Shahs Of Sunset Recap: The Velvet Rage

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Two Shahs in one week is two too many, so I sort of had to space these shows out.  But today, I’m feeling up to the task so it’s finally time to watch Tuesday’s show.  In the reminder of what has happened previously, MJ is saying that Leila Gharachedaghi, GG’s sister is everything that GG is not. She uses level-headed as an example as if this is a trait she seeks out in her friends. Ummmmmm…. Mike sorta fits that description.  The rest not so much. Is she trying new things?  I think it is more than likely they are setting up GG’s storyline for the season because GG was running around town going batshit while all this was filming. She tried to get back in a club to beat down some girl who hit Leila in the face in a bar (thought Leila seemed pretty unfazed) and  her then “boyfriend” Sean Sette got a restraining order on her after he broke up with her and he told the judge is was afraid of her and her scary knife collection.  He also claimed she was damaging his reputation by telling people he was gay and putting his personal phone number and address on social media.  So um, GG had a bad summer.

Anyway, back to the show. Oh ! My DVR was paused at the gay bar where Reza lost his shit last episode.  The name of the bar is ironically called… MJ’s. lol. The more you know #rainbow  MJ is starting a business. Now before we all start laughing, I have to tell you she is trying to fill a MUCH needed niche in the market. Once of the things that all these young women fail to take into consideration when they dash out to buy ginormous boobs is that they will no longer be able to fit in clothes anymore. And you will be paying several HUNDRED dollars per bra if you want one in your size that is not a Playtex 18 Hour Bra.  Wait, she may not be starting a business. She may just be having some shapewear custom made for her.  She also thinks she has a “tiny waist that is not being cinched properly.” Please don’t make me mention all the swimsuit pics of you on TMZ, MJ, you know I love you, but you do not have a tiny waist, beloved.  Someone really does need to make shapewear for the fatass masses.  Um, so I heard.

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Jessica is converting to Judaism for Mike. Which is lovely.  But you need him to put a ring on it first, dear. A big ass ring worthy of a young Jewish woman.

GG and Leila go to get their nails done as garishly as possible. GG is jealous of Leila’s relationship with GG. She does have a point. First she causes problems with GG and her boyfriend, then she tries to buddy up to Leila.

Reza and Adam are going to have a housewarming party and Adam wants to invite Sasha. heh. Reza asked if he has been talking to Sasha and he said yes and that Sasha thinks Reza was a real jerk to him.  Which is similar to saying that water is slightly damp.  Reza supposedly just got up and the two are having breakfast.  Reza’s feet are filthy black. WTF? He went to bed with his man all nasty filthy?  Adam asks Reza when he thinks he will apologize.  Reza says he knows Adam deserves and apology but that does not mean they need to be homies.

Golnessa is now apparently besties with Sasha. I am now questioning everything I believe to be true about Sasha. I’ve been to his Facebook page and it is all family and friends and poetry and sunshine and rainbows and gratitude. Please don’t ruin Sasha, Bravo. He seems like such a lovely young man.  GG tells Sasha the Shahs back story with an emPHAHsis on MJ and Reza’s true colors. GG says she has always wanted a gay best friend. She really does need one. Hell, everyone needs at LEAST one. I recommend as many as possible.  I love her haircut. No extensions!

Y’all didn’t really think I was going to recap a dog party did you? I will say that my dog is a Sharpei mix, big, a bit wrinkly but still adorable looking and mostly pretty laid back unless you piss him off. If you come into his territory or piss him off in anyway, he will eat your face off. So um, I agree with GG no truth to that whole people pick dogs like them theory. :) Nothing to see here. Move along.

ShahsREzagaycrisisWAIT. Did I just hear Reza “LOOK AT ME! I AM SO GAY! I AM WEARING A JACKET MADE FROM THE CARPET FROM THE SHINING!” Farahan explain to his therapist that he doesn’t like Sasha because  Sasha is flamboyant and that makes him embarrassed to be gay?  OMG. I am going to need all the gays that watch this show to chime in and tell me they are still alive and that their heads did not explode and that they did not throw something at their TVs and break them.  Do I need to set up another donate button for new TVs for gays across America?

OH MY GOD IT JUST KEEPS GETTING MORE INSANE.  Now in his talking heads, Reza is talking about maintaining a certain level of dignity because of who they are and how they were raised. He cannot be serious.  I wish he was doing that talking head in his jacket from The Shining.  It would only make it that much more hilariously aggravating. On a scale from 1 to Reza, Sasha was very conservatively dressed both times Reza saw him. Now he says he is full of compassion for poor, Sasha.  No one is buying this bullshit, Reza.

