Real Housewives of Orange County: Valentines and Birthday Whines

RHOOC Season 9 Cast

 

Vicki and Tamra go for a walk so that Tamra can bitch about Ryan getting married. Tamra is right though, everything that happens to Vicki happens to her, divorce, kid with a health scare, wedding, and soon baby.  Tamra and Vicki talk about Shannon. Vicki tries to explain to Tamra that she needs to apologize. Vicki wants Heather to apologize too. Fat chance.

Lizzie is having a birthday party. She’s turning 34 and has life all figured out. Must be nice. Heather is going to Vegas, so it is safe for Shannon to come. Heather wants to have a Valentine’s Day party. Vicki and Shannon have already declined. Is that some sort of Quiet Riot tribute on the wall with all the records and the guitar? How does Shannon allow that?

At Lizzie’s birthday no one is showing up. Lizzie’s boobs are oddly smashed into her dress. Shannon’s sick. Tamra’s kid is sick. Heather is in Vegas.  That leaves Vicki and that one brunette girl, Pam or whatever.  It seems I am not the only one who did not believe Tamra’s excuse. Lizzie and Vicki talk in the limo and it becomes obvious to Lizzie that Tamra is a shit stirring liar. She’s starting to pick up on the lay of the land.  I feel sorry for Lizzie sitting at a restaurant table for 12 with just her husband and Vicki and Brooks. What a sad birthday.

The evil step sisters Heather and Tamra plan a trip to Bali. Vicki is their first call. Vicki is in charge of making the girls aware that Bravo has made this trip as an all in, housewives brawl in foreign lands trip. Christ Bali is far. I guess it is five hours closer if you live on the west coast? Nope, it’s a 15 hour flight from ATL and  19.5 from LAX. UGH. This is a miserable trip with miserable travel companions. I can’t imagine the hell this will be. RHOOC Lizzie Birthday

Oh no, apparently, Vicki called Lizzie and Pam, dumb and dumber before getting on the party bus and Lizzie heard her. Jesus. Just when we thought Vicki was behaving. Lizzie is going to try to let the dumb and dumber comment go.

Shannon is neurotically packing up her kid and hubby for the school trip to Rome.  She has neck pillows, compression socks, sleep masks, thirty homeopathic medications, chewing gum, Sophia just wants to pack some clothes.

Heather’s Valentine’s party at the St. Regis (the number one promotional consideration for Bravo) is very elegant. Shannon was not invited. Lizzie tells Tamra that Vicki said she did not want to come to her birthday party. For once, I agree with Heather. It was a dumb move over all, but especially at a dinner party just before everyone was seated. Perhaps this is a deliberate payback for Heather?

So far, I have had time to check various flight times to Bali, and pluck chin hairs, and I am still caught up on the show and watching commercials.

Oh they are finally seated. Terry teaches the guests how to pop rose petals. Eddie has flowers delivered to the event for Tamra for their first Valentine’s as a married couple. Gay husbands send the best floral arrangements. Terry wants to know what they are going to do if “Shannon breaks.” Breaks what, Terry? Your face? Are you serious implying as a doctor that you think Shannon is going to have a psychotic break you pathetic wannabe housewife? You make Peter Thomas look camera-shy. Lizzie, who was doing so well, says Shannon will break, but that she doesn’t want her too. Oh, she explains. She says that when Shannon is in Bali, which is a spiritual place, she will like have a break through and get more in touch with her feelings and stop being so pent up and explosive. Or something. She made it sound like a good thing.

Heather, who is well-known for her really stupid ice breaker games has outdown herself. Tamra asks Pam, or whoever, if she does anal. Hell, Tamra, Pam’s picture is in the wall paper catalog.  Eddie says Tamra does do anal when she is drunk which is all the time. I’m sure it’s Eddie’s favorite position. Lots of anal sex talk ensues.  Charming.

