Two seasons ago we were blessed with a self-absorbed pathological liar who never saw a mirror she didn’t like. He name was Danielle Murphree and I wrote her autobiography here based on stupid shit she said on the live feeds. It’s a good read even if you are not a big brother watcher. This season, we have Caleb Reynolds who is a pathological liar of Danielle Murphree proportions. I wonder if she is seeing anybody. Can you imagine a Caleb and Danielle showmance? Danielle’s imaginary cancer was something to behold. How do these people pass the psyche eval? I assume there is some one question test. Do you have mental health issues? No? Okay fine, welcome to the Big Brother house.
I’ve been keeping up with Caleb’s lies since the beginning of the season. This thread is a compilation of Caleb’s lies since the first day. I will update them as more arise. I figured it was time to finally group them together and get something up because, I think Caleb’s time on Big Brother 16 may be nearing an end.
So grab some popcorn and enjoy the many, many, lies of Caleb Reynolds.
He never had a happy meal as a kid.
His mother worked 7 days a week to put food on the table, yet his maternal grandfather is a land baron worth millions.
His granpappy made him eat raw squirrel guts as a kid to toughen him up.
Used to go cow tipping until he grew up and realized it could kill the cows.
When he was four he was in the hospital with two broken ankles. The doctor said he would never walk again. While he was in the hospital, an African man came in and grabbed Caleb by the ankles and healed him. His parents missed the whole thing because they were at McDonald’s. The doctor said it was a medical mystery. After this, his father the preacher would hold Caleb up during sermons about miracles.
He won a poetry competition with a poem about concentration camps and a senator (or was it the governor?) came to hear him recite it.
He was the only white guy on his high school basketball team.
He was the star football player in high school he set a record once with five interceptions in one game.
His dad was in special forces in the army.
His dad is a preacher.
His father owned a construction company with 1000 employees. They built 30 houses everyday.
His dad made $50,000 an hour, and built the biggest house for nine counties around. It had multiple movie theaters and horses.
His father invented a new breed of dog, it’s a cross between a bulldog and a dogo argentine. He sells pups for $2000 each.
He attended West Point for two years before dropping out.
Caleb’s Employment History:
He failed his psych test when he returned from active duty. There was nothing wrong with him because seven other people failed the same test. The psychiatrist just pushed his buttons and then passed on bad reports on him to the next psychiatrist.
The Indianapolis Colts were scouting him right before he entered the house.
He works at Lowes.
He’s a professional country singer who was asked to cut an album, he turned them down because he was too busy working at Lowes.
He was offered roles in pornos, but turned them down.
He was asked to be a Chippendale dancer, but turned them down.
He was a Sports Illustrated model who posed nude except for a strategically placed fireman’s helmet. He had only 4% body fat for the shoot and could not do a single sit up because it was just muscle on muscle.
He is a Wilhelmina Model.
He is a Calvin Klein Model.
He created a clothing line called Not of This World.
He turned down Wilhelmina Models to become an actor. When he leaves the house he will be getting many lead actor roles in major motion pictures.
He was offered a bit part in the Pirates of the Caribbean movie where he had one line to say to Johnny Depp because Depp’s stunt man was dating his friend. She got him the gig and they offered him $1,000,000 but then she got knocked up and that ruined everything.
He’s a professional song writer.
He plans to be the next John Legend or Alan Thicke when he leaves the house.
He’s a professional dog groomer.
He’s a professional juggler.
He’s a professional dance instructor.
He’s a personal trainer with lots of clients.
He’s a professional horse whisperer.
He’s a dietician.
He’s a nutritionist.
He served somewhere between 11 months and four years active combat duty depending on the story.
He was a paramedic in the military. During his combat, he put tourniquets on many of his buddies after they had limbs blown off.
He was a jailer in the prisons in Iraq where he tazed a prisoner who was incarcerated for not paying his child support.
He used to be a factory worker where he made the biscuits for Red Lobster.
Caleb’s Relationships With Women:
Caleb’s philosophy of dating, “Of course, once a week, once every two weeks, I want to dress up nice, me and my old girlfriend go out. I want to be that guy that gets to open the door for her, smack her on the butt. She looks back at me and says, ‘what?’. You know, ‘you’re my girlfriend’, you know what I mean. ‘Sit down, shut up’. Close the door, I get in the drivers seat.”
