Watch What Happens Live With Katie Maloney and Tom Schwartz

WWHL Katie and Schartz

 

On this episode of WWHL, we have the engaged couple, Katie and Schwartz.  And I really must say, that I personally think marrying a gay man is the way to go. Good job Katie. Way less drama. And I’m guessing he has a trust fund. That hair though… ugh.

Scwartz cusses within the first ten seconds when Andy says “your hair is on point tonight!” and Tom thanks him and Andy says he was talking to Katie. “Oh Shit” says Schwartz.  Yeah, there is THAT problem with marrying a gay man. Some, like Schwartz and Sandoval. will try to compete with you in the looks department. That said, it’s an overall better choice than marrying a straight guy.

Less than a minute into the show, Andy announces the drinking word (bubba) and says to drink until you think it is a good idea to get bubba tattooed on your ass. Andy then asks how the tattoo is doing and of course Schwartz jumps up and shows us his tattooed ass.  The nickname Bubba was a great move for Scwartz because when he eventually leaves Katie and comes out of the closet, it will work for his boyfriend as well. In fact, if he can keep his ass covered through his first few dates with his future boyfriend, he can pretend the tattoo is new and meant for him. Diabolical.

Andy gets bleep for saying we just saw Tom’s asscrack. Then Tom says shit again. This is reminiscent of the Lala and James appearance.  Way to keep it classy. Speaking of classy, we move on to the other Tom’s ass tattoo. Of course we have a photo of the other Tom’s asscrack as well.

Pump Rules Swartz and Katie

Apparently, there was a book in Kristen’s apartment on the show tonight called People I Want to Punch in The Face. How did we miss that?  Schwartz said she did punch him in the face. I love that Kristen is so organized to keep a list in a journal specifically for this.

Next is the usual bromance montage of the Toms, followed by the secondary storyline of Schwartz’s struggle to propose to a woman.  The poll question is (rather cruel) “Will Schwartz have a panic attack at his wedding?”  People who have never had a panic attack should not joke about panic attacks.

We get to revisit Jax and Lala fondling each other. Gross. #PleasePassThePurell

The game is about who is and who is not allowed at their wedding. Lala and James and Carmen (Jax’s ex) are not invited. They don’t have any wedding plans yet. Schwartz is in no hurry.

Biff, from Butterfield Connecticut (I didn’t make that up, he did) calls in to say ” Schwartz is not even into Katie. Schwartz can’t even hold a job, he didn’t defend her when Jax accused her of mototboating  (unintelligible), he hooked up with a girl and only told Katie when there was a text message, he poured a drink over Katie’s head, he got her a ring on a string, makes the worst business decisions in history and worst of all he got a perm!  So no, he doesn’t love you Katie, he is in love with himself and Jax!”

Andy is LOVING fake caller Biff who is supposed to be asking a question about Stassi.  Katie and Schwartz look mortified. Andy giggles and asks, “Don’t you have a question about Stassi?” with an evil gleam in his eye.  Biff tells Katie she looks great and asks if Stassi is invited to the wedding. Katie smiles and says, “I’m not sure….wait and see.”

Andy wants to rehash the “Biff” comments and both say they have moved past all that. Schwartz says that Katie is the love of his life and he could not be happier.  I think he borrowed that line from Yolanda. We all saw how well that worked out.  And there was more bleeping as  we go to commercial.

Next week on #PumpRules Ariana is a big ole cunt satchel about Kristen again and questions everyone’s loyalty. She is really getting the villain storyline this season.

A caller asks if she is worried Schwartz will cheat on her again. She says absolutely not. That whole cheating thing was just to bolster the fake Schwartz is straight storyline. She knows she is the only chick for him. Or something like that.

Katie and Schwartz think Jax has grown up and can be trusted now. #Delusional

A caller asks about Scheana and Shay. They both say they are doing great.

Does anyone think Kristen and Jax still hookup? They don’t. I do.

