Vanderpump Rules Recap Hawaii: Nipples, Nipples, Nipples!

Pump rules hawaii


by  Guest Contributor Xanadude

Discussion topic for later:  Is VPR “the best days of our lives,” as proclaimed in the theme song, or a “brief, stupid moment in our lives,” as stated by Kristen? Take out your number two pencils, open your blue book, and remember to show your work!

On to our recap:

The Hawaii contingent has landed, and based on their behavior at the airport and on the plane, SURvers are those people you don’t want to sit next to on the plane.  Jax plays grab ass before the flight, but since all asses look the same to Jax (it’s like ass autism), he grabs Katie’s instead of Kentucky Brittany’s.  Katie doesn’t care, though, as it’s the most action she’s had in a while – she and Schwartz have not had sex since the engagement (remember the failed drunken attempt after the engagement party?) and she’s beginning to get cranky.  Schwartz later says that they are just saving it up for the wedding night, when they can just “splurge,” before catching himself and realizing what that sounds like.  On the plane, James and Lala make out.  James wants to join the Mile High Club.  Lala shoots him down.

Once in Hawaii, Jax says the perfect vacation would be Drinks, Steaks, and Blow Jobs.  On this trip, the couples are rooming together, except for Faith and Lala (who are sharing a bed) and Max and James (we aren’t shown if Max has separate accommodations from James).

pump rules hawaii tom ariana


Prior to the trip, Ariana’s mom sent Ariana copies of the text between A-Mom and Scheana.  As predicted, Ariana’s mother said something very innocent along the lines of “Is Ariana okay?” Scheana then proceeds to trash talk Tom and expresses “concern” about how Ariana has changed.  This is not what Scheana told Ariana and Tom – she claims it was A-Mom who said bad things about Tom when clearly Scheana was the one saying them.  Ariana and Tom are pissed and plan to confront Scheana.

LVP and Ken are shown at Casa de Pinky worrying about Max.  Ken says that Lisa is worried about nothing and Max will take his medicine and not drink.  Lisa is concerned because…James, who she calls “erratic,” which is like calling the Donner Party “a little snack in the woods.”

At dinner, things start to Go To Hell.

Sandoval, as one of the birthday boys, has planned the outings for the group.  Several people don’t wish to partake, which is fine.  Scheana at one point cackles like a crazy woman and the editors lovingly make sure that it is played in its entirety.  Ariana makes a toast to the birthday boys (Sandoval and Jax) and James takes that moment to thrust his tongue down Lala’s throat.  This upsets Jax, who wants Lala, but has a girlfriend sitting three feet away from him.  Jax wishes Kristen were there and that James wasn’t, but he says it in a passive aggressive Jaxy way, “James, you need to control your woman”, setting James off.  James leaves to smoke a ciggy and Max trails after him.  No one cares, as James has obviously been foisted on this trip by production and Pinky.  Jax, realizing that he will have to contractually interact with James (and therefore Max, the Boss’s Son) for the next three days, goes over to make nice.  James, not wanting to go home before pounding Lala (his words, not mine.  I’m not that vulgar.  Really.  Stop that giggling.  I’m NOT vulgar.), makes nice with Jax.  Max is feeling the effects of mixing his medicine with alcohol and is in a stupor in which he will remain for the rest of the episode.

Ariana and Tom confront Scheana about the texts between her and A-Mom.   Confronted with the lies and generally skeeviness of the entire situation, she screams “You guys are trying to put words in my mouth!” to which Tom and Ariana respond “No, I just read your words!”  Shay is visibly upset at this and grows ever more ashen faced before feebly defending his bride, who doesn’t know how to respond when confronted with her own lies and bolts from the scene.  For once, she doesn’t want it to be all about her.  She does a sorry/not sorry and leaves, causing everyone not involved in the conversation to giggle nervously.

gif: T.Kyle RealityTVGifs

gif: T.Kyle RealityTVGifs

Later..or the next day…or…I can’t really tell since I don’t think these were filmed in sequence…James says he is going to HAM Lala.  HAM apparently stands for “Hard as a Motherfucker”, and I’m grateful that James told me that since I forgot my English to Douche Translation App.

