Okay, so I usually watch Catfish on Saturday. I have lots of weekend shows, like Teen Mom 3 and Hotel Impossible and a whole gaggle of Anthony Bourdain shows. But sometimes, when a new Catfish comes on it manages to blow up Twitter and I HAVE to go watch it or be spoiled. The best part of the show is when the person ends up meeting the catfish and seeing who they are. Even though they are almost never the person they claim to be, the reveal is always exciting. Sometimes it’s person of another gender than they represented. Sometimes everything is true. Sometimes everything is true but their picture. Usually when I blog an episode, y’all being the Ruiny MacRuinersons that you are point out the show is fake.
Moving on. Tonight some chick named Keyonnah was convinced she was hooking up online with Bow Wow. Yes, yes, I know what you are thinking. Everyone was thinking it. Except in this case, the CATFISH was sending money to the Keyonnah! She received almost $10,000 in five months. And they met on Bow Wow’s Facebook page! So was it really him?
Don’t be stupid, stupid! Of course Bow Wow is not send 10K to random chicks on the Internet who literally work at McDonalds. It never matters if it is really the person or not. The exciting part is finding out who it is and if the person who was catfished will overlook it and continue to have a relationship with the catfish! So who was it?
Okay, here is what happened during the reveal. A little kid walked out! A little boy who might be all of 15! So I am thinking someone is on their mama’s computer, stealing money and sending it to hot chicks on the Internet.
BUT WAIT! Keyonnah is all like. “I am not into girls!” WTF? What you should not be into is children! But sure enough the catfish says she is a 23 year old chick who lures in straight girls and has a lambskin dildo that can fool the best of them. She says she is a rapper named Dee Pimpin and makes her living in the entertainment industry. I am squinting at this little boy whose voice has not yet changed thinking my gaydar must have gone the way of my sanity.
But no. She’s a girl. She finally admits that people gave her the money to help support her career and she sent it to Keyonnah because she had such a connection with her and she hopes that she will get past this and be down with her skills with a lambskin dildo. Lambskin dildo? I been in more sex shops than the average bear and I can’t recall ever hearing of such a thing. And that looks like a little boy to me. A very pretty little boy with big ass diamond earrings that look real to me. Something just ain’t right.
But it ends with Keyonnah saying she is taking a break from dating. That she doesn’t respond to Dee’s texts and that’s the end.
Or is it?
I do some snooping around the Internet and find out that Dee Pimpin is really Jacob Latimore who at the age of barely 17 is an up and coming R&B Artist. He has been on 106&Park, a show on BET hosted by Bow Wow several times.
And to make things more interesting, Bow Wow put up a quick video on BET tonight acting like he had no affiliation to Dee… er,… Jacob at all despite a lot of photo evidence online to the contrary. So Bow Wow’s video saying he wanted to meet both of the participants in tonight’s show…was hogwash.
So THIS TIME, I got to beat y’all to the punch on being the Ruiny McRuinerson. It was still a fun hour of TV though. I just want to know if Nev and Max know the people are setting them up. Please say no.
I hear y’all screaming, “Don’t be stupid, stupid!” at me. I hear ya.