Oh.My.Gawd.Laugh.Out.Loud.Unbreak.My.Heart. How can an episode with so much brutal carnage be the funniest & most poignant one yet? We can thank Kathy Bates & Frances Conroy because both really ‘brought it’ in this episode. Myrtle served up some bad-ass revenge, and Hell hath no fury like a woman “scorched.” Being burned at the stake has enlightened Myrtle with some unknown advantage, “There are secrets in the flames, and I came back with more than a few.” Weeks ago I’ve bestowed both Jessica Lange & Angela Bassett with my own award for best scene by a witch, but this week it goes to Frances Conroy. She displayed motherly tenderness to Cordelia in one scene, and then next she’s poisoning, mutilating, & chopping up her witch council colleagues in a darkly comedic series of scenes with her unique sense of style and pompous delivery. She had me giggling with horror as I will never look at a melon baller the same way again. #Bravo
And what about the sight gags with Delphine-Head? Yes she is two-part character now; the other being Delphine-Body. It was oddly funny as I expected it to be. Her severed sentient head was just as bitchy & cunty as when it was on her body as she steadily spit out racist comments like a lawn sprinkler. And the sight of her bloody headless body swatting the buzzing flies’ away while in her cage cracked me up. That was a good comedic touch by the writers. #LOL. But the comedy was balanced out with a serious ending and a ‘possible’ Aha! Oprah moment for Delphine-Head.
The show starts off with a Hank flashback to 1991. He’s on a witch hunting trip with his father. He wants to please his dad and live up to his standards, but he’s a bit of a wussy boy. He lacked the confidence to shoot an easy target of a witch on her knees begging for her life. Instead the father takes matters into his own hands to kill her himself, but not before the witch unleashes a stream of fire at them and burns the father’s arm. A traumatized Hank is hugged by his dad, “No mercy. Never forget what they are.” ….This scene sets up the story that Hank is an inept witch hunter with daddy issues. Now the story is attempting some balance that both sexes of parents can equally fuck up a kid.
Fiona shows up to Cornrow City and plops down Delphine-Head-in-a-box to give back to Marie. Neither of them wants her talking head, but Marie calls out Fiona for digging her up and trying to use her as a bargaining chip. Delphine-Head-in-the-box butts into the conversation, and Fiona hits the box, “You shut up!” Fiona tells Marie they got bigger problems and propositions her that both tribes need to join together to fight a common enemy, the witch hunters. Delphine-Head interjects “Are you insane?” at the notion of an alliance. Marie laughingly stomps “Ah, what the head said!” #ROFLMAO. Delphine-Head continues her rant against the idea of making a deal with a “darkie” as a fed up Fiona crams a wad of newspaper in her mouth. Perched on her throne, Marie is cackling with laughter and not concerned. She senses her cancer and sarcastically compliments Fiona’s wig, and then scoffs at her with a long syllabled “shiiiit” for needing her help now since she is weak & under a threat. Fiona warns Marie that her tribe is in danger too. A dismissive Marie then orders Queenie to take Delphine-Head outside and burn it. Delphine-Head cries out “Sweet release. At long last”…. I should add that Marie sipping a lowball glass of dark liquor the entire scene was a delicious way to show her indifference to Fiona’s “white women” problems.
Poor Cordelia. She can’t even cook without making a mess as Myrtle watches her struggle. Myrtle becomes emotional about her motherly love for Cordelia and tells her to use her gift of ‘sight’ to see the truth that she did not blind her. Cordelia does not need to use her magic and assures Myrtle that she knows that she was not responsible for her attack and that Fiona set her up. Cordelia is concerned because she’s blind, and her new power is useless against witch hunters. Myrtle wishes she could pluck her own eyes out and give them to Cordelia…. I guess Cordelia has learned how to control when to use and when NOT to use her power.
Hank goes to visit his father at his mega-corporation headquarters Delphi Trust which also doubles as a front for The Corporation which is part of a Sacred Order of a centuries-old brotherhood that is “dedicated to stamping out the pestilence that is witchery on the North American continent.” Daddy witch hunter is not pleased with his adult son for still being such a screw-up. Hank’s assignment is to get inside the Coven and gather intelligence ONLY. Not to be Marie’s hired hit man or a sloppy inept witch assassin that fucks & kills witches in hotel rooms. Daddy also authorized Cordelia’s blinding acid attack so that she would be dependent on him and then scolds Hank for having feelings for his witch wife, “Have you forgotten what she is, and what you are?” He orders him to get back to the academy and continue his mission, and reminds him that he has to pretend to love his enemy because someday he will have to kill Cordelia.