The next morning Katie (who sleeps in T-Rex PJs.  Really) and Schwartz skip the morning workout to contemplate taking Bieber induced ass selfies on the balcony and to receive a beautiful bouquet of flowers from LVP.  Cue call to LVP to thank her!  LVP takes the moment to ask about Max.  As far as Katie and Schwartz know, he’s fine.

At the workout session (Jax and Brittany, Scheana and Shay) Scheana and Brittany bond over their mutual anti-Lala stance.  Jax is wearing a relic from his early 30s, the sweatband he wore in the Olivia Newton-John “Physical” video (because Jax is really in his late 50s) and thank G-d he has it on, because he starts guilt sweating like crazy when Brittany proclaims that she thinks people who flirt with other people’s boyfriends are disgusting.  Oh Brittany.  The number of things you will be disgusted by involving Jax by the time your tenure on VPR is over will be numerous.  Just be thankful he is not flirting with other people’s boyfriends in front of you – but, then again, we haven’t seen any rich older men from Miami arrive yet, so…but I digress.

pump rules jax kentucky hawaii
On the couples hike, it is mentioned that Sandoval raided Indiana Jones’ closet.  This is low hanging fruit and I’m not going there, so please, please, write your own What Did Sandoval Find in the Closet joke here.

Ariana proclaims Lala’s boobs are being “unscandalous,” so when Jax confesses to have seen them earlier, he thinks it’s ok. It’s not OK.

We now have dueling narratives, as we switch from the hike (which ends up in a lake with a waterfall) and Scheana, Shay, and Katie on the beach.  Katie’s fiance  Schwartz ditched her to go on the hike with his SisterHusband.  Note this.  It is important for later.

On the beach – a No Alcohol Allowed Beach – Scheana and her recovering(?) addict husband sneak alcohol in in tampon containers and sunblock bottles.  Not making that up.  Sheana encourages her recovering(?) addict husband to get drunk, just not noticeably drunk.  Fuck her.

gif: T.Kyle RealityTVGifs

gif: T.Kyle RealityTVGifs

Everyone discusses the texting between Scheana and A-Mom.  Scheana’s spin is that she’s just a caring friend, and, like, Ariana’s, like, not even her best, like, friend anymore, like, Katie is. Katie beams at this info.  Katie and Ariana have bonded because both of them are in relationships with pussywhipped men.

Brittany confronts Lala – Lala admits to flirting and crossing some lines but calls out Jax’s lies about the nature of his relationship with Brittany.  Lala enjoys watching Jax squirm and decides to hold back the entire truth from Brittany so as to spare her feelings.  Jax is appreciative of this, but, as we will find out later, not SO appreciative of it as to not take things a step further and lie about Lala to Brittany.

Pump Rules Jax lala

Lala and Faith take the opportunity at the waterfall to go topless.  Katie thinks that her engagement is threatened by Lala’s nipples, but the guys are appreciative, Ariana doesn’t give a fuck (again, I really dig Ariana), and Brittany is so enthralled by Jax that she doesn’t notice.

Later (?) Back at the hotel, Max drinks some more.  James rationalizes it.  Max is totally spaced out as he receives a call from his mother.  Slurring his way through a short conversation, he assures her everything is fine.  The boys are joined by Faith and Lala.  Faith is wearing these really gross grey hair extensions which need to go.  Schwartz goes to his room to talk to Katie and they argue over Scheana and the A-Mom texts. The argument doesn’t last long, as neither have the memory span of a guppy.

pump rules katie and schwartz

Dinner. End of Day One.

Shay is still drinking and Schwartz is still talking about all the boobies he saw that day. Katie is still threatened by wild boobies, but no one cares.  Lala thinks Katie is threatened because Katie and Schwartz don’t have sex, and when they DO have sex, it’s not “interesting” sex.

Scheana makes it all about her and proclaims that, on the subject of Faith and Lala’s topless waterfall escapade, “You don’t do that in front of other girls’ boyfriends,” which is true, because if you are Scheana, you only fuck other married women’s husbands.  #eddie  Max clearly LOVES the nipple talk, and everyone toasts to nipples.  No joke.

gif: T.Kyle RealityTVGifs

gif: T.Kyle RealityTVGifs

Jax proclaims his fidelity and loyalty to Brittany and Brittany proclaims her trust in Jax.  Jax, not knowing when to shut up after Lala clearly did him a favor by not telling Brittany the extent of Jax’s Jaxiness with her, says he never did anything and Lala is a whore.  Lala takes offense and pulls Brittany aside for a talk, telling Brittany about the time Jax said, repeatedly, on camera, in front of Scheana and Kristen, how much he wanted to fuck Lala.  We are treated to blue tinged flashbacks showing this.

