Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap Escape to Bitch Mountain


We are back on Bitch Mountain where the RHOBH are trying to give the RHONY a run for their money.  Can this drunken stupidity become more memorable than Scary Island?  Brandi is drunk (as usual) and Lisa actually defends Kyle. Brandi is so drunk she keeps losing track of who she is attacking.  Yolanda who is probably not drunk seems to be acting as Brandi’s  drunk to English translator. Thank God Yolanda is multilingual.

Oh dear. Kim’s talking head. I will refrain from commenting about it until we see a bit more of it. But what I just saw was concerning.

Kyle has left the table and is sobbing in another room. And Yolanda comforts her? She and Brandi are the reason she is crying.  Nonetheless, they both hug it out while saying that the other has a lot to deal with at the moment.  Yolanda seems very hot and cold toward Kyle.  In her talking head she talks about what is important in life, and putting the Kyle stuff behind her, but still slips in a few stabs and Kyle and Kim.

Then Lisa hugs Kyle. Lisa tastefully closes the bathroom door because Kim is in there talking about her panties being in a literal wad as she attempts I suppose to use the bathroom.  Kim in her green dress talking head says “Don’t shut the door in my face.”  I need to see more of Kim’s talking head in the blue dress.  Kim tells Lisa not to tell her what to do.

Photo :TMZ

Photo :TMZ
Brandi wore this dress on the first drunken night in Palm Springs, But Bravo made her wear the underslip for obvious reasons.

Carlton says she can’t stand all the drama.  Well,  Carlton,  Brandi is the epicenter of the drama, so why are you sleeping with her? Carlton is practically sitting on Yolanda’s lap.  It takes Carlton and Yolanda and a Lisa backup  to point Brandi in the direction of her bed. By the way, Brandi is wearing the same dress she was  photographed in flashing everything including her tampon  string  to the paps while  being carried out of a bar.  Or at least one very similar.  She is trying to  fondle Carlton in bed.

Meanwhile, Joyce and Kyle go skinny dipping in the pool.  Well Kyle took her top off. Joyce kept her tiny little bikini on.  Lisa and Yolanda  and Brandi and Carlton  were sneaking up on each other.  Brandi was drinking a bottle of wine straight from the bottle.  Yolanda continues to translate Brandi’s gibberish.

It’s  a new day in Palm Springs.  Yolanda has to leave early for a charity event. But first, girls take a gondola ride to the top of Bitch Mountain. Once they arrive Carlton and Kim start hand-feeding rabid squirrels  because that is perfectly normal.

Kim actually was praying next to a trashcan.

Lisa and Yolanda bail due to previous obligations.

Carlton is pissed at Brandi for outing her bisexual side. Brandi says she is sorry. In her talking head Brandi makes it seem like she is quick to apologize for her mouth. Just not when it comes to Joyce.

Brandi has volunteered to make dinner. She does not strike me as the cooking type. The food looks great though. So I guess we should not judge a book by its drunken cover.

Brandi calls home to discover “her house was broken into.”  In fact her house was NOT broken  into, but Brandi doesn’t know that yet. Her assistant lost one of her dogs, and faked the break-in to cover her ass.  Oh wait, maybe she does know.  She says this is the second time in a week her dogs  have gone missing on her watch.

Brandi of course cannot accept Joyce reaching out. Even when she is semi-sober. Kyle and Joyce both want to comfort  Brandi but they are afraid.  They try but Brandi won’t let them in. Carlton and  Brandi take off together.  Carlton was going to leave at that time anyway so Brandi left with her.

Next Week: Dinner Party for all at the Fosters.  Those never go well. Will the new girls kiss David’s Ring?

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Filed under Brandi Glanville, Carlton Gebbia, David Foster, Joyce Giraud, Joyce Giraud de Ohoven, Kim Richards, Kyle Richards, Lisa Vanderpump, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, RHOBH, Yolanda Foster

43 responses to “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap Escape to Bitch Mountain

  1. Xanadude

    What was the little dance Kin did in her room? Was it because production was telling her to get out of the Lisa/Kyle scene?

  2. Bombero129

    Why does Brandi hate Joyce so much? She keeps calling her fake and targeting her, but I don’t see how Joyce is being fake? Am I missing something?

    • RealChicagoHousewife

      There are some articles out there floating around on the web that Joyce and her husband know LeeAnn and Eddie. I’m guessing that’s the real reason why Brandi has such animosity.

    • JoJo

      That ‘hate’ is so much of the season so far, that I couldn’t believe Brandi wouldn’t explain in detail the reason for it – talking head OR Twitter, as usual. She just keeps saying Joyce is fake and annoying. Since that’s all we’re getting, coupled with Brandi’s outrageous, stupid, drunken behavior when in her company, IMHO it’s got to be way more than annoyance and fakery.

