Oh lord. RHOM starts with Joanna and Romain’s sex issues. OMG. I don’t like Joanna’s personality. But there is no denying she is young and pretty on the outside (great site btw, prettyontheoutside.com) and apparently quite sexual. Perhaps the blowjobs could be the problem? Perhaps Romain can’t get it up? I dunno. But the two chicks talk over sushi (just sayin’) and Joanna asks Lisa to be a bridesmaid. And even Joanna can pronounce it correctly. I’m looking at you Nene for being less educated than Joanna.
It’s Alexia’s birthday and she is fabulous. She has yet to offer to send me some of her cast off sunglasses, but that doesn’t keep me from secretly hoping. I wonder if she ever has a garage sale? I would fly down just to try to score sunglasses. $99 RT on American. Not that I looked.
I LOVE the scenes with Alexia and Marysol. I don’t know why you assholes are not watching this show! It’s so lovely. Alexia sent evite wedding invitations????? Thank you Alexia, you just read my mind. Just no. Everyone needs a silver sofa.
OMG! OMG!OMG! Someone I know in Miami got the evite. It is all coming back to me now. THE MOOD BOARD! DEAR GOD THE MOOD BOARD. I so wanted them to forward it to me but alas, no. An evite invitation with a mood board. I die! I told y’all this whole making everyone CHANGE CLOTHES at a wedding was going to be epic. WHY DON’T YOU PEOPLE LISTEN TO ME AND WATCH THIS DAYUM SHOW?
Back to Joanna and Lisa… Joanna is acting like she doesn’t know what kegels are. Romain is acting like they only had one bottle of champagne. Romain just admitted he is a power bottom. See three bottles of wine. Told you! Seriously, why would anyone want to get married if the sex is bad or non-existent. It’s the whole BENEFIT of marriage supposed to be sex at the ready? Romain is a best not interested and at worst impotent or gay. WHY ARE THESE TWO TOGETHER?
Oh. Hold everything. I need to look at that Hermes box. Let all take a moment. Hermes is giving Lisa a Brazilian dollar handbag. I do not care about that. I got a box from Tiffany’s this year with one. (I already kind of fucked it up, it was a beach bag. I need a cleaners in the ATL who can fix it. Hopefully my dear friend who sent it doesn’t read this.) But again. OBSESSED with the boxes. I want that giant orange cardboard box. Yes, I am the kid who gets the fancy present from Santa and spends all day enchanted with the box. A simple Hermes scarf will do. Again, the box, the ribbon… I am enthralled. My giant Tiffany box sits at the end of my bed and I touch it lovingly everyday. Sorry oversharing having a moment. BTW, apparently my obsession with boxes is supposed to mean I am a lesbian. So far, not so much, but I remain open to the idea… Seriously stopping oversharing now.
Funny the Birkin is Tiffany Blue. Lea says Lenny paid for it, he just doesn’t know it.
Speaking of … well, the transgendered, is that the right term? The EVERSO GLORIOUS Lauren Foster is taking Adriana and Marisol with some IV cocktails. Sign me up for that shit too. I love this show. I probably TOTALLY need this IV vitamin cocktail stuff. Marisol drinks Chardonnay? Oh I see this is when Marisol tells Adriana she is bat shit crazy for asking wedding guest to change clothes at her wedding. I don’t know if she is speaking Cuban or Spanish or Portugese or French or WHAT??? But I swear it sounded like she just told Adriana her wedding was a bit of a comedy. Surely, something was lost in my ability to translate.
Alexia is just stunning. She is meeting with Lea to receive gifts? Not really. It’s a commercial for Lea’s beautyline. AGAIN! Alexia calls it like it is. She says she is using her birthday to sell her product line. THIS IS WHY I LOVE ALEXIA AND THIS SHOW. Alexia is all like, “Oh look, Lea is using me to sell product!” And she does it right on camera. You people are fools for not watching REAL reality TV!
Alexia confronts Lea for not reaching out to Elsa. Lea lies her ass off. If Lea reached out to Elsa, Marisol would never have lied about it. Someone sent me a link today in fact to a site where some ignoramus was mocking Elsa’s stroke. It was filmed in Lea’s house and Lea and the fucktard were photographed earlier in the same clothes on the same day. Forgive me I do not have the link, if the person who sent it or someone who read it has the link let me know and I will edit it in. Lea is not a good person. I don’t understand her. If I were rich and lived the high life in Miami, I would want to be surrounded by decent people. I would not be lured by people like that dreadful Thomas character or Joe Francis or some skateboard punk that wants to mock Mama Elsa for having a stroke. I’d like to think I would maintain some dignity.
I can’t with another sex therapy session with Joanna and Romain.
Despite all of her hardships lately, Alexia manages to steal this show. Herman is EXCEPTIONALLY nice to me on twitter. Did I mention I love these people? Adrianna is pissy with Lisa for Joanna asking her to be a bridesmaid. Why do we get glimpse of Ana with no face?
Lea tries to lie her ass off and make a quick exit when Marisol confronts her about her mother. Lea claims she did not know, but apparently, she was taking in vagrants to her home to make derogatory keeks at three a.m. and lying about it. She sent flowers AFTER Alexia spoke with her. Sigh. SHUT UP LISA. You don’t know what you are talking about. Lea IS a horrible human being. Not buying your talking heads Lea. If she is your friend, in the hospital for two months after a massive stroke, YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN THERE. SHUT UP LISA. Hope the Birkin Bag was worth it. NO ONE WANTS ANA THERE? ARE YOU ON DRUGS?
OMG I liked Lisa until this episode.