Jax then does what Jax does, and lies.

Brittany is clearly one of those hideous “blame the bitch” women, who, when their men cheat, blame the other woman.  Lala leaves frustrated because Brittany just doesn’t get it.  Brittany pulls Jax aside.  Jax lies some more, forgetting or not caring it is on tape.  Scheana comes over and (remember her previous pledge to be anti-Lala?) covers for Jax, saying that all SHE saw was Jax squirming and she definitely did not hear what Jax said (clearly forgetting that we all saw her reaction shots to him saying it).  Lala leaves, muttering to herself about wanting to just be alone right now.

Next week:  More Vacation (Keep those Bingo Cards on Hand!) and the return of Stassi.  Also, and not related to the Return of the Beast, I will not be recapping next week’s episode, as I am treating El Esposo to a Trip for a Milestone Birthday he is having.


Filed under Entertainment News, Vanderpump Rules

80 responses to “Vanderpump Rules Recap Hawaii: Nipples, Nipples, Nipples!

  1. “Ass autism”

    OMG X-Dude you are the best.

    • Queen of the Nile

      Xanadude, best recap so far! So many LOL moments … especially loved the “English to Douche Translation App.: Still giggling over that one. :-)

  2. Matzah60

    Such a great recap, Xanadue! Your quips about the SURvers and their cringeworthy behavior is hysterical! Thoroughly enjoyed read this recap and truly have to say it was much more entertaining than watch the episode!!

  3. therealdeb

    I am so hating on Scheana, she is a fucked up catty cunt. I had tried to look beyond and for give her snotty attention grabbing shit but to flat out lie about Lala is utter crap, and for her to create such drama with Arianna’s mom is so sleazy. Because all the Attention is not on her husband and her she has to make it about her, i am so over the bitch now and wish her nasaly valley girl whiny voice would go the fuck away! And who the hell wears a corset to work out, where I come form you wear work out clothes not shit for a steampunk convention. I still stay with my opinion os Arianna being more mature and less bullshit than these vapid bitches, she has handled this new crap just fine. To be all bent about boobies is funny, if you are secure in your relationship it shouldn’t matter… And really, let those boys get a look at boobies that don’t come iwth a whiny voice and or a mopey attitude, they deserve a little happiness. Lala can be a little much sometimes but for her to be thrown under the bus is crap, and little miss Kentucky is the stupidest female to think Jax will be faithful to her. The only thing he is faithful to is his dealer and his nose doctor.

    • Dee

      Deb, I love what you wrote. Scheana is dumb. Beauty fades, dumb is forever! Or in her case dumb, selfish, needs AA, alledgedly :)

    • Hahahahah my sentiments exactly!

    • You said everything that I wanted go say and I totally agree.. Great and completely accurate recap. I don’t know which of these useless pieces of poop that I dislike more. Immature, self-entitled creeps are what Vanderpump Rules……….

      • therealdeb

        Scheanna is ignorant and arrogant and is turning into the one person she hated… Stassi!. Took me a bit to figure out why I was all of a sudden put off my her and then it hit me… Stassi. Lala is a very sexual person, and she is also a flirt and dick tease, and other posters kept saying she knew he was with Brittany, well Jax kept on lying. Jax is a lying liar who lies out his liar hole.. stole that from someone. I really feel badly for Faith, she seems to be being lumped in and i like her. James is a douche canoe and we all see it, I cannot for the life of me see what females find attractive about most of the guys on this show but we all have different types

    • Denine

      Given the fact that Stassi went topless and completely nude from time to time, you’d think Katie would let it go!

