Somehow, it slipped my mind that Kate Plus 8 was on TLC last night. TeeCee tweeted me toward the end of the show having some sort of aneurysm about it, so I was able to tape the midnight showing. I shall once again take one for the team. Let’s get started shall we?
As we return to this show, the sextuplets are turning 10, so Kate needs a show to pay for a big birthday bash and TLC was kind enough to oblige. I already went to open up TeeCee’s timeline to see what she had to say about the blond mop sitting on Kate’s head during her talking head segments. It’s awful. He skin looks really bad too. No glam squad budget from TLC?
Oh god. I was not told there would be birds. I hate birds. I hate people who let birds land on them and shit in their hair. I hate them so much! Even worse is that Kate is talking about what an animal lover she is. Am I the only one who remembers when they got a dog or two (Maybe it was Jon that got them?) and Kate let the kids all get attached to the dogs and then took them away to the pound or wherever? The kids are fighting over the bird. This gives me hope that one of them will accidentally squeeze it too hard.
So far we have spent five minutes talking about making breakfasts for the kids. Dear Lord, now it is a retrospective of feeding the kids over the years. Apparently, they have chickens so that the boys can do “all those man things.” This woman is psycho. She is rambling on an on in her talking head about shit her best friend would not be interested in over coffee.
It is supposedly the kids’ Spring Break, so naturally Kate has a full agenda of forced-family fun they will enjoy whether they want to or not. There was a military briefing with the children. Mady dares to point out that the plans are not fun, so she gets a tongue lashing on national television and her cell phone taken away. How the hell is she supposed to call for help now? Prediction: Mady will be pregnant and living with her boyfriends parents within two years.
Jesus, the bitch literally has a CHART for going to some sort of Gymboree type place. She points out that “they are always wanting to go there.” The kids look like they have just been told all the birds are dead. Mady starts talking about how one of the game choices on the chart (gaga ball) is stupid and they don’t let you do anything so none of the little kids should pick that. Seems like a 13 year old reviewing a dumb game for the benefit of her siblings to me, but Kate starts whining about how she is trying to plan a fun day and no one appreciates her. My god what is wrong with this woman. I think Mady should run far away now and try to get adopted by a pack of wolves. It would be preferable to her current situation.
It just keeps getting worse for Kate. The kids are touching the cardboard chart! Kate can’t decide what activity she wants to vote for because she doesn’t want to ice skate and break a bone. She tries to point out how she broke her foot last year and suffered on mothering 8 children. All the kids respond that it was just a toe. Poor Kate. This is not going well. Where is her childrens’ love and adoration for her? What is wrong with all of these horrid little children? The kids voted for ice skating and the game Mady thought was dumb.
At the forced fun place, which is apparently called Body Zone, Mady says she doesn’t want to play Gaga Ball which was selected via the chart by majority rule. It doesn’t seem to require a certain number of players, but Kate forces her to play anyway. Mady has said at least 20 times so far that her mother refuses to listen to her. Mady’s twin (Cara?) has not said three words and seems to be picking at her clothes a lot and praying for a swift and painless death.
During, Gaga ball, Kate surprises Mady with her best friend Jenna. This appeases Mady and she begins to enjoy the game. That is until Kate plays ruthlessly in order to win, knocking out Mady in the last round. Because, cunt. By the way, Mady was right, the game was stupid.
Collin tells one of his sisters her hair is ugly. Kate tells him to keep his opinions on things like that to himself. He grins sheepishly causing Kate to go on a rampage about tearing people down instead of building them up. Really? She’s torn into Mady at least twice and now Collin is getting it. She asks him what else he could of said. He can’t think of anything. I have the DVR paused and he is looking at his mother with pure hatred. At the end of her spewing she says, “That is the last time I want to have to talk to you today. You will never get a girlfriend or a wife if you tell someone their hair looks ugly. ” Poor Collin, your mother is cunt and is particularly sensitive about the hair thing because she has been internationally humiliated over her poor choices in hairstyles. It’s not your fault. If I were there I would give you a cookie. Or a Glock, because no jury in the world would convict you, dear. Collin mutters, “I was just being honest. It was ugly.” Which gets him another lecture and probably a beating after the camera leaves.
Collin was always my favorite. Kate of course says Collin is very smart and always wants to be in charge. Kate says Collin wants to manipulate and control situations and it’s challenging for her. One of Collin’s brothers describes him as angry.
The next “fun spring break activity” is for all the kids to be dragged to all the other kids’ doctor’s appointments. Aaden isn’t allowed to choose his own glasses. He seems used to it.
Kate decides the theme for the sextuplets birthday party should be a carnival. The kids all hate the idea. Mostly because they have already had a carnival theme before. The kids want to go rollerblading. The kids want to GO anywhere.
Dear God that nasty bird is walking around in the kitchen loose.
The producers ask if the little kids look up to Cara and Mady. Mady says, “No, they better not, I’m an awful role model, I just sit in my bed all day.” Kate, the most delusional person in the world asks “Mady why are you so hard on yourself?” Oh I dunno Kate, maybe it is 13 years of you telling her to shut up and making her feel worthless?
Kate hates the sound of Leah’s voice? Imagine how your 8 kids feel with you shrieking at them all the time. This was the longest hour of my life. Kate is a narcissist. The military should force prisoners to watch that episode on loop. I think they would break much faster than waterboarding.
OMG the damn bird lands on the birthday cake next week. I may throw up.