If you missed Part One of this shit show, go here now. The comments were insane and it’s only going to get worse tonight. By the way, I was sent a reviewers copy of a new book out about Kate. It’s called Kate Gosselin: How She Fooled The World by Robert Hoffman. EDIT TO LINK TO CORRECT BOOK LINK. I would not have bought the book, mostly because I don’t have a reader for online books, and I didn’t think I would want to know anything else about Kate Gosselin, but OH I AM SO GLAD I GOT THIS BOOK. I have very limited time to read fun stuff these days since I am always here with you guys, but on the day of THE GREAT BIRTHDAY HANGOVER OF 2014, I read the first few chapters and I am hooked. Kate is a horrid person. The book is written by a local in the town who was hired by US magazine to tail Kate and feed them info. Go get the book now if you are interested. I’ll review it eventually when I have time and share some highlights.
On to tonight’s shit show! Tonight is the birthday party that Kate if thrusting on the sextuplets. They all said they wanted to go to a place to have a party, but Kate wanted to do Carnival 2.0. It looks like we may have hope for the whole bouncy house lift off thing happening as God’s wrath shows up at the party. According to Hoffman’s book, Kate used God to get all the cash and prizes she could. Allegedly. So it’s not wonder God is pissed with her.
Kate gets up at 5:30 and the kids get up at six. The kids seem fine with this arrangement actually. I guess it is necessary for school. The boys sing the praises of the healthy breakfast sandwiches and their mother’s healthy food choices.
I want that rug they were all tying their shoes on. I want a lot of things lately, which makes me happy. I’ve been apathetic for quite some time, so it’s nice to desire things and experiences again. #overshare where exactly does Kate get her money to run this nice house and hire a carnival for her backyard? I guess she still has TLC money left? How did she have money for a new van and to give Jon the old van? Kate rolls two carts full of Party City stuff out to her new van.
Kate takes the kids to the mall so the little kids “can choose” a new birthday outfit. She asks one of the boys if he likes basketball. Shouldn’t she sort of know that? Collin wants a shirt and tie. Nope, it’s not a shirt and tie day says Kate. /sigh So much for getting to choose their own clothes. Aaden doesn’t know what XL and M mean on the clothes. Which may be normal I guess, particularly if you are never allowed to shop with your mother unless you are on camera. Collin, AKA my pick of the litter, has a girlfriend the other boys still seem to think girls have cooties. Collin is very fancy. The girls all hate boys.
Kate mocks Collin for wanting to wear dress up clothes. Because, bitch. I am not sure where they are shopping, but it looks like Kohl’s. It’s all crap. Kate won’t let the twins help them try to find something decent. It seems the kids’ birthday clothes are an area for Kate to be frugal. The cake is also a place to cut corners and go homemade. Which is fine, but Kate doesn’t know how to bake. God sends a freak hail storm to show his displeasure. Golfball sized hall. Major damage.
Kate buys a ton of beta fish for the carnival. Okay apparently the cut off is 14. She has 6 birthday kids who all want a fish. But no. They are prizes for the carnival. This is a set up for disaster.
Back to cake baking. She’s doing better than I though. But who the hell has a freestanding BIRD PERCH on their GODDAMN KITCHEN COUNTER? Kate Gosselin, that is who. Wait. That looks like a parrot on the perch and not the parakeet. Did Kate kill the parakeet and they reshoot with a stunt bird of another species? She let’s the bird eat off of her plate and her kids plates? I thought she was a germaphobe. Anyway, she can’t serve the cake. All of the crew shows up to set up the carnival. I guess she will buy a cake.
The kids are all outdoors making the signs for the games. THE LORD sends a freakish wind to blow away all the signs, right into the pool. Kate tells God he better give her good weather for the party. Something tells me God is not on her side. Did I mention that the kids just wanted to have a roller blading party?
The kids eat the cake the bird landed on. Gross. Because, bird flu. Kate got a cake sponsor for her carnival cake. She still has the carnival stands from their third birthday party? Kate and her friend Jamie are literally setting up all of the booths. Oh the dog is still there. I read some yucky stuff about the dog in Hoffman’s book.
Kate blames Alexis for her dressing like a clown. Kate and Mady have talking heads this time Cara wisely wants no part of it. Kate says that their friends love her, Mady says her friends are afraid of her. Despite all of that, it seems like the kids are having fun. Kate has four fish still living with her. Allegedly. Alexis won her own fish fair and square. She made the contest too hard. Kate claims the kids insisted that she do the Velcro wall. As if she did not want to be the center of attention.
Oddly there were funnel cakes and tons of candy that I doubt Kate let her kids eat. My boy Collin spit on the cake, but everyone seemed to have a blast. It did seem like they hired people to come to this party. The big surprise, she got John Deere to give them a “gator” a $10,000 utility vehicle that the boys surprising knew was called a gator so I could google it. The boys are hoping she will let them drive it to do their “man duties” but one of them (probably my Collin) said “she won’t.” Because the birthday present was for Kate.