I have no idea why I am doing this other than we need a post tonight and I’m not sure when Vanderpump Rules recap will be ready or when my narcolepsy will set in. So I am going to take one for the team.
Why do these people always look so unfashionable themselves on this show? I will say that Margaret looks the best I have ever seen her and Brad has on a better suit than last time. But really, other than Brad, none of these people are qualified to discuss fashion.
First up was Jennifer Lopez. I know it is J-Lo, so she looks beautiful. I do think the dress has too much going on. I love the 200 carats of Harry Winston. But I thought there was too much happening in the crotch region. None of them are going to dare say anything bad about J-Lo. I love the color that most people hate. I just think it was way too much.
Taraji P. Henson’s white dress was next. I didn’t think she looked good either, especially by the end of the night. No one on the panel was impressed. Nene usually shout the praises of any of “her brown girls” but she hinted at shade here.
Margaret says of the next poor girl that the dress looks like skintags. Nene says everyone is being too nice. Nene says it looks like she has been in a carwash. She goes in from there. Brad loves the look. Brad loves the dress. It is a McQueen from his shipwreck collection. It’s a famous dress. I like the dress, but I didn’t like the girl’s hair and makeup. She needed her hair down to break up the lack of any color other than her skintone.
Next is Lady Gaga. Nene loved it. Me and Melissa hate the hair and makeup. Brad liked the dress but it was an awful lot like the last one she wore. Giuliana made a great point about Gaga being only 29. She does look like a well preserved 45 in that hair and makeup.
Let’s just talk about how bad Nene looks. The top of that dress is like a long sleeved t-shirt. It is sitting all cattywhampus on her huge boobs which don’t seem to be supported by a bra. Her hair has a bobby pin or a barrette in the back like a six year old rushing off to first grade. Her makeup is ten shades to light as usual. She just looks a hot mess. To be fair, Melissa doesn’t look any better. Who the hell is styling these people?
J Law in a Calvin Klein red dress looked great. Nene says she looks great, she has her ribs out like Giuliana. This pissed off Giuliana who pointed out that the cutouts show abs not ribs. Nene gigglesnorts. Truly though, Giuliana’s cut outs did show ribs.
Nene is doing that weird talk thing. Not the pretentious accent thing. The one where she sort of mimics Charlie Brown’s teacher and you have no idea what she is saying with her overly extended mouth. How does she get hired for this?
Melissa makes a joke about thinking Katy Perry was Snooki and how the Golden Globes were ruined. This by the woman who hired Nene Leakes to be on Fashion Police.
Wow. Cate Blanchett was a fashion don’t. Who let her wear that?
Alicia Vikander is stunning. Where did she come from? (Sweden, apparently) She wore custom Louis Vuitton. Nene keeps calling people “label whores.” She would know. Nene announces her labels every time she walks into a room. Most of the women don’t like her dress.
Brie Larson is another first time nominee. She wore a Calvin Klein number that made her look a lot like the Golden Globe statue that she won for Room.
Nene’s dress is up to her cooch when she sits down.
I loved Amy Schumer’s black and white dress. Nene hated it. She called the dress a tent. Brad agrees with me calling it modern elegance. Melissa calls it slutty Pilgrim, but she still likes it.
They play a game where Nene acts like a fool.
Nene has the nerve to keep saying negative things about people’s hair. THEIR HAIR! I can’t.
Margaret Cho just keeps making gross jokes. I don’t get why she is on this show either.
Giuliana says J-Lo was her best and Heidi Klum was worst.
Brad says J Law was his best and Eva Longoria was his worst.
Nene’s best was Lady Gaga and her worst was Amy Schumer.
Margaret’s best was J-Lo and her worst was Cate Blanchett.
Melissa’s best was J Law and her worst was Rooney Mara (the skin tag McQueen Dress).
This show was just as horrible as you would have expected. This show needs to be cancelled. It’s not all Nene’s fault. They all just suck. Brad should do this show solo.