This week on Million Dollar Listing New York, Fredrik is still trying to sell his “green” property with the $9,000 monthly condo fees. Good luck with that. I would never buy this place even if I was Oprah rich. That is almost $110K a year in fees! That is money that could be going into equity in the property. Hell, spending it on hookers and blow would be a better use of the money! Fredrik meets with the seller to negotiate a price reduction. He manages to get the seller down from 6 million to 5.5. That’s still a no for me and does not change the problem at all.
Ryan is looking to list a property in the Milan building in midtown. The apartment is stunning with views of the Chrysler building, the Empire State building and the river. Now this is where I’d spend my Oprah money. I love this place! Three bedrooms, 2500 square feet, Chef’s kitchen, outdoor terrace on the 32nd floor. I’m in love. She is leaving this to be closer to the kids’ school? Is she nuts? Ah, she is already waffling and thinking of renting. Renting is exactly what she should do. But that would mess up schmarmy Ryan’s commission so I expect him to go for the hard sell on a listing for sale. Why is this woman even considering listing? She wants to get $6.5 million or rent. Ryan says $5 million but agrees to take the listing at her price. So he has a gorgeous apartment listed at a high price with a totally unmotivated seller. What could possibly go wrong with this plan?
Luis is touring an apartment on the upper west side right by Lincoln Center. The views are awesome and look just like the views from Anderson Cooper’s failed daytime talk show. I can’t believe that show was not more successful. I loved it! Luis is trying to worm a listing away from the on-site brokers. He wants to advertise the listing aggressively at a higher price than what the seller is expecting. Because the building is all fancy pants, they usually do not use advertising at all and just pass the word among their rich and richer friends. Hmmm, if that is the case, why do they even need in-house brokers? Luis manages to get an exclusive on one unit with a potential to get the rest of the building if he gets top dollar. That’s a big get for our little man!
Ryan is throwing a huge open house to try to get a sale quickly before the buyer changes her mind. Ryan is a jackass to all the “lesser” realtor’s he invited. I must admit they are an eclectic bunch compared to the usual top go-getters in town.
Fredrik’s seller calls an emergency meeting with him. The building next door is expanding upward which will result in the terraces on the penthouse being covered with scaffolding for two years. WTF? How do they get away with stuff like this in NYC? This crappy listing just became completely unsellable! He is refusing to drop the price or he will take it off the market. Walk away, Fredrik.
Luis is setting up his marketing team for the fancy pants listing. He seems to have the only ideas. I’m not impressed with these guys. They decide to make a hardback book about what life will be like in the 30 Lincoln property. Then, they will have an elegant party and someone will read the book. I dunno about this Luis…
Ryan’s emotional mommy “seller” calls to say she is having second thoughts. Her kids are drawing the Chrysler building and getting upset. Moving may be too traumatic for them. Is this woman for real? Is this what NYC housewives are like? I thought they all did burlesque shows and sold toaster ovens… actually that sounds saner than this woman. Ryan immediately gets a strip club owner in to see the apartment. That should go over well with the OCD helicopter mommy with separation anxiety about leaving the kids’ childhood home. I believe this is a completely fake story and the property will never be on the market.
Fredrik takes Derek to buy a parrot. Fredrik reacts to them as I would, with sheer horror. What better place to take bid on his crap listing than in a room full of birdcrap. The buyer offers $4.85. The seller refuses to budge. Later, Fredrik meets with the seller with a new bid of $5.1. Eventually, both parties agree to $5.35 million. I’m amazed.
Meanwhile, Ryan gets Luis’s book for the open house and of course he is a douchebag about it. Luis hires a narrator to read the book at the open house. Luis’s open house is tres chic! Elegant food and drinks, a harpist, and the owner of Douglas Elliman, Howard Lorber, is there! That’s a big ass deal. Everything is going very well, until Ryan shows up.
To be continued….