Myrtle is a foodie, and she is preparing a beautiful multi-course meal for her fellow witch council colleagues in another elegant ensemble with a pop of RED. She is marveling at the clever invention of the melon baller as she arranges the honey dew fruit in a crystal bowl to be served as palate cleanser that is laced with monkshood, a fatal poison that paralyzes. Pembroke & Quentin are awkward guests to their host that they sent to be burned at the stake, “We have terrible regrets about the whole misunderstanding.” They’re eating the melon balls as they nervously flatter her rejuvenated skin post-revival and want to know how to get some of that “magic mud” from Misty Day as if she worked at Sephora. Myrtle explains that Misty is a powerful witch that hides out as a hippie swamp rat, and compares herself to Misty as they both rose from the ashes after attempts to destroy them. The poisoned fruit takes effect, and they become paralyzed but still conscious. Myrtle taunts them calmly before she escalates to screaming criticism at them. She confesses that she poisoned them not for revenge, but to help the Coven by helping Cordelia as she scoops out one of Pembroke’s eyes with a melon baller and one eye from Quentin…. Myrtle does some magic to give Cordelia her sight back with the harvested mismatched colored eyes, which was rather self-indulgent of Myrtle because she once had a Turkish Angora cat with a brown & blue eye that she loved…. When I saw that melon baller, I just knew. And just like Myrtle this scene was a twisted mix of elegant style, sweetness & violence. Is Myrtle’s hair getting bigger & bigger? #RoseanneRoseannadanna
Fiona is back from visiting Marie and walks in on Cordelia talking with the “charcoal briquette”. #giggle. Fiona immediately notices Cordelia’s new eyes, and is surprised that Myrtle has the power to do something so delicate. Myrtle thanks Fiona for burning her at the stake and boasts that she is a more powerful witch now than before, and she restored Delia’s sight. Of course Fiona bitches that they’re not a matching set, but she does notice that they look familiar. Myrtle replies that the donors wish to remain anonymous as we see her most maniacal scene yet where she is cutting up Pembroke & Quentin into pieces and joyfully clapping their severed feet together before she dumps them in a barrel of acid. Fiona is sticking to her own script and accuses Myrtle of helping Cordelia out of guilt for blinding her in the first place. Myrtle tells Fiona she should burn for killing Madison, but Fiona points out that Madison is not dead (anymore). She threatens Myrtle, a convicted witch, with banishment to New Jersey; a place with toxic waste and outlet malls. All she has to do is call a meeting with the witch council. Myrtle dares her to call them since “they are not seeing anyone right now.” #WitchyWit. Cordelia sternly interrupts their arguing and reminds Myrtle that Fiona is her Supreme, and should be treated as such; and tells Fiona to stop accusing Myrtle of attacking her, and that the real enemy is outside of the doors of the Coven. The feuding witches smirk an acknowledgment to each other. When Cordelia hugs Myrtle she realizes that she has LOST her power of ‘sight.’
Madison & Zoe go to the hospital to get Nan who is keeping vigil outside Luke’s room because his mother won’t let her see him. They barge into his ICU room and he is in a coma, and Joan is screaming at them to get out, and that they brought darkness into their lives. Nan can hear Luke’s thoughts and tells Joan that Luke said “Calm down and don’t have a fit like you did last summer.” Mama Joan calls her a lying lunatic and Madison says “No bitch she’s clairvoyant.” Mamma Joan starts reciting scripture thinking that Nan is communicating with demons, but Madison tells her that God works in mysterious ways. Luke tells Nan about a spiritual song his mother sang to him when he was a child, and Joan is stunned that Nan knows about this. Joan starts to tearfully sing the song to Luke, and her personality just changed from angry mother to reaching out to hold Nan’s hand while she sang… I was expecting a full on Patti LuPone musical number like the “Name Game” song in AHS: Asylum. I am so thankful that Ryan Murphy did NOT take this into GLEE territory with a full on gospel choir. It was just a grieving mother singing to her child.
Queenie is conflicted and did not burn Delphine-Head as instructed. Instead Delphine-Head is propped up on a tv dinner table upstairs in her room at Cornrow City. #HILARIOUS. Head wants to eat, but Queenie tells her “Are you gonna chew and shit out of your neck?” Queenie decides Head needs some sensitivity training and forces a black history lesson on her by making her watch “Roots,” “Roots: The Next Generation,” “Mandingo,” “The Color Purple,” and “B.A.P.S.” (I love B.A.P.S. for the hairstyles and the bidet scene.) She tells her “You are not leaving this earth until I educate you about the people you tortured. My people.” Delphine-Head is acting like a petulant racist and closed her eyes and began to sing “Dixieland” to drown out the ‘jungle music’ from Roots.
Hank is in his hotel room, and we finally see some REAL voodoo doll action by Marie. She is giving him a full on bloody ass whooping all the way from Cornrow City as she is stabbing & twisting her Hank doll when one of her messengers shows up with an ultimatum. He better have those white witches’ heads for Marie by midnight, or she will kill him with a needle through the doll’s heart. Marie is NOT playing.
