An Ode to Miss Urethra Franklin

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There once was a Urethra Franklin
Whose teasers to AHS: Coven were Danklin,
Then he went on hiatus,
We all worried he’d hate us
And we’d be forever left hanglin.

AND THEN HE CAME BACK!

Right? I mean he is coming back! /cries

his last tweet was Christmas day!!!  /hold me!

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44 Comments

Filed under American Horror Story :Coven

44 responses to “An Ode to Miss Urethra Franklin

  1. He must return!! I didn’t read his AHS recaps but his other stuff was a must read!

  2. Urethra Franklin

    Like the Queen of Soul, the Queen of recaps wants some r.e.s.p.e.c.t so please edit the misspelling of my name/link up above. It’s URETHRA.

    I’m sick as fuck. The pharmacy has been my best friend this week. If I drink any more Nyquil, I will start sporting excessive gold jewelry, diamond teeth grills, and dreads, and I will only answer to the name Lil Wayne. Sizzurp is da BOMB.

    I rarely get sick with colds/flu. This is not fun. I’d rather be chained to TT’s radiator eating scraps of Banjo’s organic food. Plus side is I lost a couple of pounds due to I can’t taste anything. Good night.

  3. Popcorn and Vodka (@popcornandvodka)

    I’m so sorry to hear that Urethra! Get better soon. I have only a light cold and I’m going to be downing Hot Toddies until I pass out.

  4. Shellbelle

    Damn! Feel better soon!!

  5. Do lots of sleeping and lolling about. Rest is the cure, but hot teat with honey, whiskey and lemon doesn’t hoit :)

  6. Manny Petty

    Get better fucker!!! Love your stuff.

  7. Katrina

    I hope you feel better soon Urethra!

  8. Just a reminder, WE DON’T HAVE HEALTH INSURANCE!

  9. Awww Feel better soon luv! Did you hear Stevie Nicks officiated at a wedding ceremony this past week? “I would cry! La la lalalalala….”

  10. Urethra Franklin

    Thanks for all the well wishes. It warms my ice cold heart. I miss #AHSCoven so much. I’ve rewatched all 9 episodes while in bed.

    Share what your favorite episode is?
    Share what your favorite line is?
    Share what your favorite scene is?
    Share who is your favorite witch bitch?
    Share who you wish would just die for real.

    • Smidge

      Favourite ep- The Replacements
      Favourite line- “Liiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeessss!” and “in another century you could have TWO shithole salons”
      Favourite scene- naked Kyle in The Axeman Cometh
      Favourite witch- Nan
      Who should die- I would say Queenie (she’s boring) but now Kyle if we find out he killed the dog on purpose. Not cool.

  11. steve

    UF sounds like you are feeling a little better..good! Now my favorite line is a tossup between Fiona *Im Fiona Goode and im in charge Everywhere* and Marie *she messed with the wrong witcchh* cant spell her delivery but both are faves

    • JoJo

      steve:
      Reminds me too of Fiona’s “Who’s the baddest witch in town?” before she set off for Halloween (or did she say ‘bitch’? – no matter either fine and true!!)

  12. JoJo

    ‘When I bury some white ass cracker bitch, I expect her to stay buried, not pop up like some goddamn ragweed’ >Marie (more or less)

  13. Queenie: Madison Montgomery is a stone-cold bitch who loves hard drinking, big dicks and trouble. If she’s dead, it’s probably ’cause she got wasted and offered the Grim Reaper a hand job or something.

  14. Marie: You could offer me a unicorn that shit hundred dollar bills and I’d still never give you nothing more then a headache.

  15. Urethra Franklin

    Favorite Episode: The Replacements

    Favorite Line: Any sentence where Marie Laveau hissess wittccchhhhh.

    Favorite Scene: In Ep 2, Fiona & Marie at Cornrow City

    Favorite Witch: Fiona, Marie, & Myrtle. I watched AHSCoven because of Fiona, stayed because of Marie, & became enchanted with Myrtle along the way.

    Who should die for real: Franken-Kyle & Zoe. He strangles her to death as she fucks him to death.

    • JoJo

      FrankenDog might become more palatable now that he can speak and more or less socialized by Fiona. I’m giving him a chance to redeem his presence.
      Don’t think Zoe can fuck him to death since she’s ménage a troi’d him w/ Madison and he’s still here:)

  16. Urethra Franklin

    Honorable mentions for best scene:

    Fiona snorting coke listening to In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida.
    Fiona: This coven doesn’t need a new Supreme. It needs a new rug.
    Any scene with Marie on her bone throne.
    Burning Myrtle and that damn good song by Dr. John.
    Myrtle stealing Fiona’s jewelry.