Reza and MJ and Asa go out to a club and practically have a three-way on the sofa in public. Meanwhile, GG just so happens to come into the same bar (full disclosure, I don’t think GG knew they would be there, just that was where she was supposed to film with her friends.  Production tells Reza and MJ and Asa to be all affectionate and lovey dovey. This will be all it takes for GG to go awf.)  to witness the virtual orgy between Reza, MJ and Asa. To be fair, GG has a right to be pissed at all three of them.  They are all drunk. Well, not Asa. But the rest are.  GG and MJ are plastered.  Sean arrives mid battle.  Asa is trying to keep Reza out of the middle of things, but Reza seems to think he needs to walk in to support MJ.  Asa wisely stays a fair distance away lest she get hit by any shrapnel.  Ooops spoke to soon. Asa wanders in to mediate as well. MJ gives SEAN (not GG) a weird apology saying she just said what she said as a joke to defuse the situation of Sean staring at some other girls ass.  Sean look HOT by the way. How am I just noticing how built that boy is. I totally see why GG went on a knife rampage (allegedly) when she lost that. MJ tells GG their friendship is over. Both are slurring their words. Asa herds both MJ and Reza out of there and tells MJ she doesn’t mean what she is saying.

I know for sure we don’t believe anything any of them are saying at this point.

31 Comments

Filed under Asa Soltan Rahmati, Golnesa Gharachedaghi, Mercedeh Javid, Mike Shouhed, Reza Farahan, Shahs of Sunset

31 responses to “Shahs Of Sunset Recap: The Velvet Rage

  1. sw

    Asa must think that bottling company only works for her. I wonder what osha thought about the burning of sage in a factory. I can’t believe they allowed this.

  2. lori

    MJ has got to be the worst friend in the world. GG has so many reasons to be foaming at the mouth with this bitch I don’t even know where to begin. I can’t stand MJ.

  3. Xanadude

    1) If there is going to be a Give-A-Gay-A-TV Telethon, I want to be on the list.
    2) Asa eats Mac and Cheese? I know Reza and MJ are hypocrites, but don’t be giving me all this organic food nonsense and making your mother drink that nasty ddrink and then go whine that you didn’t get to eat your mac and cheese. Wrong.
    3)

    • It’s fancypants mac and cheese made with cheese of cows that have been blessed by the Pope and gluten free pasta. It’s California. WTF do they know from mac and cheese?

      I will put your name on the list for a new teevee. lol.

      • Xanadude

        If it ain’t from the blue and yellow box it ain’t mac and cheese. And I’ve had the fancy schmancy lobster mac and cheese on one of my adult dress up in a suit and die dinners out with the other half, and, I gotta tell you – I still prefer Kraft.

    • Kate

      I thought she was vegan with her boyfriend who is vegan? Mac and cheese is not vegan

  4. Xanadude

    3) Cut and paste from Sunday, because it still applies: Oh Reza. You lose your ability to say that you dislike someone because they are perpetuating a stereotype when your entire raison d’etre is to perpetuate a stereotype. EVERY TIME you excuse bad behavior of yourself or people in your group by saying “It’s a Persian thing” you are doing the same thing.

  5. OMG. Reza’s filthy feet!!

    I finally know what pointy nails are called — stilettos.

    Lily with this dog thing. I can’t. The opposite of sane and the antithesis of fun.

    Sasha needs to keep his feet off the furniture.

    I’m only halfway through. I kinda hate watching in DVR now. It’s so much fun to live tweet and read everyone else’s tweets.

    • Although it like gg more than anyone on the show, the whole lie about making out with another guy is going to come out, right? And so, it sounds like she tells him next week and gets dumped?

  6. Vanessa

    Season 1, I enjoyed giggling at Reza, & his talking head segments. Season 3, I fast forward through them. Does anyone else feel that he’s trying to do damage control this season, but invariably just creates more of a shitstorm?
    It was seriously painful to watch Lilly’s birthday party for Coconut. (Was that this episode or from Sunday?) Nobody wanted to be there, including Coconut. Dog massages and tarot readers?! WTF?! Also, again, we see Lilly’s “real” friends, her hair stylist and makeup man.
    I’d like Bravo to sponsor MJ’s plastic surgery. I think she should consult with Jacqueline from RHONJ, and just get it over with. She has naturally big chachas, and is unable to dress herself in a flattering manner. The cinched waist thing is a comment she probably made when she was wasted.
    Watching GG bond with Sasha has me wondering whether anyone else wanted to film with her this season, hence her sister popping up every episode, & now a new sidekick.
    I liked Asa’s mom A LOT. Her reaction to the green slime was right on, and I loved how she needed a Cheeto palate cleanser right after!