He waited on Amber for 28 days, and never in his life had heput $500,000 on the line for nobody. And he dated a girl for four years and wouldn’t even buy her Pop Tarts when she was hungry.
He cured his girlfriend of her drug addiction and led her to Jesus, all without ever buying her so much as a poptart. People openly laughed at him while telling the story.
The female producers in the diary room are all in love with him.
When he was at the airport on his way to BB, he said he saw Amber. He fell in love instantly and new GOD had sent her to him. Then he when he saw Amber in the BB house, he fell in love with her because they have so much in common. Just like him, she eats using meal plans and reads the bible.
All the bars in his Kentucky town are packed with whores every night who throw themselves at him because he and his brother (the minister) are the hottest guys in town.
Caleb’s Realty TV Experience:
He had to choose whether to go on in BB or Survivor first. Because Allison is over both of them. And he was chosen for both.
He was almost a finalist on The Voice.
He made it through all the interviews and stuff for Survivor.
He made it to the finals for The Amazing Race.
His family was hired by the TruTV network for a hunting show. Or maybe a bounty show the show never happened.
His family was hired by Discovery Channel to film 5 seasons of the TruTV show but that didn’t work out.
He almost did The Bachelor and there was so much paper work involved! He decided not to do it after all that work because he was not sure he was stable enough.
He’s doing Naked and Afraid next.
He also wants to pitch his own show where he goes around the country and dates fat ugly girls. He will pick them up in a horse-drawn carriage and be sweet to them because some girls never get to date.
Caleb’s Talents and Skills:
He can type over 100 words per minute and could be a court stenographer (he didn’t know the job title).
He only poops once or twice a week because he only eats super nutrient rich foods and there is not much his body doesn’t use. (Or else he is full of shit all the time.)
He restores Harley Davidsons.
He pierced his nipple with a needle and a cork.
He’s a certified scuba diver.
He is psychic and always knows who is going to be picked for veto before the names are drawn.
He speaks Spanish fluently.
He speaks Arabic fluently.
Perhaps one day he will speak English fluently.
He can drink 30 Bud Lights without getting drunk.
He enjoys giving intravenous fluids .
He enjoys wrestling with men, cuddling men, ogling men, grinding on men and sleeping with men.
He enjoys wearing mascara and nail polish on TV.
He enjoy’s watching movies, especially romantic comedies. The Notebook is his favorite movie.
He can push a rolled up dollar bill through a potato.
He can pop a wheelie on a motorcycle at 100 mph.
He can kill a pig with a stick.
He’s an awesome snowboarder who was grinding the rails as soon as he started snowboarding.
He’s never played soccer, but he already knows he’s great at it and could play professionally if he wanted to.
He’s a great gymnast who does lots of cool tricks like backflips and one-handed cartwheels.
He’s a squirrel rescuer.
He knows all the formulas and volumes to be a hair stylist.
He’s a squirrel killer, he once killed a garbage bag full of them.
He’s resistant to mosquitos. Mosquitos never bite him. Ever. He’s never had a mosquito bite.
He has completed the cinnamon challenge many times without issue.
He’s a great table flipper. Four days after he returned from Iraq he went out drinking with some buddies and a bunch of, he called them Hajjis (Sidenote: He seems to think that is a derogatory term for Arabs but it’s really a term for Muslims who have made the trip to Mecca) sat next to them and his fluency in Arabic let him know they were talking about the various neighborhoods in Dallas they lived in (Sidenote: There are not Arabic words for Dallas neighborhoods) So he flipped their table and went all angry man. A female police officer slammed him on the hood of her patrol car and he threatened to beat the brakes off of her. He was so muscular that they could not cuff him because his arms would not reach. So she decided to just let him go if his buddies promised to take him straight home.
He’s a fourth degree black belt in…. something. Said right before he fell on his ass displaying his skills on national TV.
He’s a drummer.
He went to the state championship for darts in high school.
Updates to follow as Caleb Reynolds’s lies continue on …Big Brother 16.