      I read that (and Brandi’s hinted at) she made an attempt to get to know Joyce and in the process gave her info/background on Lisa and how to get along with her.

      Apparently Joyce embellished and twisted that off screen ‘help’ offered by Brandi, and also told Lisa things supposedly Brandi didn’t say or mean about their friendship. Joyce also supposedly told Lisa that Brandi constantly talks about Lisa behind her back. This obviously was all off screen. There was just a fleeting comment by Brandi in a TH that “lesson learned” – she’ll never help the girl out again.

      Allegedly Brandi was chastised/threatened by Bravo execs to keep her mouth shut about storylines and details what goes on off-screen after the hoorah with Adrienne last season and her infamous drunk tweeting.
      Or so I’ve read:!! (So far I too think Joyce is annoying and fake, but just from what she’s shown me onscreen whether Brandi’s around or not:))

    • lin51

      Maybe Brandi is jealous because Joyce is younger, prettier and has a better body.

    • Didn’t Brandi say, early on, that Joyce is known for stirring the pot?

      • JoJo

        Yes, that’s another “fleeting” comment Brandi made in a talking head I think – guess her big mouth got her into major trouble with producers by talking about story-storylines). Leaving Joyce and Brandi’s interactions out this equation, I just really, really sense this fake, shit-stirring, behind the scenes sneaky thing about Joyce. Just hope that before season’s over, she slips and falls and on her Vaseline-coated teeth & we’re shown the REAL Joyce:)))))
        And I’m not defending Brandi’s showing her ass literally and figuratively on and off TV, but I doubt that she doesn’t like Joyce simply because she thinks she’s prettier, younger, thinner, etc. She has many friends that are that. I think this is related to personality alone!

      • So in the limited time you have seen here, where she does absolutely nothing but be gracious and poised (or fake as you put it) You have determined using you spidey senses that somehow you know that behind the scenes and off camera she is a terrible person that you can’t stand.

        So you make a least half a dozen posts about her here each and every time insulting her appearance, hair, teeth, smile, poise (it’s not just and incontinence pad, look it up) .

        Nope, you aren’t jealous of her at all. You just want to continuously post about these spidey senses that you can’t explain that make you want to see her fall on her face so they we can see this “true self” of hers that you have not seen yet yourself. Got it.

        You might want to talk to someone about your anger. Seriously.

      • JoJo

        TT, yes sadly I recognize I’m overreacting and I said it’s visceral. I think I more than expressed my point, too, with every adjective I could drum up. Point taken. I’ve been sick, and I’m stuck here, but I’ll get over it.

  3. Kelly

    Two obscure points – Brandi’s best friend, Jennifer, resembles Ursula from the Disney movie (Little Mermaid). And Kyle’s pendant necklace is too frickin’ big!!! The matching ear rings are much smaller and to die for.

  4. Rain

    Let’s remember guys …. Kyle is an “actress”!!! Kyle is perfectly fine with talking about everyone else but when it comes to the drama in her life , she doesn’t want it discussed on camera. I’m still not over the way she outed her sister in season 1 about being an alcoholic , drug addict and pathological liar!! Not cool!!

    • Exactly what I was thinking. Kyle seems to take joy in stirring the pot for everyone else, but when it comes to her – it’s a totally different story – it’s not okay when it comes to her and/or her family.

      And doesn’t Kyle realize the audience sees her provoking drama at the dinner table, and then jumps back like an innocent, injured child when Yolanda calls her on it?

      • Kate

        I think you watched a different episode. Clearly an out-of-control drunk as usual Brandy stirred the drama while Kyle handled it like a lady. Which Brandi is not. Maybe you’re not either if you can’t see that.

      • JoJo

        Hey Lady Observer2: I saw the episode you did too. IMHO, Kyle has those very tendencies you mention.

      • Thanks JoJo.

        Funny thing is, Kate, I had gone back and re-watched the last 2 episodes before commenting – just to make sure I was remembering correctly.

      • JoJo

        No need to thank me but thank you I’m sure you’re a lady (or a man if that’s the case), but just don’t buy the Kyle story. After 4 season or whatever, the last 3 Kyle’s pretty much acted in only her best interests. Re-runs are endless, but the gist of Kyle’s MO hasn’t changed no matter if I catch every single minute. TBH, I did think the overall Brandi beserck (sp?) on this trip, since she just doesn’t seem to care how her drunken self comes across, made me feel uneasy for all them including Kyle in certain scenes. In fact I think the lost pup kinda’ really bothered her.. At least she didn’t try to empathize by saying same thing happened to her!

  5. michelle

    What about Brandi saying i don’t want to strategize anymore to Lisa?