  4. Tp

    Lala is a whore. Jax is a lying asshole but she definately flirted and carried on with him a lot. And she did know about Britney. She is the one who needs every man’s attention, imo. She wants every guy to want her and every one of the guys looking at her constantly. Any girl who needs that much attention is insecure. The lame excuse about hating clothes is bs, it’s all about needing male attention. If I were Katie or any other the other girls with husbands, boyfriends or fiancées there, I’d be pissed too. Any woman knows that’s not cool, that is, if you care about being liked by any of the girls. Lala crying about everyone ganging up on her is bs too. Stop acting like a slut and no one will need to. Britney is put in a difficult situation. . she just moved across the country for Jax and she’s on vacation. What’s she suppose to do ? Lala is a super slut, if she’d go away, everyone could be happy.

    • BKSweetheart

      I didn’t think the topless thing was a big deal. They were a good bit away from the rest of the crew and keeping to themselves.

      Also in Europe people regularly go topless on beaches.. And not just lying out tanning, actually walking up and down the beach topless and don’t GAF. What are you going to do, tell some strange women to cover up because your husband is there? People need to chill TF out its a nipple. That whole thing from Katie just screams insecurity and jealousy.

      • tamaratattles

        Not to mention, there has never been a season when these people didn’t go skinny dipping en masse. Hypocrites all of them.

        Your post reminded me of an afternoon I spent on Blue Bay Beach in Curacao. It’s a Dutch island in the Caribbean. It was not a nude or topless beach per se and most people kept their clothes on, but not all. It was a smallish, beautiful cove and on the left side there was a doc where people did some snorkeling or diving. A woman who was at least 65 strutted all the way from the far right side of the cove to the dock on the left topless. I was trying to watch her without being obvious. Most people including the kids paid her no mind. I thought she was fabulous. The confidence she had as her boobs slapped each other and her midriff was amazing.

        The US is so uptight about nudity. Hell, you can’t even breastfeed in public anymore without prudes losing their minds. It’s crazy and uniquely American.

      • Lawstangel

        Maybe so but they were not in Europe they were in Hawaii and they (Lala/Faith) were not far away from any of them. I think the point is that Lala is just a different flavor of Scheana, narcissistic, it’s all about her and what she wants. Especially her PDA displays where ever, when ever with the disgusting James. What I saw in the Ariana/Tom/Scheana exchange was that initially she denied the convo with A’s mom but once they showed her the “evidence” she owned it, under the theory that she was entitled to her ever so perfect opinion and wasn’t going to apologize for it. As far as the Tom Katie ass pics, When Katie woke up Tom told her he had taken the Justin Beiber inspired pose while she was asleep the night before and he proudly presents them to her…Thbis is quite the group.

      • BKSweetheart

        I figured someone would say “well they weren’t in Europe” – that’s not the point. Do you think if they would have been in Europe and Lala took her top off, Katie would have been okay with it? No. She’s inherently uptight and insecure. She is the one scandalizing the boob and drawing attention to it, not the other way around. She was making a bigger deal out of it than the guys.

        Not to mention, Europe isn’t the only place people go topless. I’ve seen it plenty all throughout the Caribbean, Mexico and even Miami. Being topless isn’t my cup of tea but I have no problem with anyone else that chooses to do so. Then again my husband is an adult..

      • Xanadude

        Using the handy dandy search tool off to the side, I’ve found that in 2014 Katie and Stassi got wasted and topless in Cabo and no one said anything. Of course, Scheana was in the Lala Ostrization Seat at the time (literally – they left her alone at the bar to pick up the tab), but, beggars can’t be unclad whores, and all that.
        By the way, anyone else flash on Ronnie the Limo Driver spelling out TOPLESS whenever Lala is on screen, or just my warped Stern-infused mind?

      • Lawstangel

        @BKS- Well I guess I fell right into your trap with my comment. We just think different. I just didn’t think it was appropriate, particularly in this situation. I have been to Europe and Hawaii, as well as Mexico where I have a time share right up the road from Vicki, people do go topless, but only on designated beaches. They aren’t allowed to whip them out wherever. We are just going to have to disagree on this one.

      • BKSweetheart

        @LawSt – well to be fair, it’s not like they were sitting at the dinner table and Lala just whipped her tits out.. But whatever I see your point I’m just saying all that gasping and pearl clutching from Katie was OTT especially when she wasn’t even there to see it.

  5. Tp

    James is an idiot! He keeps making remarks about getting up in Jax’s face and saying that Jax is like a fly in his face. . ? He does realize that he’s a tiny peon of a boy , right? If Jax wanted to kill him he could snap him in half. He does have about 100lbs on him.

