorite topic of conversation, right behind etiquette. It’s absolutely relevant to what’s going on in in the world today, I’m just not sure if these should be the specific ladies leading the conversation.
Over at Karen’s house, her husband’s Aunt Dot is paying a visit. Aunt Dot is supposedly THE etiquette queen. Aunt Dot arrives at the house with a sour expression already on her face. In a standard four-door sedan. The mother of the black Bill Gates rides around in a Nissan?? Aunt Dot don’t play. Aunt Dot’s rule is tea must always be served “piping hot” or it will be sent back. I suppose it’s also proper etiquette to burn the fuck out of your visitors tongues. Karen’s younger daughter is sitting with the family throughout this and seems refreshingly normal and fun. She’s off to college soon and Karen says she wants her to major in something specific so she gets paid well. AKA don’t go to art school.
Next up, we meet the final piece of the RHOP puzzle, AKA the spring chicken in the cougar’s den – Miss Ashley Darby. Ashley is hosting a charity event called “Sip with Socialites” where the bar tab goes to a specific charity. Ugh, any group of women who literally have to print on a banner the fact they are socialites, definitely are not socialites. I’ll try to look past it for now. Ashley is a former Miss District of Columbia and is currently married to a 55 year old. A 55 year old apparently with a very active and large penis. Gizelle calls her a THOT. Such etiquette. It’s a bit much for a woman you just met…but to be fair, the 26 year old spring chicken was spouting off about her husband’s penis size to a group of women she just met. She doesn’t help herself any by dancing/gyrating on Robyn. Robyn tells Ashley to stop humping her, and that she’s been around white people too long. Ashley and her husband are planning on having a baby (okay, girl) and she wants the baby to be either a Gemini or a Libra. Yep, she’s definitely a Bravo housewife. So far Ashley is my favorite. She’s giving me OG Brandi Glanville vibes. A little rough around the edges, full of liquor, and tons of fun.
Finally, Gizelle is planning a lunch to clear the air with Karen and Charrisse. Gizelle recruits the help of her two young daughters to help write letters to the ladies. Gizelle sends a car to pick up the ladies and gives the letters to the driver. Gizelle even brings flowers to the lunch. So much ass kissing going on..all over Karen’s stolen seat, and Charrisse being upset someone offered to fix her hair. They both read the letters in the car and don’t seem impressed. They both make fun of the letters. They arrive both with sour-puss faces on and sit down. Karen and Charrisse really both think they run this show. I wonder if they had to wait until filming was over to find out they were the crazy idiots of the season, or if it’s only being played out to them now. They both sit and bicker over some TRULY ridiculous BS (again, a seat at a dinner table, and the crab boil “drama”) and decide to leave. Charrisse simply can’t waste any more of her precious time. If the rumors are true, she could definitely use the free lunch so I don’t know why she’s going anywhere. Karen lays into Gizelle for a bit, but I can’t stand to stare or listen to Tina Knowles’ evil twin any longer.
Tune in next week for: more etiquette talk, more discussion on race, and hopefully more Ashley & Gizelle! Follow me on twitter for more ridiculousness – @bennayy!!