Amber Marchese on WWHL: To Know Jim Is to Love Jim

WWHL Amber

Well, this WWHL should be good. Jim is the drinking word!  Right away David Arquette says the best part of the night was the whale vagina comment. Then Andy tries to get him to repeat the comment and they get it wrong. Because half the people who use the term douchebag don’t even know the literal meaning. Dina’s usage was so phenomenal I might even start to like her a little bit, ” Jim’s level of douchebaggery is so large it could clean a whale’s vagina.” Please don’t tell Caroline I am softening up  a bit on Dina for that.

Amber jumps in to say that Dina doesn’t know him well enough to make that comment. Amber says to know Jim is to love Jim. Newsflash Amber: Your husband’s reputation for douchebaggery preceded the show. A quick Google search draws unprecedented numbers of responses. A trillion lawsuits including an intriguing one where someone was suspected to have been murdered before a shady business meeting that Jim was supposed to be at, allegedly.

RHONJ Jim MarcheseSo after Amber tries the to know him is to love him speech, David gives a very sarcastic “I’m sure” response and quickly goes on to say that as a viewer he has a whole lot of crawling out of a hole to do because the way he was talking down to the ladies….

Amber interrupts to say David needs to understand that she has just been attacked and he was defending her in the moment. David is not having it. I love this guy. He says what about that douche talking head where he says he is going to litigate people to death. David says that was also not a great look. And Amber has nothing to do but laugh because everyone is laughing at her feeble defense of the weasel. David jokes that he seems like a sweet enough guy. Amber then says, “You better watch it or he will sue you!”  Yes we know Amber, suing people is like sport fucking for Jim. I guess he doesn’t have much opportunity for sport fucking so he has to get himself off by dragging everyone into court with frivolous lawsuits. Andy is just quietly loving this and we are only at minute three.

Amber seems very uncomfortable. So Andy rolls a montage of the women bitching about Amber. It was bad. David says he is starting to feel a little sorry for her. He’s lying. No one feels sorry for Amber.

Andy does a one word association game with Amber about her cast mates. Melissa – Backstabber  Teresa – strong, powerful woman (and she can’t even play word association correctly)  Nicole Shakespearean Tragedy    Dina – kinda zen but I’m kinda not liking her right now (god she sucks at word association)  TeRESSA – Miserable. So she hates everyone but the felon. Perfect. I should point out that Andrew mocked her hair toss on the stupid mortgage commercial and made her do it for every word. Always grinding that organ Andy is…

Next is a ridiculous montage of Jim saying stupid things. Amber tries to defend the entire montage by saying she was just attacked and he was overheated. Which David has already explained does not explain the insanity in his talking head. At one point David accidentally touched Amber’s foot with his foot and he starts screaming for Jim not to give him the beat down. Andy and David laugh and laugh at the thought.

During the dumb game of the night. Amber has to give David objects while he is blindfolded to guess what they are. She is not supposed to say anything but she does. She hands him a disposable diaper and says, “These I will not have anymore.”  David says, “hair extensions!” And Andy nearly falls out of his chair laughing.

Questions for Amber

If it is such a big deal to be around the Giudices legally, why did you agree to do the show? Amber says, because this was her dream and her husband was just supporting her. And initially Jim thought he could just be in scenes with the family rather than with all the guys.

I guess she could not say that Jim made the whole fraud prosecutor story up to draw attention to himself and now he is butt hurt because people are not a dumb as he thought and his made up ridiculous story is now biting him in the ass.

Holy shit there is this idiot gay dude on the phone who is an Amber fan! His question doesn’t make any sense. I guess is IQ is not above 12. That’s the token Amber fan.

Andy asks why she can’t just own up to Melissa that she said what she said?  Amber says that if Nicole had approached her in a more diplomatic manner she would have apologized. That wasn’t even the question. The question is why did she keep denying to MELISSA, the person she said it to, over and over and over.  She just answered a totally different question. David just keeps mocking her.

How do you think you and Jim have been received so far, and PLEASE be honest!  Amber says she is 50/50 but that poor Jim is not being received very well at all. She gets that Jim is polarizing.