    • I think James is a bit of a James Dean wannabe, a Rebel Without a Cause, and all that. Oddly enough, they do resemble (to me anyway) except for the chin dimple that Dean didn’t have.

    • Shay

      Even Kristen beat him up.

      • janet

        A guy wouldnt hit a woman back, unless he wants to go to jail. James could have had Kristen arrested, but he didnt because of the double standard. If he had punched her back he would have been in HUGE trouble and his reputation tarnished as being an abuser. Its unfair but thats how it goes.

    • Did you notice how jealous Jax was at dinner when James and Lala were mackin”? He also was scared to death when Lala and Brittany were talking about him. I’ve said before, I think Jax could be bipolar.

  6. Jaana

    Wow I kinda feel sorry for Lala. Katie knows that Tom is only like 60% into her so she is taking out her insecurities on Lala. #JealousybyBravo

    • Plus Tom has cheated in the past. It’s more about her not trusting him. But what was more inappropriate to me is when Lala was topless in Lisa’s pool. And James biting her ass.

  7. Toddy

    Xanadude, you’re hilarious! Jax in Physical and in his 50s? Brittany must have some acting ability, because surely she doesn’t believe that horndog Jax would be faithful. Surely she watched last season…or maybe she thinks she’s the one he’d change for. Did Jax and Lala fool around at some point prior to Hawaii? It’s dangerous to mix meds and alcohol, but I don’t know that I’d want to be “all there” with those idiots, either.

  8. cobe

    This show is interesting if you watch it looking for the dynamics of addiction and alcoholism.

    Scheana is clearly an alcoholic, along with her friend, “Tequila Katie”. But to point the cameras away from her, she points her fingers at her nondescript husband. Meanwhile, in order for her to have a “victim” role, she needs to convince the same said husband to get drunk on a regular basis, thus, the tampons filled with tequila.

    If you can’t enjoy a day on the beach in Hawaii without hard liquor, I got news for you . . . you have a problem.

    When she states that Ariana is “no longer the same” and Sandoval states that they don’t “day drink” with Scheana any more, the dynamic becomes pretty clear.

    Anyhow, that’s my take.

    Oh! As to LaLa taking off her top? You go, girl!!! I am not exactly a LaLa fan, but she is dead right about the Tom/Katie thing.

    Besides, weren’t ALL of the girls in the cast taking off their tops AND bottoms just a couple of seasons ago to float together in an STD swamp together?

    • Spot on with everything you wrote, cobe and thanks Xanadude for a great recap.
      I think Sheana and Katie are pissed because Lala and Faith are now the young cute girls like S and K used to be. All the girls were constantly skinny dipping before this season, whether they were coupled with the boys or not.
      The idea of sitting on a hot beach and sneaking alcohol is nauseating.
      Earlier in the season, Sheana said she would leave Shay if he stopped drinking. He did finally get sober when we saw them on WWHL, so something must have forced her to change, or maybe not.
      One thing I agree on with Jax, I miss Kristen!

  9. Dee

    Xanadude! I hope you and your spouse have a great time! Very good, funny recap! Thanks so much. I am going to read again for all the laughs :)

  10. Katherine 2.0

    Very entertaining recap! Scheana not only stole Brandi’s husband, she’s stealing her life plan – boozy liar wannabe. I hope she gets it together and chooses another path.
    Where you going on your trip??

    • Kika

      AND I don’t believe for one moment that Scheana had no idea that Brandi’s husband was married. Not for an instant even.

    • Lawstangel

      I am not a Scheana fan but let go the husband stealing comments. Eddie told Scheana he wasn’t married initially. She only found out after she saw him a couple of times. It ended. She apologized. Scheana has plenty of other acts to dislike her over, but I am over the “stealing Brandi’s husband” BS. Eddie went on to have yet another affair and dumped his wife and kids to marry someone rich so he doesn’t have to work. He is the lying asshole.

      • cobe

        I second every word you have said, Lawstangel.

        It is impossible to steal someone’s spouse. It is only possible for the SPOUSE to break their vows.

        Scheana is indeed repulsive, but for other reasons than being an accomplice in Eddie’s deceit.

      • Katherine 2.0

        Lighten up, chicas. It was a turn of phrase to make a point.

