Real Housewives Of Miami Recap: Lisa Gets Drunk on a Birken And Loses Her Mind.

RHOM the-real-housewives-of-miami-season-3-kids-peter-and-frankie-14

Oh lord. RHOM starts with Joanna and Romain’s sex issues. OMG. I don’t like Joanna’s personality. But there is no denying she is young and pretty on the outside (great site btw, and apparently quite sexual.  Perhaps the blowjobs could be the problem? Perhaps Romain can’t get it up? I dunno. But the two chicks talk over sushi (just sayin’) and Joanna asks Lisa to be a bridesmaid. And even Joanna can pronounce it correctly. I’m looking at you Nene for being less educated than Joanna.

It’s Alexia’s birthday and she is fabulous. She has yet to offer to send me some of her cast off sunglasses, but that doesn’t keep me from secretly hoping. I wonder if she ever has a garage sale? I would fly down just to try to score sunglasses. $99 RT on American. Not that I looked.



I LOVE the scenes with Alexia and Marysol.  I don’t know why you assholes are not watching this show!  It’s so lovely. Alexia sent evite wedding invitations????? Thank you Alexia, you just read my mind. Just no. Everyone needs a silver sofa.

OMG! OMG!OMG! Someone I know in Miami got the evite. It is all coming back to me now. THE MOOD BOARD! DEAR GOD THE MOOD BOARD.  I so wanted them to forward it to me but alas, no. An evite invitation with a mood board. I die! I told y’all this whole making everyone CHANGE CLOTHES at a wedding was going to be epic. WHY DON’T YOU PEOPLE LISTEN TO ME AND WATCH THIS DAYUM SHOW?

Back to Joanna and Lisa… Joanna is acting like she doesn’t know what kegels are. Romain is acting like they only had one bottle of champagne. Romain just admitted he is a power bottom.  See three bottles of wine. Told you!  Seriously, why would anyone want to get married if the sex is bad or non-existent. It’s the whole BENEFIT of marriage supposed to be sex at the ready? Romain is a best not interested and at worst impotent or gay. WHY ARE THESE TWO TOGETHER?

Oh. Hold everything. I need to look at that Hermes box. Let all take a moment. Hermes is giving Lisa a Brazilian dollar handbag. I do not care about that. I got a box from Tiffany’s this year with one. (I already kind of fucked it up, it was a beach bag. I need a cleaners in the ATL who can fix it. Hopefully my dear friend who sent it doesn’t read this.)  But again. OBSESSED with the boxes. I want that giant orange cardboard box. Yes, I am the kid who gets the fancy present from Santa and spends all day enchanted with the box.  A simple Hermes scarf will do.  Again, the box, the ribbon… I am enthralled. My giant Tiffany box sits at the end of my bed and I touch it lovingly everyday. Sorry oversharing having a moment. BTW, apparently my obsession with boxes is supposed to mean I am a lesbian. So far, not so much, but I remain open to the idea… Seriously stopping oversharing now.

Funny the Birkin is Tiffany Blue. Lea says Lenny paid for it, he just doesn’t know it.

Gif Credit: RealityTVGifs No reason for this gif other than I just like it.. :)

Gif Credit: RealityTVGifs
No reason for this gif other than I just like it.. :)

Speaking of … well, the transgendered, is that the right term? The EVERSO GLORIOUS  Lauren Foster is taking Adriana and Marisol with some IV cocktails. Sign me up for that shit too. I love this show. I probably TOTALLY need this IV vitamin cocktail stuff.  Marisol drinks Chardonnay?  Oh I see this is when Marisol tells Adriana she is bat shit crazy for asking wedding guest to change clothes at her wedding. I don’t know if she is speaking Cuban or Spanish or Portugese or French or WHAT???  But I swear it sounded like she just told Adriana her wedding was a bit of a comedy. Surely, something was lost in my ability to translate.

Alexia is just stunning. She is meeting with Lea to receive gifts? Not really. It’s a commercial for Lea’s beautyline. AGAIN! Alexia calls it like it is.  She says she is using her birthday to sell her product line. THIS IS WHY I LOVE ALEXIA AND THIS SHOW. Alexia is all like, “Oh look, Lea is using me to sell product!” And she does it right on camera. You people are fools for not watching REAL reality TV!

rhom gifAlexia confronts Lea for not reaching out to Elsa.  Lea lies her ass off.  If Lea reached out to Elsa, Marisol would never have lied about it. Someone sent me a link today in fact to a site where some ignoramus was mocking Elsa’s stroke. It was filmed in Lea’s house and Lea and the fucktard were photographed earlier in the same clothes on the same day. Forgive me I do not have the link, if the person who sent it or someone who read it has the link let me know and I will edit it in. Lea is not a good person. I don’t understand her. If I were rich and lived the high life in Miami, I would want to be surrounded by decent people. I would not be lured by people like that dreadful Thomas character or Joe Francis or some skateboard punk that wants to mock Mama Elsa for having a stroke. I’d like to think I would maintain some dignity.