    • AmberKnows

      First off, I was shocked that drunken slore even used the word strategize! It ‘looked’ like she was miffed that Lisa was trying to stop her from going in on Kyle and making herself to be the ‘good guy’. What I couldn’t take was when she attacked Joyce for empathizing with her while the others were just sympathizing with her. Joyce tried to let her know she understood her pain and Brandi just attacked her in person and TH. Who does that? Brandi.

      • Mango

        ITA. Who does that? Someone who is super self-involved right now and sees the other members as competitors. Brandi and Kyle both project a lot, imo.

    • JoJo

      I couldn’t understand what she was saying and I don’t have a DVR. So she said “strategizing” – mmmmm – methinks that word and its context came from Kyle. Remember all the hoorah over Kyle comparing Lisa to playing chess, and then Faye Rancic said same thing (oh how I dislike having to type that ‘faye’ name)?

      Perhaps by this point in filming, Kyle and Brandi had already buddied up and Kyle explained how Lisa “strategizes”???

  6. Kate

    Please make Brandy go away. She’s as dumb as she looks, lacks breeding and intelligence, and is as ugly as they come. Please!!!!!

  7. Tweetypie35

    First off I’d like to say I’m a long time reader of the site and it’s awesome.
    Anyway Brandi has really been annoying me since last season. When she first became a housewife I loved her. I felt bad for her with how Kyle and Kim were picking at her , but now she’s doing the exact same thing. I for one don’t like Joyce ( I don’t know why lol) , but she doesn’t deserve to be picked on for no reason at all. The new episode shows just how spiteful and immature Brandi is. Picking on people like you’re a four year old is not attractive and it’s getting old. I used to find the fact that Brandi spoke her mind refreshing , but now I’d like her to hush. I hate to say it but she is going to open her mouth to the wrong person and they are going to hurt her. I agree with what a few posters have said about Kyle. Kyle is quick to put everyone else’s issues out there , but she’s all butt hurt now that hers are being brought out. No comment on Kim. She should have left when Taylor did. I could watch a show with just Lisa and Carlton all day. Everyone else can go sit in a corner lol

  8. ViVaLaDiVa

    whenever someone says “i forgive but i don’t forget” that means “i will hold this against you forever.” i hate when people do that.

  9. Susan

    These women need to read up on the meaning of rabies. Those little squirrels are not rabid, if they were they would not be so friendly and gentle. The disease makes an animal aggressive, just look it up, it’s too bad these women aren’t nearly as smart as they think they are. Why do people think actresses and actors are
    intelligent. They have to play other people to make themselves happy, and ya they make a bunch of money, but that doesn’t make them smart. They have smarts in some areas but a very small area. This includes anyone who ever had their fifteen minutes on TV. Just because they say it, doesn’t make it so, and the general public believes it. Go read a book and learn something – anything – wouldn’t that be a change. For the record, yes squirrels can have rabies but that doesn’t mean they all are infected with it. Sick one are, but those little guys were not.
    I wasn’t even going to watch all this drunken drama, but – I heard about Brandi’s little dog and had hoped they would let us know if she got her back. Does anyone out there know ? That house keeper should be sooooooo FIRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  10. Brandi drunkenly called out Lisa for her “strategizing”. Yolanda and Lisa continue to be fairweather friends to Kyle. Kim not jumping in to defend Kyle during dinner reminded me of season 1. However, I give her a pass because Kim is insanely afraid of conflict. I know people like that.

    Joyce is an angel. Absolute angel. She shouldn’t be on this show.

  11. JoJo

    One of many things that’s great about TT’s blog is that berating posters or funky name calling is frowned upon.
    So I feel safe to say that I don’t buy this image Joyce is trying to portray AT ALL. I do think she’s acting, appears fake, is fake, and that just annoys the F out of me, in addition to the incessant hair flipping and frozen smile. I saw her on WWHL last night, appropriately paired with another Bravo wannabe Schaena who I also can’t stand, and both coincidentally have bad history with Brandi.
    Both of these Pantene Queens preened, posed, fake laughed and smiled, miraculously while TRYING to answer A SHITLOAD of shade Andy was throwing for 22 minutes while they tried not to let their Vaseline-coated lips stick to their teeth.
    The coup de grace was Andy playing Joyce’s unintelligible, non-answer to one of her beauty queen pageant questions. The rest of the time, neither of these brain trusts managed to cut through the shade being thrown and now I’m convinced they’re both just not that bright (to be nice). And I hear Joyce has 2 degrees – psychology? and special education (that makes better sense).

    • JoJo while you are right about the fake names for Bravolebrities. (I violated that rule with Brenda, I know. I got it from Lisa’s blog.) But as for being nice to other posters, you must be thinking some other board. :) We can be a pack of bitches here from time to time. We did try to implement an Ugly Baby Policy for 2013 where we tried to be polite to each other. I think that lasted about 16 hours.

