We begin tonight’s episode of the Real Housewives of Atlanta at the J Spot! Girl, Miss Lawrence sure did get lucky with Bravo. He has been promoting his salon and hair services for many seasons and they frequently film at his store. Then he lands Fashion Queens?! He’s probably making more coin than some of the actual housewives! Tonight Marlo is in the salon getting her weave ironed. I cannot believe Bravo let our favorite felon back on the show. But lately, there are almost more people with federal charges pending than housewives with a clear record! I wonder if this is before or after the event where Nene tried to get Marlo arrested for assault? I sure hope they air that scene before the season ends! Nene was throwing a flinger!
Anyway, tonight Kenya is hosting a charity ball and Marlo is invited. The two ladies meet up at the J-Spot to have some girl talk. Kenya tells Miss Lawrence and Marlo the scoop on pajama brawl. They discuss their previous battles with Nene, and Kenya explains she is going to hold a fancy charity ball to raise money for Nene’s Favorite charity in order to get back in her good graces. Does Kenya not know that Nene’s favorite charity is Nene’s Louboutin Fund? I think she overestimates Nene’s ability to be charitable. I’m just saying.
Kandi is holding auditions for her play which by all accounts did very well on it’s Atlanta run despite the hilarious things we have seen in the casting call scenes. I assure you, most of those people do not represent the talent that Atlanta has to offer. It’s time for Porsha’s audition for the role of Kandi’s character’s younger sister, Jada. Porsha could not be bothered to memorize her lines, nor could she be arsed to cold read them as written. Her voice was up about three octaves and she spoke in a valley girl voice. She sang “His Eye is On the Sparrow” in a way over the top way. However, I think with a little coaching from Kandi, she would be alright in this small role.
Cynthia is allowing Kenya to hold auditions at Bar One for the bachelors she will auction dates with at her charity ball. Somehow Marlo got to film in this scene as well. As one might expect in Atlanta, the number of eligible straight men was woefully slim.
Porsha wants to take everyone roller skating. Phaedra arrives and pretends she was just coming from court because she is lawyer, y’all not a manager of strippers who attend private parties for entertainers who come to Atlanta. At the roller rink (dayum you just know Sheree would have loved this, bless her heart) Porsha gets the news from Kandi that she got the part. Porsha is thrilled despite the fact that she doesn’t even know the name of her character. Kenya is the only one that can skate and is literally running circles around the other girls. Phaedra and Kandi watch from the sidelines so as not to actually exert themselves too much. Kenya extends the olive branch to the ladies who are there and Cynthia and Kandi seem to be willing to put it all behind them. Nene of course seems to be refusing to film with Kenya. Typical. Kandi says she can’t attend Kenya’s ball because she has a previous engagement. Porsha says she can’t go either because she has a meeting on the following Sunday.
Kandi is working out to the Phine Body tape and Carmon comes to join her. Carmon is in a bad mood and not feeling the workout she came for because Mama Joyce is stirring up trouble again with everyone close to Kandi. Carmon plays a voice mail Mama Joyce left for so Kandi can hear it. Apparently, Kandi and Carmon know some dude named Benny who dates some girl named Crystal who is apparently the “people in the streets” that Mama Joyce is listening to about Todd and Carmon. Crystal told Mama Joyce that she saw Carmon and Todd together and Kandi caught them together. Kandi says anyone who believes that dumbass story needs their ass whooped. I agree, Kandi, and that ass whooping goes to your Mama, unfortunately.
Carmon called Crystal to confront her. As soon as they hung up, Mama Joyce called Carmon. Carmon plays the message, ” Carmon? What the fuck you call Crystal for? You know that damn shit true. But I’ll tell you one thing, You put your hand on that girl, I’m gonna drag your ass up and down the damn street like you was a damn rag. I wish to hell you would put your hands on that girl, you old low down heifer! Sounds exactly like Kandi wanting to drag somebody at pajama brawl, lol. Kandi says she can’t believe her mama did that. She thought they were finally having some peace.
That’s not all. Mama Joyce is trying to pay Benny to take Todd out with some girls and try to get pictures of Todd with his hands on some girls. Kandi is upset. Carmon asks her if she is going to tell Todd. Kandi doesn’t even want to go there. Kandi says she wants to keep it to herself but she knows she can’t. Kandi says her vision was always she would get married and it would be one big happy family going on vacations and being all happy with each other. Carmon says that Kandi needs a new vision.