Poll Question: Whose side are you on, Amber’s or Melissa ?  Melissa wins with 81%

P.S. Remember when I said that the TBA for Tuesday’s show meant they were still negotiating with someone?  Turns out it is fucking Kim Kardashian.


Filed under Andy Cohen, Bravo, Bravo Andy, Real Housewives of New Jersey, RHONJ, Watch What Happens Live, WWHL

66 responses to “Amber Marchese on WWHL: To Know Jim Is to Love Jim

  1. Pantaloons

    It’s, “the magnitude of his douchebaggery could clean a whales vagina”.
    Best quote evah in the history of ever!

    • Pantaloons

      Ahhh shit. Read that you had it as is in recap of ‘chicken Shits..
      My blunder.
      As you were.

    • It truly is a great line. I don’t believe for a minute, though, that Dina came up with it herself.

      I can see her having paid (or otherwise engaged) someone with some actual wit to have a few one-liners like that at the ready for her to throw out when situations arise.

      • True, if the line had come out of Rosie’s mouth there would be no question as to it’s authenticity.

      • Katie

        Rosie is too stoopid to come up with that herself. Why is it so hard to believe that Dina, who comes across as infinitely wiser than the rest of the cast, could be the author of that line?

      • @Katie:

        Yes, Dina does come across as infinitely wiser than the rest of the cast, but that is really saying nothing since the rest of the cast are complete morons.

        Dina may be clever, but she’s not that clever.

        She sounds very rehearsed when she says these things; no way did they come off the top of her head.

      • ​I think pretty much everyone has a mental arsenal of insults to pull from when necessary. That includes Dina.

        On Wed, Aug 13, 2014 at 5:14 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:


    • buck henry

      Amber was All over Him on WWHL, seriously.

  2. pfffttt

    I will defend Amber. Amber heard gossip and repeated it to Melissa. All women gossip with each other. Even men do it if they hear a rumor about one of their friends… It’s human nature. That was no reason for the twins to double team her.

    Jim did act like a douche though… He did. I can’t defend him. But I like Amber, I think she is standing up for herself.

    • Yes people gossip and when they do they should own what they’ve said and not continually deny it like a dumbass, especially if their gossip was caught on camera.

    • JenntheAUfan

      Amber was upset saying bobby was unload to them so that would make amber just as u nloyal. She obviously knows enough of Nichole to know if the rumor is true or not and since she decided to tell mellisa in confidence (in front of the camera) she should have added but its untrue or it happened but she just threw it out there and thats unfair. Now she doesn’t have the balls to even say yes I said it. Jim is doing his best to deny what he said and making fun of others iq and they are the ones not understanding that a camera records what you say

    • I think Amber would get along with Gina. They can never own up to anything, even when it’s filmed and is there for the whole world to see

    • Mina

      The problem is, when she told it to Melissa, she said what she said. But after Melissa ratted her out, she tried to downplay and word game so it didn’t sound like she was straight up talking about Nicole. That’s where the crap with her comes in. She acted like she was being attacked, when really she was being asked about what she did in fact say. When you run your mouth, you have to be big enough to own exactly what you said. That’s why we dislike her. Well, one of the reasons so far. Now, Melissa ratting her out was crappy too, but clearly they weren’t friends anymore. There was no need for Amber to think she could trust her. That was just stupid, and this is what happens when you run your mouth to the wrong person. People gossip, but don’t lie when you are busted doing it. Makes you look small. It’s on tape, for pete’s sake.

    • AJ

      Is jim really that horrible? He’s clearly not the toughest guy in the room so why is he crazy for not getting into Joe’s face and starting a fight? Yes, he went overboard with his talking head but I applaud him for not resorting to violence, whether he is physically able or not.

      • ​Jim is beyond horrible. The stuff they show on TV is just a fraction of his weasely ways.

        On Mon, Aug 11, 2014 at 6:44 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:


      • You yourself just pointed out that he was not the toughest guy in the room. I don’t know about “terrible” but he is an idiot. He did get in Joe’s face when he called him a dumb fuck. He deserved to have his ass kicked.

