How stupid is it that Andy grew a beard and then had to film the Vanderpump Rules Reunion? If we didn’t already know now it incredibly obvious that this was filmed before Kristen and Tom were on WWHL and it seemed like they were intimate in their hotel room the night before! Wait, I just checked and Andy had the beard then too. Kristen tried to make it seem like she and Tom hooked up the night before. I’m still thinking the WWHL show on January 14th was after the reunion. I’ll know more after I watch this.
I am not going to give a blow by blow of this as all of the attention whores have a lot to say. They are talking about their hair so, um whatever. Lisa said that everyone is working there still except for Stassi who Lisa says just disappeared with no notice. Stassi has moved to NYC. Jax says he likes coming to work with Stassi gone.
Stassi and Scheana bitch. Lisa tells Stassi she was not a good friend to Scheana. Stassi is no longer going to be a bridesmaid for Scheana.
Jax says he is done with Stassi. Lisa calls him a liar. Tom says that Jax was gross being so needy toward Stassi. Stassi has Jax blocked on her phone. Andy is asking dumb questions, like what Stassi thought of Jax’s getting her name tattoed. Duh! She loves any kind of attention. This had better get better! We really don’t need to rehash every element of the Jax and Stassi relationship.
Stassi is in love with her new boyfriend, Patrick. Lisa says that Stassi was wrong for leaving SUR with no notice to run off to NYC with Patrick. Stassi says she loves SUR but she is so heartbroken about what everyone has done. Really? WTF has everyone done? Why is Stassi always playing the victim? Jax says that he is dating and has no girlfriend.
Andy asks Tom about his cheating with a bottle service girl in Vegas. Tom says at that point he did not want to be in a relationship anymore. Tom says he could not even give Kristen a hug without her freaking out. When he kissed Ariana, it was after Kristen had a three month affair with another SUR employee. Kristen said they were not happy and they were like roommates at the time she cheated. Tom says they were amazing. Lisa asks Tom why he is in a relationship where he has to pretend everything is okay. Tom says it’s not pretending he just got tired of rehashing all of the cheating. Lisa says Tom looked her in the eye and said he never kissed Ariana. Why does he owe Lisa an explanation? She’s his boss! It’s none of her business!
Ariana has joined the group in a very sexy and very revealing top. She is seated next to Tom. Kristen is already giving her the hairy eyeball. Andy asks Scheana about being friends with Kristen when she is Ariana’s best friend. She says she has made up with Kristen and they are friends and that sometimes puts her in an uncomfortable position. She is also friends with Tom.
Ariana says she has no ill-will toward Kristen. Lisa jumps in again to ask Ariana why she lied to her about her relationship with Tom. Again, Lisa, it’s none of your business! She is your employee not your property! Andy asks if Tom still maintains that all that happened in Vegas was a kiss in the pool. Tom says yes. Andy does not believe him. Ariana says it is easy to stop at a kiss. Jax is incredulous about the concept. Andy asks if Tom and Ariana are dating now. Ariana says “aaahhh…” Tom says “We’ve definitely been hanging out and things have been great! ” Andy says, “So you are kind of dating?” and they both say yes. But the way, Ariana’s hair is atrocious. She has it in a high featherbone ponytail. And she has elf ears. Honey when you come on the reunion show you have to give hair to beat everyone else’s hair. Kristen actually looks better than you. Andy asks Kristen how she feels about Ariana sitting there saying she is dating Tom. Kristen cries and says that she is heartbroken.
Andy asks Kristen how the breakup with Tom went down. Kristen says not very smoothly. He broke up with her after he admitted everything. For the next three weeks she was in complete denial. Lisa again interrupts to insert gossip. Lisa says to Kristen, but you are with James now. Andy asks who James is. Lisa says James is a 21 year old busser that is best friends with her son. Lisa really truly hates Kristen. Lisa tells Kristen not to be the victim. Kristen says hell yeah, I’m fucking a 21 year old and I love it. Tom says that he and James have known each other longer and they are in a band together and he was going to move in to the apartment and take Kristen’s place. Tom is pissed that Kristen is screwing him because they had all the musical plans together. And he probably wanted him to be the little spoon on cold California nights. Tom says that Kristen fucked James on his bed with his condoms. He also says that he came home right after they did the deed and he gave James his pants and underwear? What?
Speaking of awful hair, Stassi looks hideous. She has some sort of platinum color and the styling is atrocious.
Somehow Ariana decided to tell Kristen who is still weeping that she needs to go look up borderline personality disorder because she has it. Kristen says she is tired of Ariana’s constant accusations that she is bipolar and made up the rumors about Tom and her for attention. Really, when you think about it that is pretty shady of Ariana. Tom says that Kristen should have given him the benefit of the doubt. Andy tries to say that Kristen may have manifested Tom’s cheating by all of her suspicions. Really Andrew? She has suspicions because he was cheating!
Andy asks Lisa if she wishes she would have hired Tom Schwartz (who is nowhere to be seen as usual) instead of Ariana. Lisa says she loves Tom Schwartz.
Andy whose questions are all over the place with no rhyme or reason asks Kristen if she wishes Tom and Ariana well? Um No! Duh! Can we get a new host for these reunions, please. The questions are seriously not worth recapping at the moment. More Stassi and Jax reminiscing.
Andy suddenly remembers Katie is there. He brings up Schwartz throwing a drink on her. Katie says it is really sobering to see herself highly intoxicated on television. Katie tries to pretend she was best friends with Kristen. But Kristen and the whole world knows that Katie is not friends with Kristen because of Stassi. Katie and Stassi babble on about how they just could not be friends with Kristen anymore (because she would not do what they told her to.) Tom still thinks his relationship with Kristen was wonderful. Kristen asks Ariana why she wanted to be on the show this season because she didn’t want to be on last season. Kristen and Ariana are arguing and Lisa tells Kristen to zip it. Really Lisa? Do shut up. Kristen says to Ariana that she is only there because she is fucking her ex-boyfriend. Tom says the way that Ariana kept her cool when Kristen was screaming at her was the sexiest thing she had ever seen.
Next Week: Is more of the same. Gee. I can hardly wait.