Vanderpump Rules: Isn’t Every Day Gay Pride in Weho?

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Thoughts By Xanadude

It’s the Gay Pride Episode!
Last year LVP poured all of her energy into PUMP, leaving poor SUR to an underwhelming and tipless day for the staff.  This year Pinky plans on both parties being huge, and has the familiar pre-party angst that so many of us can relate to – what if I throw a party and no one shows up?
Pre-party day, Jax is having problems following the stringent dress code a SUR – he doesn’t know the difference between “sexy” and “cheesy,” prompting Lisa to compare him to Tom Jones.  It’s not unusual to find Jax clueless about this reference, causing him to ask “What’s new Pussycat?” and causing me to exhaust any hopes of using out of date Tom Jones reference jokes without crossing the line to cheesy.
Scheana likes Girthy Men, aka Men Who Are Not as Skinny as She.  This is, presumably, so as for them not to steal focus, or her underwear.

PUMP lala

Jax is honest about how he want to fuck, not date, Lala, as he already has one long distance girlfriend (and possibly a sugar daddy or two).

Incidentally, Jax dances a lot this episode.  Chalk this up to coke and horniness and possibly wearing Scheana’s underwear.

Everyone is concerned about Scheana and Shay blah blah blah.

Scheana again put her need for fun above the health of her husband, saying  “I couldn’t date someone who’s dead sober.”  Jax posits that Scheana is simply setting Shay up for failure.  I say this with peace and love, but when Jax has the moral high ground, one had best run from the hills, as the apocalypse is eminent.  But at least it will coincide with Pride, so it will be a glittery apocalypse.

We finally learn why James exists, in both the existential and casting sense.  His father is George Michael’s cousin, was Wham!’s manager, and that George Michael is James’s godfather.  This explains many many things, including Jame’s smirk – it’s inherited.  We also find out the Lala is interested in starting a singing career. Which leads us to the eternal conundrum: Is it prostitution is you trade sex with a douchey DJ with family connections for the privilege of singing the stanza in a crappy rap song recorded on an Ipad?

James tells Lala to pick a side.  Lala is too old to pick sides.  They sing.  They fuck.  and we learn the heretofore unknown bit that James likes to be bitten during sex.  This is actually IMPORTANT PLOT INFORMATION.  Have you heard of Checkov’s gun?  I’ll wait and let you look it up, because this bit of information is the Checkov’s gun of this episode of Vanderpump Rules.

The Toms take Shay for a “me” day of AfroCarribeanDanceFighting, because he “needs a win.”  This scene is actually very sweet, and the Toms are a much better wife to Shay than his actual wife.  Shay gets a talking head!  Shay has insight! I like Shay!  He realizes that Scheana now has something to perpetually hang over his head in their marriage and he’s worried about his.  He also says that while talking to Scheana she doesn’t listen and instead clickclacks on her phone, texting.  Shay’s SisterHusbands are worried about this.  BTW – Schwarts says his engagement ring for Katie is almost finished, and the proposal is planned, but he wants to keep it a secret, so he won’t tell anyone, even on camera.  Again, INSIGHT!

Meanwhile, Scheana goes to the DMV to get her name changed because “Scheana Shay is so much cooler… ” Scheana may be the first person in history to marry someone for alliteration.

Finally, it’s Gay Pride Day!

James is late and covered in bite marks and bruises and smirks and double entendres.  Igh.  There’s douche, and then there’s “entitled relative to a pop star” douche.  James is both.  The biter? A SURver named Lauren, who is friends with Lala.  And just like that, we have our villainess for the season: Lauren, who has a boyfriend (Anthony. Gay. Just Sayin’).

Jax is sweaty and coked up (allegedly). He mishandles some glassware and ends up serving someone a shard-arita.  Seriously.  He broke a glass (L’CHAIM!), then didn’t entirely clean out the ice, knowing the safety hazard this poses. This leads me to think this was staged, because even Bravo isn’t going to film someone being served a drink with glass shards in it.  Lala is turned on by sweaty coked up (allegedly) Jax – is there any way we can introduce her to Shahs Mike and have her at least trade up?