      • Cat

        Jim is back on Twitter (again), and telling everyone to watch the show carefully. He says the guys provoked him. Um…that’s not what I saw, but, whatever.

      • He won’t stop tweeting me even though I haven’t said a word to him all day. ​

        On Tue, Aug 12, 2014 at 4:39 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:


      • Cat

        Are you serious? So, he’s a stalker, too….

    • I agree that Amber was vilified a little bit. And I could have defended the gossip. What I cannot abide is Amber denying she ever said it over and over. And her finger snapping neck rolling attitude that led to her getting snatched bald headed. ​

      On Mon, Aug 11, 2014 at 3:43 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:


      • Sarahdecricker

        He seems like a grandiose liar. Can you imagine if Amber ever wanted out of that marriage. Scary.

      • vivaladiva831

        I wonder if Amber said it “on camera”. It was her voice saying it over a shot of the car driving down then road. I wonder if she got drunk and forgot, or maybe went in the bathroom and didn’t realize the mic would still pick up-obviously she said it, but I wonder where

      • Quotable

        This is my first time posting, but this site is often the remedy for my insomnia. TT, in both the post and comments, your take on Amber makes me laugh out loud.

        “Punks jump up to get beat down.” Amber needs that as a morning affirmation before she starts her day. It might help her make better decisions.

    • Katie

      Bullshit. Amber repeated it knowing it would air on national tv. Melissa told the twin because she knew it would appear on national tv and she would be complicit in the rumor had she kept it to herself. She knows how this game is played. Amber hated the twin dating Bobby and so did her idiot husband and they were trying to get Bobby to dump her. It’s as obvious as a whale’s vagina.

  3. Angel

    I wish David Arquette could be a guest once each with Tamra Judge, Aviva Drescher, Ramona Singer, and Nene Leakes, when they have appeared in one of their best of the worst shit stirring and delusional episodes. I loved how he was so frank. In 510 episodes, or whatever, of WWHL, this was a first!

  4. Mollymom

    “She’s a thug in a cocktail dress” is still my fav quote.

  5. Cat

    The impression I have of their marriage (from what I’ve seen and read so far), is Amber is the dominatrix, decked out in leather, whip at the ready, and her twitter twat of a husband is on all fours, being led around by leash and collar.

    • JenntheAUfan

      You left out the part about him crying and screaming his safe word over and over!

      • Katie

        honestly, I think he’s one of those guys who thinks he is the smartest guy in the room who is actually the most insecure guy in the room. Can you say small dick syndrome?

  6. Pell

    Been waiting for this recap. Spot on as usual. David Arquette was one fire last night. He wasn’t letting Amber get off easy but it did not come off as douchey cause he was funny about it, a lesson Jim could learn. She seemed flirty with David but if I had a lifetime supply of Summer’s Eve living with me I would probably flirt with anyone.

  7. betsybug

    “…and now he is butt hurt because people are not a dumb as he thought and his made up ridiculous story is now biting him in the ass.”

    ITA. At first I thought he forgot the cameras were rolling, but the Marcheses seem far too aware of exactly what they’ve joined for him to forget. Jim must have presumed that everyone – cast, “friends of” cast, and we, the viewers – isn’t smart enough to follow his stream of b.s.

    When 81% of viewers side with Melissa Gorga on a WWHL poll, it’s an early indication (to me, at least) that maybe these two need to be one-season wonders.

  8. Juvial Physicality

    Wait, what? Kim Kardashian? The Lard Ass, Kim Kardashian? Now, that’s what I would call, Double Dose, Triple Dose of Douchebaggery. Bet she will come with her Bagel Head attire.
    She would make a good guest along with Jim M. I like to see Andy C feign interest in all her 20 thousand like like like, all over her sentences.

  9. Whomever created that line – awesome!! what a visual!!

    Jim/James clearly has identity issues.allegedly..I am trying to give Amber the benefit of the doubt, I just can’t..she herself spent that “snitch” payout, on the backs of cancer patients.

    Yes Amber admits she needs fame and desires her children can hear mommy say “I wanted…” fame changes people.

