And we are off on another season of Marriage Boot Camp. I am not sure I will be recapping this one unless y’all REALLY want me to, because I have no interest in any of these people, most of whom I have never heard of. And all of these fools need to take a good look at themselves and realize they are drawing the same paycheck for the same show as June and Sugar Bear. That should cause a deep and through personal inventory.
Benzino and Althea
First to arrive are Benzino and Althea. These two are from Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta, a show I’ve never watched a single episode. I have read that he has anger issues and I think she might be pregnant. She shows up trying to redefine cootchie cutters. They are shorter than the crotch. They are fighting before they even get in the door. Oh they are engaged! That sounds smart. I think someone quits on the first day. I hope it is these two.
Sean and Catherine
Sean Lowe and Catherine Giudici are from The Bachelor. They have also already done Wife Swap where Sean appeared to be a supreme asshole. They are not as happy as they pretend to be. Sean is appalled by all of the other couples. He thinks he is better than Catherine let alone Mama June or Benzino. Maybe this is the couple that leaves.
Sarah and Ink
She’s from Bad Girls Club and he is her beau. Ink doesn’t believe in monogamy. Ink says his problem is the bitches. He likes to have threeways with Sarah who picks up the bitches for him. I am not sure I am going to make it through this episode.
Sundy and Cedric
She’s from Basketball Wives: LA. Another show I do not watch. She and Cedric have been divorced for 15 years. He wants to get back together even though she cheated on him. Sounds like this is just for a paycheck. I mean they all are, but I don’t think this is a real relationship. And I think that parents that can’t spell their’s kids name correctly on their birth certificate send them off to a world of hurt. Unless they are Oprah and no one knows what Oprah’s mom was trying to spell anyway. They claim they live together. Sarah also has a problem with Sundy’s name. Which makes me reevaluate my objections so as not to be on Sarah’s side about anything. Oh and Benzino has screwed Sundy and everyone knows except Cedric.
Mama June and Sugar Bear
Just for the record, if the show focuses too much on Mama June hanging out with the pedophile who molested her daughter after he got of prison for doing so, I wont’ be able to recap this show. I sick to my stomach just writing that sentence. Let’s try to minimize discussion on that topic.
Anyway, June and Sugar Bear are the last to arrive. The other couples are freaked out. Catherine LOVES them. Sean is appalled. These two are another couple that is not a couple. Benzino is shocked that Sugar Bear is a player. Allegedly.
The First Task
Bob Eubanks is there! OMG! They are playing a version of the Newlywed Game. Bob reads off shocking things they said in interviews about their partner and they have to guess if it is their spouse who said it.
“Our sex life is not satisfying” Mama June rings in, so does Benzino and Cedric. It was Sugar Bear. Does he not get paid to be on that Honey Boo Boo show? Why the hell did he not buy some teeth with his very first paycheck? Mama June says she is not in love with Sugar Bear because he is a cheater.
“I don’t want to approach my partner about my cheating.” Cedric and Mama June ring in. Cedric is right. Also in her talking head, Sundy says Cedric loves her more than she loves him. She wants to commit to the right person and the right person has not come along yet. Ouch.
“I’m mad at you because you won’t shut up!” No on e goes for it at all. Finally, Sarah rings in. She was right. Ink says that he is pissed because Sarah doesn’t want to screw the women he brings home, but he has to screw all the ones she brings him.
“There have been times that I’ve said, I just can’t do this anymore!” I haven’t heard yet, but I’m pretty sure that is Catherine. Benzino rings in. We were both wrong. It was Sean!
“My partner’s temper is like San Andreas fault!” What does that even mean? Who among them even knows what San Andreas fault is? Everyone looks confused. It’s Benzino. And he actually knows what he is talking about. He says her temper a ten on the scale. I think Richter is a bit of a reach too far for him. Benzino she wants him to unscrew his balls and throw them away. She says he needs to lose his temper. Bob Eubanks tell these two fighters that “Criticism is just another way of patting yourself on the back. That Bob is so deep, y’all!
The game is over and it is time for Benzino and Althea to fight. I have a feeling that the airline situation Benzino was in recently where he got in trouble in the airport might have been him leaving this show. On the other hand, they are now arguing about a fight in the airport so maybe it was on the way there. On the plus side. I think their fighting is real.
Sean is legitimately appalled to be there. He is too good for these people, as far as he is concerned. He seems to be most appalled by Ink and his threesome obsession which he finds highly objectionable. He says they are “broken people.” Um, aren’t we all?
Meanwhile, Ink tells Cedric that he is way too smart to be with Sundy while Sundy is sitting right there. She is NOT having that. She calls Ink a pimp.
Next they have to figure out their rooms by “the writings on the wall.” Each room has the hurtful things each has said about the other. There are pictures of them for those who can’t read. Oh the pictures were apparently only for Sarah and Ink. The rest seem to be reading fine. No wait. Maybe they are for everyone. The rooms are super nice otherwise.
Sean wants to quit. It’s the bad language and the threesomes. The therapist says they need to focus on themselves. Either commit to work on their relationship or leave. How hard it must be in the real world for Sean having to deal with all those lessor people.
Meanwhile Althea and Benzino are fighting like two cats in a bag. Benzino takes his pillow and heads to the couch.
Next week: Benzino is still there. But is Sean?