RHONJ Recap: Chicken Shits and Nightingale Droppings

I have bird shit on my stupid face.

I have bird shit on my stupid face.


We’ll we are back to the shit stirring house husbands of New Jersey. Jim has announced that he has passed the bar (hmm I wonder what state that was in, I can’t seem to find any record of it) but that the is not an attorney.  Then in the next breath he is screaming in Joe Gorga’s ear that he “prosecutes bank fraud cases” and “works for the same Attorney General’s office that is prosecuting Juicy Joe.”  Um, hey there Mr. I Passed the Bar.  Federal fraud cases are prosecuted by an AUSA .  Sidenote: Jim’s second twitter account in as many days was suspended again just minutes ago. What the hell is he doing to get suspended?  Is threatening to sue the entire Internet a banable offense on Twitter?  Pity if true because it was really funny. He was also suing Bobby for breach of contract for some nonsense that seemed to be Bravo related. He is also ranting against Bravo who I am assuming is who really is having his accounts suspended. This guy is a joke.

Currently, he has Joe Gorga up in his face outside of Bobby’s house. Let’s watch how this turns out for him. He’s already threatening to call the cops. I’m sure he will be threatening to sue him any second. Oh and on his first twitter account, Good Ole Christian Jim said suing people was like sport fucking to him.  Do they not run psych tests on any of these people? RHONJ Jim Marchese

Jim’s nutbar talking head about why he doesn’t do fights. ” I’m trained as an attorney. If I want to hurt you, I’m going to sue you. I’m going to leverage your house. (I’m gonna let you finish Jim, but I don’t think you know what the word leverage means. I’m Just Saying) I’m going to give you three years of hell in a courtroom, I’m going to bleed you dry financially, I’m going to humiliate you as I depose you for 8 hours, and make you my bitch.”

Amber doesn’t have her keys. She asks Teresa to go get them for her because she doesn’t want to go back in. But Jim, in his infinite wisdom says he is going back in with her to get them.

Nicole is very upset that Amber and Jim caused a scene in front of people she has to see at the postal office and the Dunkin Donuts.

This show is so nuts this blog might not be done until midnight. The shit that flies out of Jim Marchese’s mouth is unbelievable. Teresa stupidly pulled them aside to confront him about saying that he didn’t want to associate with the Giudices. Jim launches into this whole bullshit story about the children and drinking and the safety of the Giudice family…none of it makes any sense. Teresa asks him again and he says he is the President of a “unsupervised title two bank.”  There is no such think as an unsupervised bank. All banks in this country are supervised (aka overseen by the government and held to strict regulations). He is (or was) I’ve seen some paperwork that his company is no longer in existence, allegedly.  I didn’t really care enough to investigate. But Mortgage Now is an unsupervised mortgage lending company.  The only “Title 2” I am aware of has to do with the Americans with Disabilities Act.  He says that his company prosecutes mortgage fraud. That is a ridiculous claim. In fact his company was investigated by the State of Washington for improper practices and he lost his license to have a mortgage company there. You see, Jim, the GOVERNMENT prosecutes fraud. They person running the fraudulent mortgage company does not. The Jim demands to know if anyone has an IQ about 12!!! I can’t stop laugh at this fool.

Dina says in her talking head, “Jim Marchese. The magnitude of his douchebaggery could clean a whales vagina.” Amen, Dina. Amen.

Nicole and Bobby fight. Nicole says that if Bobby ever speaks to Amber again she is done with Bobby. I don’t blame her.

Teresa and Joe have two huge dogs in a dog run in the back yard. What good do they do fenced in an enclosure? Maybe they are just in there for filming. Juicy has a surprise! He has bought some live chickens and a rooster. Because that is in the Martha Stewart Book of PrePrison Protocols. Or something. The chickens are nasty. Only Milania and Juicy like the chickens.

Dina had a bad date with the dude from the party.

Bobby goes over to Amber and Jim’s to try to fix things. Amber and Jim both lie. Bobby cuts all ties with them. Smart move Bobby.

The twins go over to Melissa’s. They all get along and talk about Jim.