  11. Shae

    lmao, great recap! So much wrong with this episode, I can’t even deal. I get why Ariana doesn’t give a shit about lala going topless but I also get why some women might see that as a respect issue. It doesn’t mean they don’t trust their men, it just would be more respectful if you kept your clothes on in the company of men who aren’t your boyfriend. I see and respect both sides, I think both opinions are valid. Lala could’ve handled that better, she didn’t need to say that anyone who has a problem with it must not trust her man. Not so.

    Jax continues to astound me. People who can bald face lie like that, knowing the evidence is on camera, really scare me. He did it repeatedly, confidently, over and over..while he knows damn well he’s full of shit and will be caught red handed. It defies all manner of self preservation, you ARE ON TAPE! Blows my mind, he is so beyond disgusting. He kept telling Lala that brittany wasn’t his gf, it wasn’t serious, etc. I don’t like lala, but she’s right there- he was adamant it wasn’t a relationship (until she actually showed up in LA). Gross.

    I hate when people behave like Scheana did. When you are confronted with your own behavior and choices, respond, don’t just lash back with “well you did x.y.z!” That’s fking irrelevant. Own up to what you did and respond/explain. She lied through her teeth then doubled down on the shadiness. If she was harboring so many issues with Tom, as his friend, why didn’t she discuss them with him? Why vent it all out to a third party then get mad when he and Ariana are offended?

    Bunch of immature, passive aggressive babies they are.

  12. sandra

    For the most part Scheana is production driven. She wanted more camera time and she got it.

    • Shae

      production driven = “attention whore” lol

      • sandra

        Yep, Shae it is, and production loves to help guide the attention whore to be their puppet.

      • Shay

        Production didn’t tell scheana to talk shit about her best friend Ariana and good friend Tom…to Ariana’s mom!!!! Katie didn’t read the messages and I bet Shay has no idea what she really does, either. Tequila Katie is coming out. What did Schwartzy do to have her withhold sex and say he’s not supporting her? That’s so manipulative. When I remember these people are in their 30’s and how at age 29 (I’m 37 now) I was on my second career and adopting 2 at-risk teenage boys it really makes me scared for society.

  13. Umm…real talk Scheana is a dangerous person! Your husband is an addict! I always say a liar is a thief is a murderer! All that lying…uh uh dangerous!

    • sandra

      janshell, I like you, that being said, murderer is a huge jump from a liar or addict. Real talk, do you really believe production has nothing to do with it?

    • Shae

      That was just gross watching them drink tequila out of nasty sunblock bottles. Couldn’t you have just used water bottles, or any soft drink bottle, if you absolutely had to have your booze on the beach?

      • Shae ~ At first I was thinking what you are thinking, but on WWHL, Andy asked about those bottles, and they are clean and empty decoys. People will always find a way to do their thing, legal or not.

      • Shae

        yes, gingersnap, i saw that too. That def makes it less physically grimey but still, I skeeve it lol

    • sandra

      Scheana is a fucking idiot! She will do whatever it takes to get her camera time. No, I don’t think Tom and Ariana are in on it, I think Scheana is a rotten, self-centered person and if she has to sacrifice a “friend” to get what she wants it’s not a problem. Shay probably drinks too much, but No, I don’t think he is an addict. Scheana is desperate for attention and to be the #1 female on the show. Thankfully we have our Kristen…..

      • S

        I’ve emailed back and forth with Shay and my impression is he’s really not an addict. Scheana runs what happens on the show….notice Shay wants to say things but doesn’t he mostly lets her talk. Scheana tunes him out unless the topic is her or what she has to say. Just saying.

      • tamaratattles

        Lock your doors, Scheana will be coming for you messing with her husband.

  14. Watching the Toms, Jax and Lala all remind me of the Hostess treats my mama put in my lunchbox as a kid. The entire cast is made up of Twinkies, Ding Dongs and HoHos.

  15. Shae

    Still bothers the shit out of me they keep harping on how Ariana and Tom won’t “forgive and forget” with Kristen. Ariana and Kristen were NEVER friends, why is she obligated to forgive this crazy ex of her bf’s and “forget” their past? She never liked her, they were never friends, she is 100% allowed to not want to associate with a person because 1) she never liked them 2) they acted batshit crazy toward her. Not to mention, why is Tom also obligated to forgive/forget all their shit? I don’t know any friends who would give their good friend shit over not wanting to be around his psycho ex gf if he could possibly avoid it.It’s beyond explanation.

