It’s time for the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and the continuation of the malodorous plot dethrone Queen Lisa. Carlton goes to the witch store to pick up a few witchy things and invites Yolanda. Carton is getting a candle reading. The candle reader tells her she is doing a great job of standing in her goddess power, just in case you thought such things might be accurate. Because, wrong. Despite that, Yolanda buys some candles.
Kyle tells Joyce about the scene at the birthday party where she called Carlton anti-Semitic. Kyle says she does not believe in the Wiccan philosophy. Then the producers have her tell a tale of witchy happenings in her home. I don’t think anyone gets the whole Wiccan thing to even know how to accurately make fun of it. It’s like they thought it would be great fun to cast a witch on the show, and then wrote some bad lines from an old episode of Charmed into the script for dramatic effect. Kyles computer has began calling her names. She blames Kyle. I can’t even attempt to recap this. They decide not to invite the witch to Puerto Rico.
In some dank production office it seems that a bunch of straight, male, housewives producers from all the franchises got together and kicked around some ideas. The result of this meeting was the brilliant idea that what a bunch of middle-aged women really want to see is naked women getting spray tans. This week it is the RHOBH turn and Brandi and Kim are the ones we get to gander at. Aren’t you excited? But first, Brandi and Kim exchange notes on every indiscretion they can come up with to justify their belief that Lisa Vanderpump is the devil. Brandi says that Lisa had Cedric deported. Who knew Lisa had such mad powers with the department of immigration. Brandi is concerned she is next. Sounds great to me. What country can we ship Brandi too? I hear Syria is lovely this time of year.
It’s time to try to sell Mohammed’s house again. The tour begins in the garden with Mohammed and Yolanda picking herbs for dinner. Joyce cancelled on Yolanda’s party for Gigi. Yolanda does not pitch a fit like she did with Lisa. My guess is she knows that Joyce had to fly to Puerto Rico twice for a serious family crisis during this time. Everyone seems to be stunned that Yolanda is in sweats and sneakers.
Brandi’s tongue and throat are still swollen. This is a side effect of Botox injections. Brandi says that she had an allergic reaction to aspirin. I think the last episode she said she ate something she was allergic to. I’m just telling you what she says, believe what you want. Now Brandi is going back to the very first dinner at SUR where Scheana was a waitress and rewriting history to make it a big set up on Lisa’s part to upset her. Seriously? Suddenly, Brandi says she was under Lisa’s control all this time and now she has wised up to Lisa’s manipulations. What happened in the last two episodes for her to have this change of heart about Lisa? Suddenly, her problem with Lisa is Scheana. Scheana,has worked for Lisa since before Brandi arrived on the scene. But now, two years later she is trying to bring Lisa down because of Scheana. Suddenly, she cannot even bear to properly greet Lisa at a party. This makes no sense.
At the henna table at the party everyone inadvertantly calls Carlton a tramp. Heh.
The party is over the top. Don’t let the whole Mohammed cooking scene fool you this sit down dinner was catered to the eyeballs. For some reason, seating appears to be limited and it is difficult for everyone to avoid the people they want to avoid. Gigi gave a very emotional speech to her parents and David. Then Yolanda gave a toast. Cue the belly dancers with swords.
Sorry this recap is sort of dry. I feel like I am typing in slow motion and just can’t get going tonight.
Lisa tries to have a conversation with Brandi but Brandi is being very distant. Carlton and her husband leave because she does not want to hang out with Kyle. Yolanda pulls Lisa aside and asks her why Carlton is not invited to Puerto Rico. Kyle joins the pair and gives Brandi a part of the necklace that she gave to Carlton. She tells Brandi to give it to her since they are not speaking. It’s a crown ring that attaches to the skull on the necklace. Lisa comes in to find out what everyone is conspiring about and everyone sort of just blows her off. Carlton refuses it. I have no idea what Lisa is doing involved in this. She really does appear to be meddling.
The weather here has me in sort of a brain fog. It seems that this ring incident is going to be a major deal. Now Kyle is pissy with Lisa for saying that the ring didn’t go with the necklace. This fun fact was carried to her by Brandi. Kyle is saying in her talking head that she doesn’t want to be friends with Lisa. This whole sudden left turn where everyone suddenly hates Lisa has no foundation and makes no sense. Is it me? Does this make sense to you guys? Am I just so foggy that I can’t grasp the storyline?
Joyce’s father passed away in Puerto Rico. She made several trips back and forth during this part of filming while he was ill and again when he passed.
Despite Kyle trashing Lisa in her talking heads, she makes a shopping date with Lisa at her boutique. As they shop, Kyle’s negative talking heads continue. I just don’t get the younger woman joke about Mauricio being such a big deal. Yet, we are rehashing it yet again.
Next Week: It’s the Puerto Rican trip where the girls all gang up on Lisa and we find out how “horrible” she really is according to Brandi. le sigh.