It’s time for the annual Vanderpump Rules trip. Once again they are doing it on Stassi’s birthday so it can be all about her. Again. Once again, Jax is not invited but coming anyway. God I miss my flat belly from my twenties. I miss when it was fun to go clothes shopping because everything looked great. Um, anyway…
Lisa and Peter are at a restaurant supply shopping. Lisa says her customers are always stealing things from the restaurant, salt and pepper shakers, candles… all sorts of things.
At the airport,the girls are already ganging up on Scheana and she is not even there yet. When they arrive in Cabo, Scheana opts to ride in the boys van. This makes all the other girls pissed. Does she think she is too good for them? Um, really? Y’all treat her like shit. I’d ride drama free with the boys too!
At the hotel, they all got upgraded. Scheana is staying in a room with her boyfriend, meanwhile the other girls are not staying with theirs. I find that really odd. Scheana says this is probably because they don’t have sex. I agree. It seems none of them really like their boyfriends.
None of the metrosexual guys brought a blow dryer. Jax goes to try to get one from the girls. While he is there he makes sure to tattletale on Scheana. Because that is what Jax does. Then Stassi does what Stassi does and emasculates Jax.
At the club Kirsten tries to tell Scheana she can’t sit at the table. Katie is pissed that straight Tom let her have a shot from their bottle. These girls are bitches! Peter and Jax immediately take off to find drunk girls on Spring Break and are immediately successful.
Everyone from the mean girls club and the guys go outside. Scheana tells the waiter to clear the table, because they are done. Meanwhile outside Katie is yelling at Tom for sharing booze with Scheana. It’s not like any of them are actually paying the tab anyway. This is just drama for drama’s sake.
Stassi is mad that Jax and Peter are off picking up girls. Scheana and Shay head back to their room to avoid the drama. Which is odd because I totally thought she was going to take the table. Shay must have said he had enough because he doesn’t generally do the drama stuff.
Meanwhile, Tom is telling Katie she is being a bitch and a bully. Tom eventually dumps a drink on her head. Katie is smashed as usual. Tom still feels bad even though the whole drink on Katie’s head thing happened because she grabbed Tom’s drinking arm. But now she is the victim of a terrible boyfriend.
Meanwhile, all is perfect in the land of Lisa Vanderpump. She has her partners over for dinner and she does the cooking. Lisa talks about Ken being such a wild child when they met.
Back at the hotel, the girls all go to the beach. At the beach the girls go skinny dipping. Well some of them just go topless. Stassi apparently got the DDlongs when she got her implants. They KNEW they were going skinny dipping and did not bring towels. Sigh. Amateurs. Kristen and Katie can’t walk straight.
The next morning the two Toms wake up in the same bed cuddling. Maybe neither one is straight! Jax and Peter come in to wake them up. Straight Tom is wearing a pink T. I am going to have to come up with another way to separate the Toms!
At the beach, Tom tries to make Katie see that she is being a bitch to Scheana and Shay. She is not having it. Cabo is really pretty. I’ve never been. In fact I haven’t been anywhere in Mexico except for Acapulco when I was 20. I don’t feel super comfortable traveling to Mexico alone these days. And that is sad because it is so close and so cheap. I plan to stick to the Caribbean though. Curacao is just fine for me. Or St. Lucia when I am flush. Or Nevis if I find me a rich man.
Peter is chosen to judge the wet T-Shirt contest. Which is more like a wet T-Shirt plus lap dance contest. Later at dinner, Jax gives Stassi a birthday gift and she likes it. AMAZING! Then Scheana asks for a rundown of what happened last night. She heard something went up Katie’s nose. So Tom says that Katie was mad because he gave Scheana a drink. She grabbed his hand in the argument and he might have spilled a little bit on her. OH GAWD. Tom and Katie start to fight. Tom tells Katie she makes his life miserable by acting like a seventh grade mean girl. Everyone sort of gangs up on Katie. And Katie wanders off into the mean streets drunk and alone. No one goes after her except the camera guy.
Next week: Cabo continues. Jax tells Stassi that he told her about Gay Tom and Arianna because they were dating at the time. It was not something for her to share. Stassi relays the info straight to Kristen who calls Lisa from Cabo with an ultimatum. She can’t work with Ariana. Next week looks good.