Ever have something in your DVR that is so good that you have to wait until everything lines up perfectly before you can watch it? That is the case with this episode of Scandal.
“Normally I’d start with a drill or a scalpel, peeling off the skin can be beautiful, or removing fingers, toes, I like the feeling of a toe being separated, from a foot. But with you, because we’re friends, because we’re family, I won’t do any of that. Consider it the friends and family discount. I’m disappointed in you Quinn, you’ve been a bad girl. And I need to know exactly what you’ve been up to. ”
And so it begins. Quinn is duct taped from head to toe and is quivering in fear as Huck begins his interrogation process.
“I just want to say I’m sorry. I’m so sorry because I am going to enjoy this, I’m going to love it and I don’t want to .. I won’t kill you, I promise!”
Oh.My.God. This is so creepy. Huck says he is going to start by ripping her teeth out one by one with some pliers. Just as he yanks the first one, Olivia calls. She has found out that her mother is not dead. She is alive and in her apartment. Look, Shonda Rhimes, you are throwing too much at me at once. Can’t we just take it a bit slower! Huck says to hang up her cell and take out the battery, get her mother and take her with her to the safe house as fast as she can. He will meet her there later. Huck says if she is alive then Command is coming for her. He tells Quinn she is just going to have to wait because Liv needs him. Then he mocks all the YOLO idiots and says what the hell and yanks another tooth. This all happened before the title segment rolled and I need a drink.
Meanwhile, in a slightly saner part of DC, Vice President Langston is meeting with a campaign manager who wants her to run for president against Fitz. He says he can give her the presidency but she will have to ride on the backs of the tea party and then, later in the campaign change her policy to Pro-Choice. If she refuses the deal is off because he says she will not get the female vote. He tells her she must abandon her religion if she wants to be president. She agrees.
Cyrus and James are in bed. James is furiously typing on his laptop. James is still wired from his interview with the Vice President’s husband, Daniel Douglas. He tells Cyrus that he got him “to go deep.” Cyrus knows Daniel is gay and arranged the interview to tempt Daniel with his man. Cyrus is worried. James asks Cyrus if there is something he wants to ask him. Cyrus responds with, “Is there something you want to tell me?” And the conversation is dropped. #DontAskDontTell
Abby is freaking out at the safehouse with all the gladiators because “dead momma Pope” is alive and right in front of them. Mama Pope says that she figured out she married a monster and she was flying to London with some proof and then she was going to take Olivia and run but Eli caught her and locked her up in a prison. She escaped while in transit to a new location. Huck and Jake both realize that no one escapes Command and quickly and without anesthesia removes a tracking chip from her and everyone hightails it out of there just before the bad guys arrive. Why isn’t anyone wondering where Quinn is?
Eli is PISSED. His team is covering all airports, trains, traffic cams, EVERYTHING. Facial recognition devices are in place. He has all assets in play. Meanwhile, the gladiators are looking for a place to stick Mama. They decide on Hong Kong. Someone finally asks where Quinn is. Huck says she is learning what she needs to do. He asks if he should go check on her and Olivia says she wants him with her tonight. Abby and Harrison go to headquarters to discover it has been ransacked. A friend of Harrison’s stops by to pick up package of info for her to work up. She casually mentions someone named Salif is back. Harrison seems distressed by that information.
Olivia brings her mother breakfast and she insists that Olivia join her. Her mother made up lots of stories about Olivia and her happy life. Her mother seems disappointed that she has more Eli in her and less of her mother. Olivia seems offended by her mother’s suggestion she is not happy and that she is like her father. Huck and Jake talk about what to do. They can’t run forever. They need to try and kill Eli. The two are plotting this in broad daylight on a cheap motel stairwell.
Jake goes to Fitz to try and get him in on the plot to kill Eli. It doesn’t go well. Both chests puff out like puffer fish and blame the other.
Poor Quinn is still in a world of hurt. She is trying to escape. So far, nothing is going her way.
The Vice President meets with her husband to tell him she is resigning and running for President. Cyrus is in his office looking at stills of James and the Vice President’s husband in compromising positions when James walks in. I think James knew he was set up, so he is relishing stopping in on his way to meet with Daniel Douglas. James seems to enjoy turning the knife just a little. The gay innuendo continues to permeate the conversation. James leaves by telling Cyrus that Daniel is coming over to their place tonight to have a private place to finish up. James says too bad Cyrus has a donor dinner, it could have been a threesome.
James runs into Daniel in the hallway. It seems the article is complete and there were no follow-ups. That was just James toying with Cyrus. Daniel wants to preview the article. James says that is not allowed. Daniel freaks out and grabs James and says that he is not gay and he had never done anything like that before. Daniel says he cannot publish anything about that. Daniel insults gays, swears he is not gay, and begs James not to embarrass him and his family.
Olivia remembers that her mother called the reporter before she left. Olivia wants to contact the report her so he can verify her story. Olivia’s mother refuses the idea of putting the reporter’s life in danger. As long as Eli is alive, she will be on the run.
Jake has hired a group of assassins to kill Eli. Sadly, it was a trap and Eli blew up the assassins and escaped. Eli wants Quinn. His goon can’t find her. That is because she is still a bit tied up at the moment. She has finally managed to break a glass. This is her chance to escape! But then Huck arrives and the tooth extractions continue.