Cordelia is tutoring Misty in the greenhouse while Stevie Nicks’ “Kind of Woman” is playing in the background. I suspect that they might be future #ScissorSisters. A terrified & drunk Hank walks in to beg for forgiveness, but first he notices that Cordelia has her sight back. He sees Misty and recognizes her as the witch that he tried to kill at the swamp shack. (I thought it was someone else from her hometown because of the shotgun.) Hank wants to move back in and declares love to his wife. She rejects him; tells him his stuff is packed in the closet, and that she wants a divorce, “Get out.”
Hank encounters Fiona and her new German shepherd guard dog that she named Endora. #Bewitched. He wants to move in to protect Cordelia, but Fiona laughs at him. She has a new dog for protection. He tells her she got a female attack dog because bitches stick together. With a slight move of her hand she kinetically & hilariously causes the bottom of his box to open with all his belongings dropping to the floor. Then she tells him that she got a female dog because females are more loyal and aggressive when protecting their families… Endora leads Fiona to discover Franken-Kyle in Zoe’s room. While hugging the dog, Kyle snapped the dog’s neck…. I do think it was an affectionate accident, and that he did not realize his own strength. He has been very sweet and docile since he’s been getting laid.
Back at Luke’s hospital room, Joan is very grateful to Nan and calls her a miracle for giving her hope. Nan dials it up to 100 and starts in on Joan by telling her that Luke said that God is judging her for killing his father. Luke tells Nan that his father was preparing to leave Joan for another woman, so Joan locked him in his car which was filled with bees, and he was stung to death. She is back to being angry Joan again and throws Nan & her witchery tricks out.
The girls return from the hospital to find Kyle & Fiona playing gin in the kitchen. He is in an improved state thanks to Fiona giving him a little tune up, though he is still not all there. And Fiona probably just enchanted him to be her new attack guard dog. I wonder what the command word is going to be… I’ll say it again. Poor Kyle is still being exploited and used by women for their own personal selfishness. #BoyToy
Stubborn old lady Delphine-Head ignored her own atrocities and bragged to Queenie that she kept her eyes shut the whole time and refused to watch “Roots” while calling her a ‘vile negress’. Queenie gives one last attempt to help Delphine-Head get some redemption by playing Odetta’s “Oh Freedom,” a post-civil war African-American freedom spiritual song. “If this doesn’t touch your soul, then you don’t have one” Queenie tells her as she hits play on the song with an accompanying video of the civil rights movement & marches.
As all of the following scenes played out, “Oh Freedom” was playing the entire time.
Hank is in Rambo mode with his arsenal of weapons on his way to kill some witches, but not the ones at Miss Robichaux’s Academy. He kicks in the door to the Cornrow City Salon and starts shooting up the place & the employees, and then he SHOOTS Queenie in the stomach…. At probably the same moment, it seems that Delphine-Head finally has her racist breakthrough, and she begins to cry. Or is she crying because of the gunfire downstairs? ….And we finally see Marie in a moment of fear as Hank shoots her in the arm. She is eyeballing him face to face. Then before he can shoot Marie again, a wounded Queenie reaches for one of Hanks guns from the floor and shoots herself in the mouth blowing out Hank’s brains using her transference powers…. Luke wakes from his coma, and his first sentence is “You murdered Dad.” Joan soothes her son back to sleep, and then she puts a pillow over his face to smother him….. Hank’s father is grieving over the photos of his dead son…. There is a late night knock on the door at the Academy. Fiona opens the door to find a wounded Marie Laveau, and she lets her in as she gives a cunty Fiona grin… THE END
Was it in bad taste to use “Oh Freedom” while shooting up half the black people in the 9th ward?
I don’t know but I wouldn’t be so sure that Delphine-Head is redeemed by watching a vintage video montage on civil rights….
What happened to Delphine-Head and Delphine-Body?
What is going to happen to Delphine-Head because I’m certain we haven’t seen the last of it?
Marie is immortal and cannot die right? Even with silver bullets? Is that only effective on Salem witches?
Does the wound have to be fatal with a silver bullet in order to kill any witch?
Is Queenie dead from Hank’s silver-bullet gun? Or did she die from her self-inflicted gun-shot to the head? Maybe that is a caveat to her powers? Leave the brain alone!
How did Hank’s father get pictures of the carnage? Did he have surveillance cameras there? Or was Hank followed by someone from The Corporation and took the pictures?
Is Luke dead? Why kill him now? For what purpose? Will he die and cause Nan to go to the dark side in grief? Will grief & rage bring out more of her powers?
Is Joan a witch? Did she use witchery to kill her husband with those bees?
The Coven is getting stronger with an improved Myrtle, Misty, and attack dog Kyle, and now Marie. And Fiona seems a little better these days too. Don’t forget about ghostly Spalding and the Axeman too.
Do you all know who Diana Vreeland is? She is the inspiration for Myrtle’s character, voice, and style. Google her.
Who doesn’t love Myrtle? If you don’t, go eat some melon balls.
Folks we have to wait until January 8 to see what happens…and the next episode will have a special guest star, the legendary & iconic Stevie Nicks. #Dreams. You can stalk me on twitter @Urethra_F . Happy Holidays to you all.