Welp, the chickens didn’t last long. I guess the guard dogs were tempted by their tasty goodness and one of them got out and ate a couple of the chickens. So Joe and Rosie and Milania go to buy a few more chickens. Rosie is so sweet to Juicy and tells him she is just a phone call away if he wants to go out and grab a beer or something and get him mind off things.

Dina and Teresa got to meet Amber at a spa. Amber apologizes on Jim’s behalf. The girls get a bird shit facial. No. I am not kidding. It doesn’t seem to help Amber to fake cry for sympathy. I would have thought that the bird shit near the eyes would have helped with fake tear production. That hypothesis is now out the window. Amber says she is going to be like Jesus and forgive Melissa. Because Amber and Jim are good Christian people.

Lexi and Dina get matching tattoos.

Nicole and Bobby go to a gun range to blow off some steam. Nicole and Bobby are much closer now that he has gotten rid of Jim and Amber.

Amber and Melissa go to lunch to try to mend fences.  Amber lies again and accuses Melissa of lying. Melissa is over Amber. Amber better hope Teresa and Dina will still speak to her.


Filed under Gia Giudice, Joe Giudice, Joe Gorga, Kathy Wakile, Melissa Gorga, News, Real Housewives of New Jersey, RHONJ, Teresa Giudice

114 responses to “RHONJ Recap: Chicken Shits and Nightingale Droppings

  1. pfffttt

    Saw a different side of Milania when she was getting chickens, and she was actually very well behaved and polite to the “chicken lady.” LOL. Teresa’s kids are so adorable.

    I flip flop on Teresa. Sometimes I like Joe and Tre, and then I revert back to thinking they are crappy people.

  2. RealChicagoHousewife

    Dina has an interesting storyline this season. I’m entertained watching her. She’s had some good zingers and the scenes with Lexi are sweet. Teresa Guidice has a compelling story but it can’t really be told without compromising her case. I fast forward through the other scenes. The twins are predictable, Amber is going waay overboard with the acting, and we’ve all got Melissa’s number now so, what’s the point?

    • Scatty

      I too am liking Dina’s contributions so far. I don’t know but she somehow seems quite a cut above the rest to me. Maybe it’s the calm educated manner in which she speaks. As for Amber, Melissa and the twins, they all seem to be cut from the same cloth, imo, so far.

      • cb

        I have always loved Dina.. so glad she’s back.. I stopped watching the show until I knew she signed on…

      • minimogul

        I sooo agree about Amber, Melissa and the twins being cut from the same cloth. They are all trouble and waaayy tooo eager to turn on each other. Especially Melissa.

  3. Scatty

    Jim Marchese’s personality seems similar to Jacqueline Laurita’s imo. They both have no limits as to the depths they will stoop when trying to burn former friends by maliciously repeating on camera what was said to them in confidence in the past. When he thought he was “outing” what Bobby said about Nicole, it just made him look a douchebag. Any friends he has left must be wracking their brains by now, trying to think what potentially damaging tidbits they may have confided in him.

  4. Cat

    I asked Amber about Jim and his first twitter account being suspended. She said “duh. he did nit suspend it himself.” Whatever that means. I’m not sure what a “nit” is, but I think she meant “not”. She’s mad at me for calling him a pussy. I was right the first time. He IS a pussy, since he didn’t have the balls to apologize. His mommy/wife had to do it for him.

    I’m kinda liking Dina after tonight.

    • She’s “mad at you?” Honestly, I don’t think she gives two shits about you.

      • Eve

        Thats in between sips of Ramona Pinot while buying the entire collection of Nene’s rags.

      • Amber took the time to tweet back so Cat must have hit a nerve…

      • Cat

        I don’t expect her to give two shits about me. I don’t give two shits about her, or her douche of a husband. I was just having fun with her, and hit a nerve. I was actually quite surprised.

        Come to think of it, I don’t think I give two shits about Dlister, either. I don’t really care what anyone thinks.

      • Cat

        That goes for Eve, too. You are wasting your time. I am here because I am BORED. Not because I care about these twits.

    • JenntheAUfan

      Last week jim even got on Amber Twitter to fight with bobby. It was great. I mean there’s nothing scarier than men using twitter to threaten each other!

  5. Scatty

    I liked the dude-from-the-party’s interaction with Dina. Dina tweeted after the show that they are still in touch and that he is SMART! As opposed to her talking head opinion about his mental acuity I guess.

