It’s time to watch what will likely be the most watched episode of any Real Housewives franchise ever. It’s part one of the Real Housewives of Atlanta Reunion where Porsha is about to lose her mind in a very short period of time.
Wow! Before we even get started Nene Leakes has her stank attitude going on. And Porsha and Kenya have some stank face happening too. The word is that there was some conspiring amongst the ladies to get Porsha to go after Kenya and it sure does look like something happened before the cameras began rolling.
Andy compliments Kenya on her dress and inquires about her scepter. Kenya explains it is something Queens carry. She is already grinning at Andy and asks if he would like to be knighted. Andy agrees to let Kenya “knight” him. This already has Phaedra rolling her eyes and pulling faces. Andy acknowledges Porsha’s ginormous fake titties.
The very first thing Andy asks about is Phaedra husband’s impending stay in the pokey. Phaedra says “that’s actually a complaint, not an indictment. We’re doing fine, thank you for asking.” Phaedra says she was not involved in any of it. You can just see Kenya thinking “bullshit” to herself.
Nene is so salty! I am telling you these ladies all started off pissed. The only one that seems happy in bride to be Kandi! Even during warm up talk about twerking and funny things, stank faces continue. Porsha is eye rolling and neck rolling every time Porsha speaks. Phaedra is too. Did they force all of these women to eat bowl of dog shit before coming on? I have never seen then this amount of attitude from the first introductions.
Nene continues to throw shade on Kandi’s play. Nene talks about all the jobs she has to turn down.
Cynthia says she doesn’t know Todd well enough to know if he is an opportunist.
Nene gets snipping with Kandi and vice versa over weight issues. Really? Six grown women are going to sit on national TV and talk about each other’s weight and fat asses? It’s come to this?
A viewer points out the hypocrisy of Phaedra calling Kenya a whore all the time while proclaiming to be some sort of upstanding Christian. Porsha grins like a hyena. I am starting to think Porsha may be on something. Maybe painkillers from the boob job?
Phaedra seems to truly believe she is a funeral director rather than someone who completed mortuary school. Phaedra is really going in on Kenya. Mocking her infertility saying that she is no one’s mother, calling her a whore, threatening to wrap the scepter around her throat. She’s being very provocative towards Kenya. I seriously doubt if Kenya had jumped up and put the beat down on Phaedra that everyone would be saying Phaedra deserved it.
Now we move on to Kenya’s boyfriend. He lives in Nigeria, she visits him often (she’s tweeted her boarding pass to Lagos on numerous occasions Nene has met him. I don’t know why this is such an issue.
Porsha continues to interrupt Kenya. Kenya is not provoking Porsha, Porsha is provoking Kenya. Porsha is talking some bullshit about Kenya trying to pay D’Banj 15K to come on the housewives. First of all, Kenya and D’Banj are good friends. She has done many promotions with him both in Nigeria and the US. I blogged about them long ago, you can run a search on D’Banj and find out the real story. When it came out that her boyfriend was Nigerian there was a lot of talk about Kenya and D’Banj becoming more than friends. It has since been determined that her boyfriend is not D’Banj but someone they both know. Porsha is an ignorant fool that believes stories she reads on MediaTakeOut. OMG now Porsha has a friend who talks on the phone with D’Banj’s mother. Well, I can confirm that D’Banj’s mother is always up in his business, but I seriously doubt Porsha has friends in Nigeria. Or anywhere for that matter.
Andy says he feels bad for Kenya’s scepter just laying there on the floor. Porsha begins making her threats saying to Andy, “Don’t feel bad for it, if it comes back on this stage it is going up her ass. Right between those balloons, baby. Don’t point no daggone scepter at me!” Well, clearly Porsha and Phaedra worship the Lord together at the First Church of Cunty Hypocrites.
