We’re back on the Charter where Kate found her Charter Soul Mate in the primary charter only for him to devastate her by pointing out she never smiles and comes off as a bitch that doesn’t want to be there. Kate gets her revenge by folding his throw blanket into the shape of a penis. Or more of a spotted dick actually. It actually an amazing fold for someone who doesn’t even know many napkin folds. There is a distinct head, shaft and ball sack. Where did she learn to do that? Kat takes a photo to show everyone. Amy is so adorable when she sees it.
Ben is mad because Katie is jeopardizing everyone’s tip. Kate says that the crew is valuing money over her in her talking head. No Duh, Kate. It’s called their livelihood and until you are paying their bills, that is the way it is. Amy is unhappy that it is still on the bed and goes to undo the penis. I hope she wears a condom. If that thing blows….
The deckhands are angry because they are a man down and the stews keep asking them to pitch in and help with their work. Perhaps is they were as good at prioritizing tasks as one of them is a throw blanket origami, there would not be a problem. Eddie tells Jennice she is not to help the interior crew anymore.
Amy and Kate discuss #PenisGate2014 Kate says the guy is gay he probably likes penis. OMG! If the primary is gay THIS IS EVEN WORSE! Amy keeps trying to talk sense into Kate. But Kate had her feelers hurt and feels completely justified in her actions. Amy is upset because the primary doesn’t know who did it and they will all be penalized.
Captain Lee drops in to talk to the guests. The primary brings up #PenisGate2014 The Captain is visibly shocked even behind the sunglasses. He’s blindsided and does not know what to say. He says he will look into it. As he walked off, he says “Fuck.” The captain calls in Kate. He asks Kate who made his bed today. She says, “I made it, but I heard there was something on it.” OMG. You do NOT lie to Captain Lee, bitch. Hell to the no. He asks how it got there. She lies and says she is not sure. Really Kate, you were so proud of it moments ago. Own your fucking evil. In a talking head Kate reveals her motto, “Lie til ya die, deny, deny.” I’ve actually never heard that before. I’m hoping it’s a song lyric or something and not her rule to live by.
Captain doesn’t call her on it, he lets her go and tells her to find out who did it. You KNOW he KNOWS. He calls up Eddie. He says Kate did it. He calls up everyone and they all confirm. Kat even provides a photo. Kat practices her penis fold before making the throw blanket into an anchor while discussing #PenisGate2014. Captain says lying to him is grounds for termination. YAY! BRING BACK ADRIENNE! DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!
Captain says that he knows he did it. She goes into full Vinnie Barbarino mode “How? Why? Me? What?” She’s ridiculous. The whole crew is pissed about he fucking up their income, she’s bragged to all of them. Did she really think they would be dumb enough to lie to Captain Lee to cover her narrow behind? She denies. She says she made a rocket ship. WHAM! Suddenly it is like James Radford in a Phaedra Parks deposition up in here as The captain introduces Exhibit A a photograph of the penis in question. WHAM! The witness begins to stammer and claims that the guests are mean.
Captain Lee says this can’t be the first time a guest has pointed out she is bitchy WHAM! This chick is getting the beat down from a cool as ice Captain. Kate responds with, “I think I have a bitchy resting face.” She claims victimhood. She says it’s not that big a deal. She says she is not a liar. But she has lied her ass off. TO CAPTAIN LEE. She realizes she is in trouble. He tells her to apologize. She has no choice and has a bitchy active face. Captain Lee eviscerated her without ever raising his voice or insulting her. I think he is a Dad. I bet his kids were well-behaved growing up.
Jennice and Kelley are having a flirtmance. Which is fine but the deck crew is shorthanded. Eddie decides to send Jennice to the beach with the guests so Kelley can get work done.
Everyone is pissed at Kate for fucking up the tip. She has yet to apologize. Ben tries to tell Kate the primary is understanding and nice but that just makes her madder. Kate’s talking heads are full of rage and anger and resentment over not having the money to buy breasts and her aging out of the single scene and perhaps some anti-gay pent-up feelings. So she finally apologizes about “any offense that I might have caused this morning, I thought is was a miscommunication over the tone and the banter of the trip, so whatever you saw on the bed, it was not meant to be offensive. I’m very sorry.” SERIOUSLY? I looked at her like she was an idiot and smiled and said, “okay” and they parted ways. Kate tells us this is probably the worst day of her yachting career. I doubt it is because she felt like an ass and realized how badly she fucked up though. I think it was just because Captain Lee held her feet to the fire.
Kate knows she is in deep shit so she starts trying to find entertainment at the last-minute for the clients beach party. Unfortunately, the weather is not cooperating. This blows over for a bit and the steel drummers entertain. Ben is making pork tenderloin. Ironically, I have one thawing for tomorrow. YAY a recipe! Wait what? He’s making all white food by adding mozzarella… to PORK? Um, no Ben. Just no. He can’t be serious. Can he? I love pork and I love cheese but not together. Huge storms approach and the conga party needs to break down. The party is cut short. The Captain calls everyone back. The dinner table is set up beautifully by Amy but the storm moves everything inside.
Kat just called tension rods white trash curtain rods. Thanks, Kat for insulting half my windows! 🙂 I have no man and cannot install window treatments. Tab top curtains are your friend. One of the guests refuses to eat the pork with mozzarella. I can’t blame her, but her rationale is she doesn’t eat red meat. I can not support her there. Ben makes her a fish dish.
Kelley and Jennice are talking on deck and he gives her the strangest kiss in the history of the world where he grabs her face and kisses her pretty much non-consensually and tells her to take what she wants from that and walks off saying “I hope this doesn’t fuck up work!” Well, um, that was not exactly a scene from The Notebook , was it? Jennice puts her head in her hands and says, “fuck!”
The 40 marker is Kate saying she doesn’t like being treated like “the help” by people less refined than she is. Because, refinement is determined by one’s ability to create an anatomically correct penis using nothing more than a throw pillow when working as a maid. And true refinement is achieved by wasting money on designer clothes whether you can afford, or have any remote interest in them or not. Kate, you are “the help” dear. And you are their maid. Perhaps on a yacht the position of maid, waitress, dishwasher and toilet scrubber is given a more…shall we say refined title of stewardess, or even better Chief Stewardess. But the fact remains, you clean their toilets, make their beds, server their meals and have all the job descriptions of an indoor slave from the 1800s. I get you are bitter about being “the help” but you are way overpaid for being “the help” and you get to fabulous benefits from it so either accept it or move on. Jesus your attitude is tiring.
The guests are drunk and want Pizza. The stews agree to make pizza but it is Eddie who actually makes them. The pizzas may have saved the day.
The guests leave. The primary tells the crew that the towel art was …hilarious. He likes pranks. He loved everything. DEAR GOD that is a huge envelope. As Kat says, “that envelope is the size of the penis on his bed!’
It’s tip time. The tip was 18K. $1.800 each. Kate talked trash about her crew not supporting her. Because, delusional.
Jennice told Eddie that Kelley kissed her. Eddie is worried. The Captain calls Kate up and she tells us she is tired of explaining herself. They got a huge tip? What’s the problem? Captain Lee explains that covering up the crime by lying to him was bad. She doesn’t get it. In the talking head she say she did not regret a thing.
Next Week: The Guests are not happy with service. Kelley gets rejected by Jennice. Kelley gets drunk on shore with guests Eddie carts him off. Amy is walking down the dock crying saying “This is not going to be good.” The primary is supposed to meet some who turns out to be ADRIENNE GANG! OMG! I cannot wait!
Let’s get #PenisGate2014 trending!