Here is the basic (or complicated depending how you choose to look at it) breakdown of Juicy Joe’s Plea deal. Remember what I tell you, despite the nimrods in comments who like to argue with me, the charges that JOE pleads to are very important with regard to his potential deportation. The immigration court system is a whole nuther bailiwick. Despite the wailing and whining of some, the immigration system is very backlogged and dysfunctional, particularly under the current administration. We use the Mexipult to fire some Mexicans back over the border, only to have them return time and time again, but deporting someone over the pond is costly and a pain in the ass. This is why our immigration courts focus mostly on drug offenses and those who are a “danger to the community.” But hey, it is Fat Tuesday and I am here writing about some Real Housewives going to prison while drinking on an empty stomach, so if you want to argue with me, I should be available to insult your intelligence in comments in a couple hours.
Meanwhile, let’s start by looking at what Giuseppe plead guilty to. Hmm, I am already confused by the count numbers which don’t seem to match up to the ones I used for the explanation of Teresa’s charges. Nonetheless here is what Joe pled guilty to.
Count One: CONSPIRACY to commit mail and wire fraud Max 20 Years /$250K fine
Count Fifteen: Concealment of Assets. Max Five Years /$250K fine
Count Twenty-Two: False Oaths Max Five Years /$250K fine
Count Thirty-Six: False Declarations Max Five Years/$250K fine
Count Thirty-Seven: Failure to File Income Tax Max One Year/$25K fine
And boys and girls, that is pretty much game, set match with Giuseppe’s attorney saving Juicy from being deported. None of those charges are “aggravated felonies” according to the Immigration Court system of these United States. (Okay I just came back to edit this, the false oaths and false declaration charges are with the whole SCOPE of bank fraud, so it would be up the Immigration Court interpretation to determine if they are considered aggravated felonies but I really don’t think it matters either way. ) The judge can squawk all the live long day about him being likely to be deported or whatever else some source claims she allegedly said today, but deportation is not up to her. Hear me now and listen to me later, I don’t have to read any further to know that Juicy will not be deported. Anything you hear anywhere else is journalistic sensationalism. Talk to me six years from now. He’s not a threat to society, he has not been convicted of a drug charge, and he has no aggravated felony charges within the definitions of our Immigration Court System (probably).
So worst case scenario if the judge does not accept Juicy’s plea deal is 36 years and a million or so in fines. NOTE: Please do not confuse FINES with RESTITUTION. Trust, the FEDS will get their money back or die trying. Don’t mess with the FEDS.
Joe’s plea deal hold him “jointly and separately liable” with Teresa which means the FEDS can come after any of Tre’s assets while he is in jail becoming someone else’s REAL housewife for the next few years. There is a whole bunch of legal crap in there that says the FEDS are about to take his house and any money either one of them have “related to the criminal activity” which is pretty much everything they own, again JOINTLY or SEPARATELY. So, um, hello hair bows from Family Dollar indeed. Not that there is anything wrong with hair bows from family dollar.
Another interesting thing in Joe’s forfeiture section is that he has no agreement in the deal to pay the IRS any some of money before sentencing, yet Tre has to pay them $200,000. He does have to refile/file taxes from 2000 -2011 and make those payments, or arrangements for a payment plan before sentencing.
Next is the Immigration Consequences part which is just the same as Teresa’s and equally irrelevant. It just says that any immigration stuff will be handled by the immigration courts if they feel like taking the case, which they won’t for reasons I have stated above. Although, I am still fascinated by the whole “I thought I was a citizen story” though it really doesn’t affect anything.
Wow, the first big thing, and it is big, is that they got four of the five counts Joe pled to grouped together. That is pretty huge. The plea reads pretty much, since all of this stuff is based on how much money he stole and he did it all around the same time, we are going to just group it all together and look at it as one big charge with the one sentence.
So next they want to agree on his magic sentencing number. Remember, Teresa’s is 16 and they start with a 7 and add stuff. Hmmm this is weird, they agree that the “loss” was more than 400k but less than a million so he goes up 14 points. That places him a 21 for now, but really less than a million? I guess they paid back some of those loans? Or more likely the FEDS agreed to the whole “less than a million” part as part of the plea deal. Anyway, moving on… He also got two points for lying at the bankruptcy hearing so they agree he is a level 23 offender for the fraud counts. For the TAX counts he is a level 18.
Okay, just trust me when I say that the way the system works based on the above is the Juicy gets an overall level of 24. Don’t argue with me about it not making sense. It’s just the way the law works. Welcome to America, we suck at math. The important thing is Joe is a 24 and Tre is a 16. I think. Who the hell knows what the important thing is anymore. Oh wait, Joe copped a plea so subtract three more points. Joe is a 21 and Tre is a 16.
So the plea agreement essentially is to agree that Joe is a level 21 offender. We keep hearing ( and I’ve said myself) that the plea deal is offering 37-46 months for Juicy. But there is another part of the sentencing process, I assume that Tre is pretty much a first time offender, so her plea is pretty straight forward. The criminal history part of sentencing is a bit more complicated (If you care you can read all about it here). I don’t know how much time Joe has done consecutively for any of his mostly traffic related violations, and he has not been sentenced on the state level yet. But I doubt he has anything that would push him into level two and if he did the max there is only five more months so it wasn’t worth me stressing over.
So there you have it. Joe will do between 3 and 4 years with no deportation. Tre will get to meet some cute girls in the big house and be out in less than two years (if they don’t win the mommy plea for house arrest). The End.
Can someone do some sort of tribal interpretative dance on YouTube to translate my posts today to into ghetto for the thugs at that one message board that loves criminal activity, like stealing my intellectual property? They be not understanding. Thanks in advance.