  6. Thanks TT!!! I see shows through your recaps. This show gets more boring every week!

  7. Sara with no H

    If you pass the bar, aren’t you an attorney anyhow? Even if you don’t practice?!

    • If you keep your bar membership active and in good standing you can practice as an attorney. If you disbarred or never passed the bar, not so much.

    • Ronnie

      Not if you are not sworn in. He seems to be a jack of all trades, master of none…

    • Ooh, I actually know something about this. My father’s an attorney and has an issue with a law clerk who passed the bar but hasn’t been admitted to the bar yet. He explained a bunch of stuff to me.

      Basically, when you apply for law school, you disclose every school you’ve ever been to, every job you’ve ever had, every mix up with the law you’ve ever had. And you start fresh. But, if you fail to disclose ANYTHING, or have any legal issues after law school, the state bar association can deny you membership. Even if you ace every test in law school and get the highest grade on the bar.

      Jim’s so damn shady, I would guess he didn’t disclose something. So he could go to law school, he could pass the bar, but probably the reason he isn’t an actual lawyer is because the bar association won’t swear him in. There’s something shady he did that he either didn’t disclose or he did after the original application.

      There’s a reason he’s not a practicing attorney, and I would bet dollars to (dunkin) donuts that it has to do with the bar association not accepting him or he didn’t want to go through with the bar association hearing regarding the issue. Why the hell would you go through all of that school, study for the bar, probably take out a hundred thousand dollars worth of loans to just be able to brag that you passed the bar exam and run a mortgage company? He’s shady.

      • treasureglen

        I agree. Something smells a little fishy.

      • treasureglen

        I just found a PDF of the Complaint-The-US-Government-vs-Jim-Marchese-Whistle-Blower-CaseS It says Jim graduated with a Juris Doctor from Seton Hall University in 2001. I only partially read the complaint, but there is an email in there that Jim sent to his superior. He knows the cancer drug doesn’t work for most cancers but thinks it is okay to allow doctors to continue to prescribe it to gravely ill paitients regardless of the type of cancer, admits he likes working the system, and wants to see how rich they can get. I don’t know if we are permitted to post sites on this venue. This guy is as bad as Giudice! In fact he may be worse – I am sure there were people who died while trusting in this drug. If that is the case, technically he is a murderer!

      • You would know all of that if you read the commenting rules. You would know about the other cases if you read the blog posts on them. You would know a lot of things if you would read more and comment less. ​

        On Mon, Aug 11, 2014 at 9:46 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:


      • What on earth makes you think he passed the bar?​

        On Mon, Aug 11, 2014 at 9:02 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:


      • It does happen. I’ve known quite a few attorneys and a couple who were practicing and decided they didn’t want to be lawyers any longer and started new careers. The legal knowledge is nice to have though. But given the facts about Jim’s past it could very well be a problem with misconduct on his part.

  8. Did anyone notice the differences in their faces when they were at the spa before and after they took off their makeup.

    • Oh I did. Dina didn’t look so bad. Tre had on a LOT of makeup before, I think she kept her eye makeup on. Amber looked a little exposed?

      • brillke

        Tre’s makeup was very orange. She definitely needs a lighter shade. A little less eye makeup would do her a lot of good too.

    • Actually Amber (pictured above) looks 10 years younger! Teresa looked tired. But she looked so clownish before. And at the first responders party, she really did look ridiculous in that nurses uniform with all the makeup and hair. She’s masking herself.

      Dina did look good. Like you said she looked the same with and without.

      • vivaladiva831

        I agree with TeeCee (which my phone tried to autocorrect to TreCee)-Teresa had aged, whether from the trial or the years. If you go back to the first season and look at Teresa you really can see it. And yes that Nurse’s costume was awful and cheap looking.

      • BH Wannabe

        Oh, God, when Teresa was shopping for costumes! Couldn’t decide which was worse: her HORRIBLE makeup or her HORRIBLE outfit (floppy hat/vest combo)… And yeah, she’s not looking so good–I mean for her. She never was particularly pretty at all!

      • Amber did look better with bird shit on her face. Her makeup is frightening.

    • Mina

      But what about when Amber was talking at the spa and she had the poop on her face and then didn’t, and then at the end, she did again. Messy edits.

