Have y’all been watching the Lindsay Lohan reality show on OWN? I know it comes on Sunday nights and that is a super busy night for everyone’s DVR but it’s really worth trying to see if you can. The great part about it for me is it’s actually a real reality show. There is no scripted bullshit. I like that they acknowledge they are being filmed. I’m about to watch the third episode and I thought I’d give you little bit of feedback.
First, Lindsay has a young male assistant who runs her life for her. It appears to a very trying job. Lindsay spent the first month or so of filming living in a hotel and trying to lease an apartment. It seems that her assistant literally does everything from waking her up to dealing with her real estate agent. He is also the go between for production. On the last episode he was the main person on the show as he was tasked with telling the camera crew that Lindsay could not be bothered to get out of bed and film. His name is Matt and he’s a saint.
Meanwhile, production is not happy with Ms. Lohan cancelling shoots left and right. In addition to Matt being ever present with Lindsay, she has a sober coach. He is having a rough time getting her into good habits. She also hired some girls to unpack her clothes and fold things. Matt is frustrated that Lindsay has hired new “assistants” without telling him. In this episode. he and Lindsay’s driver are sent to her mother’s house to load a huge moving van with all her crap. I would like to hire a Matt.
Lindsay’s sober coach says that moving within the first year of sobriety is generally a bad idea due to all the stress. Her father, Michael, arrives to help with the unpacking. Matt and the driver have to take most of the crap she doesn’t want back to her mother’s house. Lindsay is not speaking to Matt. They are not fighting, she just can’t be bothered to acknowledge his existence. Matt is going to quit if she doesn’t speak to him soon. He can’t run her life without talking to her.
The crew is literally standing on the sidewalk outside Lindsay’s apartment waiting hours for her to allow them in. Out of 12 scheduled shoot days, she has been late for seven of them. Then Lindsay cancels the shoot. The head of production calls Lindsay. Lindsay can’t film because she has a dermatologist appointment on the day she agreed to shoot and needs to go to her AA meeting. The producer tells his production team to go to her apartment and set it up, put away the eleventy billion mounds of clothing and get her place together. These are camera men and boom operators and lighting people being asked to fold Lindsay’s panties. All of this is going on while Lindsey is wearing black yoga pants and a see through white, form-fitting T-Shirt with no bra. She has very large, dark areolae in case you are interested.
Lindsay goes to lunch with her personal trainer and bitches about production. The cameras should have already been set up when she arrived for lunch! She doesn’t want her show to be like the Kardashians. She doesn’t want to share her struggle for sobriety with anyone but her sober coach and her therapist. Um, wasn’t that the whole point of the show? Lindsay tells the trainer she should not have done the show. She wants to quit. Lots of people are questioning her sobriety. She says that is none of their business.
Enter Oprah. Oprah is going to come to slap some sense into Lindsay. As Oprah rolls ever closer to Lindsay’s mother’s house, Lindsay is speaking to the producer while someone brushes her hair. She is complaining about how stressful filming a documentary is. Oprah says she is fine with dumping the whole show.
Oprah and Lindsay sit down and Lindsay says she is stressed. She was hoping to be in a routine and calm and she’s not. Oprah says, “Okay, so life just showed up and it didn’t go the way you wanted it to.” Oprah says she is creating chaos, like she is accustomed to. Oprah says either this is what you want to do or it isn’t. She will shut it all down today if she doesn’t want to do it. Lindsay whines a lot. Oprah asks her if she has been sober, she says yes. Oprah says let’s celebrate that, and Lindsay starts bawling. Oprah asks about her being out with that one guy in NYC who she used to do drugs with. She says that absolutely was not true. Um, didn’t we see pictures of that? I don’t think Oprah is buying the sobriety story. Oprah says the vultures are waiting to pick her bones. Oprah says if she were in her position, she would not let the vultures have her. She would not give them the satisfaction of picking her bones. Then basically Oprah tells Lindsay she needs Jesus. Oprah then drops the f-bomb a couple of times. She tells Lindsay that if this is what she wants then don’t fuck it up! Then she tells her twice that she really needs to cut the bullshit.
We came really close to losing Matt the assistant this week, and I don’t see him on the previews for next week. He generally gets more camera time than Lindsay. I hope he sticks it out.
Is anyone else watching this?