Vanderpump Rules Recap: Kristen Is Totally Kray!

Vanderpump Rules - Season 1

I am finally getting around to watching last week’s Vanderpump Rules. There was a whole bunch of RHOBH ending in front of it so, I hope there is no dramatic ending to this episode because I will likely miss it.

Is it possible that Jax has finally had enough of Stassi? It’s time for the gay pride parade again and the boys are going to wear angel wings. Jax is ready to move on with his dating. The boys are not fans of Scheana’s singing either. Gay Tom does a mocking take on her choreography for Jax and another guy. Gay Tom seems VERY familiar with this  choreography.  Kirsten is wary of Ariana due to the rumors of Ariana sleeping with her gay boyfriend. Personally, I think gay Tom is just Ariana’s gay best friend.  Kirsten will be holding down the fort at SUR and will not be on the float embracing her boyfriend’s pride.

I hate to break the news to all the other SUR boys, but Peter is the real eye candy on this show.


Sorry, I took a food break (Asian slaw, it’s a bit too salty) but there really isn’t a lot to blog about so far. Jax kissed a girl and he liked it. Everyone hates Scheana’s song, It’s time for the parade and the girls are already getting catty about everything from placement to costume. There now we are all caught up.

Stassi is in a giant champagne glass. Scheana is  going to sing and dance with backup dances.  Let the bitches battle.  Stassi is all pissy that Jax fucked a 21 year old. Frankly, I think he needs to fuck a new one every night to get Stassi out of his system. Stassi is furious. Because clearly Jax should just become a monk or something. How dare he pick up a chick in a bar?  Why are the people in the back all grouped around Stassi instead of smiling and waving to gay people?   Meanwhile Scheana is working the pole and lip sinking like a pro. She’s having a blast.

Apparently, gay acceptance is a matter of national security.  Or something. They had some Westboro types there with their homophobic signs and raging stupidity.

The Club Nur gold ship blew the Club Sur white flatbed out of the water. How can Lisa allow that. They showed all the Shahs who showed up.  Bravo Worlds collided.

Kristen went through Gay Tom’s phone and found texts between Ariana and him. They were SCANDALOUS!  Oh wait, no they weren’t They were reminiscing about going to Coachella. Kristen doesn’t deserve to have a hot gay boyfriend. Stassi and Katie are forcing Kristen to confront Ariana because that is what friends do. They stir the pot and make things worse for their friends. Wait, um that is not what friends do at all. That is what bitches do.

Kristen asks Ariana if she has fucked her boyfriend. She says no, because he is gay (okay she did not really say that last part).  Kristen says she is uncomfortable about their texting.  Sometimes he texts her late at night!  Sometimes she asks him if she is mad at him! Oh my.

Ariana is very patient with Kristen, but admits in her talking heads that Kristen is coming from a place that needs medication.  OMG Kristen is having a total meltdown in front of Ariana. Talking about details of  gay Toms cheating on her. Her low self-esteem issues.  This girl needs a friend to drag her dumb ass out of there.  Ariana thinks that Kristen is the one who inadvertently started the rumors herself, years ago because she was jealous of Arianna and Tom’s friendship.  Sounds likely to me after watching this little meltdown.

Stassi is still whining to Jax.  Jax is actually ignoring her. PROGRESS!

Krazypants Kristen picks the busiest day of the year for SUR to approach Tom and lie to him and say, “Ariana told me everything. Come talk to me right now.” This chick either needs a Golden Globe nomination, or a 5150 to get to the bottom of her issues.  My god. She seems to be breaking up with Tom. And Tom needs to let her do just that.  Move out Tom and don’t let her know where you live.  WOW.

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Filed under Bravo, Lisa Vanderpump, Vanderpump Rules

17 responses to “Vanderpump Rules Recap: Kristen Is Totally Kray!

  1. Sarah

    How is Tom and Ariana’s relationship normal as adults? They behave like 2 teenagers flirting who are pretending to be friends but about to start dating. If my boyfriend was txting late at night and hanging out with another girl who was unpleasant to me, like how Ariana is towards Kristen, I would tell him to stop or I wouldnt be with him. Texting at 2 am, meeting up just the 2 of them …. wierd.

    There are supposed to be BOUNDARIES in adult relationships – these ppl are like 30, but I would have guessed 10 yrs younger. Also, Ariana constantly trashes Kristen, saying she is ugly, and that SHE is prettier, and that Kristen should get over that. Man, If I were Kristen and Tom continues to be “friends” with this girl after THat, I would get the hell out. Tom seems too immature to realize any of this. Kristen should have approached Ariana in a private place, but her basic message was clear – that the late night texting makes her feel uncomfortable, and she has a right to feel that. I am shocked that Ariana completely disregards this and does not respect her wishes. She probably does not have a bf herself, which would explain this.