  9. I like how easy it was for Bobby to ditch the ridiculous Marcheses. Good for you dude!

    • Mina

      Loved that part. You could see him shut them down in his head in the kitchen. That’s how I am. If you cause me drama, I shut it down. I like to watch it, but I can’t have it. lol

  10. Leelee

    Melissa Gorga is the biggest whore of them all. This bitch whore started so much shit. She called her sister in law out for the last 3 seasons and now she started so much shit on this new season. Take this whore off the show. Whore, Whore, Whore. Joe G. Theresa was right, your slut ass wife is a Whore and the biggest trouble maker of them all. What a trouble maker. Bravo love people like you, you Ugly Slut. Take this trouble maker off the show.

  11. I wonder about Bobby. Jim continues to taunt him and Nicole about the marriage thing. And he said Bobby hates Nicole and mocks her blah blah blah. I kinda might believe some of that? I’m not sure.

    • Valley View

      These Marcheses come off as jail house snitches they just keep making up the stories to suit their situation. What a little douche nozzle Jim was going on and on about what Bobby allegedly said about Nicole. I am inclined to think that may be how Jim feels about Amber.

      I can’t believe Dina told Jim that he is Amber’s bitch and she gives it to him up the ass.

    • RealChicagoHousewife

      I believe it. Bobby strikes me as the kind of guy who likes to be a big shot who will throw a woman under the bus rather than admit to his friends how much he likes her because he’s afraid of how he will look. Also, technically Amber didn’t lie when she said that in the car she was repeating gossip. She made it sound like she believed the gossip but she did end her comments with the whole that’s what is being said thing. Just a gut feeling…..

    • pdt090

      I’m sure he’s complained about her to Jim in the past. Who doesn’t complain to their friends about their significant other? Seemed like a big breach of trust for Jim to throw that back in his face the minute things went south.

      • I have never in my life comained about my husband to another person. I have great distain for this who do. It’s only a reflection on you if you do that. If you hav issues with a person, why would you be in a relationship with them??

    • Michelle

      I am kind of believing that Bobby has said some things also. There is some reason he is gunshy about moving forward with Nicole.

  12. Hmm, seems like I am the only one that thinks Bobby owes Jim an apology. Although he is gross, Bobby had no biz telling the other guys why he didn’t want hang out.

    Dina hit the nail on the head about Melissa.

    Amber was not lying. She did say she heard the rumor about Nicole. Although she was wrong for gossiping, I’m on her side in this. Melissa made the an unnecessary argument go down.

    I do not care about the twins one ounce.

    • O.O

      Even if Melissa said nothing the twins would of seen the footage of amber saying Nicole broke up a home . The outcome would of been the same .
      Amber is a two faced baby fool, a donkey . The twins are supposed to be her friends , why repeat the rumor to anyone ?

      • O.O

        Amber stirred the pot and got what she got . Although Dina was amusing on this episode she should keep her opinion about Melissa to herself and not stir up Theresa and start another family feud. Theresa’s comments about Melissa Tonight proved that Theresa has buried nothing and still hates Melissa, her comments gives amber fuel to annoy us more .oy!

      • AJ

        I don’t understand why some commenters say things like “Dina better keep her opinion about Melissa to herself” and that Melissa shouldn’t have said something to the twins about what Amber said. You do know that Melissa was supposed to tell since it was said during filming.. and that if Dina doesn’t put herself in the drama or at least comment on it, the viewers will call her boring and she won’t be invited back.

      • Thank you so much for “two faced…..donkey! Lord I needed that laugh today.

  13. Neptune

    Bobby is a coward!! You can tell Amber and Jim were telling the truth about Bobby trashing Nicole behind her back!!! Bobby gossips… Spineless… Gross…

    And Nicole is delusional if she thinks that the only possible response to Amber grabbing her wrists was pulling Amber’s hair. LOL!! :) Melissa and Nicole’s version of the fight is complete DELUSION! So funny!! Nicole was the violent one who was determined to humiliate Amber. Nicole didn’t want to talk!!

    Melissa is fake. Nicole is a loser living with her parents and dating a man who can’t stand her. And she knows it. So sad.