I can’t with another sex therapy session with Joanna and Romain.

Despite all of her hardships lately, Alexia manages to steal this show. Herman is EXCEPTIONALLY nice to me on twitter. Did I mention I love these people? Adrianna is pissy with Lisa for Joanna asking her to be a bridesmaid. Why do we get glimpse of Ana with no face?

Lea tries to lie her ass off and make a quick exit when Marisol confronts her about her mother. Lea claims she did not know, but apparently, she was taking in vagrants to her home to make derogatory keeks at three a.m. and lying about it. She sent flowers AFTER Alexia spoke with her. Sigh. SHUT UP LISA. You don’t know what you are talking about. Lea IS a horrible human being. Not buying your talking heads Lea. If she is your friend, in the hospital for two months after a massive stroke, YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN THERE.  SHUT UP LISA. Hope the Birkin Bag was worth it.  NO ONE WANTS ANA THERE? ARE YOU ON DRUGS?

OMG I liked Lisa until this episode.



Filed under Ana Quincoces, Elsa Patton, Filming Real Housewives of Miami, Joanna Krupa, Lea Black, Lisa Hochstein, Mama Elsa, Marysol Patton, Real Housewives of Miami, RHOM

36 responses to “Real Housewives Of Miami Recap: Lisa Gets Drunk on a Birken And Loses Her Mind.

    • AmberKnows

      I think you can ‘see’ Lea’s crude reflection behind this piss bitch @ .19 and before it ends.

      It’s shameful that she would approve or find humor in such a cruel imitation of a ‘supposed friend’ to be filmed in her home and posted. I’ve never liked Lea but this just adds more layers to the reasons I hold her in contempt. Lisa is just …’EXTRA’ …in everything!! I wanted Marysol to yell “Bitch mind your business for a change and stop sucking _____ ‘s ASS!” but my lovely Mari did it her way and it was lovely. Love her analogy of a pitbull gnawing her leg for busybody Lisa and the carrier pidgeon one for the toothy, gossiping snitch dentist Karent.

    • Urethra Franklin

      OH snap slap clap. I just watched this clip and IMO, that indeed was Lea’s hyena cackling in the background. SMDH.

    • Sorry, but I chuckled too. Frankie is hilarious. That’s definitely Lea’s house and Frankie is a good friend of Lea/Karent and the brother? of Ariana Grande.

      FURTHERMORE, after watching the video of Frankie several times, wtf do we think he is making fun of Elsa’s stroke specifically!? It looks any typical Elsa impersonation to me. I guess the timing is what makes it insensitive???

      Another attempt to drag Lea through the mud.

  1. I hate Lisa, she serves no purpose on the show and she and Lenny are boring. I loved Ana, I wish they had given her more face time this season. I love how Lea wants us to think if you use her cream you will have skin like hers. She fails to mention that she has had a face lift or two. The show is not as good this year without Elsa.

  2. ZenJen53

    Lisa that Birkin bag came with strings attached. Lea needs u in her corner. Marysol, God I love her n Mama Elsa. Even though she’s a ‘friend’ ths season,she still has a lot airtime. What is the connection with Kim Z n Thomas K? He was on RHOA. Housewife fans tune in, this is a good franchise.

    • HotinAK

      You have to admit that Lea is slick to buy Lisa’s loyalty with Lisa’s husbands money!

      • Sherry

        Sad part about it is I think Lisa & Leah decided to makeup this dumb Hermes storyline. Lenny is THE top breast man in Miami & probably makes the same if not more than Lea’s husband, do you honestly think Hermes wouldn’t cater to Lenny’s wife or she couldn’t get the bag any other way? She didn’t need Leah to get that bag!

  3. Haven’t watched, but I’m totes team Lea and team Lisa. Love Alexia too. Haaaate Adriana and Joanna!!

  4. Where is the timid Marysol that shied away from confrontation these first two seasons? She and Ana are so desperate for airtime. Ironically, I’ve enjoyed Marysol more this season than I ever have. Also, even though she’s a “friend”, she gets as much air time similar to Alexia last season.