Lisa pretends to bartend while wearing a wide brimmed hat, with the stated intention of it being a barrier to keep people at arm’s length.  Jax breaks the barrier.  Lisa is not amused.

Lisa, seeing that the drunken confrontations are about to start, smells trouble – and poppers! – and beats it down to PUMP, but not before gathering the tribe for the annual picture.  Kristen (!) shows up just in time and tries to photobomb, but is shot down by Lisa, who is still smarting at Kristen’s “Suck a dick!” tirade last year.

James, taking a break and allowing some sunglassed big boobied gal to take over the DJ booth, deep kisses Lala, who notices the bites and bruises.  James is proud of this (he never got over the “showing off his hickeys” stage), Lala is repulsed, and Villainess Lauren swoops in, feigning concerning for Lala and saying repeatedly “don’t ask me who he slept with giggle giggle.” Lala thanks her for being a friend.  They’ve traveled down the road and back again, but Lauren’s heart isn’t true, as she is cheating on gay boyfriend Anthony with James.

Scheana brings Shay to Gay Pride and stashes him in a backroom while she works.  At the end of her shift, they count her tips, marveling in the fact that 748 is bigger than 48!  Shay appears to be the only sober person there. Did I mention I like Shay?

James has a roommate, y’all! His name is Brayden and he and Kristen apparently get along.  He starts to tell the story of last night (James had sex, but, at some point the police showed up and almost arrested him. Whahuh?)

We learn that Katie is vanilla is her sex life.  James slithers into the group (Slithers.  Anyone else think that James reminds them of Draco Malfoy?) bragging about his seven hour sex sesh and in the next breath asking Lala “Can I still fall in love with you?”  Brayden spills the beans to Kristen about James and Lauren.  Kristen tells Lala.  Lala freaks out on Lauren, who grabs her gay boyfriend and tries to hide from the cameras, screaming “I don’t want this filmed!” while her gay boyfriend accuses her of cheating with James.

The only good that comes out of this?  It sets up Jax and Lala to have revenge sex.  Jax has an “I’m about to fuck a new girl” dance that he performs right as he and Lala leave SUR to “go to Tom’s,”  which is probably not a euphamism but sounds better than the lame ones we’ve heard our of George Michael Jr. all night.

72 Comments

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72 responses to “Vanderpump Rules: Isn’t Every Day Gay Pride in Weho?

  1. Xanadude

    Aftershow Segment 1 with James:
    The Hosts ask what it was like growing up with George Michael as family – James says he THINKS his father manager George when he went solo (something I’d know if it happened to me) and that growing up his best friend was George’s dog Hippy. The ladies asked if this is where his getting bitten fetish originated. James, not knowing how to respond to ladies who are immune to his charms, stutters.
    Like moths to a flame, mediocre ladysingers to James: you get burned

  2. Xanadude

    Julie asks James to demonstrate on her how the bites got on the back of his arms. James calls her babe a couple times and we learn the bites occur after the pull out during his climax.

    Evil slut villain Lauren in on the couch too and is trying to backpeddle out of what we clearly see on screen, saying that she had NO IDEA her BEST FRIEND Lala was sleeping with James until that very moment and that she had no idea that while filming a reality show that her private life would not be private. James calls her out on it. Julie and Brandy openly mock and laugh at them both.

  3. Xanadude

    Julie asks that someone call her mother to see James hump her, saying that this is the moment her mother has prayed for.

    • kate62

      Yeah mom can be proud that the misfit elf/wanna be dentist from Rudolf the Red nose Reindeer is humping your lesbian daughter. He truly is a misfit!

  4. Xanadude

    I’m getting tired of seeing James’s “I’m a naughty boy with his hand caught in the cookie jar” look. And by cookie jar, I mean vagina.

  5. Xanadude

    Every time James says “Babe,” a douche angel gets its wings.

  6. My favorite part was when my sweet little Tom Toms took their little friend Shay on a play date.

    What a wonderful afternoon they spent at the AfroCaribeanDanceFightingCrochetingSwingDanceBuildABearKarateUnicorn RidingTap
    DancingTieDyingHokeyPokeySymposium.

