Dance Moms Recap: Not By The Hair On Abby’s Chinny Chin Chin

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We are back on the new season of Dance Moms which I thinks is going to be spectacular because Abby is in trouble with the FEDS.  What hasn’t been spectacular so far is the ALDC dancing. They showed up looking flabby and their dance moved seemed rusty but through the magic of television, a really dumb grow dance with Jo Jo inside a plastic ball managed to take first place from Broadway Dance Academy (BDA) with a great reinterpretation of the dance that the ALDC lost nationals with last year. Dance competitions, much like life, are not always fair.

It’s only the second episode and Abby is already showing her batshit crazy signs. She’s late for practice and shows up looking disheveled and futzing with her hair. She finally heads into pyramid and starts complaining that she doesn’t have any eyebrows. Look, I’ve never been on a reality show, nor would I ever, but if I were, I would be camera ready before I got in front of the camera and take care of all my crazy prior to arriving on set. Jill quickly identifies this as a red flag that the crazy returning. And she is right  something is wrong with Abby.

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Abby goes off on Mackenzie for her feet and posture and Melissa finally sticks up for Mackenzie since Maddie is not around to suffer from any blowback.  Brynn was on top of the Pyramid. Everyone else was barely acknowledged.

Kendell and Mackenzie have solos. Kendell’s solo is called “Meltdown” because she had one last week. MacKenzie’s solo is called “All I want to do is eat chips” because she said that four or five seasons ago.  Abby gives Nia a solo seemingly out of the blue. I could have sworn she said there were only two. Nia’s solo is inspired by Cookie from Empire. The winner out of these three  gets a solo in next week’s competition.  Maybe, you know how Abby is.

The group routine is “Hungry Like The Wolves” because Abby wants them to be hungry for a win.

Abby announces that she is going to forum a new mini-team with girls from 6 to 8. Abby has always hated the minis, she prefers juniors. But it makes sense for Abby to have their replacements ready because these girls are aging out.

In group rehearsal, Abby seems to be going after Mackenzie. Perhaps she is mad at Melissa about something?

The moms are shocked to find out about Abby Lee’s indictments on Good Morning America. She has twenty charges for fraud and concealing assets. Each count has a fine of $250,000 if convicted and she faces five years in jail.  If I recall correctly, it seems as though she might have used her mother to hide up to three quarters of a million dollars in assets from the bankruptcy court.  DOES SHE NOT WATCH RHONJ? Why do these reality people who put their lives out there for everyone to see, who have clearly visible income streams continue to attempt to file bankruptcy (in Abby’s case it was not personal bankruptcy, she was essentially restructuring her ALDC company) and LIE TO THE BANKRUPTCY COURTS?  The FEDS do not play.  Step one to going to FEDERAL PRISON is to conceal assets and lie to the FEDERAL BANKRUPTCY COURT.  I have a feeling we will see this happen again soon. #RhymesWithHooray!

After the girls find out, Abby seems to not know the news it out and gives no indication that anything is going on with her.

Holly is watching Nia’s routine, and while she likes the inspiration (Cookie from Empire) she says that a Jazz routine won’t win in Nia’s division and the choreography is not difficult enough for high scores.  Suddenly, Abby tells Nia to twerk.  Oh. My. God.  Really Abby? Nia smartly refuses.

Again, Abby goes in of Mackenzie during her rehearsal. Abby calls the dance “I just want to sit on the couch and eat chips” but what Mac really said years ago was “I just want to stay home and eat chips” Abby yells at Mac for getting the name wrong. Really Abby? Mac says she thought the name came from her interview. Production plays the interview from years ago for the second time. Mac is (more) correct.  Abby calls Mackenzie a “little smartass.” Mackenzie is crying with Kendall and JoJo. She doesn’t want to do the solo.  The scene ends with Melissa telling the other moms that Abby doesn’t want to mess with her right now because she knows too much stuff on Abby.  And I can hear the FEDS subpoena being sent to Melissa from my couch.

Apparently, Abby is going to make Kendell where makeup to look like an old person for her solo. Suddenly, Abby is being really nice to Jill and talking about how great Kendell is and then trash talking Mackenzie. Then she brutalizes Mackenzie in a tumbling lesson. Melissa is getting a taste having her kid humiliated by Abby. Abby’s talking head says she is giving constructive criticism.

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The Competition

This is on of those competitions where the judges give live feed back. You would think out of all the kids in the dance community these girls would be braced for it. But they are not. They are worried about it. It’s also the first competition where the public knows that Abby is in trouble with the FEDS.  The kids outside has t-shirts with #FreeAbbyLee on them. I wonder how much that cost production.

Kendall is crying. Kendall needs to save her tears for the pillow. Sure she looks hideous but she has the best choreography, a professional make-up artist, and most importantly, Abby has chosen her to be her favorite pony in the dog and pony show.  Abby has essentially abandoned Nia’s routine since she refused to twerk and is practically waterboarding Mackenzie.  Buckup Kendall. You’re the prize pony. It’s your week to shine. Sure you look like shit, but go out there and win or you will be the next to be tortured!

And the weirdest thing happens. Abby let’s Kendall take off her makeup. Holly and Melissa are both pissed. Nia has been every embarrassing thing know to man and she didn’t get a costume change. WTF?

Just before Nia’s dance, Holly talks about Nia’s mediocre choreography but says if she can pull off the sass of Cookie she might have a chance. The camera pans to the two black judges. Oh Lord. This could get ugly.

