Andy has provided some stunt bottles to break over Jax’s head throughout the show. Andy asks Lisa is there if any one thing Jax said that irritated her the most. She said everything irritated her, but the part where he was arguing with Kristen and said, “You came twice sweetheart!” was the worst and she clobbers him with a bottle.
Poll question: Do you think Jax is a douchebag? 84% say yes.
Jax has been tweeting today that the show was hard to watch and he knows he is going to get attacked on the show. Andy plays the scene of the Tom and Jax outside where Tom is looking for a shred of remorse and finds none. Lisa smacks him on the head with a bottle. Jax says it was hard to watch the scene. The place I paused the DVR to type is stuck on Andy who is looking at Jax with a serious, “What the fuck is wrong with you?” expression. Jax says he feels like a piece of shit. Lisa says, “Just because you look bad, not because of what happened.” Jax says at the time all he cared about was pleasing himself. Lisa says, “That’s exactly what you should have done, pleased yourself and we wouldn’t be going through all this.”
Lisa says she is the only person who had known about them hooking up for a year. She says to be honest I knew it would be so explosive if it ever came out that she hoped they would just keep on lying. Lisa breaks another bottle over Jax’s head. Andy asks Lisa how she knew. She says, “Why don’t you ask Jax?” Jax says he doesn’t know how she knew. She says he told her business partner and he told her. Jax said, “Why would I tell him?” and Andy moves on.
They play a game called What a Jax Off! It’s a list of scenarios to see if Jax would do them. Dumb game. The answer is yes. Nothing will every compare to Drunk Uncle Bucks. NO THING!
Lisa and Jax are cutting up like long lost lovers. Just saying. I’d watch that Ken. Andy goes to break because he heard that Tom Sandoval wants to call in.
Questions of Lisa:
Do you think you are mothering Brandi like you do your staff at SUR? Lisa says she is guilty as charged absolutely. When someone is struggling, Lisa wants to try and help her. Lisa says she really lovED her twice. Interesting.
Andy asks about the bizarre Scheana Marie and Brandi thing she was trying to pull off tonight. Scheana tweeted that it is funny they can all have brunch together at Villa Blanca and things are fine but then there is an issue again. She is done trying. Lisa says That’s true the did have brunch together. Jax says Brandi was in Villa Blanca last week.
Questions for Jax:
Someone from the Bronx calls in who is unintelligible. Basically does he get tested for STDs? Yes. Jax says he uses protection. The rest of them just joke about that. Andy says you didn’t use it with Kristen. Jax says that’s true, he gets tested.
Caller “You were not a good friend to Tom…blah, blah.” Yeah I am a douchebag. These are the worst questions ever, and the worst callers ever and they just gave that one a trip to NYC for the Heart Healthy Red Dress Fashion Show? WHEN WILL THE GOOD PEOPLE EVER COME OUT ON TOP, ANDREW? Dang.
Andy asked how did you know not to blow it when Stassi texted you pretending to be Kristen? Kristen told him that Stassi was coming over and told him to assume that Stassi has my phone at all times. That makes not sense. How did Kristen know Stassi was going to do that? This whole storyline has more plot holes than a Ryan Murphy episode of American Horror Story: Coven with none of the fantastic acting.
Finally, the Bravoholic tweets in a great question. On a scale of 1-10 how good was Kristen in bed? Jax says a gentleman never tells. He has some morals and some respect. I swear I hear Stassi’s mouth in the audience. I think she is living there now. And the fact that Jax did not answer makes me think maybe he might have a decent side.
Tom is on the phone! He greets his stalker Andy first. Tom asks Jax how it feels to be the most loved man in America right now? Jax says he is definitely feeling the hate right now.
Andy says they already filmed the reunion and Jax had not seen the episodes until today and says he now has remorse. This mean next week on the reunion Jax will not be remorseful.
Tom says he thinks that Lisa told Jax to be remorseful on TV tonight. Lisa said no not at all. Jax is on his own on this one. Tom says the whole season Jax was always trying to throw him under the bus and he knows he has all kinds of stuff about him. Andy says , wait! There’s worse stuff?
Tom starts trying to spill all of Jax’s secrets. Why did you change your name and leave Miami? And Jax is getting anxious and says for Andy to hang up the phone. Andy sort of cuts Tom off. Essentially word on the curb is that Jax was such a pathological liar when he lived in Miami that he changed his name and left town. That rumor could have been started by Stassi though, just saying.
Andy asks Tom about the fight. Does he regret it? No, no he does not. He says he hit Jax in the forehead. He could have hit him in the nose or the mouth, he could have stomped on him while he was on the floor, he felt like he held back. Tom starts whining about why? WHY? WHY ? JAX? How could you do this to me. Tom still feels scorned by his lover, Jax.
Next week: Part One of a Two Part Reunion, grown up housewives style.