    Oh my little twins are becoming such Renaissance boys.

    • Meredo

      Great description Maisey. There are times when I find myself loving the Toms (usually after one too many scenes of James, the biggest douche ever!). I love what good friends they’re being to Shay. Xanadude is right, they’re a better wife to Shay than Scheana is.

    • There is not one real man on this show. Just a bunch of little boys. Can’t watch this show anymore. Lisa should be ashamed, but hey, it’s money in the bank and pays for the swans and Giggie’s outfits.

  7. WonkyTonk

    The after-show is freakin hilarious. The part where they’re trying to figure out how he got the bite marks on the back of his arm was super funny. Those ladies ask all the pertinent questions, and don’t let anyone off the hook. I didn’t get the musical tie in for Lala’s interest in James. I just thought she thought him an easy way to get in with the other employees not realizing James is pretty sexually aggressive. What I absolutely don’t get is how she’s flirting with Jax and a few minutes later she’s all butthurt that James has had sex with someone else. On the after-show Lauren says she ended the relationship with Anthony previous to any sexual activity with James. It’s funny though when the ladies ask James and Lauren if they’ve had sex more than once Lauren denies it and James calls her out on it as a lie. I had to laugh because you know James was telling the truth. Lauren looked mortified. That said James is a douche.

  8. Oh wow was jax ever hepped up on something this episode. Allegedly. Amazing how these kids do their jobs for a crazy event like pride while drunk and high. Allegedly.

    I love how the fact that the police showed up at James’ apt and almost arrested him was nothing more than a footnote in this episode. Lolol

    • Xanadude

      Yeah, it was a total throwaway line that made me think it was either 1)a lie 2)a production edit or 3) something that production is purposefully not making a big deal out of

  9. I LOL when Julie asked Lauren, “Who are you????”. I don’t think I ever seen her before either in any significant scenes.

  10. Erica

    HAPPY PRIDE Y’ALL!

    Great recap! (although one of the real workers hauled out a big bucket – I bet all the broken glass ice was in it.) Plus your comments re: the after show? I’ve never watched, but even though last night was a night from hell, and I’m exhausted – I’m staying up to watch it.

    As much as I think James is a smarmy little git and it breaks my fan girl heart that he’s related to my beloved George Michael, he was absolutely truthful to her that he was going to see… and probably fuck… other people, and she told him it was ok!!! It wasn’t cheating!

    (FYI – Faith tour was well over before James was born in probably 1993. So I guess not knowing the total WORK relationship makeup when they are family, I could see that)

  11. Stephanie

    Anyone else notice Jax missing side tooth? WTF?! Too much coke (“allegedly”) I’m sure but if he is so worried about his appearance..3 noses 1 year maybe he should spring for an implant. Gross

    • I agree. Jax is looking really scary lately. That scar over his eyebrow isn’t helping. Where did that come from? He is starting to look like a sweaty deranged coked out werewolf.

      • Xanadude

        The carefully arranged strand of hair that looks like it’s “Stray” but you know isn’t – it’s been lacquered into place – helps complete the look.

  12. Angel(?)

    The after show is the perfect compliment to Vanderpumper Rules! I love Julie. Can we get them to host an after show for Shahs?

    Does James really think he’s that hot or does he realized that he is on this show just rehabilitate Jax’s image? He’s stolen the douche bag crown.

    Is it wrong of me to want Kristen, Stassi, and La la to form team bitch and terrorize the rest of the cast? Loved how La la went straight to Lauren’s boyfriend announced that Lauren was responsible for James’ injuries while making sure that the whole staff knew it too.

    Shay still has a soul. If he wants to keep it he needs to develop a spine and take a stand with Scheana or run for the hills.

    Love how Kristen swoops in, stirs the pot, and swoops out this season.

    • Shae

      James is only mildly attractive from a certain angle, then you see the ears and strange bone structure/lips and it all goes to hell. Not to mention he’s SO scrawny. I am not a fan of big beefcakes but he does look so tiny.