Kenya gets on the bullhorn and says, “I would like Porsha to spell ‘scepter'” I die. Everyone laughs, even stank face Nene. Porsha comes back with, “your breath smells like a septic tank bitch!” That ladies and gentlemen is the problem with Porsha, she is just too damn stupid for verbal sparring so she gets angry and resorts to violent attacks. Porsha is extremely heated in this segment where everyone with any sense is letting Andy and Kenya talk about Kenya’s relationship. This whole African Prince thing got Porsha so upset that she made up one of her own and tweeted fake pictures of the gifts he gave her and leaked a story to TMZ naming some terrorist dictator’s son as her sugar daddy. EVEN THE TERRORIST DICTATOR disassociated himself from Porsha releasing a statement saying he has no idea who she is!
Now Nene is denying having met Kenya’s boyfriend when they were in LA. But then she tells the story of Kenya’s boyfriend approaching her and telling her Kenya was across the street. Only she could not understand him. Then Kenya called her to ask why she walked away from her boyfriend. Kenya says that what Nene is saying was true but she was very rude to her man like she is with her fans. She just blew him off. Kenya says he said she was so nasty and so rude he told her not to bring him around people like that. Nene keeps repeating “so nasty and so rude” for some inexplicable reason.
There is a discussion about karma and how it seems to be biting Phaedra and Porsha in the ass this year. Porsha goes on a long diatribe about how Kenya laughs at everyone and then plays the victim. I think Porsha wrote that down while watching the RHOBH reunion hoping to work it in later. But while it fit Brandi Glanville, it doesn’t work for Kenya. Porsha is just super butt hurt over Kenya having a boyfriend when she doesn’t have a man. The shoe is on the other foot for Porsha this season.
Kenya says, (while Porsha continues to talk over her) “It is ridiculous that she is sitting here as a single woman because her man put her out on the street.” That is the first mean thing Kenya has said after a dozen or more mean comments to her. Porsha says something about no one claiming Kenya. Kenya responds with new information claiming that Porsha cheated on Kordell. AHA! That is why she didn’t want to go to court. She didn’t want that tidbit to come out but as Camille Grammar would say, “Now we said it!!” THIS is what sets Porsha off, Kenya revealing that she cheated on Kordell.
Porsha calls Kenya a slut from the 90s and Kenya picks up the bullhorn and says, “You are a dumb ho shut up.” Porsha smacks Cynthia in an attempt to get to the bullhorn. When that doesn’t work she stands up and runs up on Kenya. Kenya says if you want to hit me, hit me and get fired. Porsha grabs Kenya by the hair and starts dragging her across the room. A security guy is trying to pull Porsha off Kenya but that RETARD STRENGTH has kicked in. When they finally pull her off Kenya it takes four or five people to hold her down. Porsha starts screaming “I’ve been through so much! ” over and over. Nene Leakes is the ONLY housewife who goes to comfort Porsha trying to talk her down.
Kenya walks off the set with Miss Lawrence saying “I’m not about to get hit on national TV, I’m done.”
Now Phaedra is over there trying to assist with Porsha. Nene keeps putting her hand over Porsha’s mouth so she can’t scream out something like, “I should have never listened to you too! Now I am going to be fired! ” When Nene removes her hand she screams “I can’t believe I did that! I have embarrassed myself!” Am I the only one that thinks of that scene in the Wizard of Oz when the wicked witch dies when Porsha starts kicking her feet?
Some guy on the production team has to carry the psychotic Porsha off the set. She tells him, ” I can’t believe that ratchet hoe made me go there.” Well, that is very Christian and remorseful. This little dude apparently just likes carrying Porsha around here and there. Nene and Phaedra and Kandi comfort Porsha by saying that Kenya is a hater. Phaedra suggests that Kenya is gonna get her teeth knocked out.
Andy goes to Kenya and says, “I am really sorry that happened. I really wish that I had gotten her away from you quicker, but I absolutely did not think that would happen.”
Andy goes in to see Porsha who is getting her makeup done like she thinks she still has a job. Andy asks he what happened. Porsha says, “I honestly …like I don’t know if I was ready for this. I feel like it’s just been so much happening so fast.” She didn’t like her saying stuff about Kordell, and then “the blowhorn” (OMG I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING AT HOW STUPID SHE IS!)
And then the GODDAMN DVR CUTS OFF! WHAT I MISS?