    This is a CAUTIONARY TALE. If you are IVY LEAGUE college-educated and have standards for your behavior, DO NOT HANG OUT WITH TRASHY COMMUNITY COLLEGE DROP-OUT losers who never learn from the failings of their countless get-rich-quick schemes! DON’T GO to their TACKY PARTIES!! They will TURN on you BECAUSE THEY CAN SMELL YOUR INTEGRITY ON YOUR BREATH!!

  14. Is Jacquelyn Laurita really coming back TT? I look forward to her being exposed, if true.

    I’m entertained so far this Season of NJ. I agree Amber is ridic thinking repeating the rumor was “in confidence” while ON CAMERA, lol. But also agree that Melissa is a stealth bitch and the twin had no business getting physical.

  15. DJ

    This Jim guy is such an a-hole. He actually has me rooting for Joe Gorga. This tiny moron appears to be a wee mortgage broker who thinks he is president of a bank. He can’t be helping his business by being a spiteful, arrogant little bitch on tv. Who in their right mind would want to do business with him? Let us know how that works our for you Jim!

  16. brillke

    Amber is the Alexis Bellino of NJ.

    • fivecatsownme

      She is about as dumb and pretentious, but all in all Alexis Bellini is nicer. Both Jim’s are douchy and suffer from inflated egos. Boils on the ass of humanity. How did Amber get a Masters? Does she write better than she articulates?

    • Gabriella

      @Brilke: my eyesight isn’t so great these days, and your photo always looks like a goblin at first, until I expand it, and it’s a cute little dog!

  17. Amber and Jim seem to not understand how all of this works. He was on Twitter (before he got suspended) crowing that if Bobby hadn’t told the Joes Jim’s reason for not being around them, Production would not have shown him speaking about it because it would not be a “storyline”. They seem to think they have some control over “storylines”.

    • RealChicagoHousewife

      What the hell can a person do to get suspended from Twitter? After seeing his rant on the show last night, I’m really curious to find out what Jim said that got him suspended.

    • BH Wannabe

      For real? Jim is so dumb. It was just sad watching Amber on WWHL attempting to defend her miniature husband while trying to appear likable.

  18. Mollymom

    A puppy for christmas and now chickens. Why are the Guidices buying more animals that will be homeless in a few months?

  19. delaney

    Teresa and Joe, both lying thieves, are clearly on drugs. Heavy downers to control their ignorant crazy real selves. Previous seasons have clearly shown exactly what they are. Teresa’s sick twisted attempts to get her brother’s affection and break up his marriage AND poison the relationship btwn M and J and hise parents is unforgivable. Esp
    .with 3 grandchildren involved.

  20. vivaladiva831

    No matter how you slice her, I’ll never like Melissa. I just can’t stand her.

    • Yeah, she rubs me the wrong way too. To me, she’s acting like she’s this actress (who can’t act) so she comes across phony and self-conscious. She’s lame and further emphasizes how fake it all is really. But she thinks she’s just working her acting gig. It seems some of the “cast members” of these franchises become affected by their newfound celebrity and that’s what Melissa reminds me of–she’s tripping like someone else we know (ahem Nene) except she thinks her acting is so compelling and no one can tell, hahahahaha! In fact, she’s unremarkable. Just like her singing, she needs acting lessons. Nice try though.

    • Gabriella

      Me neither.

  21. Eve

    I think passing the bar in Jersey means walking past a drinking establishment.
    I think thats where Phaedra passed the bar.

  22. “Trained as an attorney” = couldn’t pass the bar.

    I know quite a few people who made it through l;aw school but never practiced. They know almost nothing about law.

  23. Riley

    Just catching up on last night tv. In the middle of WWHL and Amber and her ridiculous husband are taking some hits. This is soooooo funny. Can’t wait for Tamara to blog on it…..for I iknow how delicious it will be. :)

    • Angel

      I liked the Amber and David Arquette dust up on WWHL. I loved that David was polite but didn’t hold back with his opinion of Jim. Why does Andy have these people watch the episode prior to air if not to have an idea what is going on, and I was glad Andy did not try to coddle Amber. Maybe with him, she is Teresa’s replacement for always getting the hot seat. I loved what Dina said to Jim, that guy needs to be shut down. TT could do a log of his lies, like Calab on BB. Dina said on twitter that Sonja Morgan showed up at Serendipity while on her date and was very funny. I bet she sat on muscle head’s lap. I never caught his name, sorry. Teresa said the chickens came from Joe’s dad’s place in upstate NY. It seems that I remember he was working on building chicken fence at Joe’s when he died of heart attack. I think Bobby cannot be too great or he would not be bf with Jim for 15 years. I think the worm will turn and he will pick back up with Jim, with or without Nicole.