    Amber clearly is used to being “spoken down to” aka disrespected in her beautiful

  10. fivecatsownme

    Amber’ s face fell when she saw 81% of the voters were team Melissa. She was gobsmacked.
    Does she plaster on the makeup with a tongue depressor? That lipstick has got to go.

  11. O.O

    Lol . Loved this recap . I was captivated . Wish I didn’t miss it because I’m lol’ing .

  12. pdt090

    I couldn’t help but feel bad for Amber watching this, I’ve never seen a housewife get dragged like that on WWHL before. She’s still a moron for pretending she didn’t say something that was caught on camera, though.

    • vivaladiva831

      Me too. The montage of all the women making fun of her was overboard. David Arquette was funny, but it was a little too much. They teamed up on her, and she was perfectly polite to them-regardless of how she has been on the show, it’s no worse than some others we have seen-Jim and Alexis, Tamra Judge, Taylor Armstrong, Peter and Cynthia.

    • HerDaughter

      I enjoyed the part when she told Andy that she WOULD have apologized…had Nicole acted different! LoL. She still couldn’t admit crap. It was a better WWHL!

  13. Micheal

    Not Kim Kardashian. Can’t stand the majory of the Kardashians.

  14. Microop

    Ugh I really dislike Melissa, and I do believe she heard of Ambers cancer and just never bothered to reach out, but yeah somehow I’m still team Melissa on this one. Why?! I hate when I have to side with housewives I dislike!!!!

    • vivaladiva831

      See I think I would pick Amber over Melissa. Keep Jim at home-I think Melissa is full of shit and a pretentious mean girl.

    • ​Wasn’t Amber living in Seattle when she got the cancer?

      On Mon, Aug 11, 2014 at 9:46 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:


      • Microop

        Even so, if Amber was a bridesmaid and close friend, unless Melissa isolated herself from all her friends she probably heard about it at some point. I don’t know for a fact, obviously, but I think it’s more likely she heard something then nothing.

      • Cat

        People react differently when someone they know has cancer. Some don’t know what to say, so say nothing. There is nothing wrong with that. I would personally rather people say nothing, instead of going on and on about how I remind them of someone who died from it.

        Chances are, Melissa didn’t know. If Amber was her friend and needed her support, she could have reached out to her friend and let her know.

      • HerDaughter

        Well put Cat. It’s personal and different for each person too. Not a good time for grudges. But such an easy time to fall into them!

  15. vivaladiva831

    I do not understand these women defending their husbands at all costs. I would have died of shame if my husband acted like Jim. I would have been Melissa (puke that pains me to say so), shoving Joe of camera whispering shut the fuck up and get back in the kitchen. To know Jim is to love Jim? I look at him and see smarmy, rat-fink, hiding around corners and behind bushes peeping at you. He is a snake and had major little man syndrome.

  16. kym

    Both Jim and Amber want to control everyone..they can stand in your face and yell but when you return it, they ask you to back up or I will sue. He got right in Joe’s face to call his “buttfluck”, but he didn’t want Joe in his face. Amber wants you to talk to her where she wants to talk – they she would have admitted to say that Nicole broke up a family..The both of them are controlling.

  17. azur

    I find Amber and Jim, but especially Jim, disturbing. They have no insight into how they behave or how it’s viewed by others. They’re clearly of low intelligence, Amber lower than Jim. Jim is clever and conniving for sure, thinks he’s smart as a whip (so does Juicy, for that matter), but really he’s just highly motivated to take advantage of everyone and everything he possibly can. At the first or second episode it was very upsetting to see Jim “showing off” his disciplinary chops at the dinner table by threatening the children with push-ups and God knows what else he does when the cameras aren’t rolling. Meanwhile, his oldest son is afflicted with terrible acne which will leave him with a face full of deep scars, just like Jim’s. You can see them if you look closely. That’s why he’s got the beard — to cover his pockmarks. Jim is so “smart” and has all that money and he doesn’t take his son to a dermatologist? Shame on him!

  18. HerDaughter

    Finally got to watch WWHL! Great recap and comments…dammit

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