Nia did a great job with the choreography she had. I am also going to guess she is dancing to an Empire song which might make the point clear to the judges. We never heard the name of her solo but at the competition it is called Cookie.  The female judge says she felt it lag a bit. It is hard to tell with solos on the show because we don’t know the music they are dancing to. Nia does tend to be a beat behind in the group dances sometimes though. Not as much as Jo Jo but it happens. The didn’t show the two male judges critique and they were smiling the entire performance.

Kendall’s dance did have more complicated choreography though it looked like everything else the ALDC has ever done. And Kendall didn’t seem into it. The female judge says she needs to work on her emotion. She smiled through the whole dance and it was a sad emotional song.

Mackenzie comes out sitting on the couch as it is carried onto the stage. She has pigtails and is wearing PJs. We are back to little girl Mackenzie for the win. I thought last season Abby was going to let her grow up.  Mackenzie did great. It was very little girly. The female judges critique was about her soft ankles and feet. That is going to make Abby explode, but she could win anyway with that saccharine performance.

Dance Moms Holly not a pretty sight

After solos, Abby gives minimal feedback to Kendall and Nia but tells Mackenzie that having a judge tell one of her 11 year olds that her ankles are soft is like a knife in her chest. We don’t usually see feedback after solos. Maybe it’s because there is no competition (BDA) at this comp. Jill tries to get Abby to say something to the kids about her legal woes, but  Abby pretens like she doesn’t know what Jill is talking about. She tells Jill she is not dating anyone anymore so she will let them know that and prances off.

The Group Dance

The group dance was a hot mess. On the plus side they had great wolf costumes and I was just waiting for someone to loste their headdress but Abby must have stapled them to their heads with a construction site stapler because they stayed right where they were. Kendall fell, it was pretty much off camera for us. Kendall was in the role that would have gone to Maddie had she been there. Nia had some rough transitions. There were a lot of transitions from the floor to standing that looked sloppy. Kendall eventually stepped it up. But too little too late. The group was not cohesive and sharp. I am going to be SHOCKED if this wins.  Also I miss heard the lyrics of the song we heard. I thought it was “have an enema, going in barbecue.”  After several listens I realized it was “I’m an animal, going in barbecue.” So I was close.

The male judge loved the costumes. That’s a bad start that the costumes were the star. The judge points out the fall, but says overall he really loved it.

The judging starts with FOURTH PLACE. That is not a good sign. Mackenzie gets fourth for her solo. Ut Oh. Kendall was third. This is bad. Nia came in second place in the teen division.  The group came in …. well I am not sure where the group came in . they lost but the editing tried to make it seem like they were in contention for the overall group trophy. I don’t think they were. And although Nia got a better trophy than the rest, she had the lowest point score due to her choreography so Kendall gets a solo next week. Holly is bitching, but it seems like the right decision to me.

Mackenzie tells Abby that she thought her dance was too young for her. It was. Abby says that is why she gave it to her, because it was easy. Abby says if she wants a lyrical she needs to fix her feet.

Wait was Brynn even there this week?

Next Week: The mini team arrives  and the  junior/teen feels neglected.

11 Comments

Filed under Abby Lee Miller, Dance Moms, Entertainment News

11 responses to “Dance Moms Recap: Not By The Hair On Abby’s Chinny Chin Chin

  1. Cat

    Wow. Abby always seemed to hate Mackenzie, but never like THIS. Between Abby’s abuse, and always being in Maddie’s shadow (and never good enough), she will either grow up with huge emotional issues, or be one strong woman. Hopefully, the latter.

  2. fivecatsownme

    I remember last season Abby neglected the basic dance classes and said the girls needed to do class on their own time at home. Now she is punishing them for their weak technique. I wonder what studios the girls will migrate to when Abby goes off to prison?

  3. swizzle

    When Melissa said not to mess with her because she knows too much, I instantly said subpoena to my daughter (then had to explain). Oh Abby, I don’t think you’ll fare well in prison. What was her quip about the moms going with her? I don’t think they’re involved in your fraud. And shouting at a dancer to fix this or that is not a helpful critique. All these girls clearly need to spend a lot more time in ballet class. Nia actually looked better in her solo than she did last year. She’s not the most naturally talented, but I do think she’s working on her technique and it shows.

    • K Slay

      I wouldn’t be shocked if Melissa helped hide some of her assets. She would do anything for Abby, especially years ago.

    • Miguel

      I agree with Nia comments about working hard and being more of a performer than dancer – joining the party late on the Dance Moms;but so happy TT et al. are at it!

  4. tamaratattles

    When Abby made that comment at the end, I took it as they may be called to testify. Which I assume they will. It was kind of odd to me that the moms jumped straight to the conclusion that they would be going to jail as well.

  5. Dawn

    I think Abby meanly implying the mom’s are also in legal trouble is more proof she is a mentally disturbed person. She has no business instructing children on anything except a bad attitude. Maybe there was a time she was capable with proven results. And some people are so talented they succeed in spite of the hard knocks and obstacles.

    I think this network is wringing every dime out of this show. In actuality, these girls would be better off at a good studio, not made to look sad and berated every week. Some of it is storyline I suppose. Anything surrounding the legal issue isn’t. It should be off the air, this is sort of a cross between the Duggars screwed up family and the NJ crooks.

    The mom’s continuing to let their kids participate are looking like fame hungry stage moms. They are sacrficing their kids confidence and reputation by association.

  6. K Slay

    Construction site stapler stapled to their heads.. just made me die laughing out lout. Thank you, I needed that.

    • tamaratattles

      I can totally see Abby doing that! ALDC has lots of issues with headgear and props! :)

      • Swizzle

        They actually sew the headpieces into the girls hair. They must have so much time between dances with their extensive hair and makeup. They’re lucky to have their own private dressing room. Most dance teams fight for corners in a room shared by many companies.

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