      • Shae—-I always enjoy your comments but I admit, I need a little more info on this one. Exactly what would that ” certain angle” be?

        And would it have to be in total darkness?

        I think at this point any opinion I have of this little wet weasels looks is colored by his silly behavior. ?

    • Bridgett

      You nailed it with “Shay still has a soul”

  13. Shae

    Both James and Jax are thoroughly revolting at this point, not to mention, Lauren. What a skeeve “friend”.

    Poor Shay, Scheana is the definition of vapid self-absorption. She’s not a mean or unkind person, she’s just helplessly consumed with herself and lacks depth of any kind lol

  14. In the mid 80’s I managed the office of a gay nightclub/restaurant and experienced a gay pride parade or two. It was a mess back then. Crazy exhibitionists wearing hardly any clothing and chaos reigned supreme. I would not go anywhere near that place on gay pride parade day. James is a total yutz and I hate seeing him featured on this show. So his Dad managed Wham and George Michael is his God-Father…I knew that there was a connection between him and Lisa that went beyond a friendship with Max and being a mere employee at Sur and Pump. He is ruining the show in my opinion and I find him unattractive and disgusting. Great recap.

    • For the record, the place that worked at was called The Rose Tattoo and it was a hang out for people like Rock Hudson and others in the entertainment industry who were sort of in the closet (as were most entertainers at that time.). There was no Sur or Pump but lots of gay clubs. The place was located on Roberston Blvd. Anybody here old enough to remember it? LaLa is ridiculous and acts like a Pro (meaning that she acts like a paid escort.) I wonder what she’s doing at Sur? Lisa is really bringing down the place with people like LaLa, James and Jax. Scheanna will destroy Shea if someone doesn’t interfere. Shea seems like a really good guy and deserves better than “it’s all about me” Sheanna. I feel badly for him and hope that he gets the real help that he needs. James bite marks made me gag. Sorry for the free association post here…I’m tired and just woke up.

      • Sweet T

        I think shay should run and all but scheanna’s personality didn’t appear out of thin air. (Well she doesn’t have much of a personality.) he married her because she is pretty and he got caught up in that.. But it is time to run, she doesn’t have the mental ability to understand anything outside of her head and addiction is serious business.
        Rock Hudson… Swoon.

      • Sliceo'pie

        I bet you have a lot of great stories from your days managing the bar..

      • Twilly

        I suspect Scheana used to be a more caring person but fame has made her self-centered and egotistical. This Scheana is probably a far cry from the fun, sweet girl Shay fell in love with.

  15. Peter is boringly fascinating.
    He finally gets his silly pony tail cut off only to now wear his hair in a retro Patty Duke flip.
    And I am obsessed with his Ray Ramano voice.

    The first season I thought Peter was kinda cool—-the more mature one of the bunch. Kinda like the Anti-Jax. Now he just seems like another silly man-child tagging along with Jax and the Tom-Toms. ( Hey…..they could make a great singing group)

    Anyway, who knew back when that the breakout star character would be this skinny little chicken-boy James.
    And don’t get me started on these marginal chicks like the Lala’s and the Laurens. Bring back Stassi and let her clean up.

    • WonkyTonk

      Last season it seemed like every time he showed up he looked, well, oily for lack of a better term. Just oily and nasty. He looks a little like that this year but not as bad as last. The first year I thought like you I liked the guy, he looked good, and had his shit together now he looks sort of lost all of the time. I’m sure he’s a good guy though. I mean you never see him do anything mean or anything I just kind of wonder why they bother to show him at all even if he does work there. At this point I’m much more interested in having them follow Anthony more closely.

    • Lmao maisey! Patty duke flip. It does look awful. I was excited when I thought he was going to get a real man’s haircut. But a bob? Just no..

      I find Peter interesting in a wierd way too. Is he hot? Is he a douche? Is he mature or mildly retarded? I can’t make up my mind what to think of him.

      • Satinbliss—I am sitting at an airport waiting for my delayed plane and laughing out loud at your comment. “Is he mature or mildly retarded?”

        I don’t know why that is such a funny description of dear Peter, but it is.
        He is just kind of “there”. Hanging out, tagging along, getting his hair bobbed.