And then Heather and Tamra meet Vicki and Shannon at a bar called STARFISH. Kidding not. The goal for the wicked step sisters is a ceasefire to allow Shannon to mop up the bodies of dead children and their mothers before bombing her hospitals and mosques. Wait, wrong tragedy, but really, it’s a very small-scale version of any one-sided global attack on the under armed opponent. Heather starts talking about cycles and reincarnation and salvation. She is making no sense but she is sort of speaking Shannon’s language. So this could work. Shannon has never been on a girls’ trip. She agrees to go. Hallelujah. I can’t wait for the girls to find out how Shannon packs for a trip.

Next Week: They are in Bali. It looks amazing. And I don’t just mean the ginormous elephant dick.

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82 Comments

Filed under Brooks Ayers, Danielle Gregorio, Heather Dubrow, Real Housewives of Orange County, RHOOC, Shannon Beador, Tamra Barney, Tamra Judge, Terry Dubrow, Vicki Gunvalson

82 responses to “Real Housewives of Orange County: Valentines and Birthday Whines

  1. Bran

    I am so done with Tamra, especially with next weeks preview. She’s trying way too hard to keep her position as a housewife.

  2. Bren

    Lol at the Peter Thomas remark.

    • Skeeter

      I liked that too LOL. Major shade. I may not even need sunscreen today!

    • momoffourkids

      I cracked up about the Eddie and Peter comparison as well. YOU my dear friend are a wonderful addition to so many of our lives. I so enjoy reading your posts. I read about shows I have never even watched, just because you make me laugh. Thank you.

  3. fivecatsownme

    The vision of Eddie and Tamra making the beast with two backs has got to be removed from my mind. Shannon had better pack a taser for that Bali trip, and from the sneak peak at next week, Lizzie should too. I am just waiting for Vicki to snatch Tamra bald headed after the Brooks comment.

    • Micheal

      I’m sure Eddie wishes he could remove it from his mind too.

    • pepper

      fivecats, are we talking about tamra telling vicki in the previews that “brooks wants to duck me” ? If so, I think shit stirring tamra is relaying to vicki that someone else said that (lizzie maybe).

      Even though the clever Bravo editing makes it look like different in the preview, something about the way she said it still made me think Tamra’s talking about someone else.

      • fivecatsownme

        I thought I heard her say Brooks wants to fuck me. Referring to herself. She is a piece of work.

      • I think its going to be Tamra accusing Lizzie of saying Eddie wants to fck her. So, in the preview Tamra is trying to get Vicki on her side by saying “Brooks wants to fck me.” Since Tamra doesn’t seem to be able to tell the truth, this will probably just be another one of those situations. Tamra needs to go.

      • fivecatsownme

        Maybe the other women will impale Tamra on the elephant’ s dong in Bali.
        Maybe this will be the show when Tamra runs from the table crying. It wish she had cried and run from the table instead of discussing her sex life.

      • Tamra’s just made because Eddie won’t duck her anymore.

      • fivecatsownme

        Momof2, so eddies doing the dolphin noise? Nnnnoooo? I can see that.

      • Skeeter

        To me it sounded as if she was joking with Vicki but who knows. You know Tamra is the hottest housewife afterall! LMAO! It took me 5 minutes to type that – I couldn’t finish through the laughter. The pics I’ve seen of Tamra lately look really rough (rougher than usual) – is she still taking that testosterone? If so, she needs to stop.

      • beverly

        I think she was talking about someone else too.

      • momoffourkids

        I think that it will be about Lizzie and Brooks as well. I think it is a Bravo trick as usual. The worst was the ‘leg toss’ that we all knew Aviva did herself and was never harmed by any HW.

