I have a million things to post and I promised myself I would go to the gym for a bit, but before I forget, I want to do a quick post about last night’s Catfish, because for once, there was a very unexpected ending. So the girl getting catfished was named Antoinette. Antoinette was your run of the mill hootchie bartender from Texas whose primary hobby was posting pictures of herself on Instagram. She was reasonably attractive if you enjoy the kind of young lady who likes to film herself clapping her ass checks together and posting them on the Internet, because, according to her, there is nothing else to do in Texas. She has Instagram followers out the ass (see what I did there?) but her heart belongs to a young rapper in Florida named T-Lights. Tee, is a scrawny little white boy who probably has pictures of Justin Bieber on his bedroom walls.
Okay fine. But already I am having a hard time suspending my disbelief. The girl can barely muster up a modicum of interest in the boy. She just wants some Instagram followers. When they ask if she is in love with him her response is essentially,”Have you seen me on Instagram? I have a great ass, don’t I?”
Meanwhile the boy child is also very popular on Instagram and yet neither of them have video chatted. We are led to believe these two have been talking about how hot Antoinette thinks she is for years. Why hasn’t he wanted to see her hotness in real time?
Well, after three minutes of cracker jack detective work, Max and Nev have determined that the boy child’s married brother is probably the one doing the catfishing. For reasons unknown, Max and Nev feel the need to hesitate on confronting the brother because that would be complicated. So if you are a married dude doing the catfishing, you don’t have to worry about Nev and Max showing up? Nevertheless a decision is made to go down to Florida to catch a concert by the boy child and his rap band. I had no idea rappers were part of a boy band, but apparently when they are white boys from Boca Raton, that is how it is done. So off they all go.
After the concert, Antoinette, Max and Nev chase the boy band into the parking lot. A kind bouncer sent them in the right direction. Said bouncer was conveniently wearing a microphone as were all the members of the boy band in the parking lot. As it turns out, it was not the brother who was doing the catfishing. It really was the boy child. Oh happy day. Now the two love birds who barely acknowledge each other can live happily ever after. Despite, Nev and Max promising Antoinette’s father they would keep her safe, they give the couple the night alone to have sex.
But Antoinette, it seems prefers to be promiscuous online and they only cuddled and watched a couple of movies. She makes it clear they did not kiss. I doubt they even hung out after taping stopped in the parking lot. Meanwhile, word clearly got out that Catfish would be filming at the rapper boy band’s event (Max, Nev and Antoinette had reserved seating for the trio and the cameramen.) and there were tons of people there for the show. We are lead to believe that this is because rapper boy bands are very popular in Boca Raton, not because Catfish was filming.
In the follow-up, the two star-crossed lovers opted to “break up” because of the long distance nature of the relationship. Oddly, this never seemed to be a problem before.
So we are left with many questions. Mostly, what does that boy child’s relative do exactly as his job working on Catfish? Who did Antoinette blow to get the pretend girlfriend gig? Why do I continue to watch this show?
Thanks to the commenter that sent this link to even more information about the farce that is Catfish. There you will find that all of the people on the show sign releases BEFORE Nev and Max ever show up on their door.
Now if you will excuse me, I am going to look into rehab facilities for those addicted to reality TV. I think I need in patient treatment. Perhaps 28 days without a TV or social media reading books and weaving baskets and talking about the scarring childhood issues that made me this way.
P.S. Do you think that kid knows that tea lights and tiny little candles that you put in paper bags to line the way to an event? The flame only lasts for about, oh I dunno, fifteen minutes?