Olivia has finalized plans for the safe house in Hong Kong. However, someone has put Olivia’s mom on the FBI’s most wanted list under a fake name with fake charges. There is no way to move her. Really? Why not get a couple FBI guys to transport her out? Where is Red Reddingtion (From The Blacklist) and his private jet? Abby goes to David Rosen and begs for him to take her off the list. He refuses.
The Vice President goes to Fitz and resigns. It’s a brilliant scene.
James is home alone working on his laptop. Cyrus, who just had a heart attack ran up the stairs to get there before the sexcapade could begin. He’s sweaty, out of breath and rattled. James is cool as a cucumber. Cyrus asks James where Daniel is. James says Sally needed him at home so they just rushed through the rest “down and dirty.” This is hysterical. OMG. Cyrus goes on James. And is PISSED that he brought him in to their house with their daughter sleeping in the next room! Cyrus is flipping out. James says, “I’m confused. I thought you wanted me to have sex with him.” James is finally letting a little anger out. He says that next time he is supposed to play the role of rentboy in one of his productions he might want to go over the script with him. James says he can’t understand why Cyrus would choose to pimp out his own husband rather than just hiring a hooker. These are all valid points.
James says that Cyrus has ruined them. Not to mention that he used his own husband to shame another gay man for being in the closet. James wants a divorce. He is taking their baby and they are leaving him. Best scene ever. Best divorce strategy ever. This was everything.
And then, Cyrus say, ” Ask for full custody while you are at it I’m sure the judge won’t mind the photos.” James had no idea about them. Cyrus says James is not going anywhere. DAYUM.
The phone rings and it is Fitz. Cyrus is summoned to the oval. He is greeted by Fitz and Mellie with the news that Sally has left the party to run against him. He is all kinds of distracted by the divorce argument and now Fitz is going to ream him a new asshole. I swear Cyrus is going to have a literal heart attack. Then Fitz storms off and Mellie asks where the hell they are on Daniel Douglas and what happened with James. Cyrus breaks into the ugly cry and has a full on meltdown. Mellie tells Cyrus that it hurts until it doesn’t. You think what he did will break you, but it won’t. Mellie says that Sally Langston is a weed in their garden. See it through. Which I assume means release the photos.
Eli’s sidekick who got Quinn to flip to their side discovers Quinn, still in bad shape . Where is she exactly that that is possible?
Olivia sneaks away to call Fitz. She tells him he can’t do anything about her mother or it will backfire on him. She just wanted to hear his voice and talk about jam, and Vermont, and kids . Fitz says he is taking care of her mother. It’s done. Olivia argues. Then says thank you. Fitz says he loves her and tells her to hang up, he has things to do. Fitz calls the pentagon.
Eli’s sidekick rescues Quinn and gives her some vodka. Quinn takes it and starts to cry. I think the sidekick’s name is Charlie, but I could be wrong. I am going to call him that anyway. Charlie tells Quinn to suck it up. If she wants to run with the big dogs she is going to get bit. Huck did her a favor, she still has all of her fingers and toes, no drill holes anywhere..
Quinn says, “Huck was the only person I had. And he hurt me…he hurt me.. he hurt me?” Now I am going to cry. Then we take a left into bizarre land and Charlie says to Quinn “You have me.” And suddenly they are fucking. Talk about taking advantage of a fragile female…
Cyrus pays a little visit to Sally. He shows her the pictures. She tells Cyrus to take a leap. She tells him they both know that he will never release the pictures. It would destroy his marriage! Chile, please. In case you haven’t heard he once took a hit out on James to keep him from testifying in a court case! Sure he changed his mind at the last minute, but still. I think you may be overestimating Cyrus’s ability to feel human emotion or concern for others here. It’s a bad bet, Sally.
Cyrus leaves and calls James. He says he is so very sorry for what he has done. He promises he will not show Sally or anyone the pictures. He begs forgiveness. Oh Cyrus, you lying sack of shit…
Quinn is back on the streets with Charlie helping him track Olivia and her mom. She knows their burner phone numbers. She can triangulate the signals and hunt them door to door. Charlie says she is the best girlfriend he has ever had.
Fitz sends a military plane for Olivia’s Mom. um, duh. They gave her a cellphone and a gun. Olivia asks Jake if he showed her how to use the gun. Jake says she was actually more worried about the cellphone. They say goodbye without hugging. Abby screams at Olivia to go hug her damn mother. Olivia does. Touching moment ensues. Olivia remembers getting a call from a man asking for her mother, “Marie”. Olivia calls Huck and asks the fake name of her mother on the FBI most wanted list. It was Marie. Olivia realizes that Eli has been protecting her this whole time. Her father is not the monster. Her mother is.
Huck says, “I think we’ve got a problem.” Huck flashes back to his truth extracting session with Quinn. It appears she is going to work with them and report everything back to Huck. Quinn is with Eli and demands the tape of her killing the security guard before she agrees to work them. No wait! She has a needle and is going to kill Eli! OH FUCK.
Sally calls Cyrus and says, “Cyrus, I’ve committed a sin.” There is a dead, bleeding body in the background that I assume is her husband. OH DOUBLE FUCK.
I swear I have spent five hours on this post. Every ten seconds there was a jaw dropping moment. I want to watch it again. It was that good. Is anyone watching? Do you think that Sally killed Donald? Or maybe Donald killed himself when confronted with the photos?