      • Ca

        I totally thought the same thing when I watched that preview clip about “Brooks wants to *duck* me.” She was obviously repeating something someone else supposedly said to incite Vicki. They wouldn’t be snuggling in bed face-to-face if they were having such a contentious conversation. Love TT’s blog and the comments, I laughed out loud so many times reading both (not common for me)! You girls are so spot on! I hope they get rid of the “wicked step-sisters” Heather and Tamra after this season. It is TV and I don’t mind the drama, but the staged contrived drama isn’t even interesting. It’s too scripted now, mainly due to Heather and Tamra’s bad acting. It reminds me of Season 2 of Jersey Shore, where everything that happens was obviously carefully planned, staged, and rehearsed before shooting. Reality TV it is not.

  4. heather is just trying to avoid apologizing, and shannon is so pathetically eager for them all to get along that she doesnt call her on it. all i’m thinking is “dont go, shannon!” sacrificial lamb situation in the making… i have really started to hate heather. every time i see her face i think “i Hate her.”
    for some stupid reason i noticed shannon has much nicer boobs than heather does (flattie). another thing for heather & terry to be jealous about.
    terry is such a negative putz all the time, but i’m sure heather drove him to it. thought his dolphin comment was pretty funny, tho. i’ve done that, too.

  5. mark

    Am I the only one that finds Dr Dubrow oddly attractive???

    • dallasmom

      Ewww! Not at all!

    • LOL Yes and no?! He reminds me of my husband in a way. Love him on Botched.

    • I don’t know it might just be you because I don’t see it. What I find him to be is really sleazy

    • I find him attractive because he is accomplished, confident and funny. And he has no visible warts or open sores.

    • Victoria

      No, I do too

    • BH Wannabe

      Yeah! He’s friendly, super successful, and I think the reason he participates so much (which I actually have no problem with) is because he has his own show and is used to being on camera. And he has radical glasses!

    • he is negative when talking to/about patients. i’d rather have paul operate on me any day. he’s positive & nice to patients. i remember terry even from the face. i think he leaves plenty of women feeling bad about themselves. he looks like the putz he is, & his nose looks like a turd. his comment about shannon is actionable, as far as i’m concerned. what a douchebag. no doctor should say that kind of thing in public & on camera

    • Ca

      I love him on Botched, he and Paul have such a great Bro-mance vibe (Paul looks great on that show BTW, divorce has been good for him!). His efforts to be a major character on RHOC fall flat with me, though. Real, confident, straight men don’t tend to play into petty gossip and drama so much. The fact that he does is so off-putting, especially when he’s supposedly a medical professional trusted with treating many sensitive subjects with respect and confidentiality.

    • ABSOLUTELY! whatever charm, his personality, money and love of onion rings has completely left the building. He is Heather’s personal syncophant.

    • jrleaguer

      @Mark~ I do too. I also enjoy seeing him on Botched with Paul. As someone described earlier, it is a great bro-mance. It is good to see Paul in a different light….Adrianne (Sp?) sucked all of the life out of the guy. David reminds me of how Paul used to be…dejected.

    • SaraSally

      His behavior has become more bold this season. Prob, because he knew his show was in the can and on the schedule while this season was filming. On Botch, both Drs. have gotten a considerable amount of facial surgery done.

  6. Didn’t get to watch rhoc tonight, but i still had to read this blog, I love the shade towards Eddie ” gay husbands send the best floral arrangements” lol, couldn’t be a more fitting statement lol.

  7. fivecatsownme

    Heather was a little more subdued this episode. I think she might make up with Shannon. It seems like Tamra is jealous that Vicki’ s new bestie is Shannon. I hate Tamra.

  8. Tamra cancelled because she didn’t want a confrontation with Shannon. Shannon cancelled because she didn’t want a confrontation with Tamra. Why does Shannon get a free pass on the too rude for words cross? They both cancelled WAY last minute. I don’t get it.

    Shannon’s daughter going to Italy….well, this is not picking on a child. It’s picking on the mother. GIVE THE KID SOME POTATOES and stop with all the eye of newt shit. Poor kid was pale and gaunt with big circles under her eyes. All her girls look like that. Get them some steaks and real nutrition. Sorry. Had to.