        But I agree with WonkyT also. He seems like a pretty good guy.
        ?

      • Maisey.. That’s awesome. I love that we are all laughing together in our various locales over our morbid fascination with these tools here on TTs blog. Have a safe trip!

    • Toddy

      Maisey, spot on, as usual! I like long hair, but the bob is way worse than the pony. I might have fantasized about him once during the first season, before I heard that voice. Ray Romano is apt; I was thinking Kermit the frog.

    • Anastasia_Beave

      I’m thinking the marginal chicks are being groomed to become the new replacement chicks. I think next season will be a whole new, younger cast. Lala, her friend the new server, that biter chick and her hot boyfriend, etc.

      • Toddy

        Anastasia, good theory. I don’t particularly like Lala – it may be the damn name – but she can hang with the rest. I think Bravo realizes this show won’t be as believable w/ 45 yr old survers.

      • Xanadude

        I’m thinking this may be the case as well – as the “kids” grow up, get married, get a spinoff (either a Newlyweds type thing or a Dating show), fresh meat is cycled in to take their place to suckle at the giant teat that is Bravo

    • Xanadude

      I will never look at James without thinking of him being, in a surprise twist, not the pampered child of British tabloid feeders and the godchild of George Michael, but the bastard love child of the Chicken Lady from Kids in the Hall.

  16. Just a question, but every time they showed Andrew (?) Lauren’s man, they titled him “Lauren’s ex-boyfriend”. Is that because he was actually her ex at the time? Were they still together but he insisted they title him her EX to make sure people knew that they weren’t still together currently? Were they taking a break at the time but she wanted to get back together with him, and this killed it? Whhhhaaaaaattttt?

  17. Tulsateacher

    Okay- I hate to jump the gun before the WWHL recap is posted but I’m dying to hear your thoughts on our Kristin’s face! Injections? Implants?

  18. Skeeter

    When Scheana said “I could either stay home with my husband and watch tv or see the Kristin show live which is where I’d rather be, so I left my husband home with the remote”, I felt really sad for Shay. He doesn’t deserve that kind of treatment. She should’ve stayed home with him since sobriety is based on her demands. If Schaena ever gets hurt to the point of needing a narcotic to kill the pain, I hope she practices what she preaches and takes nothing. It’s not fair to put those demands on Shay – meaning that is exactly the kind of pressure to make him fold and give in :( . He seems so normal and she seems like she thinks she’s a princess. See Shay run. Run Shay run!

    • Toddy

      Skeeter, I thought that was a terrible line of Scheana’s myself. I’m hoping that line was scripted … She was going out of obligation to the paycheck(hopefully).

  19. Queen of the Nile

    Favorite LOL line of the post — referring to the Toms as “Shay’s SisterHusbands.” Favorite line of the comments … Maisey’s description of Peter’s hair as a retro Patty Duke flip. So funny!!

  20. kristi

    “Fun Fact” James’ parents are Andros and Jackie Georgiou. They have sold repeated stories about George Michael to the Sun and other tabloids for cash. There is a reason he has not seen his God Father in years. So it appears those “douche bag” traits run in the family.

    • Erica

      OMG, He’s from THAT part of the family!!! I didn’t even THINK about that! If I remeber right, they tried to spread shit about George’s health a year or so ago…

      • kristi

        I verified it before I posted it, when I read he was George’s god son. He tweeted an old photo with George saying “I know it’s been a long time….”. So I googled and yep, he’s Andros’ son. Anytime family sells out another family member for money it does not bode well. I don’t blame George for cutting those people out of his life!

      • Erica

        Kristi – haven’t had great luck Googling – found some stuff last night that I can’t find now! But as a longtime George Michael fan who still roots for him, I remember different times that he has had to make statements via the press or twitter about what “estranged family members have said”. I looked at his Twitter – he last had to defend himself this summer, when James’ mother made claims that he was in rehab and gave details about how he looked, his hard partying ways, etc. He just simply said that he was fine, not in rehab, enjoying Wimbleton, and that he hadn’t been in contact with those people in 18 years. that would mean James was 4 or 5.

