I’m going to be honest – this episode of RHOA , titled “There’s No Business Like Friend Business” should have just been called “There’s No Business Watching This Mess.” I understand not every episode can be filled with Porsha getting cooter-punched, but this certainly was a filler episode if I’ve ever seen one. We open up with a quick montage of Kenya perfecting her online-dating profile, Kim on a Skype call, Porsha hosting at Dish Nation (I gotta give it to her, I’m usually not the biggest Porsha fan – but the girl does a good job over at Dish Nation.) and finally Cynthia receiving YELLOW roses from Peter. Per Google, yellow roses symbolize friendship, joy & good health. Real good look for someone in the midst of a potential cheating scandal. I’m not a flower guy myself, but I’d say red is typically the way to go in this situation. Cynthia is generally unimpressed. Maybe she googled the meaning of yellow roses too.
We cut to Kandi & DonJuan in a meeting with Demetria (!!!) & Roger Bobb about producing new music together. Demetria must really need that day-rate. The two ladies have recorded a single called “Unnecessary Trouble” – they want to start promo for the song, and film & release a music video. DonJuan steps up as mommy (PS where is Mama Joyce this season?!) and announces Kandi’s high-risk pregnancy and that she must not be over worked. OK mommy. Kandi comments in her talking head if J-Lo had a baby over 40 with no time off, so can she. DonJuan continues to come for his Peach. Watch out, Papa Smurf – you’ve got some competition!
Phaedra invites Apollo’s friend Bun to the house – she wants a “positive male influence” around her sons. Bun announces Apollo is upset that no one responds or reaches out to him in prison. Phaedra claims they all keep in touch with him – apparently Ayden can even e-mail his father in prison. The kid hasn’t even started school yet, but has an e-mail account apparently. I heard all incoming kindergartners are required to register for a hotmail.com account these days.
Next up, the shoot day for the video of “Unnecessary Trouble” (more like unnecessary video/song/storyline) with Kandi & Demetria. Porsha and Phaedra stop by the set together to visit the ladies. (Note from TT: Claudia tweeted me to remind me that Porsha and Phaedra were both tossed out of the video shoot for “being messy.” )Enter Todd on a hoverboard for added ridiculousness. Too many sound-bites of Don Juan acting like mommy again.
Cut to Kenya and Marlo (YAS queen – check her charges!) working out at the gym. Marlo says she doesn’t like working out with “all this industrial stuff” (aka gym equipment & machines) and only works out with a trainer. Bless. Gotta love Marlo. They talk about men. Marlo states all she wants is love……..and coins. Bless x2. We learn Kenya’s checklist of her perfect man. 6’5, looks like Matthew McConaughey, super successful (rich), rides horses (okay?), and a big D. #respect – I see we have similar tastes.
Kenya’s friend Matt pops up at the gym and we see a bit of flirting going on between the girls and Matt. He eventually asks Kenya out on a date, and she agrees. They go to a basketball court & play basketball. She compares her date to the movie ‘Love & Basketball’ (gotta put a positive spin on it somehow.) Kenya tells Matt she’s “kind of shy” and “drives in the slow lane at first” (see: Walter.) She’s not sure about a second date. Girlfriend, I would be too if my first date with a super-hot guy was at the basketball court. Mama likes wine & nice things. (Note from TT: Kenya ends up taking this one to Jamaica).
Peter drives back to Atlanta to take Cynthia on a date night. What a thought – a husband driving a whole 4/5 hours back to his home & family! A date even! What a notion! I bet Peter also googled the meaning of yellow roses and figured he’d better get his butt in the car. Peter sets up a private lunch in the park (kind of cute) with an artist who is off to the side sketching a portrait of the two of them (kind of cute, kind of creepy) (Note from TT: I bet Peter’s girlfriend HATES RHOA filming season and watching him with Cynthia on the show. Maybe they are both laid up from their car accident. Allegedly.)
We see a sweet moment with Phaedra and Ayden. It’s Ayden’s first day of Kindergarten and Phaedra is dropping him off at school. He asks Phaedra if she will always be his mommy, it makes her cry. Great, now I’m crying. I’m glad we get to see a human moment with Phaedra. I have a continuous love/hate relationship with this woman – but this really shows she has a heart somewhere inside there after all. They pray together. It’s all really sweet. (Note from TT: Allegedly, Phaedra had to get directions from the babysitter to find the school. This was likely the first and only time she has driven him to school.)
Meanwhile, Porsha and her booty-call from Miami, Oliver, have a Skype session. She asks him if he’s ever had a black girlfriend before. He tells her he doesn’t want her to lose any weight in her butt, she tells him she’s ready for a relationship and the Skype connection miraculously starts breaking up.
I think there was a scene with Kim, but I slept through it.
It’s time for Kandi & Demetria’s music video release party! Kim shows up in thigh-high boots and hot pants. Okay, Tootie! Kenya comments that Kim looks like a confused prostitute at Disney World. LOL. There is talk between Kandi-Todd-Peter about the topic of Phaedra and the money she owes. Kandi wants Todd to ignore it for the night, Peter encourages him to discuss it with her at the party. Because no party in the housewivesphere would be complete without a little messiness. Peter got the memo DonJuan was coming for his peach, so he stepped his game up. Phaedra eventually addresses the situation and asks for a meeting at her office to discuss (fight about) the details.
They show clips of Kandi & Demetria’s new single. Tardy for the Party it is not. In her talking head, Porsha claims she thinks the song will do great. Probably just as great as her first hit single, Flatline. I wouldn’t quite call the song/video a hit. More like a hit and run.
Later on in the evening, Phaedra, Porsha & Shamea (go home, sweetie) discuss the Phaedra/Todd money issue outside. DonJuan lurks in the background and jumps in (snatching his peach back) and scolds the girls for “gossiping about his people” #mommyshome! He creates an issue out of nowhere, positions himself right in front of the camera lens and really goes for it. He claims he’s not getting into anyones business, while specifically getting into everyones business. I really can’t stand this guy. His voice irritates me to no end. Go back to your Kandi Factory, DonJuan. While you’re at it, call your mother and ask her where she came up with that name. Porsha goes at it with DonJuan and tells him he needs to “get some water & some rest” (see, she’s THOTful y’all!) Porsha walks away from her 38th fight of the season, saying DonJuan’s pink panties are in a bunch. I think there was a comment about a tampon somewhere in there. #Prayers4DonJuansTampon
Tune in next week to see if DonJuan gets toxic-shock syndrome! What did you guys think of this episode? Show of hands who stayed awake.
NEXT WEEK: More fighting about money and cancelled checks. Kenya has an emotional meeting with her dad. Porsha & Kandi GET INTO IT