      Anyway, I should probably go watch that WWHL and recap it. Because I LOVE JOYCE and think you are all a bunch of meanie McMeanersons for not loving her too!

      • JoJo

        OMG LOL! Yes, PLEASE watch that WWHL and then tell me if you feel the same way. (Btw, you can call me the usual “mccunterson” – I think that’s part of it:)) and I actually prefaced my little comment because of your ATL blog where someone commented and another disagreed, but had to throw in the person they commented to mustn’t be a lady…..kinda’ pissy to me – go ahead disagree, but this “lady” shit…..pshaw!)

    • Felina

      Regarding the hair flipping, I saw on another site, Leah Black said “Joyce is the Karent of RHOBH”. LOL!

      • No one cares what Lea Black says. No one.

      • JoJo

        Yeh Leah Black may not be the best for a character reference or oft quoted, but I read that comment she made too and although she left the meaning up in the air – I read it to mean exactly as Joyce is like Karent in that she’s robotic, smiling, shit-stirring smiling bore!

      • JrLeaguer

        Interesting.I never put the Karent angle to Joyce. Perhaps the reason why I cannot seem to warm up to Joyce is because she physically and in some of her behavior (robotic and planned) reminds me of Karent and I just never realized it until now. :)

      • JoJo

        EXACTLY same reaction I had when I read that comment by Lea (and I never read comments from Lea or usually about her unless it’s part of a blog on RHOM!!!
        I have no idea why, but I never have had this visceral of a reaction to a freakin’ HW! There’s something under that damn hair I swear and it ain’t pretty and it smiles and flips its hair too!

      • Felina

        I assumed she was referring to the hair flip and frozen pageant smile. I forgot to mention the smile. I found it funny.

  12. I didn’t catch all of last nights episode. Kept nodding off. I did wake up enough to see Kyle in the bedroom crying and Lisa trying to comfort her. Kim fumbling under her skirt to fix her undies and walking back into the bathroom and Lisa shutting the bathroom door. Then Kims talking head comes on all pissy and indignant. Then she pounces out of the bathroom and flops down on the bed next to Kyle. The look in her eyes was so vicious and mean that she totally creeped me out. What a psycho bitch. I believed Lisa was trying to spare Kim from the Bravo cameras catching her flashing her kootch. Kim is a hideous troll. Her and her sister.

  13. Mango

    I’m starting to like Joyce. I think Brandi is intimidated by her for some reason, or maybe just jealous not to be new baby of the RHBC anymore? I’ve known a couple of former pageant queens and they are very poised, in a good way — not fake, but they do know how to handle situations and people gracefully.

    Carlton I still don’t have a feel for yet.

    Kim totally forgot herself when she was doing the panty dance coming out the bathroom. To me it liked Lisa closed the door because she was trying the spare Kim embarassment on camera. Supposedly Lisa is getting the bitch edit, and yeah she’s made some snide comments, but mostly what I see is her mother henning it up like that. Taking a bottle away from Brandi, who was drunk enough to be aggressive and weird, was the act of a friend. Right?

    • Tweetypie35

      I agree about Lisa. I don’t think she meant any harm by closing the door on Kim. I also agree that she was trying to help Brandi by taking that bottle.

      • JrLeaguer

        I think that for so long, Lisa tried to give Brandi some guidance in how to behave. While Lisa can provide a buffer on the show, she cannot stop Brandi from becoming a hot mess during her birthday celebration and spilling out of her dress while the camera snapped away. Lisa has unsuccessfully tried to get Brandi to realize that she cannot just say whatever stupid thought pops into her head and do whatever she feels like and then try to mea culpa her way out of it with lame excuses. Her very young sons will one day see and hear it all.

  14. DeeDee

    I have to agree with JrLeaguer – I have always believed that Lisa took Brandi under her wing in attempt to bring the poor girl some class. it bounces off her like rain – she ain’t no sponge fo sho! I didn’t see this week’s episode and from the play-by-play Tamara has given us, I’m not sure if I want to.

  15. Belinda

    Since I’ve not watched this week’s show yet, I’m posting 1 cent of my 2 cents worth. Kim, oh Kim….please, for the good of my mental health, let me attach battery clamps to your nipples. Kind of like electroshock therapy to stimulate your brain. Joyce and Yolanda fake ? How about ladylike, unflappable and dignified ? Not to mention absolutely beautiful. And Brandi? Not only is Leanne laughing at Brandi’s behavior but she is thrilled that someone has an uglier body than she has.

  16. Windingdown

    I’m pretty smart I knew automatically when the dog was missing and Brandi said this is the second time that it was just a Fake break in to cover the assistants ass

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