There is a bit of disagreement about how the last names will  be changed when they get married. Katie wants Tom to change to her name. I think if Tom wears a wedding gown, that would be the most appropriate route to take. #NoJudgment

They play a game and Schwartz cusses AGAIN and  Andy finally tells him not to cuss. The game involves Andy asking Schwartz questions about Katie. When is their anniversary? Where did she grow up?  What is her favorite sex position? When did Katie lose her virginity? What part of your body does Katie like best?  The only one he knew is that Katie lost her virginity at 16.  Katie’s answer to the sexual position question was “I take what I can get…”  Between this game and Biff, Andy is being super shady to these two.

Tom says the ring is paid in full. Because, trustfund baby.

Why did you never intervene on the Jax and Brittany thing?  Katie said she did tell Brittany about his track record. She knew what she was getting herself into.

71% say Schwartz will have a panic attack at the wedding.  The rest clearly don’t see the wedding really happening once Tom demands the prettiest dress.

33 Comments

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33 responses to “Watch What Happens Live With Katie Maloney and Tom Schwartz

  1. cobe

    Ha!! THIS.

    This is hilarious, yet all too true.

    I totally get the perks to marrying a gay man, but one of those perks is that he is supposed to tell you when your outfit and hair look ridiculous.

    Tom2 is not even living up to his gay husband responsibilities.

  2. WonkyTonk

    Funny. I don’t normally go for the twink types but I kind of dig Schwartz. I haven’t seen the episode but that Biff call sounds like I need to watch it first chance I get. As for the cussing sounds like Andy deserves if for pulling the Biff stunt.

    • He is NOT a twink. He is around 30 (I think, or at least looks it) and regulalry has both facial and body hair.

    • WonkyTonk

      I don’t know Micheal. I still get the twinkishness from him like Urethra points out. Maybe it’s his lack of willingness to grow up? Anyone he’s not my normal type by any means but I find I dig the dude.

      • Shay

        Love Schwartzy. I don’t think he dislikes women, though. I think he isn’t sexually attracted to Katie (anymore?)

        He also isn’t non-committal. I think he’s afraid of change. Notice how he always takes the smallest thing and compounds it until this tiny thing (one shift at Pump) will change his whole life and he’ll be some unhappy schlep working a 9-5 he hates, coming home to 4 kids and a fat, pregnant Katie who only wants to Netflix & Chill.

        1. One shift bartending at Pump might change his “whole life”
        2. A paid job for LVP Sangria might change his whole life
        3. Can’t marry Katie, but also can’t break-up with her.. he’s been with her since college and we already know who pushed for a relationship after making out
        4. Can’t let go of Jax (or Kristin) even after Jax totally squealed on him
        5. Can’t take Sangria seriously or he might be valuable there and get hired and change status quo

      • WonkyTonk

        Good points Shay. Dude is just noncommittal. He can’t be living off Katie so what does he do for a living? Trust Fund baby maybe. That ring wasn’t cheap but maybe the modeling jobs did pay for it.

      • Shay

        Wonky: I can’t believe he gets jobs with that belly! He must photograph well. They tag that jeweler in all their instagram/twitter posts and he got a lot of camera time…perhaps the ring was comped?

      • WonkyTonk

        He does photo well. Did you see that photo of him mid-leap. He photos fun which is I think why I like him a lot.

    • cobe

      Not a twink? Dude is one step away from being Tinkerbell.

  3. Dee

    Tamara, I agree with you, if one hasn’t had a panic attack, they don’t have a clue. It’s not a little anxiety. Great recap, as always, thank you. Dee

  4. Jaded

    Agree panic attacks are no joke. Actually the only time I’ve ever gone to the emergency room was over a panic attack. Just didn’t know what was happening. Most of my best friends have been gay men. Too bad I never thought to marry one of them. Could have saved a lot of heartache.

  5. Biff Butterfield is a real person on twitter and he sends nasty tweets to Bravo people regularly… that is his shtick… This was not a fake call. Maybe it was a set up because Biff has called in to WWHL before. If this was not a set up, I don’t know how he got passed the phone screeners to get on air. Biff has been bragging on twitter about his phone call last night & even has been taunting Katie & Tom with more tweets. Actually I was surprised at how non bothered and non defensive Tom was by the call.