    The end of the dinner party turned my stomach. I’m not a prude. Far from it. But I don’t want to hear about these old bats doing anal anymore than i care about Kim zolziak’s “pussy lips flapping in the wind”. Just no. Not dinner conversation.

    • GCVLMV

      I agree. Unfortunately, I am a bit of a prude. I cannot imagine having these type of conversations at dinner. So gross.

    • Skeeter

      I’m glad you said that about her children. I feel the same way. They look awfully pale and dark under eye circles are not a good look on anyone, especially young kids! Even the daughter who has David’s skin tone has dark circles under her eyes (can’t think of her name right now).

    • lizzie knew well ahead of time that shannon was sick but trying to make it.
      the scene w shannon’s family saying goodbye was adorable. they are clearly a close family. could have done without the discussion of a new pair of jeans a day (who does that traveling europe?) & the supplements, but it was normal & sweet, unlike heather’s dirty sanchez discussion w her assistant (ew).

      • I don’t think that anything about Shannon and her family is adorable. She is a loon and he is a retard.

      • dallasmom

        I think Shannon’s family is so sweet. Her husband too! Not many husbands would take off work to chaperone a field trip abroad!

      • ​Oh I think most husbands married to Shannon would. I like Shannon, but suspect a break would be welcomed…

        On Tue, Jul 29, 2014 at 6:08 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

        >

    • Patti R.

      Hi teecee66,
      I just about fell out if my chair laughing about the “anal” comment of yours and then Kim’s “parts” flapping in the wind !!!!!!!!!! So totally descriptive. I can’t get the pictures out of my head!!!
      I just love you and Tamara T! I would almost swear that both of you are related in some way!!!!

  9. Micheal

    As a gay man I could not imagine marrying a woman and having anal with her; especially not Tamra. Every time I see Eddie with Tamra he always looks so embarrassed and uncomfortable by her demeanor and what comes out of her mouth. Eddie, give me a call ;).

  10. GCVLMV

    What was with all the flashbacks this episode? Are these women so boring they can’t edit together 45 minutes of TV?

  11. ericzku

    Cripes, would it kill these men to wear a tie with their dress shirts and jackets at the St. Regis? The women are in cocktail dresses and the men look…clumsily and incompletely dressed. At least Christian did it better than the others by wearing a sport shirt, rather than a dress shirt, under his jacket…but for the occasion, location, and ladies’ appearance? Too casual.

  12. Fairplay

    Ummm……can we say gaslight.

    As always great recap.

  13. havent seen the show yet tonite but seriously if anal is the topic of conversation then im done with this show….that is not entertainment

  14. Tamara I love you! Back when Heather had her “Hoe-down” breaking ground party.. Terry confronted Tamra and I said he’s acting like a housewife and people jumped down my throat! I’m so glad someone else sees it. Last week or 2 weeks ago when he was mocking David, I was embarrassed for him. I can’t stand Tamra and Heather has just gotten worse as the season goes on. Lets just get to the reunion already.

  15. Sequoia

    I know of one gay husband who could use a little help in the Best Floral Arrangement department. :(

  16. Joro

    Anyone notice how Heather whispers to Terry what to say. First or one time when they were watching TV with the children and she whispers to Terry for the children to praise mommy and congratulate her. Whoo hoo.
    Another time when they were at Shannon’s Christmas party when they were on their cell phone and Vicki busted them.
    Shucks I forgot the other times. LOL

  17. fivecatsownme

    That elephant better run. NeNe needs a new purse.

  18. syd3

    I am constantly amazed at how quickly these recaps get out — this kind of skill should serve you well in law school, T.