    They do more than enough by being civil when they have to be near each other, you can’t seriously expect them to WANT to be or actively choose to. It’s nuts that the group is making them out to be assholes for wanting nothing to do with Kristen beyond the absolutely necessary.

  16. Poor Schwartz, he felt so guilty seeing Lala’s fake boobs he had to confess to her. THEN, he had to confess to Katie that he had seen Lala’s fake boobs. Of course, it was only because she got in the line of his vision, although from where I was sitting, it looked like he turned his head Lala’s way. Dude seems very uptight to me, and I agree with Lala, Katie needs to put out more, and maybe she wouldn’t be so insecure about other girls tits. Jeeze.

    I came away feeling like Scheana was out of line talking shit about Sandavol to Ariana’s mother. That’s pretty disloyal in my book, and not something a best friend would do. Tacky heifer.

  17. Mousie

    The whole thing with Scheana blasting Ariana and Tom to Ariana’s mom is just strange. Scheana should have just talked it out with Ariana and left Ariana’s mom and Tom out of it – whatever the dynamics are between Tom and Ariana are really between the two of them only. Scheana reminds me of girls who feel like they have to have a best friend side with them at all times. I do notice a big change in Ariana this season – she used to be really laid-back, laughed a lot, fun – lately she has been the number one whiner.

    • therealdeb

      I am reading that as her being a little more grounded and based in reality and not trying to be the 22 year old poptart that Scheanna is

  18. Shay

    Shay doesn’t have a pill problem. If he was abusing vicodin he wouldn’t be taking 5 pills a day. I’m in chronic pain and take oxycodone. It would be equivalent to 70-90 vicodin a day. Addicts typically take twice or four times as much as I do after a year or two. 5 vicodin? Its like someone saying they’re an alcoholic and drink upto 1/2 a wine cooler a day. Everyone would laugh.

  19. I don’t think that Katie really had that much of a problem with Lala going topless as much as the fact that she just doesn’t like Lala..She is just a messy girl & dare I say it, kinda Brandi-like.. And like Katie said, Lala does leads with her sexuality. This doesn’t make me dislike Lala, it actually makes me feel sorry for her (and sorry for her family and friends from home who are no doubt cringing, but that’s another subject). The problem with doing something for attention is that you really shouldn’t if you aren’t prepared for what kind of attention you are going to receive. Lala’s actions all seem to be so premeditated, as if she’s got this whole story planned out and when people’s reactions aren’t the scripted ones she’s looking for, she doesn’t know what to do with herself. It’s all kinds of pitiful.
    From the topless scenes, the over the top testing of other women’s boyfriends to the bleep-fest on WWHL….it’s just so attention seeking and sooo extra

  20. I find it very convenient that just as Katie is about to get a Wedding By Bravo, Sheana announces that she is her self-appointed best friend. Hopefully Kristin & Stassi can put the kibosh on Sheana’s maid of honor schemes. Knock her off her “pedi-stool,” girls!

    • tamaratattles

      I love this comment for two reasons. First, you successfully uncovered Scheana’s motivation. It makes total sense. And you called her out on the whole peda stool thing, which cracked me up when she said it.

      • Shae

        When I heard it I couldn’t quite make out if she had the word wrong or if it was just her hideous accent/pronunciation disability lol

    • Xanadude

      I’m making my Chris Pratt/Andy OOOOOOOOOO face right now, because you nailed it. Scheana can’t be the bride again, so she’s angling for that maid of honor position (and probably, being Scheana, godmother to the eventual Schwartzian spawn, who, inevitably, will be named Scheana Stassi Schwartz). Good call!

    • Lawstangel

      Kristen already laid claim to the be HBIC of Katie’s wedding planning.

      • Xanadude

        Which nicely sets up the wedding drama of Kristen vs. Scheana for the soul (or what passes for one) of Katie.

      • Which sends Sheana running back to her “true” best friend, Arianna. They should hire us to write their scripts. We broke the code. (p.s. I’m looking forward to Arianna’s “I told you so” dance)

  21. I am watching the episode again. Jax is so jealous of James and Lala and he makes it obvious. Also Jax is the alpha male, not James. Just remember that. But what I’m wondering is how they all could afford to go to Hawaii on a server’s salary? Does Shay have a job? Does Tom?