    • tamaratattles

      You honestly believe that a guy who calls himself Biff Butterfield from Butterfield Connecticut on Twitter is “a real person” So you are really Urethra Franklin??????? You do understand that Biff Butterfield is not the idiots real name right? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, tell me you understand that.

      OF COURSE IT WAS A SET UP! AND OF COURSE BIFF BUTTERFIELD IS NOT A REAL PERSON. FOR FUCK SAKE. DId you watch the show and how ANDY was loving every minute!? Andy most likely paid him to call in.

      Jesus Christ on a fucking POGO STICK. What is wrong with you people today?

      • tamaratattles

        Also, here is another time “real person” Biff got past the screener and coincidently made fun of some people and Andy loved it.

        http://s17948.p20.sites.pressdns.com/2013/06/17/wwhl-with-melissa-gorga-and-tabitha-takes-over/

      • What I mean is he’s on twitter w/ the real alias as Biff Butterfield. He’s a notorious Bravolebrity hater on social media & we’ve followed each other for 3 years. He is indeed a real person (with a fake name like UF is not my real name) and a real hater to bravolebrities and others. I do not believe that Biff is in cahoots with WWHL. He’s just some random hater on twitter that is persistent in his nastiness. I do not believe that Bravo pays him to harass & taunt their cast… That is productions job.

        Of course Andy loved every minute because ANDY….

      • Cat

        Well then, if he’s a Bravo hater on Twitter, he MUST be fake. Anyone else would be blocked.

    • I wonder if Biff Butterfield writes cancelled checks.

      Lol…..I can’t help it. That never-ending subject kept me laughing all day.

  6. Twilly

    I like these two. But there is something off a little bit. How does he not know where she grew up??

    • tamaratattles

      Because production does not provide backstory with the scripts. They are left to make that up as they go.

      • WonkyTonk

        Sometimes you bring me close to tears TT! You’re giving me the impression it’s almost like the Alaskan Bush People, which seems to be completely fabricated. But I don’t want it to be dammit!

    • Because Schwartz is a narcissistic idiot.

      • WonkyTonk

        I know right. I’m a little disgusted with myself that I still want to do him, but not enough to not do it. It’s sort of like my distaste/love affair with Andy Cohen.

  7. The book on Kristens table is a hilarious book written by a mother who writes stories about the people she has to interact with on a daily basis because of her kids. It’s not a journal Kristen is keeping.

  8. Spilledperfume

    Just to be clear, Spilledperfume is my real name.

    I was named after a Pam Tillis song. 😉

  9. Cat

    Ugh. That picture!

    She is trying way to hard with that outfit.

    And his HAIR! I guess the Donald Trump look is “IN”?

  10. What part of Tom Scwartz is a trust fund baby? The ring didn’t look like a diamond so I’m sure it can be easily paid off. Looked like a rainbow topaz unless my tv is off…or my eyesight lol!

    • Shay

      Rainbow topaz! Haha when they got engaged TT put up a post. I think Katie tweeted the ring’s specs– pear shaped brown diamond. For some reason I don’t think pear shaped brown diamond looks/sounds more expensive than anything (except maybe marquis). I’m a fool for canary yellow, some of the chapagnes and pinks look really gorgeous on vintage art deco rings.

      • Oh ok I didn’t know the specs were out! My apologies on that! No I’m not knocking how much he has spent at all because I loved the originality! If brown diamonds are the same as chocolate diamonds then they aren’t that expensive! There are a couple sites when you can get semi-precious stone jewelry really cheap! Me I love black diamonds and tanzanite!

  11. cobe

    It was a champagne diamond, which is what used to be a garbage diamond.

    Then jewelry stores launched a campaign to make “chocolate” and “champagne” diamonds desirable and suddenly they were able to dig all of these old stones out of the trash and sell them for unreasonably high amounts.

    It’s frustrating to watch how stupid people can be.

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