  19. marc

    Those zombies alias O.C Housewives will psychologically slaughter Shannon in Bali. I truly hate their behavoir towards her & hopefully Lizzie will intervene & once again save the day T.T thanks for your blog its been the highlight of my day. YOU TRULY HAVE THE GIFT WITH WORDS ; such a joy to read your take on these maladroits Much regard for you the time you spend keeping us informed & most of all roaring with laughter & delight I hope you write this blog forever

  20. Taped it, but couldn’t bring myself to watch it. Lizzy’s bday party sounded way to depressing.

  21. I agree with teecee, Shannon is a loon and David looks like he’s on a whole shit load of downers.

  22. Din

    Shannon is thoroughly entertaining me. I don’t say this often but she was extremely well cast by Bravo. If anything she kinda goes to waste on OC, she should be on the Beverly Hills version.

    Not every girl should grow up thinking she has to eat a big ass potato every day!

  23. jrleaguer

    While the “table talk” was a bit off putting, at least Heather’s game did not end up in a throw down like NeNe’s did.
    I feel for Shannon’s daughters. Hopefully, as they enter their teen years, they do not develop eating disorders….or drinking problems for that matter. Mom seems to be a pro at justifying her love of vodka as long as it is in healthy mineral water or grapefruit juice.
    I would not have blamed David for booking one way ticket to Rome….they do have an amazing St. Regis there.

  24. Mary

    Shannon is my favorite OC housewife.
    Heather you need to get over yourself.

  25. Frankie

    This will be my last season watching RHOC. I’ve watched from day one but it’s just way to contrived now. Every scene is a party or a trip. No one does that! They are all ridiculous and Tamra is a horrible cartoon character. I saw her on WWHL the other day and she looked AWFUL! A caller asked what all she had done to her face and she said she had just gotten a little filler. She looked like Baby Jane! Caked on make up and all. She needs to be fired. She’s has a nerve calling Shannon unstable. Note her response to her son’s wedding announcement! Plus, she’s a horrible fake crier.

  26. momadison

    I don’t watch anymore, I just can’t with these HW’s anymore in real time, but keep abreast from TT’s blogs so maybe this has been addressed….has anyone told Tamra to calm her tits because she’s crying over shit that involves the mother of the BRIDE, not the Groom!? You don’t get a say in date, venue or dress, ever! Some DIL’s do invite the groom’s mom to dress shopping but it’s rare and given how you acted at that dinner last week, don’t count on any forthcoming solicitations for advice. Way to make it all about you Tamra…can you imagine the cheap ass ho pageant dress she will wear to the wedding?

    • S

      I dont like to defend Tamra but I dont think her meltdown was because it “didn’t include her in the planning”, even though that was what she was stuttering. I think it was because her son and his very, very new girlfriend had the gall to start booking venues and making official plans without even telling her ( the only parent) right away as soon as they decided to get married. It is extremely disrespectful, similarly to Briana eloping with a guy Vicki barely knew without telling her first. No matter the age of the child, if their parents are alive they should tell them their news before they get married or sign contracts. Im sure they waited till after after booking arrangements to tell Tamra becaue they knew she would have said no, but honestly, what parent wouldnt ? Despite their own mistakes every parent wants what is best for their child. Eddie’s advice doesnt make sense, but it comes from some one who is not a parent : to let Ryan make his mistakes because he is an adult. I don’t think any parent would let their child make a trainweck decision sso they could “later learn from their mistake”.

  27. Late adding but wtf with Shannon and the potato lecture. What’s wrong with your girls eating a carb every now and then. Seriously, that is not teaching these girls healthy body image.

    • ​I think Shannon just wanted more vegetable variety. Nobody needs to eat a baked potato every day. Some guys are just like that. Meat, a baked potato and some vegetable they don’t really eat but just sits on the plate. David apparently is one of those guys. I don’t think Shannon is anti-potato. It’s the same issue as feeding kids nothing but chicken nuggets and French fries for half of their formative years…

      On Thu, Jul 31, 2014 at 2:26 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

      >

  28. Just watching the VDay party. They really should of had a barf bag disclaimer. NO ONE needs to here about Tamra’s anal with Eddie. PUKE!!!!!

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