        I also remember reading something about how James Dad tried to imply that George being caught in a bathroom was the reason for the breakup. It did happen at the same time – but as you said, it was money related (James dad got fired from GM’s company) and then later, James dad sold some of GMs stuff still in his possession (including an attempt to sell recordings of the unreleased Listen without Prejudice Part 2)

  21. Mark

    Two observations: is it just me, or does Shay seem to be really, really sad ALL THE TIME? Most of the reality hoes with depression and adiction issues etc on things like this are so fame hungry they still manage to hide it from the cameras. But hey genuinely seems to be on the verge of tears ALL THE TIME. It’s uncomfortable to watch.

    Two, I’m surprised Jax was allowed to film like that. He was SO off his tits on e, coke or ketamine. Very obviously so.

    • WonkyTonk

      At first I was thinking he’s just an introvert but he wasn’t shy about talking to the camera about how Scheana doesn’t really listen to him so maybe you’re right. I think he’s a sweet guy, and I can see what Scheana sees in him, I’m still trying to figure out what he sees in her. It’s not that she’s evil mind you but she’s so damned self absorbed I’m surprised she has any time at all for him.

  22. Anastasia_Beave

    Jax and James were so coked out (allegedly) this episode, it made me very uncomfortable. Jax looked like a deranged serial killer.

    I do love how he just waits it out and knows just the right moment to swoop in and grab the girl. Bugged out glassy eyes and all.

  23. Kiyoshigirl

    Last year James came off as the most mature of the bunch. He had career goals and was on the track to reaching them, AND he had no problem calling out the Toms and Jax for all their indiscretions. This year he’s taking his scripts seriously and playing to the cameras big time. He couldn’t come off more immature and devious. I hope all the “babes” and “whore” and “bitch” are new words added to his vocabulary through his scripts, because if they’re not he’s digressing, not maturing. Either he’s found out being the douche gets him more scratch, or he’s adding actor to his resume.

    • Margarett

      James reminds me of Meghan on OC. They act alike and even look somewhat similar. I just can’t tolerate either of them.

  24. Jaana

    Lala’s pupils are always dialated.

  25. Most of the cast seemed stoned to me and I just read that Jax only works at Sur about once a month because “Bravo pays us better now”. I also gather that Tom S. also hardly works there. This is turning into a soap opera with pro’s filling the roles. I agree that replacements will soon be in order for the age factor. I am getting tired of the show and it’s false premise that these are hard working servers and bar tenders and not paid actors. I’m surprised that Sur hasn’t been raided for drugs. These shows all seem to turn salacious and whatever reality exists turns sleazy in a hurry. It’s not saying much for Lisa and ken and what they support business-wise.

    • Jaana

      Ken and Lisa were nightclub/ gay club owners. Thats always a sleazy crowd. Im guessing whats happening at SUR would be a bit tame in their eyes. *Wink!*

  26. Does anyone else see a weird resemblance between James and Howdy Doody?

  27. Susy Osmun

    I think he resembles Woody Woodpecker!

  28. JoJo

    Xanadude … dude, I hope you caught tonight’s blip clip Preview of next week’s VPR!
    James’ mommy shows up and I cannot wait for your recap after you get a glimpse and an ear of the American woman that birthed this skinny fame-slit!!!
    Their scene is having lunch or dinner at SUR, and the one Sur-ver – friend of Stassi’s – tells James’ mom she’s beautiful. Momager manages to work thread the convo that she’s 45 yoa, and an ex-model:o\
    Wham! James manages sniffles, I think even wet eyes and a tear: He cannot cope with the crazy women in his life bringing stress, and this woman is really stressing him out – the point of the scene is he just can’t understand that mommy and daddy are divorcing after 23 years.
    Looking forward to the whole epi and the recap – there’s sumpin’ sumpin’ going on w/ mommy James:)

  29. JoJo

    Meant to say also that I think it’s pretty clear now that w/ Jimmy Boy’s revelation about his and his family’s connections as tenuous as they are, to George Michael I think we’re in for a continuation of the rest of the season being JamesCentric;-

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