    • Lawstangel

      Bravo probably paid and got them some free promo stuff.

    • janet

      Something James has over Jax sexual wise, is youth. I think thats what Jax is jealious about, theres about a 15 year age difference and thats a difference in performance for sure with a man. I have a slightly different take on the Arianna and Tom tiff with Sheanna. Arianna’s mom ASKED. It wasnt Sheanna calling her mom up. Why was her mom asking Sheanna honest opinion and then blabbing it I have an adult son now, and I would never dream of asking his girlfriends friend about how they were doing. If I did I certainly would keep it private, but really why?. That mother needs to get a life!

  22. S

    On WWHL LaLa says she wouldn’t have sex with Jax and if Brittany knew his little secret she wouldn’t want too? Hmmmm , I’d love to hear that I’m sure it wouldn’t be shocking since its Jax…

  23. I guess I’m in the minority because I disagree about the Ariana and Scheana situation. Ariana’s mom texted Scheana and said “Hey in your opinion is she in a good place?” To me that DOES sound like Ariana’s mom was concerned about her and wanted to hear what was up. (It’s not like she texted her “How is Ariana doing?” Now THAT would be an innocent text). So it wasn’t just Scheana stirring up crap for grins and giggles. Scheana then proceeded to shyt talk Tom Sandoval behind his back but she didn’t lie about Ariana’s mom texting her and being concerned about her. And the idea Ariana is “different’ or at least more negative and angry has been expressed by Jax and Tom Schwartz too – not just dippy Scheana.

    People have rightly noted how easily Scheana throws around the term “best friend.” Ariana used to have that title and now Katie gets it. Yet does no one else find it equally sketchy that Ariana easily refers to Scheana as her best friend too even though she’s only known Scheana 3 years and apparently has nothing in common with her? Scheana is a shallow twit with dubious morals while Ariana is by her own estimation smarter, prettier and morally superior to everyone else in this cast. Scheana will be-friend literally ANYONE. She tried to be-friend Lala, she was briefly buddies with Stassi, she and Katie used to hate each other and now they’re BFFs. She doesn’t care how nasty someone has treated her in the past – she’ll be their pal if they will be hers. Scheana is a friend collector. But Ariana is a huge snob. So what drew her to be friends with someone like Scheana? Not just friends but BEST friends no less. I’m sorry but I can’t shake this impression that Ariana befriended Scheana with the sole intention of getting on this show. IMO Ariana is the biggest phony in the cast. And I think the reason she’s so sullen and angry now is because she is having trouble faking it now. She played the part to get Sandoval and become a regular and now she’s regretting it.

    I feel like people take sides in these comment sections much of the time but it’s not really necessary. It’s possible for Scheana to be a vapid narcissistic attention-whore twit and Ariana to be a deflecting, manipulative self-righteous pretentious hypocrite too.

    • sandra

      Tversky, You make a lot of sense.

    • Sliceo'pie

      Um, didn’t you just take sides-(clearly without realizing it) ..

    • janet

      I totally agree. Arianna does not seem happy at all lately, hence the mom asking Sheanna. Obviously the mom doesnt feel shell get an honest answer from her own daughter, went behind her back for the goods, and should have kept her big mouth shut. To me Sheanna did own it, and said she stood by what she said. Apparently shes in big trouble because she answered honestly and didnt give a puff piece.

    • janet

      I totally agree. Ariannas mom, to me is the problem. Why ask Sheanna about her daughter being in a good place, and then go tattle about it. Why not ask her yourself? She put Sheanna in a no win position right there. She just guranteed she wont get a straight answer from here on out from her daughters friend. I think Arianna is phoney and not so nice herself . She wanted to be the chill girlfriend and swallow whatever bullshit Tom is peddling, and I suspect its wearing thin. A bit of careful what you wish for. Whatever, if youre happy it’s not worth getting upset over, and the mom isnt buying the happy couple routine.

  24. Tversky— I think you really nailed it in your last paragraph. Two things can be true at the same time.

  25. I couldn’t wait for your recap. Jax was actually crying in his confession and I don’t think it was fake. Oye.

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