    • JoJo

      Hey you, AHSCoven recapper extraordinaire…..agree with all your personal choices. I don’t have DVR, don’t know the episode names, and too lazy to re-read my immediate comments or to research. Worse my memory sucks, but Marie and the cracker white bitch burying I’ve not forgotten. I might do that this final day of 2013.
      In any event, I wish you the best 2014, that you get better real soon, and can’t wait for your recaps next year that cause me to refresh TT’s page the next day every 15 minutes….smooch:))

    • JoJo

      Ok, TT that made me literally LOL, and I haven’t done that in ages. URETHRA is a down low (I mean DL in complement sense), cult celeb……and it’s ALL BECAUSE OF YOU (maybe)?
      You too great recaps of a shitload of shows I watch. You’re 2014 I also wish great and smooch (in spite of Joyce:)))!!!!!
      And that’s no kiss ass compliment ‘cuz hell I don’t comment anywhere else!

      • Aw…. come here and get a big ole Mongolian Lung Flu germ infested kiss from me! Happy New Year!

      • JoJo

        In the spirit of the New Year because of you’re complimentary and attraction for the mini-me Arnold Schwarzenagger (aka Mr. Joyce), a big ol’ Austrian flu-free smooch!

      • Do not disrespect my man. I can’t believe you don’t think he is hot.

      • JoJo

        What planet do you live on? (j/k….had to use his words)….but nah, not attracted to him physical sense only seems short (I’m 6’1) and a little too much beef on him. But that could be 100% because of my not so great vibe I get from his wife. In another setting or planet, who knows?

  17. Kaleesi

    Favorite line: “(chuckles), come on, Mary Todd Lincoln.” the expression on Fiona’s face as she’s looking LaLaurie up and down is just priceless.
    I also liked Fiona’s line– “I couldn’t toast a piece of bread with the heat they
    were puttin’ on you.”
    Favorite witch: myself. But for the show, Fiona. She’s just the shit and I love her.
    One more Fiona line: “I’m looking less Samantha and more Endora
    everyday.”

    I don’t care for Zoe, boring, or Kyle the dog killer either.
    I can’t help it. Once you hurt an animal, doesn’t matter that I fully
    understand that I am watching fiction, fantasy, whatever– you kill dog,
    I kill you. It’s silly, but that’s the way I am. Goofy. I liked Kyle, but once he did that, well, they just can’t kill him off quick enough.
    Get well UF.

    • JoJo

      I’ve got to agree with you on the pup thing….I’m also very very intolerant of hurting/killing dogs even though it’s pretend, no matter if I see it or it’s implied, hurting a doggy upsets me to no end. Although we all know Evan Tate is the actor playing Kyle…..that did put a bad taste in my mouth for the character himself!

    • Smidge

      I agree with you, Kaleesi. I was so into Kyle (SO INTO HIM) but that scene killed the ladyboner but good. Thanks, Ryan Murphy. Jerk. I didn’t think there was any way they good make EP not hot but for me, they’ve done that now.

      I hope Evan Peters gets a better role next season. He’s so good and has done a lot with the sparse material he’s been given but the role is nothing on S1 or 2.

      • Hey UF I feel worse today than I have so far. UGH. You feeling any better? I am out of sizzurp for real and need to go back to pharmacy for SOMETHING THAT WORKS ! I hope you are coming out of the sickness woods. I seem to be wandering in deeper and deeper.

        On Thu, Jan 2, 2014 at 2:03 AM, Tamara Tattles

      • Urethra Franklin

        Though my head congestion has eased up I am still coughing a lot.

        I finished off my 2nd bottle of sizzurp last night. I DRANK 2 bottles in 7 days, and I think that exceeds recommended dosage. So I’m putting away the gold “jewry” and going back to being UF instead of Lil Wayne. For now.

        Thank you all for the get well wishes, and for keeping the enthusiasm for next weeks AHSCoven. In case you all haven’t heard Stevie is coming to the Coven.

  18. JoJo

    Well, another Wed. night and NO AHSCoven and no pre or re cap. And miserably, my damn cable Cox’s Primetime on the fritz & won’t play any of the stored episodes (which is force-fed me in a package costing $140+ in fees).
    If I had the $$ & power that the creators and FX have and I had a great thing going and zillions of fans, I wouldn’t take 3 goddamn weeks off in the middle of my story! WTH do they do that to us sheeple?
    ~ In memorium for UF (and in recognition this has given him the chance to heal:(
    And of course Happy New Year to all!!

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