      • Angel

        I also meant to say I wonder if moving the chickens was in preparation for his parents to possibly move into the mansion while Joe goes to “college”. They could help hold things down with or without Teresa being in college at the same time.

      • You’re an Angel to use euphemisms. So Cute. Giggles.

  24. Treasureglen

    If you graduate law school, you are an attorney. However, you have to pass the bar to practice law but you can only practice in the state where you took the bar. (There is some reciprocity between states but I won’t get into that.) Perhaps Jim meant to say he is not a practicing attorney.

    • Graduating from law school does not make you an attorney. Getting a job as an attorney makes you an attorney. ​

      On Mon, Aug 11, 2014 at 6:36 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:


      • treasureglen

        An attorney is defined as a lawyer. A lawyer graduates from law school. Also, there are many definitions for attorney For example one definition for attorney in Black’s Law: “in the most general sense, the term attorney denotes an agent or substitute for one who is appointed to act in the place of another.” However, that generally means someone who is acting in the capacity of a “Power of Attorney”, which is not necessarily what we might think of as an attorney. BTW, my husband gave me the general definition of the term attorney that I wrote earlier – he has been an practicing attorney for 45 years.

      • treasureglen

        I believe I read somewhere that he is involved in some capacity with a fraud case filed by his mortgage company. That doesn’t mean he is acting as an attorney. He may be a witness.

      • ​You are the reason commenting rules exist. Please read them. Read #3 a few times. And then have a seat.

        On Mon, Aug 11, 2014 at 8:49 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:


      • Oh so he has dementia…. That explains things. ​

        On Mon, Aug 11, 2014 at 8:18 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:


      • I would love to see an example of when Jim acted in a legal capacity, “power of attorney”, for someone. He runs a two buck mortgage company.

  25. Microop

    I thought if you pass the bar you are an attorney, but you can choose whether to practice and maintain your license or not. I thought it was like if you get a doctorate you are a dr. Whether you prefer to be called mr or mrs, you still have earned the credential. Am I mistaken?

  26. Angel

    At some point, Jim will probably claim he is a doctor. If he has a law degree, it is a J.D., Doctorate of Jurisprudance. I sort of laugh about a local jeweler. The old guy was educated to be an eye Dr. He never practiced, instead went into the family’s diamond business, still insisting everyone call him Dr. 60 years out of school.

  27. Theosmom42

    I’ve finally watched the lastest episode and all I can say is, WOW, just Wow. That Jim Marchese is a piece of work. Delusional!! One only has to Google a few times to see this guy has NO CLUE about the law. He has countless law suits filed against his company/himself and has tried to counter sue without success in most cases. The NY Times did an article about him in which the “whistle blowing” suit he filed WITH the government backfired and led to an investigation on HIM. Even his custody issues with his ex…he’s tried several times to get sole custody and all three time his motion(s) were dismissed due to lack of evidence in his claims against his ex. In fact in the last one he tried in 2013 the court clearly states: “As a preliminary matter, we note that plaintiff’s (Marchese) appeal brief is procedurally deficient.1  In violation of requirements of Rule 2:6–10, the spacing, font type, and font size were inconsistent throughout the brief, making it difficult to read.   See Almog v. Israel Travel Advisory Serv. Inc., 298 N.J.Super. 145, 155–56 (App.Div.1997) (describing formatting violations as “serious”), certif. dismissed, 152 N.J. 361, cert. denied, 525 U.S. 817, 119 S.Ct. 55, 142 L. Ed.2d 42 (1998).”
    And this guy is telling everyone how he will hurt them in a court of law? Dina had is right, what a douche!!! Looks like he’s the one with a 12 IQ, he does realize what he says is being filmed? He needs to go back to school…

  28. emily

    Wow, Tamara- you are a BITCH to your readers.

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