    Lea surrounds herself with some interesting characters, but what has she done that has been so awful to any particular person? Her social relationships remind me of my own in real life.

    I’m so happy Lisa stood up to Marysol/Ana for Lea. I believe Lea sent a card. Why wouldn’t she? It takes no effort and doesn’t require a ounce of sincerity. She’s the type that would do so just to keep a good image.

    Ana just accused Lenny of having a mistress on twitter. It’s gotten nasty in the last hour between her and Lisa. Read Lisa’s blog. It’s MASTERFUL!

  5. Urethra Franklin

    I watch RHOM. Marysol’s red gown at Alexia’s b-day party was everything. I Iove the colorful & sexy flavor of this show.

  6. Does anyone know why roman doesn’t like his mother what did he say she did to him and his brother

    • um he was three months old. What do you you think he might have done?

    • Katie

      His parents divorced and he ended up with his father, but nobody has ever told him why. Sounds like a horrible situation. Then his stepmother abused him horrifically it sounds. Joanna’s always talking about her tough upbringing and seems to not have an ounce of sympathy for Romain’s who sounds way way worse. I don’t like Joanna AT ALL.

    • lori

      He was talking about his first step mother. He said she was very abusive. An example he gave was that she made his little brother eat his own vomit off of a plate.

  7. Ashley

    Did anyone see the twitter feud last night btw Ana and Lisa? I’m team Ana and I want her back on the show!

    • I saw. Team Lisa here. Ana was pretty wretched in her attacks on Lisa, accusing Lenny of cheating. Ana’s daughter also made a death threat on Lisa. CLASSY like her mother.

      • Ana also called Lisa a racist and claims that the entire production of this show is racist towards Cubans, wtf is wrong with her?!

      • Ashley

        This is what Lisa said on twitter @AnaQooks you wretched swine of a woman. Failed as an attorney failed as a wife and you failed as a reality star and you can hardly cook

        Thats why I’m team Ana. That was rude and harsh comment!

      • Yeah, but they’ve both been nasty. That comment is not ruder/harsher than death threats and being called a racist. Ana has always been condescending towards everyone. Her bitchy comment about Lisa being hooked on phonics for copying her word-usage is laughable because when Lisa used the word “mouth-piece” at least it was TRUE.

  8. Brillke

    I love Lea! It was very tacky of her, if she knew the filming was going on, it sure does sound like her laughing, and she owes Mama Elsa an apology. Just because Lea’s my favorite doesn’t mean I can’t admit when she’s wrong.

    I cannot stand Ana. Why is she getting so much airtime?

    Marisol shouldn’t have confronted Lea at Alexis’s party but I guess she needed to make sure she got some camera time.

    I like Alexis a lot but she can be very two-faced. Instead of cackling like an old hen with the We-Hate-Lea gang only to be nice to Lea’s face, be honest and say it to Lea’s face. Backstabbing sucks.

    Not a fan of Joanna. Wanna stick forks in my ears every time she laughs. I feel bad for Roman.

    Lisa is ok, I guess. She’s kinda boring but I hope she can figure out what her health issues are and have lots of babies. Her Birkin bag was gorgeous. I’d be terrified to carry something so expensive around.

    I like Adrianna even less than I dislike Kenya of the RHOA, thought she wasn’t going to be on the show anymore, am bummed she’s back, and all this wedding bullshit is stupid.

  9. Watch this show because eye candy is the main attraction. Miami just ooooozes sun, fun, sex, sex, sex. The HW’s are of the usual stupid variety. The Joanna/Roman sex thing is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard (right up there with EVERYTHING Adrianna). RUN, don’t walk, AWAY, immediately. He’s no way, no how marriage material. If he doesn’t want to f her now; imagine what the marriage will be. Who’s that desperate.

  10. SnookumsLynn

    I too liked Lisa til this episode…she needs to stay in her lane, she needs to simmer for stuff she doesn’t know…I can’t stand a nosy busy body… Lisa needs to find a life…Lea, Lea, Lea…she’s VILE!

  11. Don’t forget to click on the ads on Tamara’s blog. The girl needs a new Birkin Bag.

  12. Ok you’ve convinced me Tamara, I’m going to give RHOM 1 more try.

  13. Lisa

    PLEASE tell me about Marisol’s red dress she wore to party so incredibly beautiful!

Please Read the COMMENTING RULES before commenting.