    • Twilly

      I agree. It’s inappropriate and disrespectful. It’s NOT normal in adult relationships, Tom is missing having a fun girl around and Kristen is driving him right to Ariana by acting the way she is. She has every right to be upset that he cheated, but her behavior now isn’t helping. Ugh I hate that I love this show!!

      • JoJo

        Ditto. I’m too old to watch this, but find myself an hour later wondering why. And ditto on the behavior NOT normal in adult relationships and I personally wouldn’t accept my husband/BF’s flirtatious interactions with a SWF especially if I’d forgiven him a one night stand.
        My opinion of this show, though, is based on what these ‘actors’ and the producers/editors show us. Who knows what’s really going on, so I’m only commenting on what they show us, but don’t believe it’s all really real.

  2. JoJo

    WOW, didn’t expect to see another Pump Rules blog. But glad you did TT (but then again the fact I watch this shit confirms I need my head examined and get that infundibulum removed!).
    Peter IS the eye candy in this show above all the rest of the ‘boys’!
    Although he was only 29 going on 30 then – no wonder the ‘man’ is the manager – clearly miles more mature than his castmates. My complaint is he is always on the sidelines and no storyline devoted to him – so obviously he avoids the petty drama that would give him camera time. That’s called a paradox for me:(
    Imho (and I think TT thinks so too) Tom’s not gay, just a mere metrosexual who loves beauty products, dances better than Schaena, and screws any female not named Kristen;) That gal Kristen needs to get her shit together if she wants a boyfriend – I think it’s too late (unless all plotted out) for her and Tom since she showed the absolute worst side of herself as an insufferable, jealous, stalking crybaby – not only in front of a potential adversary, but her boyfriend and the nation. Oops.
    And I’d rather watch Tom do his mockery of a burlesque dance, even sing, than that skanky, shrill, nasally, no-talent, brown-nosed pear – Shaena. I wish she would get her freak on right out of town to the nearest trailer in Barstow – and stay!
    Finally, Peter “Jack” Pan probably kisses himself and likes it. That 35 yoa manchild needs to keep his wanker in his pants lest he procreate. The only thing I find hunky about him is his sweater, as in nubby & bulky!
    The only guy I see on TV that can pull off a cardigan is Jimmy Smits – and that’s with fake tattoos too on Sons of Anarchy. Sorry Jack’s a joke. Jimmy not:))

    • I am on the fence about Tom being gay. If he isn’t he is SUPER METRO. And he is much better at dealing with Kristen than you average straight guy would be. He seems like a pretty great boyfriend. I could forgive him a one night stand in Vegas…. just saying. And if he is gay he is also a great gay best friend to Ariana.

      • JoJo

        Hell yes to both: super metro and dealing with the manner and means he deals with Kristen, in spite of his transgression in Vegas. I can see HER giving him a second thought after investing 5+ years, but the fact she found out by stalking and invading his privacy – and continues to do so – and in front of the world? Yep, he’s quite the forgiver, unless, of course, this is the biggest show on earth in Pumpy’s town!

    • Tara C.

      Peter is getting an “inappropriate” lap dance from Schaena , in tomorrow’s episode! So we’ll get to see a lil more of his hotness tomorrow! Yay! And am I the only one, besides Stassi, that can’t stand Schaena this season? Barf!

      • JoJo

        Awww shiiiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttt!!! I’m happy to hear Peter will be onscreen, but bummed about who’s giving the lap dance – ANYONE but Schaena would be OK. My irritation, dislike for that piece of work surpasses all of the young, screwed-up, not-quite adults in this show. I said above & bears repeating: she needs to get her freak on all the way to Barstow and never look back!

  3. lori

    I agree that I would not be happy about or okay with my boyfriend texting with another woman (especially one I’m not friends with) at 2:00am. Not happening. Anyway, I’ve said it before and I will say it again… I am seriously afraid for Tom’s safety when him and Kristen finally do break up. Now THAT would be something to watch!

  4. Shauna

    I saw a link over the weekend that Jax and Kristen smashed!

      • lori

        This has got to be a fake situation orchestrated by Bravo for storyline, no? They certainly need some new things to all fight about, and that one would be perfect!

    • JoJo

      A link to a story? Or a link to them in the act? I thought Katie’s crying that she hates herself to the other girls at a yard sale this week’s episode is over her repeating a rumor she heard and drunk spread it that Jax and Kristen ‘smushed.’ I saw a clip of that on Bravo.

  5. Xanadude

    Just saying, but Kristen looks exactly like Alyssa Edwards from RuPauls Drag Race. It may explain GayTom’s attraction to her.

  6. JoJo

    I wish the other Tom – Tom Schwartz I think – Katie’s boyfriend, would have been hired as a bartender by Lisa. From what little we see of him, he seems like a funny guy with a beautiful smile. And if that would replace screen time of Schaena queen of the damned, so much the better. Lisa VP, why?

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