While I have a few minutes, let’s check in on the last two episodes of Untying the Knot and see what sort of crap the latest divorcing couples are fighting over.
The Episode: A Date for Divorce
In this episode, we have a Mustang, “their dream house”, two dogs and a T-shirt collection. This should be interesting especially the dogs. Before we even start, I’d take the two chicks out to opposite sides of the yard blindfolded. I’d put the dogs one buy one in the middle and tell them to sit. I’d alert each chick as to which dog is out there and have them both call the dog at the same time. Wherever the dog went first, gets the dog. Lather, rinse, repeat. Damn, I’m just like King Solomon! Let’s see what Vikki does.
Krissy and Tina seem perfect together. I’m less than a minute into them talking about each other and am already dumbstruck as to why they are getting a divorce. They are both grinning and talking very highly about the other. Tina says that at first all she did was cater to Krissy and once she became her own person the marriage failed.
The house is AMAZING. It has a pool with a grotto and lush tropical landscaping. Screw the dogs, I’m keeping the house. Also forget everything I said about these two needing to stay together. Tina brought her girlfriend Amy over to get a brief amount of face time on the camera before she left. #LesbianShade Neither one will move out of the house. Amy who was their best friend got a divorce from her husband, moved in with Krissy and Tina. Amy is now Tina’s girlfriend. They live upstairs, Krissy lives downstairs. #LesbianLoveTrianglesAreWeird Krissy brings in her side-pieces as well. But enough of the salacious sexuality, what about the house.
They bought it together for $646,000 using all of their savings and Krissy took out $41,000 from her 401K (dumb). Tina put in $9,600. Krissy pays for everything. The current value is around $745,000. The house is in both of their names. Krissy wants to keep the house. Tina wants to sell it.
T-Shirt Collection. They are literally hiding T-shirts from each other.
The Mustang: Tina wants the car. She says they have both paid into it but I have a feeling Krissy has paid more than Tina. They still owe $23k on it so I suppose it is fairly new. Let Tina have it and Amy can make the payments.
The Dogs: One of the dogs is a rescue dog (reject!) and has separation anxiety (see? lol) and they both think the dogs are better off together but Krissy doesn’t want to lose both dogs. Tina says Krissy is not scheduled enough for the dogs. Tina says there is no way Krissy is getting her dogs. Tina cries. Fine. Give Tina the dogs.
The Appraisal: 2006 Mustang GT with 60K miles was valued at $16,000 they are upside down on the loan. The T-Shirt collection was deemed only sentimental. Dogs also sentimental. I guess they will use the agent’s appraisal of house at $745,000.
Vikki’s Decision: Tina gets the T-shirt collection. Tina gets the car and the debt. Tina gets Dexter and Krissy gets Suka and she requires weekly or bi-weekly interaction with the dogs. The ladies agree. That seem reasonable. Jesus Christ! Vikki is ordering the house sold! So basically Tina gets everything she wants and Krissy gets nothing? Krissy was the one paying all the bills! She splits the equity in the house 55/45 in Krissy’s favor. Whoo hoo? Krissy is getting the shaft and Tina is unhappy with the split? This is the worst division I have ever seen. AND THEN, Krissy says they should split the house 50/50! Oh Krissy. What is wrong with you? Krissy got screwed!
Next Episode- From Marriage Couture to Marriage Detour
The Couple: Stuart and Iret divorce after 28 years. They have a lot of stuff. Iret seems like an aging Lauderdale Jewish Princess. They got married because she was pregnant. He travels a lot and she needs attention. She likes sex. Stuart is just not that into him. Iret says she was never in love with Stuart. This is news to Stuart. She says it was a marriage of convenience.
Their house is worth about $300,000 they have kids the youngest is 16. This is Iret’s bargaining chip for the house. She says she doesn’t want to move the kids for another 5-6 years. Stuart wants to sell the house and split the equity.
His baseball card collection she just wants half of whatever it is worth. Because, petty. He says it is about $1000 – $1,500 that sounds undervalued.
Her Judaica collection ( Jewish goblets and pitchers and stuff used in Jewish rituals) she values them at $30K because she has sterling silver dreidels, y’all! All this time I thought they were just made out of clay. I also thought they were for kids, so why aren’t they her kids property? She says she will never give any of them. Stuart says he wants half the value.
The have a Dorothea Lange photograph that is 80 years old. It was a gift from Iret’s sister. Stuart wants half the value. Vikki is off her rocker her saying it is up for marital distribution.
The Appraisal: The Judaica collection is crap except for one piece, a Torah pointer that Stuart inherited, it’s worth $4000 the rest of it is worth about $500. The baseball card collection is only worth $250. The Dorothea Lange photo is worth $5, 250.
Vikki’s Decision: Stuart gets the Torah pointer, and Iret gets the rest. Stuart gets the baseball cards. Iret gets the Dorothea Lange photo with Stuart getting no credit. They will split the equity in the house. The problem is that Iret wants to live there until the last child is eligible for AARP. Vikki says that in two years when their youngest graduates from high school, Iret must decide to either buy Stuart out of the property (for $150,000) or list the house. This is a perfect solution. The house has been paid off for years so this is two years rent free for Iret. AND Stuart gets to live there as well. They agree to live there as roommates for two years. He is always on the road anyway. And now Iret can have sex with other men without being a married woman.
Well, that is the end of the season. Do you think there will be a season two? If there is it will surprise me.