Nene goes to Cynthia’s office where they talk hair. Nene has more weave than usual. It’s better. Well betterish. Cynthia asks Nene about Kenya’s ball. Despite Kenya stating that Nene opened here evite, Nene claims to have no inkling about the ball. No one even asked if she was available! I’m sure production sent her a shooting schedule. I do agree with Nene that if someone is having a ball to raise money for another person’s charity, they need to pick up the phone and speak directly with her person whose charity is being featured. Oh and now Nene is saying that Marlo told her about the ball. Nene is acting like she is not going to the ball.
Kandi and Todd talk about the Mama Joyce issue. Kandi mentions that Porsha’s attorney sent a bunch of requests regarding her appearance in the play. Are you kidding me? Porsha sent a rider like she is Beyoncé singing at the Super Bowl during half-time? Girl please. Todd says to call Carmon down there for the conversation. Kandi is trying to defend her mother. Todd says her mother has her mind fucked. Kandi is all indignant. Todd says he has his limits and unless she puts her mother in check he is going to walk away. Hell, I’m surprised he hasn’t left already. This is some crazy bullshit that seems to have no end until Mama Joyce heads into the great beyond. Carmon and Todd both try to talk some sense into her. They tell her to go to counseling. She agrees. I also heartily approve.
Kenya is showing the Evite to her Aunt where Nene clearly opened the Evite. Everyone is arriving and Nene is still not admitting she is coming. Kenya doesn’t really care. It’s all about Kenya anyway. Oddly, Marlo was unable to attend. Why? Was she incarcerated? That’s the only thing I could see keeping her away from the cameras. Miss Lawrence arrives in a cat suit and a lampshade, black from head to toe. Then emcee is “Kendra D.” Surely that is not Kendra Davis landlady of Kim Zolciak? I can’t really tell with the mask she is wearing. Lexi, one of Nene’s “bri maes” from her wedding is there. Why? She is not friends with the other ladies and Nene has yet to arrive. Maybe Kenya invited her because they were in the wedding together and she knew that Lexie had money to buy a man. No shade honey, I’d probably buy one too. Do they come with a rule book? I just love to break rules…
Ah, the moment has arrived! Nene is here with her “I just smelled a rank fart” face one looking put out by the whole experience. Seems production forced her attendance after all. Wait, I though Nene ran RHOA and could do whatever she wants to hear some of y’all tell it. She sure doesn’t look happy to be here tonight! Kenya thanks them for coming and Nene and Gregg walk off as she is speaking. Kenya gives a speech about the charity saying it teaches young girls how to be kind and how to forgive, and the reason she chose this charity is because a very good girlfriend of hers, it’s very close to her heart. She acknowledges Nene and introduces her and leads the crowd in applause forcing Nene to walk up to her and the microphone. This is priceless. Nene is furious. Nene takes the mike and says “It’s amazing how many good friends I have and don’t know about it. But um, I would like to thank Saving Our Daughters which is one of many charities that I work with.” Nene stops abruptly and hands the mike back to Kenya.
Nene goes back to the table with Cynthia is starts looking for a drink. Everyone else is looking for Peter who arrives at the table and tells Cynthia he wants to leave. Peter walks to the parking lot. Cynthia just stands there. Nene says that she is leaving too and tells Cynthia if she runs into Peter maybe she can give him a lift. Because that is what friends do when their married couple friends separated for ten seconds. They offer the husband a ride home so he can leave his wife alone at the event they arrived at together.
While all these tattooed women bid on the bachelors, the RHOA make a mad rush to the parking lot to beat the crowd taking their drinks with them. Cynthia wants to know why Peter wanting to go. Peter says, because I do not agree with what Nene just did. That shit was foul. Whatever beef they have, this is not the place for it.” Nene hears the conversation from the parking lot and approached Peter demanding to know why he is mad at her. Peter tells Nene that her behavior was dead wrong for a charity event. Nene’s in her talking head playing that same old tired “this is women’s business why is he even in the conversation” line of bullshit. First of all, most men have more personality than a purse dog (I get you have deballed, Gregg but Peter still has ownership of his testicles). Secondly, he didn’t say a damn word to you. His wife asked him why he wanted to leave and he told her that it was because YOU were an embarrassment and he didn’t want to be a guy at your table drinking with you like he was condoning that behavior. So you need to go on and get that hump up out your back right about now. Peter basically says either come and be graceful or stay home. Nene says to Peter. “None of these bitches here are on the level that I am on so I will not argue with any of them.” Nene’s talking head is now about Cynthia daring to allow her husband to speak his mind. Why doesn’t she put a leash and a muzzle on her man like Nene does? How dare she?
Peter and Cynthia drive off in the brand new very pretty white Mercedes of mystery.
Next Week: It’s the Bailey Bowl! Nene goes berserk AGAIN and calls the police on Marlo!