  7. April

    Not everyone is a size 4. If we could see a picture of everyone bashing MJ for her weight I’m sure it wouldn’t be pretty.

  8. Natalie k

    I loved watching Asa’s mom in her kitchen, the juice looked so nasty though. And coconuts bday, WTF? who the hell does this kind of thing?! Just amother scene for lilly, I guess. Sasha needs to run for the hills and get away from this show if he’s smart. Reality tv does something to people and not in a good way. As for the weight issue most people talk about, not everyone is a small size. Just sayin.

    • Mango

      Asa’s mom was the highlight of the episode for me — what did she say? “the sound of cheetos is the sound of love” or something? Loved it

  9. Urethra Franklin

    I think MJ is a beautiful woman, and I don’t like all the negative comments about her appearance.

  10. Xanadude

    I KNEW I had seen Asa’s green drink before – it’s Nickelodeon’s (or, for those of you of a certain age such as myself -You Can’t Do That on Television’s) green slime!

  11. Mango

    This show had a great first season, loved it. From there it’s been a straight drop right into the cesspool. It has all the irritating things about reality shows and none of the amusement.

  12. Ok…the bottom line is that the whole cast..especially Reza suffer from ethnic self hate! last I checked they are all pretty much recent immigrants…yet they attempt to look their noses down on their most recent cast arrival, Sasha! They are not Persians..they are just ordinary Iranian Muslims! They are not rich or educated….they are a lot more Arab then they would like to admit! I use Arab in the way they mock them on the show! I love them!

  13. [teecee voice] Oh do shut tup! [/teecee voice]

  14. bunniecarrot

    Someone else stated Mj believes she’s a skinny drunk blond in her head. I truly believe when these people jump on the bravo train they are served an assortment of liquor that has make believe as a main ingredient. There is nothing” OK ” or “naturally beautiful” or even remotely attractive about mj’s body. All the cinching and squeezing in the world is still only going to shift her fat around. She should lose weight or start dressing for her size. Not shoe size but clothing size. And Reza should clean his floors and wash his dirty feet!!!!!!!

  15. Mango

    Really I don’t think she’s that large. MJ looks small framed too me, with an enormous bust — if she had a reduction she would look like she lost 30 pounds.

  16. You seem like a real cunt. But maybe you’re just hungry. Try a Snickers.

  17. Urethra Franklin

    I’m usually the resident respectful guy here, but here’s a big fat juicy sloppy FUCK YOU.

  18. Natalie k

    Looks like you can’t keep your mouth shut either! Too much hatred for someone you obviously do not know.

  19. puravidacostarica2

    Kellie-ick, can you troll elsewhere? Put your KKK hood on (because if you hate “fatties”, then you are probably a closet rascist) and go back to “Emaciated Land.”

  20. No, Cunty McCunterson, I just made a terrific dinner, healthy Chinese food in my own brand spanking new copper bottom wok. Shrimp stir fry with red cabbage, broccoli, water chestnuts, bamboo shoots, leeks… all sorts of delicious food.

    None of which I threw up.

    Now am enjoying some wine and cheese.

    Jealous much?

  21. So you tried a snickers and you still have the hideous cunt personality? Guess that is just who you are. It must be so tiresome to obsess over every calorie you ingest and at the same time try to monitor the entire planet.

    There are a lot of fat people and smokers here, so perhaps this is not the place for you.

    I think you might make some friends at this site, http://www.myproana.com/

    Buh Bye now…

  22. Come on. Do you doubt that kellie is 400 lbs and just singing to get a rise out of you? I don’t.

  23. Oh I think her goal was to get a rise out of me. Sadly, I just thought she was ridiculous. Plenty of people know I like MJ and Asa and Lord KNOWS I am trying to keep hateful comments about them to a minimum. But MJ does not make that an easy task.

    I agree with the comment who said that in MJ’s head she is a skinny little blond bitch with huge knockers. Body dysmorphia comes in all forms. I have the same kind MJ has. LOL. I think of myself as looking pretty damn good until I am in the horrific lighting of a TJMaxx dressing room naked surrounded by full length mirrors. I think we all go through that in our 40s. Whose body is THIS? :)

    But yes, I realize someone with that much hate to spew, came with an agenda. She can also leave with it, willingly or unwillingly…

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